Fight the Geek, Bitch!

Dude, we got your Unix box taken care of.

Yeah, Dude, don't worry, we got it handled.


Hey, have you ever noticed how all the Unix guys refer to everyone as "dude" all the time?

Yeah, they all do that. They're like a big group of siamese twins or something.

I think we should start doing that, just to make fun of them. Only instead of "dude" we should call each other something else.

Yeah, that'd be funny. We could see if they notice.

Yeah. So, from now on we all call each other something, right?

OK, so what are we gonna start calling everyone?

You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Cinderella: the Sequel - For Boys


The other night we were watching "Cinderella" on TV.

Don't ask me why we were watching it. I'm married and sometimes I have to do these things.

Anyway, as the movie progressed my mind began to wander and it occurred to me, after they get married The Prince is going to hear an earfull about The Evil Step-Mother and how badly she treated Cinderella. And being The Prince, he can pretty much do whatever he likes about it.

Here's a fantasy movie for boys if ever there was one. How great would it be to be The Prince and be able to just ride over to Cinderella's old house, knock on the door, and then just punch the shit out of The Evil Step-Mother for all the things she did to Cinderella? That would be so cool!

Yeah, if I worked at Disney I'd be cranking this DVD out right now.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Holiday vs Christmas - part II - antiChristers in Denver

Church Group Can't March In Holiday Parade
Parade Organizers Say Christmas Carols May Be Offensive To Others

DENVER -- It's one of Denver's most colorful "holiday" traditions -- the lighting of the Denver City and County Building and the "parade of lights" downtown. But now two decisions about those events are making church groups see red.

Denver Mayor John Hickenlooper recently announced that next year the phrase "Merry Christmas" will be removed from the city building and replaced with "Happy Holidays."

And now a church group who wants to march in the "Parade of Lights" and sing Christmas carols will not be allowed to participate in the parade. Organizers say the parade is about the holidays, not Christmas, but leaders of the Faith Bible Chapel say that's ridiculous.

"We can't pretend that Christ didn't exist and Christmas wasn't about his birthday, so we felt we could sing it and apparently that is not in social vogue anymore," said Pastor Gary Beasley, with the Faith Bible Chapel.

"Our policy, which we have applied consistently for years, is to not include religious or political messages in the parade --in the interest of not excluding any group," said Jim Basey, the president of the Downtown Denver Partnership.

Susan Rogers, with the partnership said no that overtly religious symbols are allowed in the parade and that means participants can't carry "Merry Christmas" signs and can't sing traditional Christmas hymns. However Basey seemed to contradict her in a later statement when he said, "The parade includes performances of Christmas songs, and parade participants saying 'Merry Christmas,' 'Happy Hanukkah,' and other holiday greetings."

In the 30 years that it's been held, there has been an occasional Christmas element to the parade, such as marching bands playing Christmas songs, and several years ago a large balloon in the parade read "Merry Christmas." In 1987, even Mayor Federico Pena greeted the city with "Merry Christmas!" during the parade.

But last spring when the Faith Bible Chapel asked to be a part of the parade, offering to sponsor or build their own float and sing carols, organizers said no because it would be "offensive."

"We try to be sensitive to the fact that we are a very diverse community and a very diverse world," said Rogers. She said this is a holiday parade, not specifically a Christmas parade, and it's occuring during a season when many other cultures are celebrating other holidays as well.

But Beasley doesn't see this reaction as being tolerant of other religions, but being intolerant of Christianity. He said his large evangelical organization is being excluded from a major downtown celebration.

"We're singing Christmas carols. It's Christmas time, people have been singing Christmas carols for hundreds of years in America," Beasley said, sounding exasperated.

The Arvada church group said since it cannot be in the parade, it will march one hour before this weekend's "Parade of Lights," pass out hot chocolate and sing Christmas carols. Beasley said many other church groups plan to join the peaceful protest.

Basey said, "A core principle of downtown Denver is that downtown is for everyone, and the Parade and holiday season is a time when we all celebrate together as a community. We look forward to a successful parade this year, and we hope to see you there."

* Not parodied - Memphis Steve
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Holiday vs Christmas - part I - antiChristers in California

The North County Times reports that a California mayor who had the gall to rename his town's annual parade from 'Holiday Parade' to 'Christmas Parade" is now catching flak from some of the usual suspects.

Mayor Dan Dalager, a lifelong resident of Encinitas, Calif., says he merely restored a title that existed when he was younger. Somewhere along the way, he says, someone changed it. So he changed it back.

But now three local groups -- a girl scout troop *, the Leucadia Town Council and the Bernese Mountain Dog Club of Southern California -- have told the city they won't play in Dalager's parade because of the change.

Dalager said he changed the name of the city's Spring Egg Hunt to the Easter Egg Hunt last year without anyone kicking up a fuss.

* I did not write, parody, or in any way modify this article - Memphis Steve

You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

How do you ...

How do you make 3 ½ pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Wolf Spider Summer

I know this is weird, but one summer, for whatever reason, I think perhaps I went insane, I caught a giant wolf spider like this. I had him in a jar. Every night I'd go out in the garage. With the light on there would be moths beating their heads against the windows of the back door, trying to get inside to the light. I'd carefully open the jar, then open the door, and slip the jar around to the other side of the glass, sneaking up behind the moths to trap them inside the jar with the spider. Then I'd pop the lid on the leave the moth and wolf spider to get acquainted.

The wolf spider would happily play with the friendly moth until there were only two wings left of the moth. Wolf spiders apparently live a fairly long time as long as they have moths to eat. But I did discover that you have to be careful how big the moths are in relation to the wolf spider or the battle might not go your way and they both die. Don't tell PETA, but I lost some spiders due to a few oversized vicious moths.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving

1.Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

19. How long do I beat it before it's ready

* This post stolen from an email sent to me by several people, including Stephanie D and the famous D Bryan.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving from Memphis Steve!

You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Thanksgiving, My Chevelle, and Dallas

It's a bad Thanksgiving day to be my Chevelle. It wasn't such a great day to be me, either.

I hadn't driven my Chevelle in awhile. I wasn't sure how long it had been, but I knew I had neglected it for a long time. When I first checked on it the battery was completely dead. I had to charge it overnight. Once the battery was charged it started easily enough though. Everything seemed fine. It ran great.

