Little Red Riding Hood - Part 12

The flight into the unknown seemed surreal to Red. The sunrise looked somehow different from the air. There wasn't much to obstruct her view of it. Memphis has no mountains or even tall hills. It was all horizon and golden morning sun. There was no sound beyond the roar of the engine. Clouds were floating quietly by. There were birds down below. Cars looked like ants.

Red thought about the police invasion, her dad waking her in a panic, the two of them running through the house, the cold, blind walk through the tunnel alone. She wondered if the police had discovered how she escaped. And if they had, did they know how she got out of the neighborhood? And if they knew that, had they found the Zingels car? Her heart began to race.

"Do you think they're following us?" she blurted out, obviously panicking. "Do you think they'll catch us up here?"

Dr. Zingel, who was quietly flying the plane, looked over his shoulder and said reassuringly, "I don't think so, Katie.I don't think so."

"But wouldn't they have found the tunnel by now? And if they found that then they know it leads to your house. And if they know it leads to your house then they know you drove off in a black Mercedes. If they find the car then they'll know it leads to your plane at the airport and then they'll find us, right? They're going to find us!" Red was truly beginning to panic in a big way.

"Shhhh, honey, no," Mrs. Zingel tried to calm her. "They're not going to find us that easily. It will take them a long time to find the tunnel, if they find it at all. And once they've done that, it will take them a very long time to find our car. We parked it inside, remember? They'll be looking for us on the way to Florida, probably on highway 78 or 45, and we're not going to be there. They'll expect it to take us several hours on public roads to get to where they think we're going and that we'll be easy to spot. But we won't because we won't be there. We won't be on any road at all."

"9" Dr. Zingel interrupted, oddly.

"What?" Mrs. Zingel asked, confused.

"9 hours." Dr. Zingel responded. "Earlier you said it'd take us about 6 hours to drive to the house in Panama City. It's 9 hours."

"Are you sure?" Mrs. Zingel argued.

Red blurted out, "but what if they get lucky and find the tunnel and somehow use some kind of Mercedes GPS reverse engineering or something to get your car to tell them where it is and they find it faster than you expect? My dad would know how to do that. That's what he would do!" Red's breathing was now nearing hyperventilation. The thought that those monsters had her father was burning like a raging fire in the back of her mind. Only once before had she ever seen her father hurt and it was by those same armor-clad terrorists. He was always the rock in her life, the man who could not be moved, hurt or tricked into buying her a racehorse despite her best efforts and promises that she would train with him every single day at sunrise. Red wasn't sure which she was more afraid of, being caught herself or the newly discovered vulnerability of her father and what they might be doing to him.

Meanwhile, the Zingels were looking at each other and not saying anything. "Reverse GPS? I hadn't thought of that." Dr. Zingel finally said to his wife. "This girl is pretty smart."

"Sure she is" Mrs Zingel agreed. "Her parents are both smart as can be."

"So what happens if they found your car?!" Red shouted, now in full blown panic mode. "What if they know we're in your plane and they're after us right now with satellites and triangulating cell phone towers and searching for your plane's radio signal and all that stuff they can do and oh my God, did you both turn off your cell phones??? Dad made me turn off my cell phone every night in case this happened because they can track us with them and spy on us using the camera and stuff you would NOT believe!!!"

Dr. Zingel replied with an odd calmness, "oh, well, first of all, we don't have cell phones. And as for the other thing, in that case they'll find my car and look for my plane."

"And they won't find it!" Red shouted.

"And they won't find it, that's right. They won't find it because it's sitting in a hangar in Millington, an hour north of our house." Dr. Zingel calmly explained.

"Right, they won't find it and ... wait, what?" Red was confused.

"It's in a hangar in Millington, Tennessee, where we left it. It's sitting in Bjorn Eklund's spot. And it's turned off with the battery disconnected, so there's no one who can track our radio or reverse engineer any GPS or anything and find that plane without just getting lucky and stumbling across it the old fashioned way in person. See? We've been planning this for a very long time. And your father helped, so you know this plan isn't anything simpleminded. Relax, honey, everything is going to be just fine."

Red was momentarily stunned. "Bjorn?" she paused, confused. "You mean Dr. Eklund, the surgeon who lives down the street from us and always drives those ugly Volvos and listens to Abba at full volume with his windows rolled down? And he never speaks? And he's married to that supermodel?"

Mrs. Zingel was looking at Red with a confused expression and finally replied to her, "I don't know from any supermodel, but he's married to Agnetha, his childhood sweetheart. They're both from Sweden, honey. She's not any kind of model that I know of. That's just how Swedish women look, Katie. They're all tall and blonde and have curves like an Italian sports car."

Dr. Zingel interrupted his wife, "This is Dr. Eklund's plane that we're in, Katie. He and his wife are waiting for us to land in Miami. It's all part of the plan. Everyone in the neighborhood is in on it in one way or another. Everyone is doing something to help or has already. In fact, if the police haven't found the tunnel by now, a few of the neighbors will be in my backyard emptying huge dumpsterloads of soil and water into it from above, filling it back in so that if the police ever do find the secret entrance they won't be able to get the door to open because there's going to be a river of mud behind it pressing up against it and preventing it from moving. If everything goes smoothly, the entire tunnel will be filled in by the end of the week and they'll be no way for them to figure out where you went. You didn't think I dug my end of the tunnel all by myself did you? I had a lot of help from the neighborhood."

"And a whole lot of Mexicans, dear" Mrs. Zingel interjected.

"And a whole lot of ... yeah, that's true, but they don't work for free. I paid them a lot of money."

"They worked pretty cheap, dear, and they did most of the work."

"We're ... wait, I'm confused," Red said quietly. "We're going to Miami? To meet up with Dr Eklund and the super ... I mean, his wife? And then what?"

"And then Dr. Eklund and Agnetha are going to fly it back to Memphis, with their luggage and a receipt or two proving they were in Miami legitimately. Dr. Eklund scheduled a surgery for around the time we should be landing and unloading. Agnetha will get the plane from us and then she's going to drive us to our next destination and see us off. Then she's going to go shopping with her credit card, documenting that she was there when she should be. Dr. Eklund is going to finish his surgery and then call her so they can meet up, spend a little time in the city sightseeing and, most importantly, recording in their cell phone records that they were both here and when. So it's all legit. The Eklunds flew their plane to Miami for a surgery and shopping trip. Nothing suspicious about it."

