Wordless Wednesday

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Madness Meme - part II

Holy shit, there's more to this meme that I stole from Catch Her in the Wry!

23. Do you ever walk around the house naked?
I'm naked all the time underneath my clothes.

No shirt, no shoes, no service, eh? I'll show you!

24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why?
I'd be whatever type of animal was coded into my DNA going all the way back to me as an embryo. That's just how that shit works.

25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?
I'm a big fan of carbon dating. Generally nothing requiring carbon dating has any hair left.

Baby, why won't you return my calls?

26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf?

27. Do you have any special talents?
I can make balloon animals with my junk.

Go ahead, give it a tug!

28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
The first thing I do is to shut the damn door. We don't live in a barn. I'm not paying to air condition the whole world. We're not running a homeless shelter for mosquitos. Sorry, I was channeling my dad there for a second.

29. Do you like horror or comedy?
Some comedies are more accurately described as a horror. Take Adam Sandler's 2 movies he released this year, for example. Jack and Jill? Was this really meant to be a serious comedic offering to the American public? This guy must think we're all totally retarded or something. Who finances these nightmares he keeps putting out?

Not funny like ha ha funny

30. Are you missing anyone?
One time when I got into an apple throwing fight with my cousin from Texas I missed her with every shot. She, being a fast-pitch Texas softball pitcher, though, never missed me once. That fight didn't last long.

31. Where do you want to live when you are old?
In a mansion in Hawaii. Alternatively, it might be nice to be just senile enough to think that I'm living in a mansion in Hawaii. Perception is 90 percent of life, right?

Where I live in my head

32. Who is the person you can count on the most?
Myself. Counting on someone else's fingers and toes is a bit rude, not to mention unreliable.

33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Jessica Biel past, back before she skinnied up for the role as a stripper that she played and almost no one saw. There's no particular reason for this choice. I just spit it off the top of my head because you asked.


34. What did you dream last night?
I dreamed I was sleeping and then I woke up. And when I woke up I wasn't sure if I was just dreaming that I had been sleeping and woken up or if I really had.

35. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I like to watch politicians beating each other to death with medieval weapons in the gladiator arena. I think every country should adopt this sport. We'd all be better off.

clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

36. Are you named after anyone?
I was named after everyone who was born before me and given a name by their parents, which they tell me is quite a lot of people.

37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Single malt oak peat smoked tequila whiskey wine blend, shaken and then stirred, with a little umbrella, on frozen whiskey rocks, in a snifter pointed due North.

38. Non alcoholic drink?
I never touch the stuff!

39. Have you ever been in love?
I find it ironic that you pose this love question immediately after the questions about alcohol, seeing as so many love relations began with alcohol and ended with even heavier drinking.

40. Do you sing in the shower?
No, but I fart tunefully.

41. Have you ever been arrested?
I was once busted by the Dream Police. They live inside of my head. The Dream Police, they come to me in my bed.

42. What is your favorite holiday?
I'm a bit torn between Doc Holiday, cowboy star, and Billie Holiday, singing star. They're both special in their own way.

43. Would you ever get plastic surgery?
If I were to accidentally stick my face into a meat grinder or have my junk ripped off by a crazed monkey I might be tempted to submit to a little plastic surgery. Or if it would help me at all in my career.

44. Have you ever caught a fish?
I know a guy who goes by the name of Fish. I've never caught him doing anything, per se, but I heard a rumor that he got a lovely 20-year-old girl pregnant and is now a father. Then again, I think he may have married that girl, so I guess you'd say she caught him and I don't really fit into this story at all. What were we talking about again?
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Emily Scott Modelling pre I'm A Celebrity

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Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. And do you know what I'm going to be doing?

Nothing. Not a damn thing. Not one single damn thing.

We have decided to stay home and just rest for this Thanksgiving.

Granted, there will be cleaning of the house, working in the yard, working on cars and the like. But as far as leaving the house, battling traffic, shuffling around a crowded house trying to talk to family while in-laws try to start arguments about football, crying babies burst our eardrums, children bounce toys off our groins, and other typical family holiday activities, there shall be none for us this year.

