Madness Meme - part II

Holy shit, there's more to this meme that I stole from Catch Her in the Wry!

23. Do you ever walk around the house naked?
I'm naked all the time underneath my clothes.

No shirt, no shoes, no service, eh? I'll show you!

24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why?
I'd be whatever type of animal was coded into my DNA going all the way back to me as an embryo. That's just how that shit works.

25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?
I'm a big fan of carbon dating. Generally nothing requiring carbon dating has any hair left.

Baby, why won't you return my calls?

26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf?

27. Do you have any special talents?
I can make balloon animals with my junk.

Go ahead, give it a tug!

28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
The first thing I do is to shut the damn door. We don't live in a barn. I'm not paying to air condition the whole world. We're not running a homeless shelter for mosquitos. Sorry, I was channeling my dad there for a second.

29. Do you like horror or comedy?
Some comedies are more accurately described as a horror. Take Adam Sandler's 2 movies he released this year, for example. Jack and Jill? Was this really meant to be a serious comedic offering to the American public? This guy must think we're all totally retarded or something. Who finances these nightmares he keeps putting out?

Not funny like ha ha funny

30. Are you missing anyone?
One time when I got into an apple throwing fight with my cousin from Texas I missed her with every shot. She, being a fast-pitch Texas softball pitcher, though, never missed me once. That fight didn't last long.

31. Where do you want to live when you are old?
In a mansion in Hawaii. Alternatively, it might be nice to be just senile enough to think that I'm living in a mansion in Hawaii. Perception is 90 percent of life, right?

Where I live in my head

32. Who is the person you can count on the most?
Myself. Counting on someone else's fingers and toes is a bit rude, not to mention unreliable.

33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Jessica Biel past, back before she skinnied up for the role as a stripper that she played and almost no one saw. There's no particular reason for this choice. I just spit it off the top of my head because you asked.


34. What did you dream last night?
I dreamed I was sleeping and then I woke up. And when I woke up I wasn't sure if I was just dreaming that I had been sleeping and woken up or if I really had.

35. What is your favorite sport to watch?
I like to watch politicians beating each other to death with medieval weapons in the gladiator arena. I think every country should adopt this sport. We'd all be better off.

clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right

36. Are you named after anyone?
I was named after everyone who was born before me and given a name by their parents, which they tell me is quite a lot of people.

37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Single malt oak peat smoked tequila whiskey wine blend, shaken and then stirred, with a little umbrella, on frozen whiskey rocks, in a snifter pointed due North.

38. Non alcoholic drink?
I never touch the stuff!

39. Have you ever been in love?
I find it ironic that you pose this love question immediately after the questions about alcohol, seeing as so many love relations began with alcohol and ended with even heavier drinking.

40. Do you sing in the shower?
No, but I fart tunefully.

41. Have you ever been arrested?
I was once busted by the Dream Police. They live inside of my head. The Dream Police, they come to me in my bed.

42. What is your favorite holiday?
I'm a bit torn between Doc Holiday, cowboy star, and Billie Holiday, singing star. They're both special in their own way.

43. Would you ever get plastic surgery?
If I were to accidentally stick my face into a meat grinder or have my junk ripped off by a crazed monkey I might be tempted to submit to a little plastic surgery. Or if it would help me at all in my career.

44. Have you ever caught a fish?
I know a guy who goes by the name of Fish. I've never caught him doing anything, per se, but I heard a rumor that he got a lovely 20-year-old girl pregnant and is now a father. Then again, I think he may have married that girl, so I guess you'd say she caught him and I don't really fit into this story at all. What were we talking about again?
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