Bad Pickup Lines for Men

I recently saw a really lame article about bad pickup lines for men that turned out to be from the Huffington Post, which is a communist lesbian Oprah-loving granola short-haired gray wool sweater-vest global warming redistribute the wealth totally bullshit website. Not only that, but their article was super duper lame. So I've decided to write my own because I'm such a nice guy and all.

1. "You must be Peanut Butter because I'd like to spread you and eat you." - to be fair, this line has been known to work a time or two, but mostly just in L.A. and a few lesbian bars in New York. For average, straight men using this on women they don't know, but would like to, it usually results in a punch in the mouth. I don't recommend it.

2. "Were you just screaming my name? No? Would you like to be?" - the approach here is much the same as the previous line. It offers a promise of great sexual gratification for the woman if she comes with you and cooperates. But it's also pretty offensive, and if she's not in the right mood for it you'll get a punch in the mouth.

3. "Hey, see that van out there? That's mine. You wanna go get in the back with me and have sex?" - this was an actual line, repeatedly used, from a 1970s movie titled "The Van" that featured a skinny loser driving around in a dorky Chevy van getting laid by large breasted girls simply for having the van and basically nothing else going for him. It was a terrible movie and an even worse pick-up line. Also, the only people still driving vans these days are electricians and serial killers.

4. "You're hot. Wanna fuck?" - as bad pickup lines go, this one isn't the worst. I've had a few friends actually get laid with this one. But it lacks any creativity at all and doesn't really qualify as a pickup line. It's basically just a quick transaction. Any guy can walk into a bar and quickly go through every woman in the room asking "wanna fuck" until he finds one that says "yes" or is simply too drunk to say "no" and can be convinced to stumble outside with him. This is cheating.

5. "I find you very attractive. I'd like to engage in sexual intercourse with your vagina." - this is almost the same as the previous line, only without the manliness. It's a line I've seen science nerds try on the mistaken assumption that because women are always accusing men of being liars, they must really desire a man who is straightforward and honest.  They don't. They always sleep with the men who lie to them and move the honest guys into the 'friend zone', reserved for guys they feel no sexual attraction to. This line is the equivalent of saying "Hi, I'm a virgin with no clue how to talk to women and I was wondering if you'd help me get rid of my virginity." That line also never works, by the way.

OK, now for the important part. The following are lines that DO work.

1. "I can't believe people are saying that Obama might lose. He's the best president we've ever had. It would be tragic if he were to lose." - the easiest women in the world to sleep with are women who are planning to vote for Obama in the upcoming election. These are the women who have already had 3 1/2 years to see what he's all about and yet are still going to vote for him again, mostly out of fear of being called 'racist' if they don't. These women are the ones always complaining that 'all men are liars' and then relegating all their honest guy friends to the friend zone while screwing the shit out of the biggest assholes they can find. These women despise themselves and want to suffer. They also want to get laid, but they want it to be in a way that they can complain and feel guilty about later. So you fuck them and then you get the hell out as fast as possible. And never, ever call them. They don't want you to call them. They want to complain about you not calling them. Don't rob them of that.

2. "Oh my God, did you watch Jersey Shore last night?" - research has shown that girls who watch Jersey Shore are easy lays.  Also high on this list of "she's definitely easy if she watches this" are shows about people bidding on mini-storage units, shows about chefs/bar owners yelling at people about how bad of a job they're doing for a solid hour, anything on Mtv, anything on HLN, and that gameshow where people are trying to get through an obstacle course while machines bash the shit out of them and they fall into the water. Basically, any show that is endlessly stupid and shallow and cheap.

3. "Did I see a tattoo on your lower back or was that my imagination?" - it doesn't matter whether you saw a tattoo there or not. What matters is whether or not she's got one. If she does then she'll think you saw it and talk to you about it. Also, if she does, it means she's a huge whore and will sleep with just about anyone. No, I'm only kidding. No, but really, its kinda true.

4. "Man, this global warming is bumming me out." - any girl who goes for this one is just begging to be plowed and tossed aside. Seriously, you don't even need to ask her name. Just go straight for the sex. It'll be totally guilt-ridden and angst-filled for her, but only afterwards. During the sex she'll be high as a kite and not really aware of who you are either. Afterwards she'll double her pleasure by bitching about it to her friends. Then she'll go out tomorrow night and do it again, maybe even with you if she doesn't recognize you.

5. "If Obama doesn't get reelected then I hope Hillary runs next time. It's time this country had a strong, intelligent, independent woman as president." - again, this is playing to the same crowd as must of the others, but that's the crowd that does most of the fucking with total strangers, so that's the crowd you need to focus on. Remember, a pickup is about a random hook-up, not a long-term relationship. The less you respect the person you're using a line on, the more likely it is to work.

