Did Ass Boy drive by my house or am I delusional?
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Ass Rider Boy Sighting?

It's been nearly a full week since I last encountered Ass Rider Boy and his Green Chevy Assmobile. But last night, while I was changing the oil in My Wife's car I thought I saw him drive by the house. It is hard to be sure since there were no other cars around for him to tailgate or otherwise harass. I did not get a chance to read his license plate. And I did not get to check the back hatch for the yellow ribbon he has stuck there. The driver did not flick me off or scream "fuck you." This makes it difficult for me to say for sure. There are certainly plenty of hunter green Chevy Blazers on the road and they can't all be driven by Ass Rider Boy. Perhaps I've enjoyed his crazy antics a little more than I should and now I'm hoping to see him again? After all, psychotic dickhead though he may be, he does make rush hour a little less boring.

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Ass Rider Boy waves "hello"
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Driving in Memphis (Ass Rider Boy) - Part IV

Driving home from work I came upon a line of cars jammed up because of an accident. I let in 4 cars ahead of me as we all pulled into a single file line. Suddenly a hunter green Chevy Blazer came flying up and tried to jam his way in front of me. There was no room. He immediately cussed at me out his window and shot a bird. This, of course, did nothing to make more room for him. He was going to have to actually wait a second for a space to open up like the rest of us.

After I pulled past the accident the Angry Boy in the Hunter Green Chevy Blazer came flying past me. He passed the woman in the white Pontiac ahead of me, too. Then he jerked over in front of her and locked up his brakes. He stuck his hand out the window and started shooting the bird over and over. He'd speed up, then lock up his brakes, again and again. I'm sure the woman he was doing it to was as mystified as I was as to what he was mad at her for. He just seemed mad in general and determined to take it out on the whole world.

He continued doing this to the woman all the way down the road until we came to a 4 way stop. Then he stopped short and just sat there. I waiting awhile and then decided to honk at him because he is an idiot and that's what horns were created for. He started to go and then stopped again. Then he started to go and stopped again. He wasn't even looking to see if it was clear. He was just being an ass. The woman he was doing it to did not appear to react. After we had all turned onto the next street he drove 10 mph, shooting the bird randomly as he drove. At the first connecting street the woman in the white Pontiac pulled off, apparently fed up with the Little Asshole in the Green Chevy. He continued driving 10 mph and shooting birds out the window, now at me. Then he started flicking his hand around, as if he were pretending to fly with his hand the way children do while riding in cars.

We drove all the way to the next intersection at which point he ended up in the lane to go straight, where he stopped short again. I went around him into the turning lane, briefly considered swerving into the huge open spot directly in front of him that he had created by stopping short, but then decided not to bother with him. I needed to turn, not go straight. He wasn't worth my time.

He honked, presumably to get my attention, although with him it is hard to know for sure who he is focusing on. I had seen his tiny finger already and wasn't impressed so I didn't look over. I just continued waiting on the light. I didn't even shoot him a bird. Some people are just too worthless for a reaction. Little Asshole Boy was clearly one of those people.

The light turned green and as we went our separate ways I recognized the Little Asshole as the same Asshole from yesterday. Apparently in this person's case his incredibly bad driving has nothing to do with the weather or lack of sleep or anything. He's like this all the time.

I also realized that he hadn't meant to go straight at the light. Yesterday he was all the way into My Little Redneck Town before he passed me to tailgate a Toyota. Where he went straight just leads into a large neighborhood that loops around and around, but never takes you anywhere. He had needed to turn left.

I'm pretty sure I'll be writing more about Green Chevy Blazer Asshole in the future. Since we both take the same route home each day I should end up with plenty more stories to tell about The Adventures of Green Chevy Asshole Boy.

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$$$ Rollover $$$

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Driving in Memphis (Loonies on the Path) - Part III

Today was exceptionally strange. Last night during the hours normally reserved for sleeping the temperature hovered at the perfect level between warm and cool. If you moved around or breathed too heavily it was too hot. If you totally relaxed and fell asleep it was too cold. I can't explain how this works. I just know what last night was like. Perhaps it was the humidity?

