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| All alone and trapped in time |
If you drive a plain white Camaro and you are so worried about someone scratching it that you feel the need to park way, way out at the far edge of the parking lot, nearest to the main thoroughfare that we all drive through, sometimes parking sideways even, chances are your car is the most likely to get hit by some random hit-and-run driver. And also, you're a douche. Just sayin'.
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| My goodness, what powerfully bright headlights you have |
So, I drove my brand new Dodge Challenger with the super sun-bright Xenon HID melt-your-retinas factory headlights down a dark country road last night. I can't believe these things are legal. The normal setting for my headlights is as bright as the high-beams on all my other cars. And when I actually turn on the high-beams it makes almost no difference. Apparently you can't get any brighter than this, only higher. So the high beams aren't brighter, but they shine a little higher so that the tree tops are also lit up like daylight. Seriously, why are these things legal? Why?! This is insane!
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| Aftermarket HIDs are the worst |
Speaking of insane, my Congressional representatives all claim that they can't do anything about the blinding headlights increasingly blinding everyone on our nation's roads. Apparently they lack the power to write legislation. Funny, but our government used to regulate the legally permissible brightness of lights permitted on public roads. Suddenly they cannot do it anymore. And yet, somehow, they have managed to regulate our showerheads so that they don't rinse the soap out of our hair. They managed to regulate our lightbulbs so that we can no longer buy proper, affordable bulbs as of this year and have to buy mercury-poisoned CFLs or oh-my-God-its-too-expensive LED bulbs. They managed to regulate the bumpers on our cars, lowering the mandated safety rating from 10 mph to 5 mph to 2 mph up to today where we don't even have real bumpers and its just a plastic hump creating the illusion of having bumpers. They managed to regulate our toilets, mandating "low flow" shitters that can't even clear a piece of toilet paper out of the toilet bowl without having to flush it 4 or 5 times in a row, supposedly to "save water." This saved water is apparently being used to create ethanol, which they also managed to mandate, wasting literally millions of gallons of vital drinking water every month and destroying our cars, lawnmowers, boats, tillers, weed-eaters, chainsaws and everything else that runs on gasoline. They managed to regulate banks, investment firms, the entire automotive industry, oil production and refining, make-up, children's toys, jewelry, and even how much carbon we are permitted to exhale from our lungs. Yet we are expected to believe that they can't do anything about the harmful blinding headlights burning down our public roads and giving migraine headaches to drivers everywhere who have to look at them.
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"You're a little bitch!"
"No, YOU'RE a little bitch!" |
As a libertarian and strict Constitutionalist I am ashamed of myself. I totally blew off the vice presidential debate. And last night I also blew off round two of the presidential debate. They tell me it was much more contentious, which is a polite way of saying it was bitchy. I figured it would be. I also figured we wouldn't learn anything new from either candidate that wasn't already available to anyone paying attention. I am paying attention so I didn't feel the need to listen to the two candidates repeat what they've already said before, except now in each other's faces. Yes, Romney is a Mormon. Yes, Obama is a communist. We know this already. What really matters, when it all comes down to those critical undecided independent voters, is simply this: who is taller and better looking? Seriously, that's how we usually choose our presidents. I'm not even joking.
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| Look at me. Now go to bed! |
Medical researchers believe they have finally discovered the cause of Americans problem with weight gain and diabetes. It just so happens that fat America and diabetic America coincides with a rising level of sleep deprivation across the country. Since the rise of the Baby Boomers, Americans have adopted the view that sleep is optional and working late into the night is the way to get ahead. Late night studying for college, late night working to get a promotion, late night TV because a hottie like Sofia Vergara is on the Craig Ferguson Show at midnight, all result in Americans getting about 6 hours of sleep or less per night, on average. This habitual sleep deprivation causes the fat cells to become increasingly insulin resistant. This also causes the body to hang onto those fat cells come hell or high water or even a personal trainer named Max. Over time those insulin resistant fat cells lead to adult onset diabetes. And then WHAM, you have fat, diabetic Americans who are tired and cranky and prone to watching stupid reality TV instead of good shows that make you think like "Community" or "30 Rock." So there you have it. Go to bed!
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| A prostitute's customer is called a "John" |
The National Institute of "Justice", a government bureaucracy that is run by a crony of the current US President, has begun instructing various law enforcement agencies to change
their methods for dealing with crimes of prostitution. The director,
John Laub, an Obama appointee, is a college professor with no actual job experience outside of the field of education in sociology, a non-scientific, purely political, strongly leftist field. Not surprisingly, this college theoretician and feminist has decreed that law enforcement should never interfere with a woman in any way, even when she's in the middle of committing a crime. She is to be viewed as "the real victim" and any male person in the vicinity of the woman's crime is to be blamed. Thus, women who engage in prostitution are no longer to be arrested or charged. Instead, any male person near her is to be arrested and charged. Prior to any trial or determination as to whether that male person has even committed any crime at all, his name and face are to be plastered all over the city, the internet, and the TV to label him with a permanent scarlet letter X for sex offender, and his life is to be destroyed.
This is prior to any trial, remember, and thus it is not known whether the man actually engaged in any sort of crime at all. Yet this is the mandate coming down from Barack Obama's fellow theoretical professor, Dr. John, as in "Dear John." In addition to slandering and libeling these unconvicted men based solely on their biological sex through the use of tax monies, a "Dear John" letter is to be sent to their house informing their families that the males in the house are sexual predators. And again, this is
PRIOR to any trial or conviction. In fact, it is in spite of any findings of non-guilt by a court of law. In other words, the National Institute of (social) Justice has mandated the female supremacist/feminist view that all men are rapists and always guilty no matter what and thus not permitted any rights or legal protections whatever. Therefore, they can be labeled as sex offenders even when they have not actually committed any crime.
Welcome to the Obamanation.
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