I took the car out to the closest interstate to cruise it at a reasonably high speed, heat up the engine, and just let it blow out the crap that builds up from sitting. While I was driving I remembered something that happened the last time I drove it.

Last time I drove the Chevelle I had dropped it into 1st gear at about 50 mph and really hammered it. Shortly thereafter it began to spew steam out from under the hood. I thought I had blown a head gasket, which is a big damned deal. But when I pulled over to check I found that the car has no overflow tank for the radiator and no rubber hose to direct overflowing water down to the ground when the radiator is too hot. So it spits its' hot antifreeze straight back onto the side of the engine, hitting the red hot exhaust headers and turning to steam. I had meant to remember this and install an overflow tank, but then I had forgotten to do it.

While I was driving today I noticed steam coming from the exhaust on the passenger side. I checked all the gauges.

Damn, I forgot that the guy I bought this car from installed a lot of extra gauges and some of them are duplicates of the gauges in the dash. So some of the gauges he installed work, but the equivalent gauges in the dash are now unhooked, and some of the gauges he installed are not hooked up and you have to check the gauges in the dash. It's a trick to remember which is which and I haven't driven the car often enough to master the trick. I don't remember which ones are working and which ones are just sitting there uselessly.

I checked the temperature gauges. The gauge in the dash said the engine coolant was at 180 degrees, which is exactly where it should be. The gauge he had installed down below the dash said it was at 240 degrees, which is clearly wrong. That's way too hot. It must not be hooked up. All the other gauges, as best as I could tell, seemed good, too. No problems.

The steam went away. The car was still driving fine. The radiator must be spitting coolant straight out onto my exhaust again. No worries. It's just annoying. I have got to remember to install an overflow tank next time.

I kept driving for several miles. I turned around about 10 miles from home and headed back. As I pulled back onto the highway I noticed the steam again. I started rechecking my gauges, but everything was the same. I slowed a bit and just cruised. The car ran fine. Everything was fine. I wasn't going far so it was unlikely I was going to run out of coolant, although it was odd because I don't recall it ever doing this over and over in the past. It was just that one time, and that was because I had run it extremely hard.

I probably annoyed several of the people driving behind me. I think they expected the big blue musclecar to be tearing up the road, and so they didn't mind driving behind me. But when I didn't go especially fast, or even as fast as they were going, they all passed me.

When I reached my exit I pulled off the interstate and headed back down the main road into My Little Redneck Town. At the first red light I thought the car felt funny, as if it were stumbling. But the camshaft in this engine is enormous and causes the motor to lope pretty heavily at idle. It's probably just that I haven't driven it in awhile and I'm not used to the cam. I drove on, now caught in heavy traffic and not able to go any faster than 40 mph.

As I sat at the next red light I noticed the engine stumbling, as if it were going to stall. I checked my gauges again as I noticed more steam coming out from under the car. The temperature gauge in the dash still read 180 degrees. But the temperature gauge the previous owner had installed now read 265 degrees!

"Oh shit, that's the working gauge! 265!!!!"

265 degrees is pretty damned hot for a big block Chevy engine, in case you didn't know. The thermostat is stupposed to start cold water from the radiator pouring into the motor at 180 degrees. That's pretty standard. Almost all American cars have a thermostat that starts to cool the engine at either 160 or 180 degrees. My engine was ready to burst into flames while sitting at this red light steaming up the road at 265 degrees. The engine was starting to shut itself down. In modern cars there are computer sensors that will shut your engine down under extreme circumstances in order to protect the engine from damage. My engine has no such sensors. It was about to shut down from the extreme heat.

Just then a large red firetruck went screaming through the intersection, lights flashing and horns blaring. It was like foreshadowing, only in real life.

"Hey wait, I may need you in a minute," I yelled after him. But he didn't stop for me.

The light changed and I was able to start moving again. At this point I was about 3 miles from home.

Driving the car is a lot better when it's overheating than sitting at a dead stop. Especially today, while it was fairly cool outside. The cold air rushing through the radiator as you drive is what cools your radiator down. Sitting at a light allows no cool air to flow through and leaves your fan to do all the work. Mine had one hell of a challenge and didn't appear to be up to it considering the current flaming engine temperature. And I had no idea what was wrong.

With the grace of God, and this is what I'm thankful for on this Thanksgiving day, I made it home. I turned off the engine the second I got into the driveway. Steam started to seep out from under the hood. My Wife came walking out of the garage to greet me.

"Hey, that can't be good," she observed, noticing the paint blistering cloud of steam.

"No, it sure isn't," I agreed, and then popped open the hood. Before I could even look at the engine My Wife noticed something she thought was odd.

"Hey, why is that just hanging there," she asked as she pointed at the engine. "Isn't that supposed to be on something?"

I looked at where she was pointing. One of my belts was just hanging uselessly. It wasn't broken, but it wasn't on the pulleys. And it just happened to be the belt that runs my waterpump and alternator.

"Holy shit," I exclaimed without much originality. "I've been running this entire time without a water pump?! No way!"

Yes way.

So, I pulled out my toolbox, my coveralls, and my jack, and I went to work repairing the damage as best as I could.

First I checked the waterpump/alternator belt. It was damaged, but not broken. Nothing is open today, so I couldn't get a new belt. I reinstalled the old one, making sure to get it nice and tight. Then I went inside to check my records on this car and find out how much oil it needs. Yes, I know, but this is a heavily modified engine and doesn't take the normal amount of oil. I found that it takes 6 quarts. I also found that the last time I had driven the car and recorded it was about a year ago. Hey, that can't possibly be right. But you know what? It just might be. I have been so busy and the cars have not been a priority. I hope it isn't right, but I can't say for sure.

And it still doesn't explain why that belt came off.

I pulled out 6 quarts of Castrol Syntec 20W-50 and a filter and started draining out the old oil. It was still plenty thick and gleamy. I think it was OK, but seeing as I had just practically set it on fire I figured it wasn't worth taking chances. After pouring in the new oil I opened the radiator cap and began pouring in antifreeze. It took over a gallon like it was nothing.

After I was done I went inside to write down the oil change in my records. I noticed that the oil I had just drained out had all of 50 miles on it. 50 miles on 6 quarts of fully synthetic, fully expensive oil. And now it was crap.