So this morning in traffic people seemed odd and edgy. There was no middle ground. There were slow drivers blocking the flow. There were fast drivers riding bumpers. And there were no drivers in the middle.

Actually, you could be a driver in the middle, but if you were then someone was glued to your bumper, making it appear as if you were a slow driver blocking the flow of traffic. Mostly though, the slow drivers were truly slow, driving well below the speed limit on every road, as if in a daze.

On the drive home after work, traffic was not simply the same, but worse than this morning. The slow drivers were there aplenty, never exceeding 40 mph and rarely even reaching that before their minds wandered and they coasted back down to 30 or even 20 mph. The fast drivers seemed even more impatient than they were this morning, having perhaps drank a lot of coffee and failed to go pee during the workday. I'm only guessing, obviously.

I was stuck in the middle of an odd traffic situation, with a slow white Honda crawling in front of me and a Hunter green Chevy Blazer SUV riding hard on my bumper as if trying to push us all along faster. I had previously been behind the SUV, but he seemingly fell asleep at a green light and I passed him. It was at an odd intersection, still under construction, and people often pass slow drivers and narcoleptics when making a right turn there. I did so to him when he suddenly decided to pull halfway to the side and zone out.

And as soon as I had passed him he suddenly woke up in a rage and floored his gas pedal after me. He nearly hit me from behind he came up so fast. It was annoying and made no sense. I did what I always do when dealing with a seemingly insane or retarded driver on my ass, I flicked my mirror to the side so that he could view his own headlights at whatever level he chose to set them and I could see nothing of him at all.

Ignorance is bliss and when someone is on my ass I prefer ignorance to a good brake pedal, especially considering how much it hurts to get rear-ended when you're driving a minitruck. Believe me, it hurts a lot.

So there I am, crawling behind a slow white Honda, with the woman driving deeply interested in something or someone in her backseat, far more so than on the road ahead. She is doing about 30 mph and has accumulated a line of cars which includes me. I am simultaneously stuck behind her and being aggressively tailgated by High School Boy in his momma's SUV behind me.

At an intersection which briefly becomes 4 lanes I am rid of High School Boy along with several other SUVs that have been piling up in the line behind Slow White Honda Girl. At this point I expected High School Boy to break free and run happily away, now content that he was no longer behind either me or Slow White Honda Girl. But no, he did not exactly do that. What he did was to jump onto the ass of a very fast SUV that passed us both before him.

I drive as fast as anyone when I get the chance. It's pretty rare for anyone to ride my ass or pass me because I'm too slow. Some days I drive faster than others, but on most any day I'm a pretty good judge of speed. The SUV that first passed us all by in the 4 lane section was moving fast. If I had gotten behind him he would have left me behind even after I sped up to the speed I normally drive. But High School Boy wasn't happy. He was like Matthew Shepherd, determined to ride someone's ass whether they liked it or not. It didn't matter who was in front of him or how fast they went.

And speeding along right behind High School Ass Rider Boy was another SUV, riding his ass just as aggressively.

I eventually lost Slow White Honda Girl. The rest of the drive home was much the same, with everyone either driving very slowly, or very quickly and with extreme impatience. I did manage to get home without anyone else attaching to my ass, but that was only because the rest of the drive involved 4 lane roads with room to pass.

I don't know that everyone in this area slept poorly or was otherwise affected by the temperature last night, but they sure drove like it today.
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The Evangelical ACLU
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Atlanta, the ACLU, and Evolution

The ACLU is suing Cobb County schools in Atlanta for violating separation of church and state by promoting religion.

The schools put a sticker on their biology books which says, "Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind."

You might read this statement and say, "but evolution is a theory and not a fact. And approaching science with an open mind is generally a good idea."

If this was your reaction then congratulations, you are a normal, non-ACLU sort of person. But apparently the ACLU, in true separation of church and state fashion, considers any questioning of evolution to be blasphemy and heresy punishable by excommunication from the Church of the Prehistoric Atheists. Nevermind that the statement is entirely true. Truth is not important where a socialist lawyer is concerned. All that matters is dogma.