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Bollywood star will be the first Indian woman to appear nude in Playboy

Bollywood star will be the first Indian woman to appear nude in Playboy... and admits it was 'not easy' to pose naked for controversial magazine

  • Sherlyn Chopra, 28, will star in the magazine's November issue
  • Playboy is banned in India and her appearance is likely to prove controversial 

Controversial: Bollywood star Sherlyn Chopra, 28, will be the first Indian woman to appear nude in Playboy
Controversial: Bollywood star Sherlyn Chopra, 28, will be the first Indian woman to appear nude in Playboy
A Bollywood star who will be the first Indian woman to appear nude in Playboy has admitted it was not easy to pose for the controversial magazine.
Sherlyn Chopra, 28, will star in the magazine's November issue after she wrote to Playboy expressing an interest in featuring in an issue.
Speaking to BBC Hindi, she revealed she did not want to 'miss the opportunity' of posing nude in the famous adult magazine.
However, she admitted to finding it difficult.
The actress, who has played a number of roles in Bollywood films, said: 'It is not an easy task to be nude in front of the camera and look good at the same time.'
Her appearance in the magazine is likely to prove controversial in India.
Although Playboy is banned in the country, people can still get access to it from the internet.
But despite the possibly difficulties she may face, Ms Chopra is proud of what she has done.
'I have become the first Indian to pose naked for Playboy and nobody can take away that achievement from me,' she said. 
'My sister is proud of my achievement.'
Despite this, the ambitious actress did admit that she hadn't yet spoken to her mother about it but will soon visit her to inform her.
Ms Chopra went to the Playboy mansion in Los Angeles where she met the magazine's founder Hugh Hefner and his girlfriends. 
And she was inspired by what she saw.
'I am thinking of making him my idol because he lives his life on his terms and conditions,' she said.
Fan: Sherlyn Chopra, 28, is pictured posing with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner . She told how she is thinking of 'making him my idol'
Fan: Sherlyn Chopra, 28, is pictured posing with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner . She told how she is thinking of 'making him my idol'
Actress Jessica Alba is shown on the cover of the March 2006 issue of 'Playboy' magazine
The October 1998 Playboy Magazine cover featuring model Cindy Crawford is pictured
Cover girls: The controversial magazine often features high profile stars including actress Jessica Alba, left, and Cindy Crawford, right
The magazine, which features photographs of nude women, as well as fiction and journalism, was founded in Chicago in 1953 by Mr Hefner.
It is one of the world's best known brands, although it is banned in many parts of Asia.
Over the years it has featured some of the world's best known women, including Bond girl Ursula Andress, Kim Basinger and, in January, Lindsay Lohan. 
Famous: Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, centre, arrives at Stansted Airport last year with ten London Bunnies. He met with Sherlyn Chopra in Los Angeles
Famous: Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, centre, arrives at Stansted Airport last year with ten London Bunnies. He met with Sherlyn Chopra in Los Angeles

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Cayce's Lost Photos

I was in Florida for a week recently. While I was there, walking alone on the beach for hours, I ran across a memory card for a camera. It was just sitting there in the sand. There are constantly people on the beach taking photos, plus professional photographers having families pose for  them. I figured whatever was on it, I'd take it home, look at it, and see if I could find a way to reach the person it belonged to. If it was a professional then it might have some indicator of who the photographer was. If not, it would be much harder to identify.

Unfortunately, it doesn't appear to be a professional's card. I see nothing in the photos that helps me identify the photographer. So with that in mind, I'm just going to post some of the photos here and say that if this is yours then email me and we'll talk about getting the card to you (nudememphis at yahoo.) Or I could just email you the photos that aren't already posted here.

Western Carolina University
Class of 2012
Cayce - graduate of Western Carolina U. class of 2012
"Western Carolina University 
Cullowhee, NC"
Whomever you are, Cayce, I have your photos

 I suppose I may go have a look out on Facebook and see if I can find this Cayce person, somehow associated with Western Carolina University. Or, if you like, you can do it and let me know what you find. I'm about to go to work so this will have to wait until later for me. We can all form a "Good Samaritan" club and try to track this Cayce down and give her back her photos. What do you say? Sound like fun? Hey, it's Tuesday. What else is there to do?

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Little Red Riding Hood - Part 5

All the major news networks began reporting on Red Riding Hood's shooting of Wolf non-stop from the minute the story hit their desks. It was a media dream-come-true, man-bites-dog, David defeats Goliath, grrl power kind of story that audiences love, especially women audiences. The story began at most major media outlets with the happy announcement that a young girl heroically defended herself against an evil male rapist whose race was only barely and very carefully mentioned, if it was mentioned at all. No photos of Wolf were shown. Red's name and photo were not given due to the fact that it was an attempted sexual assault of a female.