I had charged the battery while I changed the oil. It was drained pretty badly since the alternator hadn't been running to charge it up. When I started the car with the new oil and the damaged belt reinstalled I noticed a strange sound from the front of the engine. I think the belt is making noise, although I'm not sure. I do know I'll have to replace the belt with a good one before I drive again. And by God I'm going to install a coolant recovery tank for that radiator.

Anyway, that was my Thanksgiving day.

Oh, and I missed the entire first half of the Dallas vs Denver football game. But I did get to see them go down in flames in Sudden Death Overtime

You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Tuesday At The Gym

It was Tuesday night and I was at the gym. I was sweating and bent over doing reps when I heard a woman announcing, "we have 2 spots left in the Total Bodysculpting class!" In the mirror I could see her. She was blonde and built like you would expect a teacher of a body sculpting class to be. She was muscular, but hot, not built like a huge man or anything.

I watched her in the mirror as she went to one man after another inviting him to her class. Each man declined. She glanced at me, thinking I couldn't see her I suppose. Then she turned and walked away.

What? WHAT?!!! Am I not good enough for your stupid class? Do I look so bad that you don't even want me in there? Do you think I'm going to have a heart attack and keel over or something? WHAT?!

She wasn't looking to add a few guys to her class. She was hand-picking the eye-candy in the gym. She was looking for some ass. Yeah, and she didn't want mine, apparently.

If she weren't fairly hot and I weren't such a pathetic, crippled (yeah, and they said soccer was GOOD for you. HA!), tired, sweaty heap of ruin I would have said something to her about that.

"What's wrong with ME? Why don't you want ME in your class? Doesn't that spandex riding up your asscrack make you uncomfortable? Are those real?"

Anyway, she didn't want me. So I continued to sweat all over the rubber-tiled floor all alone, as usual.

Upstairs I could hear the music and the pounding feet of the class participants. "Yeah, I didn't want to be in your stupid class anyway."

I worked out for a bit longer than intended. 2 1/2 hours is a bit much at this rapidly deteriorating stage of my life. I've added some leg work to my regular routine and it's taking up a lot of time. If I could just run my 3 miles in a reasonable amount of time it wouldn't be such an issue. But seeing as I'm so pathetic now I'm there trudging along when they announce over the loudspeaker that they are closing in an hour. "Yes, thank you. I don't take THAT long to run 3 miles. But you are so helpful, you and that bitch who doesn't want my ass in her class. Thank you. Thank you so much."

Once upon a time after a workout I could flex in the mirror and say "if only I could look like this ALL the time."

Now after a workout I flex in the mirror and say "Good God, I still look like shit."

What happened to me?
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

WTF #4 - Teachers Having Sex with 14-Year-Old Students

Um, I'm sorry. What?!
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Bonfire and Chili

Went to a bonfire Saturday night. They served us a bunch of chili. Then we sat around inside a gazebo eating and talking until we couldn't eat anymore. Afterwards, the women tried to send the men outside "before the chili takes effect."

So the men started the fire. They had a huge pile of cut wood, with several trees worth piled higher than our heads. All the wood had been soaked in diesel fuel just to make it easier to light.

It was a little cloudy, thank God, or it would have been unbearably cold out. There was a full moon. We were 50 miles from nowhere. The homeowners' dogs were running everywhere.

We all gathered around the bonfire and watched the sparks shooting up into the sky, into the trees in the distance, into the dry brown grass, which we stomped out from time to time, and into someone's lap every now and then.

Drinking, farting, and dodging sparks shooting out of the blazing furnace, that's how we spent our evening. We talked all night. It got colder and colder out as the night wore on. Before long I became aware that, although I had moved so close to the fire as to nearly be sitting in the middle of it, the side of me that was not facing the fire was frozen.

Next I knew it was nearly 2 a.m. The dogs were now growling and barking, each one facing the same direction and looking into the darkness.

"Are those coyotes back," one of the homeowners asked of the dogs. The dogs just kept growling.

After 2 a.m. we finally packed up and went home. All day Sunday we sat on the couch recovering from having frozen our butts off and eating too much chili. We didn't go to church, but with the gas I was expelling that was more for the benefit of everyone else than for us.

I wonder how long before we get to do that again? My Wife is already anxious to go back.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

What I'm Listening To

Friday night I was in Barnes and Noble spending a fortune on computer books (I really just needed to call Kevin Kline and ask him, but he could quickly get tired of that so I went book shopping instead.) While browsing in the Computer Geek section, not to be confused with the Sci-Fi/Fantasy Geek section, I gradually became aware of the music playing over the sound system, partly because some of it annoyed me and partly because some of it impressed me.

They were playing 5 CDs on a carousel, alternating one song from each CD round and round. One of the CDs was Rod Stewart's new one. I recognized all the songs he does on this new CD, but I don't like his voice much so I wasn't interested. I had already seen him on BBC America trying to promote this new one. It just didn't do it for me.

I'm sorry, but I remember disco and he was Mr. Disco. I can't get past that.

The others were even less interesting to me. Except for this one, which I had never heard before. I had no idea who the artist was, although she reminded me of Shelby Lynne on steroids. Whomever she was she was really good. I wanted that CD.

I went around the store, grabbing Birkenstock girls who worked there and asking them, "how do I find out what the music you guys are playing is?" They immediately took me to the police, I mean, to the music section of the store.

"Where are the CDs you are playing, Mr. Skinny Pimply Boy," I asked the enthusiastic young master of the music department.

"Here they are," he proudly proclaimed . "Which one were you interested in?"

"I don't know which one. It's definitely not Rod Stewart's rendition of Cole Porter. It's blues. Lemme see all of them and I'll probably know who it isn't," I responded as I gently released a quiet, but deadly fart.

Bookstores make me fart a lot. I wrote about this months ago and how I used to wander over to the womyn's studies section before releasing so as not to be rude. I call this my "click event." I have no idea why this bookstore fart attack always happens, but it does and I'm no longer ashamed of it. So many of the books stink anyway and far too many bookstores are quiet and boring. Why not liven things up a bit? I've got a party in my pants and I'm happy to share it.