Don't question the dogma.

The judge in the case, Clarence Cooper, asked this interesting question: "Why put a sticker on the book when that's already in the book?"

So this statement about evolution is already in the book? And yet the ACLU is suing anyway? On what grounds?

If I put a sticker on my sociology 101 textbook that says, "socialism has killed more people than all the world's religions combined" do you think the ACLU will come after me? After all, the statement is true. And my sticker would be much closer to actually mentioning God than the evolution thing. And it would certainly step all over the religious beliefs of the ACLU and it's militant army of socialist lawyers.

I think perhaps this is a case of the ACLU's religion being questioned in a state that the arrogant elitists consider poor enough and ignorant enough that they can just trample all over their rights. After all, they've done it many times before and gotten away with it. Why should this time be any different?

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Strange Changes
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Strange Changes

I remember in college 2 girls I hung out with who were radical socialist feminists. One night as we were driving along, all 3 of us packed into the front seat making fun of a Guns'N'Roses song on the radio, the Future ACLU Lawyer who was driving turned to me and said, "You know, you'd be the perfect man ... if you'd just give up everything you believe in and everything you stand for."

The other girl agreed. And they each seemed to feel satisfied that they'd done me a great favor by telling me this.

"So what you're saying is that you like me, but you'd like me better if I'd change every single thing about myself, everything that makes me who I am," I asked, somewhat rhetorically.

"Yeah," they both said in unison.

"So then you don't really like me at all. You like what I could be if I were you, only male."

I understood what I was hearing. If I'd just tell them pretty lies about myself they'd love me so much more.

That's just how it is sometimes, you know? Many people don't care that you are lying to them. They just like the way it feels to hear it and they'll reward you for that feeling. President Clinton's loyal feminist following during the sexual harassment revelations springs to mind.

I have recently found myself at a strange new place in life. I still fight for everything I believe in. But I do it quietly, behind the scenes more and more, talking only to those with the influence or potential to make things happen. I find that I'm less willing to speak up for The Truth to most people, even when I know it's very important. It's not that I don't care, or at least I think it's not that. It's just that I no longer believe that people really want to know The Truth.

Yes, I realize that this is old news. Don't speak Truth to Power, they always shoot the messenger, no good deed goes unpunished, your ass does not look fat in those jeans. No one really wants to hear the truth, especially when it interferes with their favorite self-deceptions.

"Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies, tell me lies."

But somewhere deep inside is this belief that ordinary people want to know The Truth because it is so important. You can't solve your problems if you don't know The Truth. All you can do is wander in the dark, allowing the problems to continue. Or worse, you can make the problems increase and grow until they destroy you. It seems logical that people would want to know what The Truth is, doesn't it?

But they don't. What is logical is not what is true when it comes to people. Look at all the TV commercials for self-deception and self-destruction: "You DESERVE to be rich. You're ENTITLED to have everything you want. Don't you FEEL that you should have everything given to you at someone else's expense? Of course you do. And I'll help you get it if you'll just join my political group/send me money/divorce your husband/drown your children/buy this crap/watch my show."

More and more I find myself sitting silently while people around me parrot falsehoods that they just heard on television or read in the local paper. Lies that I already know a great deal about and could easily explain if I wanted to, or thought anyone really cared. Lies that I know will hurt them if they follow them to their conclusion.

"What do I have to do to get you in a new car TODAY?"

"Driven by a little old lady, only on Sundays."

Yesterday our Benefits rep was explaining to us our new Health Care options. They suck and they cost a whole lot more for a whole lot less. A black woman was especially infuriated, realizing that she could barely afford it. "This is Bush's fault! We need government Health Care. We need Universal Health Care right now!"

Who was it that the Trial Lawyers Association supported? Do you even know why this matters or how it relates?

People are quick to blame the President when they don't understand things. Bush is the latest whipping boy. And yes, Clinton was blamed for things he had nothing to do with before that. On and on it goes.