On most of the black networks and in black magazines and newspapers, the story was told somewhat differently. Red was said to be free from charges simply because she is white and her victim black. Wolf was merely an innocent bystander killed by some crazy white bitch. Same as it ever was.

Another ordinary night in Memphis
On the local Memphis stations, except PBS where Tavis Smiley was beating the black victimization drum night after night, the story was simply reported as a girl shooting a man near Briarcrest school. Wolf's most recent mug shot was shown and the fact that he had prior convictions for rape, assault, armed robbery and drug possession with intent to distribute was also mentioned. And then the weather came on. It was just a normal Memphis day.

But the black liberation agitators were hard at work, fueled by the knowledge that this is an election year and their president, Barack Obama, has not exactly been flying high these last three and a half years. The various leaders of certain key black liberation 'civil rights' organizations had all been called to a hasty meeting in New York City by billionaire political puppetmaster George Soros. In their meeting, at the Waldorf Astoria no less, Mr Soros reminded the various agitators that President Obama had given them a great deal of their personal wealth through his role in the subprime mortgage extortion racket over the past many years, and most recently he had arranged for the white people to pay for all their health care for life. Every person in the room except Mr Soros himself was currently living in a house literally given to them at no cost to themselves by various banks under threat of violent arrest and prosecution by the DOJ for charges of racism. Barack Obama, first as an agitator, then as a US Senator, and now as president, had a major role in making all that happen. Mr Soros knew the importance of reminding the room of this.

"You OWE this president"
"You OWE this President like you've never owed any President before" Mr Soros barked into the microphone as he stood before a packed audience of agitators. "Not even Lincoln did as much for you as Obama. Lincoln was just a political player who used you for his own purposes. You got him reelected and that's all he ever cared about. He didn't even sign the Emancipation Proclamation until the war was in its third year, which not coincidentally was an election year for Mr Lincoln. He smeared the blood of black slaves all over himself simply to get reelected. You owe that Republican bastard NOTHING. If anything, he owed you. But President Obama has spent his whole life helping you out of the goodness of his generous heart. And now he needs your help in return. And since you've all be happily spending so much of my money to keep your organizations going over the years, I'm going to tell you what you're about to do."

The audience listened intently and obediently. George Soros was their bread and butfter. His billions had purchased the loyalty of every single one of them and they knew it. He owned them just like he owned Barack Obama. He was a true-life king-maker.

Black protest marches suddenly began to spring up in large numbers in major cities across the US. And the marches frequently turned violent. In Los Angeles, black marchers used their protest signs to hit white women whenever they encountered them. With white men, they simply surrounded them one at a time and beat them to the ground. And then they kicked and stomped them to death. The mayor of Los Angeles stated on NBC Nightly News that he felt that the protesters rage was understandable and justified. He refused to condemn the violence. There were a handful of arrests, all of white males who fought back and won. No black protesters were arrested at all.

In East St Louis the marchers had no signs. So they carried baseball bats and crowbars instead and used them to smash windows and rob stores. There simply weren't any white people to beat up because no white people live in East St Louis. Looting was the only protest they could offer. The media didn't cover the story.

In Houston, Texas, a black protest march began with nearly 1,000 marchers, but because of the summer heat the march quickly died out and everyone went home to cool off. It's tough to march when it's 105 degrees with 80 percent humidity outside. No one, it seemed, was quite angry enough to march in Houston in July. The media covered the beginning of the march, when the crowd looked impressive and angry, but didn't mention that everyone left after about 10 minutes of sweating in the heat.

In Detroit, black protesters are practically the only people still living in the city. There is no one else anymore. So they simply set the city on fire, which they do every year anyway, and watched it burn. But because it happens every year it wasn't considered newsworthy.

In Chicago, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson Jr, recently released from a mysterious hospital stay that he insisted had nothing to do with drugs, led the march down the center of the city. News cameras were everywhere and both men gave very long speeches filled with rhymes and hateful rhetoric directed at white people in general and white women specifically. And then, oddly, after slamming white women with gusto, they both spoke of the white man's "war on women" which seemed almost scripted in that it didn't fit with the rest of their words at all. The left-wing networks showed only carefully edited excerpts from the speeches where no hate-speech, racism or misogyny could be heard. Fox News showed their entire speeches without editing and then commented on them at length, with Bill O'Reilly referring to everyone as a "pinhead." Talk radio played excerpts in which Al Sharpton said things with great conviction that made absolutely no sense. Then they made fun of how stupid he is.

Marches and protests sprang up repeatedly over the next few days in city after city, always demanding the arrest and execution of Red Riding Hood. The New Black Panthers, a black supremacist hate group, put a bounty on Red Riding Hood's life offering $50,000 to anyone who killed her.