"This one. I need to hear some samples from this one. I think this is it," I said to him. So he took me to a set of headphones and selected the code for that CD on a keypad.

Yep, that was the one. I bought it along with a fortune in Computer Geek (CG) books.

It was "Hope and Desire" by Susan Tedeschi and I like it. Other than Shelby Lynne (and to be honest, Faith Hill could easily be a blues singer if she wanted) the only music like this that I normally listen to is old stuff, like Ray Charles. But this new one is good. It's strong. I've got it in my truck and I'm cranking it as I drive back and forth to work today.

As I write this a coworker just came in. We were talking and I mentioned this CD to her. She said, "I know her. My husband opened for her a couple of months ago!"

Yep, I kid you not. My coworker is married to a famous blues guitar player and singer. And he knows B.B. King and Susan Tedeschi, too. I think that's pretty cool. But hey, my guitar teacher back in The Day was David Anderson, from the band Brother Kane, and I still get to see him play when I'm visiting my old hometown, for whatever that's worth. I'm really just rambling at this point.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

It's Happening

It's starting to happen to me. I remember it with my parents and my friends' parents, but I never thought it'd be me.

I remember riding in the car with Tony and Larry back in high school. Every time a song came on the radio it was a race to name the song, the singer, and the year it came out. We always knew.

I knew the name of every single person I went to high school with. I knew where half of them lived. I still know Adrianne Kump's home phone number and I haven't dialed it in over 20 years (883-8724.)

I knew every car on the road, what it was, who made it, and what year.

I knew the name of every movie star there had ever been. Do you know who Clara Bow is? I do.

I used to laugh when my parents called me by my brother's name, and then I'd go across the street to the King's house and the King parents would call me by the same wrong name, only this time it was their daughter's boyfriend's name. Either way, it wasn't my name.

I thought, "how can they forget my name? They've known me for my entire life!"

I'm forgetting. I'm forgetting names and dates and numbers and you name it. I can't tell you who did the songs on the radio, what the name of the song is, or what year it came out. I'm even forgetting the bands I used to know.

"That's Foreigner. No, Styx. No, Rush. Shit, who the hell is that?!"

Other than Shania Twain and Faith Hill I have no idea who most of those people on stage at the Country Music Awards were.

Wait, I never knew who the country music stars were. Nevermind.

I can turn on the TV now and Jennifer Love Hewitt can be standing there and I'll go "that's .. um .. that's .... the girl from that movie we liked ... um .. what was the name of the movie? Um .... shit!"

I have no idea who half the people I work with are. I suppose at some point they told me their names, but it was a waste of time. I just call them all "Bob."

Sometimes I can't remember how old I am.

I have a combination lock I used to use at the gym to lock my stuff up. I can't remember the combination.

So far I'm not losing things, like keys and stuff, but there's still time.

I remember Tony's grandmother constantly losing every single thing she owned. Funny thing was, if no one was around to help her find it she never seemed to lose it. I figured she just wanted attention. Years later I found out she'd lost her license and didn't want her daughter to know, so she lied and claimed she'd lost the car keys and couldn't find them anywhere. She just let the car sit and rot rather than admit that the police said she couldn't drive anymore.

Then again, she was always a phenomenally bad driver. I remember when I was a teeny little kid and she couldn't have been more than 50 years old, she'd come up from Mobile, Alabama to visit the King family and she couldn't drive or park worth a shit. She was a lunatic behind the wheel of an enormous Chrysler. So it was truly a miracle, or the work of the devil, I don't know which, that she didn't lose her license long, long before.

But this losing names thing, this is bothering me. I don't even have kids yet and already I'm going to be calling them "Hey You.'
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Broken Lap Cat

satan cat
Our Lap Cat is BROKEN!!!!

What the hell is wrong with this cat?!

She laid like this, with her head smashed against the couch and her eyes wide open for 30 minutes.

She was just purring away, as if there was nothing wrong.

I think she must be on drugs.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Toilet Teeter Totter

In the bathrooms here where I work they have the men's and women's bathrooms backing up to one another, I suppose so that they only had to run one set of pipes down a center wall. The toilets are not mounted to the floor. They're mounted to the wall, suspended from the pipes. This is all well and good for mopping, but it has an unexpected and occasionally unpleasant side-effect.

I noticed this when I was sitting on my great white throne of thunder reigning down hellfire. The janitor was in the ladies' bathroom flipping up the toilet seats and scrubbing the bowls. When she came to the toilet opposite mine I felt a jolt go through the wall, into the toilet I was sitting on, and up through me as the lid was slammed back down again.

Mmm, not much fun, that.

This morning I was once again reigning upon my great white throne of thunder when something even more unexpected occurred. A great big fat woman apparently plopped herself down on the toilet opposite mine without making the slightest effort to slow her descent with her Gumby legs. The result was that her fat ass hit the toilet seat like a Dodge Ram pickup dropping from a second story roof, pushing her toilet downward.

Did you ever study physics? No matter. You can surely figure this one out either way.

As her fat ass crushed her suspended toilet downward it also lifted my toilet upward, picking my feet up off the floor and nearly tossing me into the air.

It was toilet teeter totter!

I wonder who designed our bathrooms? I'll bet they've never actually worked in a place with these teeter totter toilets or else they'd find a better way to install them, such as, oh I don't know, bolting them to the floor. That'd be nice.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Another Half Nekkid Thursday

Hey Baby, my Half Nekkid Thursday photo, as usual, is over here.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Twins Separated At Birth

Jorja Fox and Michael Jackson

You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

When In Rome Be An Idiot

Rome bans goldfish bowls

Parodied by Memphis Steve for obvious reasons

ROME (Reuters) - The city of Rome has banned goldfish bowls, which animal rights terrorists say are cruel. Rome has also made regular dog-walks mandatory in the Italian capital, the town's council said Tuesday. Also, seatbelts must be worn, except in government-owned vehicles such as buses. Child seats are mandatory in all vehicles, again except government-owned vehicles in which everyone may leap and run about as they please. And no one in Rome is permitted to walk and chew gum at the same time.

"It's just too dangerous," Fettucini Alfredo, representative of Rome was quoted as saying. "Someone might trip and fall."