We are staying home. Just us. And two cats, one of which is insane. And the neighbors' giant Himalayan monster that keeps coming over trying to kill our kitten and run off our male cat.

So, it's Thanksgiving, a time for giving thanks. Let's see how many things I can come up with that I'm thankful for:

1) My Health - if you look to the left in my blogroll you'll see a blog called "Dundee's Battle". You should click it and read. Seriously, go check it out. She's young, beautiful, Australian, and she has cancer. It's kind of a big deal. They already operated earlier this week. It's in her frontal lobe. That's the brain. Yeah, a big deal. And now she's trying to rehab, which involves the struggle of trying to relearn things and rewire the brain so she can have a normal life. Kind of a big damn deal. I thank God for my health, despite the problems I have. We all have a few problems. But we don't all have cancer.

2) My Job - yes, it frustrates the hell out of me, mostly because I have to work with multiple PCs and at least one of them is a huge piece of junk . You should hear me cursing it when I'm working late in the office alone, mostly because the slow-assed computer makes working so inefficient that I end up working late to make up for it. But at least I have a job. Over 80 percent of the unemployed in this country are males. No, that's no accident by our first lesbian feminist president, but nevertheless, I still have a job. And unlike most of my previous jobs, I'm not working with any crazy evil sociopathic people. Or at least so far I have yet to encounter any. Not a single one. I am grateful for my job. I like my employer and my fellow employees. Even though I'm grossly underpaid.

3) My Family - my father died a few years back, but other than that, everyone is alive and well, more or less, and we are able to get together and hang out if we really want to. Usually we do on major holidays, but after last Christmas when a snowstorm resulted in a certain family member having a house full of food she spent days cooking and no one able to get through the snow to come eat it, she didn't want to do it again this year, so we are all sort of on our own. Still, I know she's alive, and the rest of my family is, too, except Dad. And I'm grateful for that.

4) My House - I may rarely get to see it because of my work situation, but I own a nice house and it sits in a nice yard and we have nice neighbors, so very unlike my previous house and neighbors which I mention in my profile here on this blog. It's a nice change to go from a drug dealer across the street and an alcoholic next door to him and various white trash criminal firemen's kids terrorizing the neighborhood to a nice neighborhood with none of that.

5) My Stuff - I realize it sounds like an odd thing to say I'm grateful for, but just bear with me for a second. I am grateful for all my stuff. I have cars and they don't leave me stranded. Just last night I saw a guy sitting on the side of the road with his feet sticking out the passenger door as he dialed someone while sitting broken down on the side of the highway in the dark and the rain. I sped past, not stopping to offer any help. But as I did so, I was reminded that my car hasn't stranded me like that. It's not a pretty car by any means, but it always gets there as fast as I care to drive and it's comfy. And when I get bored I have a fleet of others I can drive if I wish. I have a bunch of stuff like that, not necessarily pretty, but that gets the job done and without much hassle. And it occurs to me that I'm glad, because I hate hassles, which is why I hate my computer at work. My TV isn't new, but it always works. My cars aren't new, but they always get there. My watch isn't expensive, but ... wait, where the hell did I leave my watch, anyway? Oh well, it wasn't expensive and I can replace it with ease at any time. Which leads to the next point ...

6) My Money - no, I'm not Jewish, and yes, that's a prejudiced thing to say, but I am grateful for the money that I have and the fact that I have it. I'm not rich, but I can afford a house and my old cars and my watch that I lost and the clothes I just bought at Kohl's because I needed new ones for work and my TV and my guitars and the stuff that keeps me occupied and more or less content. I know people who have nothing and have to struggle. I know people who spend every dime and appear rich, but have constant stress of making payments on all their stuff because they can't really afford it and they don't want anyone to know that, so it's all purchased with debt. I don't have a lot of debt. I'd rather have a car that's older and paid off than a new Lexus that costs me a $600 per month car note. It's just the way I am.

