Another Lesbian Elvis
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Lesbian Elvis

I was driving to work this morning, taking one of my usual routes, when a very strange person crossed my path.

On Trinity Road, just as I was approaching the intersection with Germantown Road, I saw a person dressed like Elvis, standing in the median. As I got closer I realized it was a woman. Sort of.

She looked right at me coming towards her and then stepped directly in my path. She had a hateful look on her face, a permanent sneer, as if she had been intensely angry about something for about 20 years.

She sneered defiantly at me as she walked slowly across my path. I put my hand on the horn in preparation for an informative blast as I bore down on her. But the horn in my Japanese truck is in the wrong place and so nothing happened.

I narrowly missed killing her, brushing her with my side mirror as she stepped into the center lane still refusing to acknowledge the rush-hour traffic that was bearing down on top of her and still glaring, not at the rest of the cars about to crush her, but at me.

I looked in the rearview mirror at her to see who finally hit her. I saw her stop in the center of the road, spread her feet wide apart, place her hands on her hips in the old '50s Superman pose. She threw her head back and laughed in an overly exaggerated manner that was obviously intended to tell the world that she viewed herself as being invincible. Either that or she was rehearsing for a play in which she was intending to do some serious overacting.

I couldn't help but laugh at her for being such a cartoon-like idiot.

The car that was next about to kill her narrowly managed to change lanes and pass her without crashing, with the driver looking at her in obvious disgust.

She crossed all 6 lanes without being killed despite her best efforts.

Why would anyone, even a lesbian Elvis-impersonator, want to walk around in broad daylight dressed like Elvis for no particular reason? And if she wanted to commit suicide why not wait for a big 18-wheeler and step in front of that? What sort of lesbian-Elvis fool steps in front of a minitruck in a suicide attempt? Even I know enough to wait for something really big if you truly plan to die.
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