The classic spherical fish bowls are banned under a new by-law which also stops fish or other animals being given away as fairground prizes. It comes after a national law was passed to allow jail sentences for people who abandon cats or dogs. Also, cats are to be worshipped as gods and everyone is required to stop and pray to the sun each day at noon.

"It's good to do whatever we can for our animals who in exchange for a little love fill our existence with their attention," said Monica Cirinna, the councilor behind the by-law and world-renowned "crazy old cat lady."

"The civilization of a city can also be measured by this," she told Rome daily Il Messaggero as she held her tiny pet Chiwawa which she had lovingly dressed in a purple silk "Huggy Bear" suit and purple felt fedora. "He's my little pimp daddy."

The newspaper reported that round bowls caused fish to go blind and encourage masturbation, which also causes blindness, as well as hairy palms. No one at Rome council was available to confirm that this was why they were banned, because most of the councilors were too busy dropping acid and staring at the sun to comment. Many fish experts say round bowls provide insufficient oxygen for fish and leave too little room for them to run from cats, who as was mentioned previously must now be worshipped as Roman gods.

"My pussy is named Olympuss," councilor Cirinna announced proudly.

In July 2004, parliament passed a law setting big fines and jail terms for people who abandon pets and since then local governments have added their own animal welfare rules many of which will be difficult to police and are just plain gay. [And by gay I mean dumb, as gay in and of itself doesn't mean homosexual anyway, in case you were about to get all pissy. Gay actually means happy. But if the homosexual groups can say a rainbow means gay and gay means homosexual then I can say that gay means dumb, which is what it meant when I was in school. So get the fuck over it.]

[and now, back to the article ...]

The northern city of Turin passed a law in April to fine pet owners up to 500 euros if they do not walk their dogs at least three times a day. Since this law was passed almost all dog owners have taken their pets to Sicily and abandonded them.

"Some of us have to work," laborer Franchesco Pizzaria stated. "We can't be walking our dogs and worshipping our cats or the sun all freaking day long. We live in the real world, unlike these stupid pot-smoking, cat-lady, hippie lawyers who are ruining our country."

The new Roman by-law requires owners to regularly exercise their dogs, and bans them from docking their pets' tails for aesthetic reasons. It prohibits disciplining pets in any way for any reason and requires that all animals wear clothes and sleep in beds.

It also provides legal recognition in the form of huge golden calf statues in city courtyards for cat lovers who provide food for the colonies of strays which live everywhere from the city's ancient Roman ruins to modern office car parks.

Animal rights groups estimate (and by 'estimate' we mean 'pulled this out of their ass') that around 150,000 pet dogs and 200,000 cats are abandoned in Italy every year. Human rights groups estimate that around 1.5 million pet dogs were taken out of the country and dumped following the passage of these laws, and 4 million cats were drowned or merely 'accidently' let out of the house without identification tags and abandonded.

"Once again, the do-gooder drug-addicted socialists have tried to save our souls only to cause far greater suffering for the very souls they claimed they were helping, in this case pets," said an old man who wished to remain anonymous for fear the PETA Gestapo would detain and torture him. "We have seen this before, this fascism disguised as good deeds. I am old enough to remember the last regime that enshrined this sort of madness into law."
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

The Big Storm

big storm
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this tropic port,
Aboard this tiny ship.

The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day,
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.

The weather started getting rough,
The tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost.

The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle,
With the Gilligans,
The Skippers too,
The millionaires and their wifes,
The movie stars,
Professers and Mary Ann`s
Here on Gilligans Isle.

The storm is upon us. And it is a big one!
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

The Number 1 Killer of Women

According to endless TV commercials and government studies, the #1 killer of women is:

#1 Heart Disease

#1 Cervical Cancer

#1 Ovarian Cancer

#1 Breast Cancer

#1 Osteoporosis

#1 Not Wearing Seatbelts

#1 Abusive "Partners"/Domestic Violence

#1 Pilo Capillus (Really Bad Hair)

#1 Pedis Squeezis (Those Shoes That Look So Great But Hurt Your Feet)

#1 Peteo Abundus (Perfume Overdose)

#1 SUV Rollovers

#1 Cellphone Induced Brain Cancer

#1 Donatella Versace Complex (Cosmetic Surgery Gone Bad)

#1 Sagass Complex B (Falling Ass Syndrome)

#1 Kohlitis (Really Good Sale At Kohls)

#1 Holy Molymus (Too Many Piercings)

#1 Gropitus Maximus (Lesbian Gym Teachers)

#1 Gleemypuss Morbidus (Overuse of Crest White Strips)

#1 Madonna-Cootchitus (Too Many Boyfriends At Once/Sexual Exhaustion)

#1 Smackus Capitis (Head Injury from Automobile Airbag)

#1 Poonami (Terminally Explosive Diarrhea)

#1 Pussitus Mortis (Fatal Allergic Reaction to Cats)

#1 Cooteurysm (Aneurysm Resulting From Overly Tight Pants)

#1 Fatassamor Excessum (Terminal Compression By Obese Lover)

#1 Hypertension from Ads Claiming that EVERYTHING is the #1 Killer of Women

.... And the answer is .....

#1 of course!
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

I Have Returned

I'm back from my trip.
If you don't know whose house this is then I'll have to explain later.
This is where I was for the past 4 days.
I just got home.
Now I'm going to bed.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Half Nekkid Thursday - I Spy

Butt Who Nose?

Happy HNT!

I have to go out of town again.
I'm going to be gone a few days, so don't get upset when I can't reply to your comments.

Don't think I'm ignoring you.
I'm just not home.

But I'll be back
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!


MS Word Yo
Just thought it was funny.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Gimme An "L"

TAMPA, Fla. - Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were charged after their arrest at a bar where witnesses told police the women had sex together in a restroom instead of up on top of the bar like other girls do.

Renee Thomas, 20, of Pittsboro, N.C., and Angela Keathley, 26, of Belmont, N.C., were taken to Hillsborough County Jail early Sunday where they were gleefully welcomed by several hefty female inmates.

Witnesses said the women were having sex in a stall with each other, angering several highly intoxicated patrons waiting in line to pee at the club in the Channelside district.

Thomas was charged with battery Sunday after allegedly punching the shit out of a "punk-ass bitch" when she was leaving the restroom, then landed in even more trouble after police said she gave officers a driver's license belonging to another Panthers cheerleader who was not in Tampa, not drunk, and not gay.