Red was stunned. She had always assumed that it was basically just her and her father alone against the big, huge government, and that without her father she would be lost. She had no idea that her father had somehow convinced the neighbors, most of whom she only barely knew in a very casual way, to not only get involved, but to get SO involved.

"So when we get to Miami and give the super .., I mean, give Mrs. Eklund back her plane, where are we going after that?"

"We're getting the heck out of Dodge, Katie!" Dr. Zingel said with enthusiasm. "We're doing what my parents did with me when I was a little boy and a socialist dictator just like this one hijacked a sleeping nation by pitting one race against another and turned the world upside down for everyone. We're quietly and nonchalantly getting the hell out of here."

"Watch your language, dear, she's just a girl." Mrs. Zingel corrected.

Red sat with an obviously confused look on her face. She knew they were getting 'out of Dodge', but to where? She still didn't know.

Mrs. Zingel could see the look on Red's face. "We're getting on a boat, dear, a very plain, ordinary, nondescript boat, a container ship, and we're going to quietly slip away to Germany."

"Germany???" Red exclaimed.

"Germany!" Dr. Zingel echoed. "Right back where my life first began, repeating my escape from a monster, only in reverse. We're going to Hamburg."
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Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Halloween!!!

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Monday Headlines and Shit

Just to give you all advanced warning, I may make statements relating to today's headlines, including politics, religion or even shit on TV, all without providing you with detailed notes, a bibliography, or any documentation whatever, just like every feminist 'study' ever produced, and I won't feel the least bit of guilt or obligation over it. Do you know why? Because you don't pay a single penny to read my blog. It's free. And because it's free I am not obligated to spend hours and hours documenting my sources for you. But just so you don't feel somehow cheated by this, allow me to introduce you to a great source of information you can use yourself to look up the things I may talk about: http://www.google.com/  Seriously, give it a try. It really works! And if it doesn't help, try http://www.bing.com

Now, on to today's random comments about ... today. First of all, my laptop is crawling slower than a smart car climbing the Rocky Mountains. I don't know why. It just seems to be doing something else. Maybe I have a virus or some malware using my computer to generate fraudulent votes in Ohio or something.

Rock You like a hurricane!
There's a hurricane in the news. They named it Sandy. I don't know who the genius was who came up with the name 'Sandy' for what may be the largest hurricane of the year, but I'm guessing they didn't have a storm of this magnitude in mind at the time. Sandy? SANDY? SERIOUSLY????

Cleo the hurricane
The news is filled with poll results. Every 5 minutes there is another story featuring another poll result saying Obama is winning, or Romney has pulled ahead, or its neck-and-neck. Sometimes there are two polls that come out at the same time saying totally opposite things - one has Obama ahead by a mile, the other has Romney. Making it all even worse are the constant barrage of ads, almost exclusively for Obama, at least around here. The most annoying one yet features Morgan Freeman describing our nation as being in the worst shape of its entire history following George Bush's final term, as if we had The Great Depression and World Wars I and II all at once and now we're just a shadow of our former selves all because of that damn Bush and the ... oops, Democrat Congress that helped him do it all. The ads don't mention that last part, though. Or the Community Restoration Act that kicked the entire economic disaster off in the first place, with a whole lot of help from a racist Department of Justice and the Congressional Black Caucus, of course.

Just so you don't think this Libertarian is madly in love with the policies of Bush, in case you didn't read me back when he was President, I'd like to say, once again, that I did not like his weak dollar economic policies, his ethanol mandate, several of his advisers, several other unspecified policies, and I never felt like he gave us a straight answer about why we were in Afghanistan. And his father, from what I can tell, was worse.


By the way, in the 5 minutes it took for me to write the last 2 paragraphs I saw Obama's Morgan Freeman ad 3 times. I am not joking.

Violent sex offender?
In LaCrosse, Wisconsin, a drunk boy who slapped a female police officer on the buttocks and said "good job" is being charged with sexual assault. I'm not making this shit up. At the very same time that is going on, in Dallas, Texas, a drunk and very violent gay boy fought with a bar bouncer, was thrown out, fought with police, and grabbed a male police officer's testicles, squeezing and twisting them while the officer screamed his head off, without letting go even as other officers beat him senseless trying to make him let go. Unlike the boy in Wisconsin, he is NOT being charged with sexual assault. He is merely charged with assaulting an officer, as if he slapped the officer in the face or something, but nothing serious. Welcome to America, where sexual assault is always wrong, even when it isn't really sexual assault, unless your victim is male, in which case you can do anything you please and it's OK with us.


The United Nations is trying to make it a crime to deny global warming. They aren't the only ones. Left-wing "true believers" in various Western governments are trying to do the same, including some members of the US Congress. These are the same 'progressives' who say that religion is for 'reactionaries' and 'regressives' and who make degogatory comments about fools who cling to their god and their guns. These comments critical of religious people who cling to religious faith and weapons are only in reference to Christians in America, while the Leftists making the comments continue celebrating militant Muslims armed with AK47s and nuclear missiles, insisting that theirs is a religion of 'peace.'


When is a bomb not a bomb? When Muslim terrorists use it to blow up Americans. And even if it is a bomb, it isn't the fault of the Muslims who built it, planted it, or detonated it. No, it's the fault of the Christians they blew up. They were "asking for it." So says the American Left and our news muslims, er, media.

The "Help, I've fallen and can't get up" Life Alert ad is so loud it scares the shit out of my cats. We can have the TV volume turned as low as possible, because it's late and we're getting ready to go to sleep, and that damn ad still blasts us like an air horn. I swear if I ever meet the people responsible for that ad I'm going "assault an officer" like that gay asshole in Dallas did until they promise to get rid of that fucking ad or at least reduce the volume.


Morgan Freeman's Obama ad, fourth time tonight. Seriously, shut the fuck up or run a different ad. Everyone and their dog has seen this one 100 times already. It doesn't become more convincing if you just show it enough times.