Kill her!

At 2 a.m. Memphis director of police, Tony Armada, was awakened by the ringing of his telephone. He fumbled for the lamp beside his bed and turned on the light. "What the fuck is this shit?" he cursed as he looked at his caller id. "202 area code? I don't know any ... oh hell," he said as he realized the area code was from Washington, DC. "Ahem" he cleared his throat and sat up in bed. "Hello, this is Tony Armada. Who is this?"

"Tony, this is US Attorney General Eric Holder. I know I'm calling pretty late, but I've been in a meeting about a certain civil rights case in your district and I am so upset by what I'm hearing that I simply couldn't wait until the morning to call you. I hope that's OK with you." Mr Holder said, calmly, yet with an obvious lack of empathy in his tone that made Tony feel just a bit threatened. "Is that OK with you, Tony?"

"Yes, yes, of course, sir. That's fine." Tony stammered as respectfully as he could. "What seems to be the trouble and how can I help you?"

"The trouble is that an innocent and unarmed black man was gunned down by a bourgeois capitalist pig white girl in your city. She isn't even old enough to legally carry concealed or, for that matter, own a handgun at all and yet you have not seen fit to arrest and charge that bitch for an obviously racially motivated murder. That's the trouble. You want to help me, Tony? Do you? Then arrest that fucking whore who killed our brother."

"I will go absolutely arrest her if you say she should be arrested, Mr Holder, sir, but it won't do any good as long as the prosecutor says she hasn't committed a crime that he can prosecute. He already reviewed this case and ...."

"I've already spoken with the prosecutor," Holder interrupted, "and assisted him in understanding this case better. Don't you worry about no prosecutor, Tony. I've got the judge all lined up, too, so it's all good to go. know what I mean? We're good to go. All we need is the girl. Go get me that fucking white girl." the Attorney General demanded.

"Yes sir, I will do it, sir." Tony replied.

Early the following morning, as Red was walking in the front doors to her school, Memphis police surrounded her and placed her under arrest. The charge: racially motivated homicide, a federal hate crime.

A bail hearing was held that afternoon and bail was set at $1,000,000. Red's father called his broker, went deep into debt, and came up with the money. He whisked his little girl off to home as fast as he could and kept her there, not even allowing her to go to school or leave their property for any reason. He had begun to suspect the political power play that was taking place, with his little girl at the center, and he was very afraid of what was coming next. No justice would ever comes from this, of that he was certain.

Meanwhile, network news blared the story on every channel - "Red Riding Hood Arrested for Murder!" The mobs of black protesters celebrated in the streets, alternately screaming "we will overcome!" and "kill the white bitch!" In Washington, DC, in the White House Oval Office, President Obama and his advisers, including Attorney General Eric Holder, talked over their strategy.

"We're going to drag this trial out for the rest of this year, understand?" President Obama demanded. "We're going to make this trial the headline of every paper, the lead story of every news program, and the ONLY story right up until election day. There's not going to be any interest in the economy or unemployment or my health care legislation or the guns we gave to Mexican drug lords that they used to kill American police officers with or anything at all except THIS STORY, got it? We're going to make that clear to the news outlets who are favorable to us, just in case they don't get it already, and we're going to refuse to answer questions relating to anything else."  Everyone nodded that they understood.

Hillary has other plans
While the occupants of the White House celebrated and plotted their next move, something unexpected happened. Angry feminists began to take to the streets, led by President Obama's own Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. Right out in front of the White House itself, on Pennsylvania Avenue, angry feminists chanted "end the war on women!", "Justice for Red Riding Hood!" and "You don't care if women die!" 

The President is betrayed
President Obama had neglected to invite Hillary to his meeting. And that suited Hillary just fine. She had other plans and the Red Riding Hood news story fit into them perfectly.

Hillary Clinton's widespread and powerful lesbian network had been busily calling radical female supremacist groups all across the nation ever since the news of Red Riding Hood's arrest hit the airwaves, instructing them to "get out on the streets and march RIGHT NOW! Protest the arrest of Red Riding Hood. This is Hillary's big chance to push Obama aside and take the Presidency that was rightfully hers in the first place. Now is the time to act!"

And then things began to unravel.

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Katarina Witt Nude

Katarina Witt (born 3 December 1965) is a German figure skater and model. In Germany she was commonly called "Kati" in the past, but today her full name is used more often.
She won two Olympic gold medals for East Germany, first in the 1984 Sarajevo Olympics and the second in 1988 at the Calgary Olympics. She won the World Championships four times (in 1984, 1985, 1987 and 1988), and six consecutive European Championships (1983–1988). She won silver medals at both the 1982 and 1986 World Figure Skating Championships. Her competitive record makes her one of the most successful figure skaters of all time.

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