Thomas, who made the trip to Florida for Sunday's game between the Panthers and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was released from jail on $500 bail before police learned she was not the person she claimed to be.

"We thought she was a lesbian, but after she refused to get it on with some of the inmates we realized she was at best bisexual and mostly just drunk," said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy. "That isn't the same and it doesn't really count."

Providing police with a false name, like 'Felicia Gonorrhea,' is a misdemeanor, or even less when it's a really funny name. However, Thomas was charged Monday with giving a non-funny false name and causing harm to another — a third-degree felony punishable by probation and a photospread in Playboy or a jail term of 1 to 5 years and a mandatory appearance on the Martha Stewart reality show, McElroy said.

Meanwhile, detectives are trying to determine how Thomas was able to contort her body into the position patrons claimed she was in while having sex.

"I just don't know how anyone can bend like that," McElroy stated in disbelief.

Keathley, charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest, was released on $750 bail about an hour before the Panthers played the Bucs at Raymond Burr Stadium. The cheerleaders were not in town to perform at the game as they felt they had already performed enough the night before in the bar and were really, really hung over.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Too Much Information Runnin' Round My Brain

A Rose By Any Other Name ...

1. What is your middle name?

2. What color underwear are you wearing now?
White with just a hint of brown streak

3. What are you listening to right now?
My fingers clicking on the keyboard

4. What are the last 2 digits in your phone number?
Index. I use the same digit to dial all phone numbers.

5. What was the last thing you ate?
One of those plastic plug protectors.
No wait, I'm remembering too far back.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
Mayonaise white
Hey, if that isn't a color then it should be

7. How is the weather right now?
Dark and cold, like Madonna's heart and J Lo's butt

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
They wouldn't give me their name. They just kept breathing real heavy. I think they must have been really tired.

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The pepper spray. I hate that stuff. It doesn't even taste good.

10. Favorite type of Food?
Cooked usually

11.Do you drink?
Every day. I start off the day with orange juice. Then kick it up a notch to some strong coffee while I'm at work. And finish off with a pint of water. Sometimes I drink milk if I'm feeling really wild. Somewhere in there, every now and then, I drink beer and stuff, too.

12. Do you smoke?
Only during sex when I'm moving really fast. Sometimes I burst into flames.

13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember what you did?
How would I know if I don't remember?

14. Hair color?
Welsh brown

15. Eye color?

16. Do you wear contacts?
No, but I keep a list of contacts in my cell phone. Does that count?

17. Favorite Holiday?

18. Favorite Month?
White Male History Month.
Yeah, and just when is that gonna be, I'd like to know?!

19. Have you ever cried for no reason?
Once way back when I was in the 6th or 7th grade. I don't know why I busted out crying but I couldn't stop and I got to skip school because of it. I still don't know why it happened, but hey, I got to skip school. I wasn't complaining.

20. What was the last movie you watched?
Started to watch the sequal to Bridget Jones, but got distracted and turned it off.

21. Favorite Day of the Year?

22. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Apparently so considering the huge number of girls who years later told me they wanted me to ask them out and wondered why I never did. I could have died. If I'd only known I would have dated them all. Well, almost all. Some of them were just nasty, but some of them were SO BEAUTIFUL. Who would have thought they'd ever liked me?

23. If you can say something to someone right now what would it be?
Stick'em up!

24. Hugs or Kisses?
I'll take whatever I can get. I'm not a complainer.

25. Chocolate or Vanilla?
mix'em up

26. Do you want your friends to respond?
Usually. What good is a friend if all they do is sit there in their coffin ignoring you?

29. What books are you reading?
2 on screen writing, 1 on the theory of humor, 1 on vitamins, 1 on economics, 1 on crooked DAs in California, ... can't remember what the others are. I read several at a time and take forever to finish, as you might expect.

30. Piercings?
One in my shin. It was unintentional. It was dark, I was running through Tony King's yard back in college, I didn't know his grandmother had dumped a bunch of iron lawn furniture at his house, I discovered the iron lawn furniture while in a dead sprint, and WAHLA! Piercing! It's mostly just a horrible scar now.

31. Favorite Movie?
Debbie Does Dal ... no, wait, Raising Arizona. Or maybe Tobacco Road. I don't know. I like several.

32. Favorite football Team?
Dallas and Auburn, I guess. Although I'm a closet Gators fan because of a meeting with a Florida Gators cheerleader when I was at cheerleader camp in college. And I like the Chiefs because Avery works for them up in KC and I like Avery a lot. But this is more than you ever cared to know, isn't it? And probably far less interesting.

33.What were you doing before this?
Looking for a digital camera on

34. Any pets?
2 cats, one of which I'm going to kill. But don't tell her. She's a master of evil.

35. Wendys or Taco Bell?
Do we have plenty of toilet paper? Yes, I need to know before I choose.

36. Butter, Plain, Sweet or Salted popcorn?
Caramel or cheese, actually.

37. Dogs or cats?
Grew up with dogs, but now I only have cats because it is so swampy here and I refuse to have an indoor dog, unlike my mother-in-law who thinks Labradors should sleep indoors in beds like everybody else. She has the fattest damned dog I ever saw. Whoever heard of a Lab living inside a house and having his own room and his own regular human bed?!

38. Favorite Flower?
Whatever gets me out of trouble or makes her stop crying

39. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?
Yes, and I couldn't stop laughing as they dragged me all the way to the office. Oh well, that was one detention that was totally worth it.

40. Are you taken or single?
Taken, but I have a feeling she's willing to loan me out. What's up with that? I'm no male slut! Wait, yes I am.

41. Have you ever REALLY loved someone?
Well yes. Who hasn't?! I mean, besides Martha Stewart.

42. Who would you like to see right now?
Ed McMahon with my check for $100 million

43. what's your fav color?
How about money green? That's the most useful color.

44. Have you ever fired a gun?
Many many guns. Luckily, they never fired back. Except this one time, at band camp, ... no wait .. this one time, my brother shot me in the leg, but it was an air pistol and he was a jackass. And then he shot it straight up and we were in his room and glass came raining down. He had accidently shot out his light. Bwa ha ha ha!