So, is it my imagination or are the Dallas Cowboys the same mega-force that they were last season? They're so good that they beat the living crap out of every opponent, and then they beat the living crap out of themselves just for good measure, handing the game to the other team on a silver platter out of the goodness of their hearts. Awesome guys. Just awesome. You do realize that 6 turnovers is an impossible obstacle to overcome, right? I mean, even with that you nearly did it because you're just so amazingly good, but not quite. No, you came up one finger too short in what would have been the most amazing comeback I've ever seen. It's those turnovers, boys. They're killing you.

Yay, quit turning over that ball, please!
If you and I were running for a leadership position against one another, and you expressed concern about voter fraud, trying to get some kind of safeguards put into place to prevent as much vote fraud as possible, and I immediately reacted to your efforts at preventing any vote fraud by fighting you every step of the way, what would you instantly suspect? Would you instantly suspect that I was preparing to use as much voter fraud as I possibly could to win the position over you? Of course you would. Anyone would. Anyone who doesn't want voter fraud stopped is obviously expecting to benefit from it.

The dead have voted in every Memphis election
US Vice President Joe Biden, upon meeting the father of navy seal Tyrone Woods, who died defying orders from the White House to 'stand down' and allow our people to die in the attacks in Benghazi, actually said in a loud, barroom voice, "did your son always have balls the size of cue balls?" Woods father was not amused and said of the interaction, "is that the voice of someone who is truly sorry?" He indicated that it was his impression after meeting both the Vice President and President Obama that neither man was the least bit sorry or concerned about the death of his son. The issue of what the President knew, when he knew it, and at what point he stopped watching the live video feed of our people being attacked by Muslim terrorists while the White House ordered all military and CIA to "stand down" and take no action to defend them, now being called Benghazigate in the press, is threatening to become a hot issue even as citizens are lining up for early voting. If Mitt Romney is right, though, it won't matter to at least 47 percent of voters because they will vote for their candidate no matter what. If he's wrong, it could swing 1 or 2 percent of voters in a new direction and possibly affect the outcome. It probably won't, though.

Joe Biden - curious about your son's balls
Have any of you seen the newest James Bond film, Skyfall? If so, is it any good? I can't tell much from the ads, but the early ones made it seem like the movie was more about M than about James Bond. I'm not the least bit interested in M so if that's what it's about I'd rather see something else. Any news? Anyone seen it?

Skyfall - is it mostly about Bond or M?







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Nude Memphis Movie Reviews: Hotel Transvylvania and Frankenweenie

This past weekend I saw 2 Halloween movies. So how about I tell you all about them?

Hotel Transylvania
Count Dracula decides to build a hotel just for monsters, a kind of luxury retreat away from humans. He has a very young daughter who he very much wants to protect from mobs with pitchforks and torches and he feels that his hidden hotel is the perfect way to do that. So he orders a team of ghouls and zombies to build it and then he and his child move in and begin doing business.

For what appears to be a few hundred years all goes well and his hotel is very popular with the monsters of the world. They love the "no humans" aspect of it and return each year with their families. Meanwhile, Dracula's daughter has grown up a bit. She is now a 'teenager' of 118, an adolescent in vampire years, and very good looking. She wants to leave and see the world. Count Dracula is terrified of what might happen if she goes out into the world, and he does all that he can to prevent it.

On the night of her birthday, a party is scheduled. But she wants only to go out and see the world. So Count Dracula has his zombies construct a phony village. He tells his daughter that he will permit her to visit this nearby village so that she might have the opportunity to experience the world of humans for herself. She flies down to the village, only to be attacked by zombies disguised as regular humans. They put a good scare into her and send her flying home again, thoroughly traumatized, just as her father, The Count, had hoped. When she arrives home again, upset by the abuse, Count Dracula comforts her and says "you see, I told you it is terrible out there. You should stay here with me forever and be safe."

Meanwhile, Dracula's zombies are returning to the hotel through the secret gate. A teenage boy, out hiking and lost, ends up wandering in through the gate with the zombies. Hotel guests are arriving for the birthday party of Dracula's daughter and the place is packed. As soon as the teenage boy enters the lobby, mixed in with the zombies and guests, Dracula spots him. He panics at the possibility of his guests seeing a human in his exclusive 'human free' hotel, and pounces on the boy as discretely as he can, dragging him off into a private room where he warns him that he has to leave immediately.

Is that your daughter?
Dracula's daughter pops in, looking for her father, and immediately wants to know who the boy is. He's the only 'guest' who appears near her age and she wants to get to know him.

Young love
The boy ends up helping/interfering with the plans for her birthday party. Count Dracula has always completely controlled all the details of every single one of her parties. But he's much older than her and his idea of a wild party involves bingo and old monsters floating calmly in the pool. The boy stirs up excitement everywhere he goes, inciting a game of chicken amongst all the monsters, naturally taking on Dracula's attractive daughter right away. His 'interference' results in the best birthday party she's ever had and the guests enjoy it much more than all the previous parties. This annoys Count Dracula, a control freak, to no end.

I'm not going to give away the ending, but it's a pretty standard love story so I'm assuming you can guess how it goes from here. Ah, young love! The bottom line is this: despite the fact that this is an Adam Sandler film, and Adam Sandler provides the voice of Count Dracula, I still liked the movie. Despite the kick to the groin of the suit of armor, which responded "why does this hurt me", I'm still going to give this movie 4 stars. It's definitely worth seeing.




Tim Burton's for-Disney Halloween film, Frankenweenie, is a black and white, stop-action retelling of the old Frankenstein story.  Only in this version, Dr. Frankenstein is a young boy with a talent for science. His classmates at school are some of the strangest group of oddballs ever. Igor is a hunchbacked boy in his class who desperately wants to win the science fair that the brand new science teacher, a dead ringer for Boris Karloff, has just announced at the start of the film.