7) My Friends - I've written here and there over the years about reevaluating my friendships and realizing that a lot of the people that I called friend really weren't. But during that time I also realized that many people I had overlooked really were. And I made new friends during that time, too. Maybe as I get older and less willing to tolerate bad friends, I am making better decisions in who I am willing to be friends with? Or maybe I'm just lucky and the new friends I've met recently just happened to come along at the right time? I don't know. But life without friends is not worth much, in my opinion. A man without friends is either living in a shitty place where no one is worth much, or else he himself is not worth much because no one wants to be his friend. Whatever the case, I am grateful for my friends. They make life much more worthwhile.

8) My Country - I make no secret of my opinion of President Obama, our first lesbian president, or Vice President Joe Biden, or a whole host of other non-leader politicians who screw us over as often as they can here in America. But I am also aware of how bad it is in many other countries and how unhappy the people in those places seem to be, both with their current situation and their current crop of 'leaders'. We have a real crisis here, and we had better get it straightened out quick or else the country everyone always wanted to move to will be no more. Or rather, it will be called Australia, if it isn't already (carbon tax.) But even so, we still have a lot worth fighting for in this place and we still have it pretty good thanks to the incredible foresight of our Founding Fathers who did all they could to shield us from the very sorts of crooked politicians who currently dominate our national government. It could be a lot worse. We could be Venezuela.

9) My Faith - you might not know it, but I am actually a Christian. I have friends who have various other different beliefs, but the ones I see as the most unlike me, and whose lives are the most unlike what I would ever want, are the ones who believe that there is no God and nothing after this, that this world is all there is and after that, nothing. Their belief that our lives are meaningless, and that all we are and all we do is for nothing in the grand scheme of things, seems to lend itself to a perpetual emptiness that they struggle to fill, but can't. And the older they get, and the more time seems to speed up, the more I hear their thoughts on the meaninglessness of it all. I also take note of the fact that this belief in no God is a requirement for the destructive and misery-creating policies of the socialist Left, who believe that the only Heaven is what we create here on Earth right now, and that we have to hurry and do it right away because tomorrow we die and then it's all over, so no time for deep thought or wisdom, only to act and act NOW. Its one of the reasons why the Hard Left is so religious and fanatical in their dogma, so intolerant of any other viewpoint that differs from their own, so frantic to destroy and remake the entire world in the image of their empty dream without slowing long enough to see their own mistakes, and so willing to kill anyone who gets in the way of that dream. Because it is their handmade god. They believe that everyone else has to create some sort of god because they themselves have done this, or attempted to, but they have failed. I don't have to make my God. He made me.

10) The Internet - during some of the darkest, loneliest of times, when I was living in a hell surrounded by rednecks, white socks and blue ribbon beer, but no real friends, I was able to go out onto the internet and find friends all over the world. That was something brand new to me and it was very exciting. It's been almost 8 years now that I've been writing this stupid blog and I am still friends with a great many people whom I have met because of it. Yes, I realize that friendships involving people you have never met face-to-face is a bit different than daily life friendships, but that doesn't mean that they don't add value to your life. I'm grateful for you.

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So let's talk about the 'geniuses' who run network television here in the United States of Group-Think. When was the last time you saw an episode of "Cougar Town" on ABC? I've been waiting about as long as I can stand for this show to come back and I've been pissed off about it taking so long, too. Now I read that ABC is reducing the number of episodes it is ordering from 22 to 15. It's not as if we haven't even seen ANY episodes in nearly a year or anything, you assholes. And this weak attempt at recreating "Friends", except with one black guy and one gay guy, to appease the humorless activists on the corporate board of directors, which ABC currently has running in the "Cougar Town" timeslot is such a work of genius, either. "Happy Endings" is lame and barely getting by. And no, it won't ever be a huge hit like "Friends" was. It's just not funny enough.