45. Do you like to travel by plane?
Yes, but I hate the airport security so I avoid it now. Yes, my name is Muhammed. No, only kidding.

46. Right-handed or Left-handed?
Whatever feels right at the time. I'm somewhat ambidexterous, equally inept with either hand.

47. If you could be with someone right now, who would it be?
What do you mean 'be with?' You mean sex or just sitting on the couch watching TV? I'll say Jenny McCarthy just because it covers both options.

48. How many pillows do you sleep with?
1 for me and 1 for her

49. Are you missing someone?
No, everyone is where they're supposed to be at the moment. Did someone escape that I don't know about?

50. Do you have a Tattoo?
No, but I have a scab that looks a lot like the Virgin Mary. Or Elvis. It depends on which way you look at it. I'm thinking of selling it on Ebay.

I think I'm supposed to tag someone with this so that they have to do it next. I'll tag anyone who wants to do it. And if no one does, then I'll tag Stacy, 'cause I like her.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Klinepalooza - The Morning After

Sister Victoria Secret

We arrived in Nashville safe and sound. It was just getting dark so no one could see who we were as we pulled through the gates at Kline Manor and drove up to the house. A number of shadowy figures could be seen on the back half of the estate piling wood, boxes, and small children into a huge heap in preparation for some sort of firey Pagan ritual.

I was greeted by a kindly woman, who showed me her tongue.

"Hi Diane" I shouted gleefully to her.

"Nyaaaaaaa" she replied, but oh so kindly, as she apparently mistook me for her doctor.

Once I had managed to get inside (I can't understand why no one would let me in) I found a surprising sight.

SpaceGhost Kev
Everyone was sober, and still fully clothed!

"I must be in the wrong house," I mumbled, somewhat confused. But no, this was the place. Bruce Wayne, I mean Kevin, handed me a drink, I mean told me to put my cooler full of drinks down and pull up a chair.

Several pieces of birthday cake, I mean Heinekens later, it was on!

"Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"

"Thank you, sir, may I have another?"

drink it
Jello and tequilla - it's Mexican dessert night!

spoonful of sugar
"Hmm, smells like Robitussin"

5 minutes later ....

vagina monologues
"See if you can guess what this is.

I'll give you a hint, it's a female body part."


Shiny, happy people

Even Teddy was having a good time

It's a very long story

Uh huh, a woman knows what she likes.

And THEN it started to get REALLY GOOD!

Underwear began to fly

The Robitussin had worked its' magic

No more coughing

russian woman
It's a traditional Greek Orthodox ... um ... Partridge adornment

trophy room
The trophy room



Shake it up, baby!

Twist and shout!


DCup Laugh


But then, alas, it was morning and all the fun was over.

Until ....

Diane began screaming, "Steve, bring your camera and come quick!"

Like a flash I grabbed my camera and ran past Kelly's husband, Kevin, into the master bathroom, where Diane had directed me.

I was expecting Kelly and Sam to be up to something wild and funny involving bras or tequilla or something.

Instead I found something else.

Something unexpected.

Something naked.


Kelly, Samantha, Jennifer, and an unidentified child were all in the master bathroom together

stark naked

And I was now in there with them.

"Um, holy shit, I ... uh ... I thought .. um .."

I backed out of there as gracefully as I could

stumbling over laundry, shoes, and towels

and ran smack into Kevin

who laughed at me!

"You should see how red your face is!"

"Um, they're all naked in there."

"Yep, I accidently walked in on them myself while Jennifer was in the shower.
I pretty much reacted the same as you. Whoops!"

"What was I supposed to be taking a picture of then?"

No one ever really answered that question.
And now I feel particularly bad that in my shock I failed to get any pictures of the nudepalooza while I had the chance.

Maybe next time?
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Gone To Klinepalooza

all about the bitches

By the time you read this I hope to have left town for Klinepalooza.

I expect to be modestly intoxicated, making nasty jokes, telling dirty stories, and farting out loud with several of my oldest friends.

All the burping will be handled by Kelly, the queen of the belch.

And no, it really isn't about HNT. We were just shittin' you.

See you when I get back.

You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Stressed Too Much for Coffee

OK, so today I posted an article verbatim in which a guy who goes by the apparently popular name of "Rooster" was shot and killed. And look, he's in Tennessee!

Git'er done!

Anyway, work is kicking my ass. When I joined this team there were 5 of us, with 2 being Microsoft dudes and me being a defector from C and Unix and knowing absolutely nothing about the world of Microsoft development. Less than a month after I joined the team one of the Microsoft dudes left to work elsewhere. It was stressful, but we struggled on.

Yesterday the last remaining Microsoft dude announced that he is leaving to go work at the same company the other guy went to. So, all this guy's work is falling on me. Just prior to that, the boss came up here for a meeting with us and gave us all plenty of work to do.

So, I have now more than an overload of work, plus trying to take on this guy's overload of work before he leaves and takes all the answers with him. And as is so typical, as all of this is happening suddenly everything that can possibly break or distract me is breaking and distracting me all at once. I don't even have time to breath.

Tomorrow is Klinapalooza and I don't have time to get my things together. I'm trying to find time in between heart attacks to get a hotel room, since we don't have time to go get sleeping bags or cots, and figure out what we need to bring. I don't have a good digital camera to take with me and every time I've taken time out to go to a store and look for a particular model that is supposed to be good the fuckers don't have it.

"Oh, we don't have that but we have this other piece of shit that we really don't know anything about in regard to the questions you've asked so let me waste as much of your time as possible trying to get you to buy it, OK?"

Yes, Best Buy apparently hires 12-year-olds who look like a FAR SIDE drawing come to life. And Wolf Camera has jack-crap in stock, and couldn't answer my very specific questions on top of that.

Yes, it matters how long the delay between photos is. No, I will never again buy any camera that takes somewhere randomly between 3 and 10 seconds to take another picture. If you can't tell me how long the delay is even though Consumer Reports did, and you don't have the cameras that are in Consumer Reports, and don't seem to care to find a similar model, then we have nothing to talk about here, do we?

So, my day is no thrill and the next several weeks promise to be very, very stressful. Please don't think I am neglecting you if I don't reply to your comments as often. Please don't think I have taken the blog for granted if I post once per day and then don't seem to come back for the rest of the day. And please don't think I am taking you for granted if I don't leave comments on your blog for awhile. I'm drowning here.