Frankenstein is a loner, having no friends and choosing instead to go home every day and play with his dog, Sparky, and conduct experiments. His parents worry that he spends too much time alone without friends, so his father signs him up for baseball. While playing in his first game, he hits a ball across the road behind center field and begins running the bases. But his dog, Sparky, sees him hit the ball and immediately takes off after it. Sparky runs across the street, retrieves the ball, and begins heading back with it. Just then he is hit by a car and dies.

Frankenstein is devastated by the death of his dog. The following day in science class, his science teacher demonstrates how electricity can still travel the network of nerves in the dead body of a frog and cause the body to move. But the demonstration gives Frankenstein an idea for resurrecting his dog.

From here the resurrection of the dog follows the standard Frankenstein story. But after this, things get truly interesting. The neighbor girl's poodle is friendly with Sparky, and had noticed when he was missing from the backyard. After he is resurrected he returns to the backyard where the poodle next door sees him. They touch noses through the fence and a bolt of electricity passes between them, creating a lightning-bolt-shaped white streak in her hair and giving us The Bride of Frankenstein. It was a great gag.

Throughout the movie, other monster movie references are made, including a giant monster turtle reminiscent of Gamera, the flying, spinning, fire-breathing turtle from the Godzilla films. All the old monster movie references were very cleverly done and hilarious. In fact, the entire movie was well done and pretty hilarious.

I highly recommend Frankenweenie. I give it 4 stars.


 
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Brazilian student, 20, agrees to sell her virginity for $780,000 after putting it up for auction online


Brazilian student, 20, agrees to sell her virginity for $780,000 after putting it up for auction online

  • Student Catarina Migliorini makes deal with Japanese man named Natsu
  • He faced strong competition from an Indian man and two Americans
  • Claims she is not a prostitute because she is only selling her body once
  • She will be followed by film crew for a documentary called Virgins Wanted
  • Man also being featured in the documentary nets $3,000 for his virginity 

A Brazilian student is set to sell her virginity for a staggering $780,000 after she put it up for auction online.
A man called Natsu, from Japan, fended off strong competition from American bidders Jack Miller and Jack Right, and Indian big-spender Rudra Chatterjee, to secure a date with 20-year-old Catarina Migliorini.
The auction closed this morning, and the physical education student - who said she will use the cash to build homes for poverty-stricken families - was the subject of 15 bids.

Scroll down for video

Bare assets: Brazilian Catarina Migliorini has agreed to sell her virginity online for $750,000 to a Japanese bidder
Bare assets: Catarina Migliorini has auctioned her virginity for $780,000 to a Japanese bidder
Catarina's move sparked outrage across the globe, with many claiming she was little more than a prostitute.
She also caused controversy when she revealed she would be followed every step of the way by an Australian crew for a documentary film called Virgins Wanted.

    But she said: 'I saw this as a business. I have the opportunity to travel, to be part of a movie and get a bonus with it.
    'If you only do it once in your life then you are not a prostitute, just like if you take one amazing photograph it does not automatically make you a photographer.
    'The auction is just business, I'm a romantic girl at heart and believe in love. But this will make a big difference to my area,'  she told Folha newspaper.
    Catarina will be 'delivered' to her buyer on board a plane between Australia and the U.S. - being interviewed before and after the sexual act.
    The intercourse itself will not be filmed and Natsu will retain a right to be anonymous, without his picture appearing in the media.
    Pure profit: Miss Migliorini vehemently denied being a prostitute on the basis she was only selling her body the one time
    Pure profit: Miss Migliorini vehemently denied being a prostitute on the basis she was only selling her body the one time
    Pure profit: Miss Migliorini denies being a prostitute on the basis she is only selling her body the one time 
    Sex toys will be banned from use and a condom will be compulsory, with Catarina saying she was prepared to prove to any sceptics that she has not had sex before.
    Natsu will be tested for sexually transmitted diseases prior to the encounter.
    A male virgin called Alexander, who is also being followed as part of director Justin Selsey's documentary, sold for $3,000 to a Brazilian woman called Nene B.
    Catarina previously said she wanted to plough the money - $20,000 and 90 per cent of the final auction sale price - into a non-governmental organisation which will construct modern houses in her southern home state of Santa Catarina.
    She signed up to the project two years ago when she saw an advert by Thomas Williams Productions looking for a virgin to film.

    VIDEO: Catarina shows off her assets on the beach 








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    Little Red Riding Hood - Part 11

    It seemed like an eternity that Red lay in the uncomfortable floor of the car, sweating under the 'special' blanket the Zingels had placed over her. Finally, Dr. Zingel said "OK, we're out of Memphis. You can take off the blanket and come out now."

    Red threw off the blanket with a sigh of relief, feeling as if a great cloud of hot gas were escaping with her. She awkwardly pressed herself up from the floor and sat down in the black leather seat in the back of Dr. Zingel's Mercedes. Looking around she had no idea where they were. "Where are we?" she asked, confused.

    Dr. Zingel answered, glancing at her in the mirror, "we're going to a very small airport out in Somerville. It's an hour away from Memphis, very far out in the county. No one would ever think to look for us there."

    "Somerville?" Red asked. "I thought you said we were going to Florida, to a beach house in Panama City?"

    "Oh honey," Mrs Zingel answered, "that was just what we told the police. Once they figure out where you went they'll be looking for us and this car. We wouldn't dream of being in it for 6 hours or so trying to reach a house they know we own down in Florida."

    Red looked confused. "So what are we ..."

    "We're going to fly, dear." Mrs Zingel answered. "We're going to get into our plane and fly to another place where we don't think they'll be looking for you. After that, we're going to disappear, all of us together."


    The violent and very abusive arrest of Mr. Reidenhausen was in all the headlines the following day. The White House and its Department of Justice made sure to 'encourage' all the media outlets to make sure the story received maximum attention. It had been expected that the photos would feature Katie, probably in her underwear and looking humiliated, being dragged to an armored police van in handcuffs, her father in chains behind her.

    What was expected was not what they got, though. The photos featured a fully-dressed, very bloody and obviously beaten Mr. Reidenhausen being dragged by men in black armor across his own lawn, a trail of blood behind him. The police resembled WWII-era Nazis, or rather a comic book fantasy depiction of Nazis. And no Katie Reidenhausen anywhere in sight. She had gotten away. The Obamacops had not been able to figure out how she'd escaped the house.