And if you think it sucks now, just wait. We'll most likely get our Universal Health Care soon enough. And then maybe you'll see things in a new light.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away ... "

My Coworker blames the rise in gas prices and building materials on Bush, too. I started to explain to him about China's rapidly expanding economy and the unexpected affect that sending many of our best jobs to a nation of over 1 billion has had on the cost of basic supplies, but then I thought better of it. Why bother? He doesn't want an explanation. He wants to rant. And if I explain then he'll take it as a defense of Bush and ignore everything I've said. That's what he did last time I tried to dispell a political myth. He hears what he wants to hear. He just wants to slam Bush. Get out of the way.

Have you ever watched someone do something incredibly stupid that you knew would hurt them and yet you just sat and waited, perhaps with your video camera running so you could laugh at them over and over again? And you said nothing to warn them?

"Hey ya'll, watch this!"

I used to be the guy who jumped out of his car and tried to help injured people at car accidents. Working at the Baptist Student Union on Friday and Saturday nights and driving home at 2 a.m. I was the first person on the scene at many serious car accidents. I tried to help. I got involved.

I don't know what I'd do now.

I remember the Baptist Campus Minister talking about how to tell people about Jesus and how to get their attention when they weren't interested. It occurred to me that Jesus never bothered with people who weren't interested. He never chased someone down, repeatedly trying to change their minds. Why should I? And I said so out loud.


I won't give up my friends to defend a politician. But I won't give up my beliefs for anyone, no matter who they are. I may not bother to tell them about my beliefs, especially if I sense that they are not willing to listen. I won't try to explain what I know about China's economic impact on the United States. I won't talk about the origins of the very concept of civil rights to those who call themselves civil rights activists, yet seem bent on eliminating the very rights they claim to defend. I won't tell an ACLU feminist attorney what I know she wants to hear just so she'll be my friend or perhaps even sleep with me. I won't bother to debate her for her entertainment. I won't fight with people who just like to fight.

Run silent. Run deep.

I'm tired of talking. I can't save the world. Neither can you.

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Angry Political People
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Politics and Angry People

I've just read an article about angry people in San Francisco who are planning to boycott all states in which Bush received the majority of votes. They say they are angry and have no tolerance for diversity of beliefs when it comes to politics or religion. They want to hurt the people in the states that didn't vote exactly like they did. They want civil war. They want blood.

Many of my friends are angry, too. They want to abolish the Electoral College, bring back Bill Clinton, and rage against the Republicans. They don't think jokes about anything political are funny, at least for now. They are mad at me because I'm not upset enough, because I haven't said who I supported, if anyone, or perhaps they are just mad. They had a conversation I should have stayed far away from, but didn't. Fool that I am.

I hate politics. I hate the way our two top political parties only want to offer up neutered, uninspiring candidates for the White House so they can better control them from behind the scenes. I hate 'triangulation.' I hate the way the boys and girls of the press want to spin all the stories based on how they feel about the candidates and issues rather than reporting the facts and letting us voting adults decide for ourselves. I hate all the annoying commercials invading my home through the TV explaining why 'my opponent is a poo-poo head.' I hate the massive amounts of mail I get from the political parties and a few independents asking for my money, but never asking for my views. I hate the dirty way this game is played, how much it costs us all, and how vicious it has become.

I'm not going to give up my friends for some stupid, arrogant, billionaire politicians. God knows the politicians wouldn't give up anything for me. This is just a game for them. I'm not going to stop being friends with people I've known since high school for George Bush, John Kerry, Michael Badnarik, Michael Moore, Michael Douglas, Michael Jackson, or the entire nation of France.

It's not that I'm not paying attention. It's not that I don't vote. It's just that I don't believe my vote is being counted as important by either side when I do. If it were they would make some effort to ask what matters to me. But they don't. They're all too busy playing the game. Meanwhile, I'm left standing in line at the polls for an hour and a half, dreaming of a ballot that includes the option of voting for an actual leader.

I hate the fact that Niccolo Machiavelli was right.

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Campaign 2004
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