Speaking of stupid network TV assholes, is a tribe of monkeys running NBC? First they stubbornly refuse to move "Community" out of the same timeslot as the raging hit "Big Bang Theory" because, oh I don't know, it might do extremely well. And now they're just flat canceling it. Seriously? What, you have a better show hiding in your desk drawer somewhere that we have never seen before? If you did I'm sure you'd put it up against some other raging hit, like "House" or something so that we'd never see it, either. Geez, why can't I get a job running a major TV network so I can show them how it should be done? Seriously, I've watched these morons wreck good shows for years and years. I'm pretty sure I could do a lot better.

katy perry
Boob restraints

So apparently the fashionistas are all up in arms about who wore what at the various awards shows over the past week or so. They are bitching that Katy Perry wore a dress that just barely covered her nipples and would have slipped and popped both boobs out if she so much as sneezed. Well, she didn't sneeze and nothing came out so what's the big deal?

Super Dogma

The Press is up in arms about the failure of the 'Super' Committee to accomplish anything. What kind of moron ever expected this trainwreck to accomplish anything? It was clearly designed to pit ideologues against any suggestions of a solution. It was packed with religious Marxists whose only purpose was to stonewall. I heard someone say that since the cornerstone of President Obama's campaign is that Congress is to blame for the country's problems because it "does nothing" the last thing he wanted was a super committee that actually accomplished something.


As if we don't already know that most of the largest corporate entities in this country are being run by a committee of PC bitches and eunuchs, here is further proof: NASCAR invited Michelle Obama and Jill Biden to be the grand marshals of a NASCAR race. They were booed by the fans, over half of whom are Democrats themselves. Inviting these rich-bitch political princesses to officiate at a NASCAR event is about as well thought out as the time professional baseball invited Roseanne Barr to sing the National Anthem at the start of a game. Or the NFL ordering their players to wear pink. Or the existence of the WNBA. Idiots!

Eric Holder

Speaking of PC bitches and eunuchs, the FBI stands accused of ignoring a black Muslim terrorist who attempted to bomb key sites in New York City. New York police arrested him with a bomb in his possession even as Eric Holder's openly black racist FBI continued to insist that police leave the terrorist alone. The excuse the FBI gave for their stance was that they believed the terrorist was simply too stupid to carry out his threats. Is that racial profiling in reverse or what is that? If a white FBI ever said that there would be hell to pay.

History is politically incorrect

In Austin, Texas, the most pro-communist city south of the Mason-Dixon line, an application by the Sons of Confederate Veterans to have personalized license plates with the historic Confederate Flag on them along with "Sons of Confederate Veterans" has been rejected by politically correct Democrats and one Republican candidate for President, Governor Rick Perry. In a typical display of the two-faced double-standards long synonymous with the Democratic Party, Democratic state Sen. Rodney Ellis of Houston said, "The state of Texas should not sanction what's become a symbol of hatred and racism." The irony and hypocrisy is in the fact that until the early 1990s it was Democrats in all Southern states who proudly flew this flag and waved it about, especially while campaigning for office. It wasn't until The South switched from majority Democrat to majority Republican in 1994 that the Democrats and their bitches in the media suddenly decided that the flag was a symbol of hate and racism. Since it was them who flew it, what it reveals about their own prejudices is truly epic. No one objected to this flag prior to 1994, as proven by network TV's embrace of it for "The Dukes of Hazard", a hit show which no one in the black community or Democratic Party ever objected to.
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The Madness Meme

I stole this from Catch Her in the Wry who stole if from Sunday Stealing:

1.Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
Why would I do that? I've wiped them on my shirt to get fingerprints and crap off the surface, but licking one is something that I would never do.

2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated
I was once engaged to a girl who was 6 years younger than me. But she dumped me for a douchebag who worked with her at The Peanut Shack. I was graduating a university with a good degree and a serious career ahead of me and she dumped me for a minimum wage dork who worked in the mall at The Peanut Shack.

Don't leave me!

3. Ever been in a car wreck?
I once launched my father's 1969 Buick Wildcat 6 feet into the air and landed on the front bumper, which technically didn't count as a wreck, but it sure did scare the living shit out of me. It didn't do the car any good either, although it didn't show any signs of damage. They used to build manly cars out of steel back in The Day before government assholes and marketing fags convinced the car companies to make them all out of plastic and market them exclusively to girlie girls. If you did what I did with any modern car the whole front end would fall off, the air bags would break your face, the front wheels would fall off and the engine and transmission would fall out onto the ground. I'm not kidding.