    The barbaric and obviously politically motivated arrest of Mr. Reidenhausen, plus the manhunt for Katie, did not go over well with those who were already inclined to distrust the government, and the Obama administration in particular. The Tea Party, Libertarians, Republicans campaigning for the upcoming election, and conservative Christians began taking to the streets, waving signs and protesting the illegal and indecently  brutal Obamacops. Republican political candidates made speeches promising that they would "do something" about the abuse of authority of the White House, the trampling of civil rights, etc." No one was quite sure if they believed them or not.

    The conservatives protesting seemed to stoke the flames of the leftist protesters, inspiring them to greater enthusiasm, greater, civil disobedience, greater violence. And despite their violence and illegal actions, because they were members of government-mandated "protected" classes, the police did nothing to stop them.

    Waving signs began giving way to Molotov cocktails smashing threw business windows, igniting their buildings on fire. Police cars were overturned and burned. Bombs were planted and set off, killing many innocent people. Leftist groups began seeking out the conservative protests, attacking them with weapons, killing many of the middle aged-men and raping the women. Still the police did nothing.

    But the news media publicized the hell out of it all. It was the top story every single night, with carefully sanitized video footage, of course, hiding the worst crimes being committed by groups the reporters themselves sympathized with.

    The violence and protesting was truly widespread, but the news media made it seem as if it was everywhere, all the time, and threatening to destroy the country. The reality was that for most people life went on as usual. It was mostly just the largest cities, in the business districts, where things were out of control. But as a famous politician once said, perception is more important than reality.

    In the middle of the media barrage of stories and images about riots and violence, interrupting a story on NBC claiming that women were being harmed more than men by the violence, a falsehood that nevertheless increased ratings for the network, came President Obama. He had taken over the airwaves of every network using Presidential authority for national emergencies.

    "Hello. I am President Obama. I am here tonight ... in a time of national emergency ... reluctantly announcing a decision ... that the Department of Justice and I have agonized over." the President monotoned in a very lawyerly and halting cadence, hissing his 'S's like a snake.  "I want to read to you from Article I, Section 9, clause 2 of the Constitution, which states, "The Privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in cases of rebellion or invasion the public safety may require it." The Attorney General and I, your President, have reluctantly concluded that the nationwide violence invading our cities has reached a level of rebellion which has indeed placed the public safety at risk. It has therefore become necessary ... that I, your President and Commander in Chief of the US military ... declare a state of Martial Law. Secondly, I regret to say that the Writ of Habeas Corpus is hereby suspended in respect to all persons arrested, or who are now, or hereafter during the rebellion shall be, imprisoned in any fort, camp, arsenal, military prison, or other place of confinement by any military authority of by the sentence of any Court Martial or Military Commission."

    Change

    There was an audible rumbling among the reporters in the room where the speech was being recorded. The President motion for quiet and continued:

    "I assure you, this is not an action that I take lightly. I do not wish to do this. But it is unavoidable. Having said that, I promise you that this state of emergency will not last long. And that I shall order a resumption of the Writ of Habeas Corpus and an end to Martial Law at the earliest possible time. Thank you. That is all. I will not be taking any questions. Thank you."

    And with that, he turned and walked out of the room.


    The morning after the President's speech declaring martial law, it was announced that the November elections were suspended until further notice, and that no changes in elected positions of government would be made or permitted except by special permission from the President of the United States. Following the announcement, President Obama once again interrupted the television airwaves with a speech. This time he was announcing that due to the national crisis and state of emergency he was taking control of all banks and financial institutions, effectively "nationalizing" them and placing some of his political cronies in charge of them. He claimed this was because banks hadn't been making enough loans available to women and minorities. He promised that with the government in charge of all the banks there would be more loans and that this would finally get the economy going in the direction of recovery.

    People began flooding into banks to withdraw all their money, only to be told that all accounts were frozen by order of the President. No withdrawals would be allowed until further notice.

    Night after night, there was another speech by the President informing the citizens of yet another entire industry being taken over by the Federal Government. Banks, utilities, oil and gas, etc. It was all nationalized, with the leaders in charge all replaced by friends and financial supporters of the President. Chaos ensued. Nationalized industries began to run erratically, with banks refusing to allow customers to access their own money unless they were members of certain clearly privileged groups, including unions and feminist organizations. Rolling blackouts occurred nationwide as the utility companies fell into total chaos. Gas shortages swept the country, Gas lines formed at any gas station that still had fuel. Most stations ran out and couldn't get more. Only stations owned or controlled by donors to President Obama were able to get new supplies of gasoline. Food quickly became scarce, as trucks couldn't get fuel to deliver to grocery stores.

    Forward

    Red Riding Hood had been driven to a tiny private airport in Somerville, Tennessee. The sun was coming up while she and the Zingels loaded their luggage into the back of Dr. Zingels small 4-seater plane.

    "We had expected your father to be with you," Mrs Zingel casually remarked to Red as she stuffed one of her many, many bags into the cargo area of the plane.

    Red had been so filled with adrenaline and fear that she hadn't thought about her father until now. Mrs. Zingel's remark nearly caused her to break down and cry. "I don't know why he didn't come" she said.

    "Your father told me" Dr. Zingel interjected,  "that if he felt the police might figure out where you had gone, he would stay behind and distract them. He would misdirect them and try to buy you as much time as possible so that you could get away. He swore to me that he would do whatever it takes to keep you from ever falling back into their hands again. He was prepared to fight them to the death if he had to just to keep them busy while you ran to freedom."

    At this Red did begin to cry. She hadn't thought about what might have happened to her father. Based on her previous experiences with the police she had no doubt that they would kill him if they were angry enough. They were monsters.

    "I'm sorry, Katie" Dr. Zingel apologized "I shouldn't have said that. He simply meant that he was willing to die for your sake, not that he intended to. I'm sure he's going to be OK and we're going to find a way to get him out of here, too, eventually."

    The plane fully packed now, they climbed in while Dr. Zingel pulled the wheel blocks away, climbed into the pilot's seat, and started the engine.

