The Drawbacks of Being Tiny

Being in a minitruck is no fun. Not in regular traffic anyway. In fact, it's dangerous as hell. Here is some of the fun I've had:



1) In rush hour traffic on I-240 we all came to a dead stop. The woman in the Dodge Neon directly behind me didn't see this in time. She rear-ended me like a cue ball smacking into the 8 ball, transferring every pound of her momentum into my truck. My truck is too light to absorb much impact so the leftover gets transferred into my body. My spine felt every bit of it, as if I'd been kicked into a wall by Bruce Lee. The little Dodge and my minitruck were both undamaged. I was hurt for a long time.



2) People in traffic looking for a place to break into a line will always, ALWAYS pick me. It doesn't matter if I lock my bumper onto the trailer hitch of the giant diesel dually ahead of me, they'll try to push their way in anyway. It doesn't matter if I am the last car in the line and there are miles and miles of empty space behind me, either. They'll focus on me, never even considering getting behind me, and try to shove me off the road. Ass Rider Boy is a fine example.



3) The ride is rougher than a Datsun B210 on gravel. Does anyone remember these little cars? When I was younger they were everywhere. And they had a ride like a kid's little red wagon. So does my truck.



4) The truck has very little power, but somehow it never has any trouble spinning the tires whenever I need to pull out into traffic. It never fails. I've had this truck for 10 years and I've worked the clutch and the gas every way I know, but still the truck will slip and slide at the worst possible times.



5) There is not enough room for all the stuff I carry.



6) Rednecks in full-sized 4x4s like to mess with minitrucks just for fun, especially while drunk. They forget that their new trucks have chromed foam bumpers and crumple zones and wrongly assume that they would be fine if they actually hit me. But some of the more intelligent rednecks threw their foam bumpers in the garbage (after smashing them on someone) and replaced them with heavy tube steel and push bars. Those are the most dangerous ones of all. I was hit by one of those once. It was ugly. On the plus side, though, I got to drive a full-sized brand-new Chevy truck for 2 weeks while the bodyshop pieced my minitruck back together.

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