Dad will never notice

4. Were you popular in high school?
That would depend on your definition of 'popular'. I was popular with sororities who made lists of people that their 'mean girls' weren't allowed to speak to or associate with. And by 'popular' I mean that I was on that list.

5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes, I was sort of hired out as a male prostitute for a senior prom. It was all very "16 Candles" or "Pretty in Pink" or whichever movie had Molly Ringwald going to prom with some guy she didn't care about because Jake didn't take her. I was a last minute stand-in at more than one prom before graduating, which is to say, the guys they really wanted dumped them and I was an unwanted stand-in.

6. Are looks important?
Mine aren't. And by this I simply mean that no one is looking at me, so it doesn't matter what I look like.

7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
Most of them. I know too much about their past for them to dump me, you see, so they have to keep me around.

8. By what age would you like to be married?
Are you talking about the old definition of marriage or the new, gay definition of marriage? 'Cause I'm not interested in being married to a guy. I don't need a husband.

9. Does the number of people a person has slept with affect your view of them?
No, they usually look the same no matter how many people they've slept with, unless they got AIDS or Hep C from it, in which case they look kind of rough.

10. Have you ever made a mistake?
My entire life is one big mistake. I should correct it by tying a rope around my neck and erasing the whole thing. Knowing me, though, I'd do that wrong too and screw it up somehow.

11. Are you a good tipper?
I once saw a coworker tip a waitress 46% simply because she was pretty. I can't say that I do that, but I generally tip OK unless the person waiting on me treats me like crap.

12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
How could this possibly interest anyone? I actually don't know the answer, but with my hair, it pretty much does whatever the hell it wants to anyway so expensive haircuts are a bit of a waste for me.

13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
When I was in the fifth grade the reigning Miss Alabama was student teaching with our class for several months. She was about 20 years old and smokin' hot. That was the only teacher crush I ever had, and she wasn't technically our teacher.

14. Have you ever peed in public?
I once peed on the house of a guy that my prom date dumped me to go screw. I was very much outside in public, highly intoxicated and I didn't give a damn.

15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult seems like as good a choice as any. More than likely, though, people will ignore my wishes and go with Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.

16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
My father is dead, so I suppose he might turn over in his grave a little. My mother would simply be confused and then tell me the story about a woman she knows who was married to a man who had a heart attack and emerged from the hospital with a totally different personality which included becoming gay. She would assume that I must've had a heart attack, too.

17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Something that takes a very long time to cook.

18. Beatles or Stones?
Right now I'm going with the Stones, but my mood changes and with it so do my musical preferences.

19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
I would withhold my choice for as long as possible so that everyone would be nice to me for fear that I might choose them. See how that works?

20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Yes, please.

21. Do you have any phobias?
I'm dumbassophobic.

22. What are your plans for the future?
None of my past plans for the future have come to pass despite my best efforts so from now on all I can do is live moment to moment.

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Jungle star Jessica Jane Clement is a Real treat in 2005

Jungle star Jessica Jane Clement is a Real treat
Flashy ... Jessica Jane Clement
Flashy ... Jessica Jane Clement
Splash News
Published: Today at 16:53

CHEEKY jungle star Jessica Jane Clement has showed she's a top girl – as she gave a cheeky flash of her BOOBS on a night out.

The I'm A Celeb star, 26, who has now dyed her hair brunette, was outside the Wellington Club in London with pals in 2005.

And the busty babe was only too happy to reveal her sexy curves that she is currently showing off in Down Under in a range of sexy swimwear.
The stunner has said: "I love bikinis. I wear Brazilian ones, which are small on the bum. They might look skimpy."
Before she headed to Australia Jessica, who stars on BBC3's con-exposing show The Real Hustle, said: "I have packed some bikinis. With the job I have, I've had eight years of getting changed in front of people.
"My parents brought me up to be proud of my body so that will be fine."

Revealing ... Jessica Jane Clement
Revealing ... Jessica Jane Clement
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Veterans Day - 11/11/11

Thanks to all the veterans for defending our country again and again
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