    It was a long, lonely flight for Red as she thought about her father. And then it occurred to her that she didn't even  know where they were going or what was going to happen next.

    Hope

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    Real Housewife Joanna Krupa wears see-through top for dinner


    A bit revealing for date night! Real Housewife Joanna Krupa wears ENTIRELY see-through top for dinner with her fiancé

      She could maybe have got away with it on the red carpet.
    But Joanna Krupa's top was undoubtedly too revealing for a regular night out. 
    However, the Real Housewife of Miami star didn't appear too concerned that her metallic top was entirely see-through as she dined with her fiancé at BOA Steakhouse in Beverly Hills on Thursday night. 
    A bit revealing for date night! Joanna Krupa wore an entirely see-through top for dinner with fiancé Romain Zago on Thursday night
    A bit revealing for date night! Joanna Krupa wore an entirely see-through top for dinner with fiancé Romain Zago on Thursday night
    The 33-year-old seemed far from embarrassed about her lack of underwear on the evening out, while fiancé Romain Zago also appeared unconcerned about former Playboy model Joanna's revealing outfit.
    In fact, nightclub owner Zago donned a grin from ear-to-ear as he paraded his scantily clad fiancée to their waiting car. 
    The former model and wannabe actress wore the completely sheer top featuring a few strings of sequins with skinny jeans, stiletto's and a black leather clutch bag.
    Guess what he's looking at: A male admirer eyes up the reality star, as she hands out autographs
    Guess what he's looking at: A male admirer eyes up the reality star, as she hands out autographs
    What's the big deal? Having posed in the nude many times before, the 33-year-old clearly doesn't seem to bothered by her lack of essential clothing
    What's the big deal? Having posed in the nude many times before, the 33-year-old clearly doesn't seem to bothered by her lack of essential clothing
    What's the big deal? Having posed in the nude many times before, the 33-year-old clearly doesn't seem to bothered by her lack of essential clothing
    Forget something? Real Housewife of Miami Joanna Krupa goes to dinner with her fiance in a completely sheer top, putting her finest assets on full display
    Forget something? Real Housewife of Miami Joanna Krupa goes to dinner with her fiance in a completely sheer top, putting her finest assets on full display
    Polish-born Joanna is definitely comfortable showing off her goods as she previously posed naked for the famous pages of Playboy magazine, as well as for a PETA campaign in 2009.
    The controversial campaign saw the blonde completely in the nude, with only a crucifix to cover her modesty.
    Depicted as an angel floating in a  church filled with young puppies, the message of the ad was: 'Be an angel for animals, always adopt dogs, never buy.'
    If you got it, flaunt it: The couple seems not at all embarrassed by the wardrobe failure
    If you got it, flaunt it: The couple seems not at all embarrassed by the wardrobe failure
    And her Thursday night out outfit - or lack off - certainly helped Joanna get more attention, as she has just joined the new season of Real Housewives of Miami, where she has been caught in an argument with fellow housewife Adriana de Moura.
    The latest episode of the popular reality show saw her laying into the fellow star and accused her of trying to flirt with her fiancé Romain.
    But Joanna herself denies any feuds with her fellow cast members, who have called her a diva in the past.
    'They all know I'm the sweetest person with the biggest heart and I love animals,' she previously said modestly.
    'I love puppies!': Joanna was forced to defend herself after her Real Housewife colleagues called her a 'diva'
    'I love puppies!': Joanna was forced to defend herself after her Real Housewife colleagues called her a 'diva'


    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2220088/Real-Housewife-Joanna-Krupa-wears-ENTIRELY-dinner-fianc.html#ixzz29kZtWLFg
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    Blinding headlights, Sofia Vergara nude, and legislated injustice


    All alone and trapped in time
    If you drive a plain white Camaro and you are so worried about someone scratching it that you feel the need to park way, way out at the far edge of the parking lot, nearest to the main thoroughfare that we all drive through, sometimes parking sideways even, chances are your car is the most likely to get hit by some random hit-and-run driver. And also, you're a douche. Just sayin'.

    My goodness, what powerfully bright headlights you have
    So, I drove my brand new Dodge Challenger with the super sun-bright Xenon HID melt-your-retinas factory headlights down a dark country road last night. I can't believe these things are legal. The normal setting for my headlights is as bright as the high-beams on all my other cars. And when I actually turn on the high-beams it makes almost no difference. Apparently you can't get any brighter than this, only higher. So the high beams aren't brighter, but they shine a little higher so that the tree tops are also lit up like daylight. Seriously, why are these things legal? Why?! This is insane!

    Aftermarket HIDs are the worst
    Speaking of insane, my Congressional representatives all claim that they can't do anything about the blinding headlights increasingly blinding everyone on our nation's roads. Apparently they lack the power to write legislation. Funny, but our government used to regulate the legally permissible brightness of lights permitted on public roads. Suddenly they cannot do it anymore. And yet, somehow, they have managed to regulate our showerheads so that they don't rinse the soap out of our hair. They managed to regulate our lightbulbs so that we can no longer buy proper, affordable bulbs as of this year and have to buy mercury-poisoned CFLs or oh-my-God-its-too-expensive LED bulbs. They managed to regulate the bumpers on our cars, lowering the mandated safety rating from 10 mph to 5 mph to 2 mph up to today where we don't even have real bumpers and its just a plastic hump creating the illusion of having bumpers. They managed to regulate our toilets, mandating "low flow" shitters that can't even clear a piece of toilet paper out of the toilet bowl without having to flush it 4 or 5 times in a row, supposedly to "save water." This saved water is apparently being used to create ethanol, which they also managed to mandate, wasting literally millions of gallons of vital drinking water every month and destroying our cars, lawnmowers, boats, tillers, weed-eaters, chainsaws and everything else that runs on gasoline. They managed to regulate banks, investment firms, the entire automotive industry, oil production and refining, make-up, children's toys, jewelry, and even how much carbon we are permitted to exhale from our lungs. Yet we are expected to believe that they can't do anything about the harmful blinding headlights burning down our public roads and giving migraine headaches to drivers everywhere who have to look at them.