By the way, another update I thought was noteworthy: for those of you that know Steph the Attention Whore and Avery the Aussie, they both disappeared last Thursday and several of us were worried. Well, Steph posted today. She said her apartment was robbed and her computer was stolen along with everything else. Meanwhile, Avery's grandmother died and Avery had to fly from California to Australia to deal with that. So, at least they are both alive and well, even if not particularly happy right now.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

They Shot the Rooster!

Family feud turned deadly when woman shot neighbor in chest

By Samantha Murphy, Court TV
Not Parodied or Modified!
Fri Oct 28, 5:40 PM ET

(Court TV) — Police say an ongoing family feud between Tennessee neighbors started with name-calling and empty threats but ended in murder.

Gillian Kennedy, 35, is accused of shooting neighbor Kenneth "Rooster" Cantrell, 38, on the front lawn of their Pegram, Tenn., home following a spat with the victim's wife Tosha, who called the defendant a "Jenny Craig reject" and a "whale."

Kennedy, who pleaded not guilty, will be tried on second-degree murder and 12 aggravated assault charges Monday at the Cheatham County Courthouse.

On May 21, 2004, Mrs. Kennedy allegedly stood outside in her bathing suit, rubbed her breasts, and yelled at Mrs. Cantrell that she was jealous of her large chest.

Mrs. Cantrell yelled back insults to Mrs. Kennedy, who then pulled down her bathing suit and flashed her neighbor and some of the Cantrell children, according to police.

When Kenneth Cantrell came home that night and heard what happened, he marched across the lawn toward the Kennedy house, according to neighbor Ron Richardson.

"Mr. Cantrell said he was going to whip Mr. Kennedy in the a-double-s if the harassment didn't stop," Richardson told "I couldn't get a clear view of who grabbed who first, but before I knew it, both men were outside rolling around on the ground beating each other up."

Richardson said Mrs. Kennedy came out moments later and fired a shot into Mr. Cantrell's chest.

"She then pointed the gun at me and started swinging it around while cursing," Richardson said. "She said something like, 'If you don't get the f--- off my yard, I will f---ing kill you."

"I was terrified. I couldn't move," Richardson said.

Richardson said there were about eight to 10 witnesses, including children from both families.

Mrs. Kennedy's attorney Jake Lockert, however, said the woman acted in her husband's defense.

"Mr. Cantrell would have beaten her husband to death if she didn't intervene," Lockert said. "When Gillian went out there with the gun, Tosha jerked it, and that's when it fired. Had she wanted to kill Mr. Cantrell, she would have just went up and shot him, but she actually accidentally shot her husband through both hands first."

After the incident, members of the close-knit community gathered at the scene. Mrs. Cantrell picked up a nearby baseball bat and bashed in the windows of a car parked in the Kennedys' driveway.

She was later charged with vandalism and criminal trespassing and was placed in a jail cell just a few feet from Mrs. Kennedy.

Trouble brewing

Although neighbors say Mrs. Kennedy frequently harassed them, Lockert said the defendant felt alienated and attacked by the townspeople on a daily basis.

"They would cluck like chickens outside their home," Lockert said. "Someone once asked the pizza delivery boy if there were chicken feathers on the pizza because he was delivering to a bunch of chicken sh---."

Lockert said someone once fired a rifle into the Kennedy's backyard pool and that a paintball was splattered on the home's exterior.

"Mr. Richardson would be out in the yard yelling over threats, and sometimes Mr. Cantrell even followed Mr. Kennedy to work," Lockert said. "It's hard to believe a bunch of neighbors would act like this, but we have it all on video."

The Kennedy-Cantrell feud began just a few weeks after the Cantrells relocated from their old neighborhood, Kingston Springs, after their house burned down.

At about 2:30 a.m. one night, police received a call that Mrs. Kennedy and her father were stealing basketballs and a net outside the Cantrells' home.

"They didn't want the neighborhood kids playing near their house, so they stole the basket and the ball and they even had the light removed," Richardson said. "They were dressed in all black and looked like ninjas with hoods."

But Lockert denied the charge.

"The neighbors just keep on making false accusations," he said. "Gillian is an active member in the church and Chris is a civil activist. Why would they steal a basketball?"

During a bond hearing testimony in May 2004, Mrs. Cantrell said she was warned about the Kennedys before they moved in, but she didn't want to believe everything she heard.

"I thought they deserved a chance, and things were okay for awhile," she testified.

Cantrell admitted that she became angry after Mrs. Kennedy exposed a breast to her and neighborhood children.

"I did call her a 'Jenny Craig reject' and a 'whale' ... I was just so mad, I wanted her to go away," she said.

According to Richardson, who also testified, one of the Kennedys' three children told the judge that their mother shot Mr. Cantrell while their father held him down.

Prosecutor Jerry Harris said he could not comment on the case, but said the community has been pretty shaken up since the murder.

Although she awaits her trial in a jail in a nearby state, Mrs. Kennedy feels justified in protecting her husband, Lockert said.

"She is upset because someone lost their life and that it reached that point, but she wasn't planning on hurting him," Lockert said. "If Tosha didn't grab the gun, this wouldn't have happened."

After the shooting, both the Kennedys and Cantrells moved out of the neighborhood.

The trial is expected to last a week.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!

Half Nekkid Thursday - It's over there

butt trumpet moped
This, of course, is not my HNT photo.
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!



Three little boys were concerned
because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been baptized
and didn't go to Sunday School.


So they went to the nearest church.

Only the janitor was there.


One little boy said,
"We need to be baptized
because no one will come out and play with us.
Will you baptize us?"

"Sure," said the janitor.


He took them into the bathroom
and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
one at a time.

Then he said, "You are now baptized!".


When they got outside,
one of them asked,
"What religion do you think we are?"

The oldest one said,

"We're not Kathlick, .....because they pour the water on you."
"We're not Babtis, .....because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, .....because they just sprinkle water on you."

The littlest one said,
"Didn't you smell that water!"

They all joined in asking,
"Yeah! What do you think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisscopailians

(This joke shamelessly stolen from an email Stephanie sent to me)
You have read this article with the title November 2005. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...