    "You're a little bitch!"
    "No, YOU'RE a little bitch!"
    As a libertarian and strict Constitutionalist I am ashamed of myself. I totally blew off the vice presidential debate. And last night I also blew off round two of the presidential debate. They tell me it was much more contentious, which is a polite way of saying it was bitchy. I figured it would be. I also figured we wouldn't learn anything new from either candidate that wasn't already available to anyone paying attention. I am paying attention so I didn't feel the need to listen to the two candidates repeat what they've already said before, except now in each other's faces. Yes, Romney is a Mormon. Yes, Obama is a communist. We know this already. What really matters, when it all comes down to those critical undecided independent voters, is simply this: who is taller and better looking? Seriously, that's how we usually choose our presidents. I'm not even joking.

    Sofia Vergara nude
    Look at me. Now go to bed!
    Medical researchers believe they have finally discovered the cause of Americans problem with weight gain and diabetes. It just so happens that fat America and diabetic America coincides with a rising level of sleep deprivation across the country. Since the rise of the Baby Boomers, Americans have adopted the view that sleep is optional and working late into the night is the way to get ahead. Late night studying for college, late night working to get a promotion, late night TV because a hottie like Sofia Vergara is on the Craig Ferguson Show at midnight, all result in Americans getting about 6 hours of sleep or less per night, on average. This habitual sleep deprivation causes the fat cells to become increasingly insulin resistant. This also causes the body to hang onto those fat cells come hell or high water or even a personal trainer named Max. Over time those insulin resistant fat cells lead to adult onset diabetes. And then WHAM, you have fat, diabetic Americans who are tired and cranky and prone to watching stupid reality TV instead of good shows that make you think like "Community" or "30 Rock." So there you have it. Go to bed!

    John Laub
     A prostitute's customer is called a "John"
    The National Institute of "Justice", a government bureaucracy that is run by a crony of the current US President, has begun instructing various law enforcement agencies to change their methods for dealing with crimes of prostitution. The director, John Laub, an Obama appointee, is a college professor with no actual job experience outside of the field of education in sociology, a non-scientific, purely political, strongly leftist field. Not surprisingly, this college theoretician and feminist has decreed that law enforcement should never interfere with a woman in any way, even when she's in the middle of committing a crime. She is to be viewed as "the real victim" and any male person in the vicinity of the woman's crime is to be blamed. Thus, women who engage in prostitution are no longer to be arrested or charged. Instead, any male person near her is to be arrested and charged. Prior to any trial or determination as to whether that male person has even committed any crime at all, his name and face are to be plastered all over the city, the internet, and the TV to label him with a permanent scarlet letter X for sex offender, and his life is to be destroyed. This is prior to any trial, remember, and thus it is not known whether the man actually engaged in any sort of crime at all. Yet this is the mandate coming down from Barack Obama's fellow theoretical professor, Dr. John, as in "Dear John." In addition to slandering and libeling these unconvicted men based solely on their biological sex through the use of tax monies, a "Dear John" letter is to be sent to their house informing their families that the males in the house are sexual predators. And again, this is PRIOR to any trial or conviction. In fact, it is in spite of any findings of non-guilt by a court of law. In other words, the National Institute of (social) Justice has mandated the female supremacist/feminist view that all men are rapists and always guilty no matter what and thus not permitted any rights or legal protections whatever. Therefore, they can be labeled as sex offenders even when they have not actually committed any crime.  Welcome to the Obamanation.

    Obama disrespects America




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    Joe Biden is Retarded and other deep thoughts

    I tried to watch the vice presidential debate, I really did. The more I watched the more I found myself convinced that Joe Biden is mildly retarded. He smiles a lot and he loves to point with two fingers, like he's making an imaginary gun and shooting at people. Given Joe Biden's IQ it is entirely possible that he was imagining he was doing exactly that.

    I saw an ad for the LMN network and several of its shows and movies. The ad was a series of scenes in which various different angry white women violently sexually assaulted random men no one will ever see in any other movies or programs ever again, which is likely why they ended up doing such demeaning roles in the first place. While watching the barrage of angry feminist misandry I tried to imagine a men's TV network that featured equivalent programming. It would feature nothing but programs in which angry gay men went around violently raping white women and we were supposed to cheer for the rapists. Sure it makes no sense, but that only helped to clarify for me just how completely stupid and offensive the LMN channel truly is.

    Christina Applegate is going to be hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. I strongly encourage you to watch. She's a riot. Plus, she's smokin' hot.

    A friend of mine bought one of those new incredibly tiny iPods. I can't seem to remember what the hell they're called so I'm calling it the iPod Booger. Somehow I can remember that without any problem. I'm actually considering buying one.

    A few hard-core left-wing news media personalities have recently begun criticizing Barack Obama. I had to rewind and watch it again several times on YouTube to believe it. After that I started to believe that anything might be possible. Tonight I'm going out after dark and hunting for unicorns.

    After seeing the incredibly rapid success of a fellow blogger who began writing and publishing her own books I thought I might try to do the same. But after 10 chapters of Red Riding Hood I realized that writing serious books is hard. So I've decided instead to write a series of children's books about farts. I mean, come on, who knows more about farts than me?

    Tomorrow I'm taking my brand new, shiny, unscratched, still-has-that-new-car smell car out in the rain for a 225 mile drive despite the fact that all week long everyone in traffic has been totally nuts. Yeah, that's right, who's the crazy one now, bitches?!

    I think I like the NBC show Animal Practice, but only because Joanna Garcia is hot and funny, sort of like Christina Applegate, but younger and partly Latin.

    I think half my coworkers are gay, and by that I mean they are just too fucking happy all the time. I don't actually know about their sexual habits, nor do I care.

    OK, time for me to go to bed. Have a happy weekend!






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    Georgia Salpa stars in explicit hip-hop promo


    The raunchiest music video of the year? Georgia Salpa stars in explicit hip-hop promo


    We bet there wasn't a party like this in the Big Brother house.
    CBB star Georgia Salpa and Made in Chelsea pair Spencer Matthews and Hugo Taylor star in the video for Clement Marfo and The Frontline's new song, Last Night.
    The reality television personalities looked slightly lost as the London based hip-hop/rock group turned the set into a hedonistic party awash with alcohol and scantily clad women.
    Life and soul: Former Celebrity Big Brother housemate Georgia got to sit nice and close with playboy Spencer
    Class act: Made In Chelsea stars Hugo Taylor and Spencer Matthews joined Georgia Salpa on the raunchy set of Clement Marfo and The Frontline's video Last Night
    Spencer, 24, and Hugo, 26, are well acquainted with throwing an elaborate bash, but the well groomed boys had probably never seen anything quite like this before.
      The duo, and Georgia, were special guests of honour in the music video as alcohol and booze surrounded them as they sat casually on a sofa.
      Spencer has hardly been a convincing actor on Made In Chelsea, but he didn't have to stretch his thespian skills too hard for this role either.
      Pool party: Marfo and The Frontline latest music video features several scenes of scantily clad females
      Pool party:  Marfo and The Frontline latest music video features several scenes of scantily clad females
      Scantily clad: The video is based around the recollection of events from a party the night before
      Scantily clad: The video is based around the recollection of events from a party the night before
      Pillow fight: The video features a playful skirmish involving pillows
      Pillow fight: The video features a playful skirmish involving pillows
      A hard day's work? The band and the celebrities smile during filming of the raunchy video
      A hard day's work? The band and the celebrities smile during filming of the raunchy video
      Glamour: The video also features FHM model Emily Florence Shaw
      Glamour: The video also features FHM model Emily Florence Shaw
      Not like this in the Big Brother house: Georgia Salpa enjoys a house party like no other
      Not like this in the Big Brother house: Georgia Salpa enjoys a house party like no other
      Wild night: The band have been tipped for big chart success
      Wild night: The band have been tipped for big chart success
      Spencer spent the entire video sat on a leather sofa next Salpa, while looking handsomely into the camera and watching the carnage ensue.
      His wing-man Hugo looked more at home as he took a back seat in proceedings with his trademark facial hair hiding his school boy grin.
      Lead singer Clement was the real centre of attention as he downed liquid from a large bottle of Crystal Head Vodka before pouring it down the throat of one of his band mates.
      X rated: The reality TV stars watched on as Clement Marfo drank a vodka shot from the ample cleavage of love interest Emily Florence Shaw
      X rated: The reality TV stars watched on as Clement Marfo drank a Crystal Head Vodka shot from the ample cleavage of love interest Emily Florence Shaw
      Very tasteful: The London based musician seemed to enjoy his role as he leaned over his leading lady
      Very tasteful: The London based musician seemed to enjoy his role as he leaned over his leading lady

      Pass out: The rapper lay flat on the floor as his love interest took control of the situation and gave him yet more vodka
      Pass out: The rapper lay flat on the floor as his love interest took control of the situation and gave him yet more vodka
      Jumping party: The packed out set was full of relaxed vibes as the atmosphere of alcohol and opulence took over
      Jumping party: The packed out set was full of relaxed vibes as the atmosphere of alcohol and opulence took over
      Let it rain: Clement poured what appeared to be vodka down one his band members throats
      Let it rain: Clement poured what appeared to be vodka down one his band members throats
      Class act: Made In Chelsea stars Hugo Taylor and Spencer Matthews joined Georgia Salpa on the raunchy set of Clement Marfo and The Frontline's video Last Night
      Life and soul: Former Celebrity Big Brother housemate Georgia got to sit nice and close with playboy Spencer
      Party girl: Giorgia made sure her curvy body was on show in the music video as she held a gold bottle of Armand De Brignac Champagne
      Party girl: Giorgia made sure her curvy body was on show in the music video as she held a gold bottle of Armand De Brignac Champagne
      Booze cruise: The music video set was flooded with alcohol and pretty women wearing next to nothing
      Booze cruise: The music video set was flooded with alcohol and pretty women wearing next to nothing
      Greek-Irish model Georgia, 27, had no real direction other than to sit with a bottle of Armand De Brignac Champagne and look pretty, which she achieved.
      Near naked girls can also be seen riding a pony while Clement took Crystal Head Vodka shots from the large chest of lead love interest Emily Florence Shaw. 
      While Spencer sipped on his glass of Armand De Brignac and appeared comfortable with the scene, Hugo watched on open mouthed in what appeared to be both shock and awe.
      Follow the leader: The rock rapper also indulged in some heavy drinking himself as he downed vodka
      Follow the leader: The rock rapper also indulged in some heavy drinking himself as he downed vodka
      The raunchy video descends into debauchery as it ends with at least seven lingerie wearing girls joining Clement on a bed as he concludes his Wild Night.
      Clement Marfo & The Frontline are a seven-piece diverse collective from South London led by the charismatic Clement. 
      His hard-hitting flow is complimented by the multi-talents of vocalist Kojo, Dion on drums, Jonny on bass, Rich and Dan on guitar and the sole female of the collective, Stacey, on keyboards and vocals.
      The cowgirl: One very scantilly clad woman in red lingerie mounted a pommel horse as the video got really x-rated
      The cowgirl: One very scantilly clad woman in red lingerie mounted a pommel horse as the video got really x-rated
      After the video shoot had wrapped, some of the stars expressed their excitement at the project via Twitter with Hugo saying: '@ClementMarfo love the new track, can't wait to see the video. Happy birthday bud!'
      Georgia said: '@ClementMarfo fun shoot today, hope the rest of the day goes well.'
      Clement Marfo said about the song: 'As a media geek, I was more interested in the toys (technology) than the naked ladies walking around on set but all in all, I had way too much fun for what was meant to be work. The perks of a being a music artist.'
      The big finish: Clement had his hands full as seven women made their way to his bed as the video climaxed
      The big finish: Clement had his hands full as seven women made their way to his bed as the video climaxed
      Explicit: The video features several scantily clad ladies
      Explicit: The video features several scantily clad ladies
      Chart glory? The song is released on November 26
      Chart glory? The song is released on November 26


      Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2215347/Georgia-Salpa-stars-explicit-hip-hop-promo-Last-Night.html#ixzz28tUTvEjF
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