Loonies On the Path - LV - Hello Asshole

Hello Asshole in the white pickup truck. I see you all the time. You come pulling out onto Walnut Grove Road during rush hour from Ericson or sometimes Mysen, I believe. Or sometimes a block up at Shelley Renee Lane. I see you a lot. And I remember you. It's funny because most white pickup trucks are virtually invisible. They just blend right in and are forgotten. But not you. You make sure everybody notices you and remembers you.

We all remember you because you are such a fucking asshole.

Every day when you pull out, you have to cross 2 oncoming lanes on Walnut Grove Road and get into the turning lane. And then, or at least this is how it is supposed to work, then you are supposed to merge into traffic when there is a clear spot for you to move into.

But that's not how you do it, is it? No, not you. You love your big BIG pickup truck. You love being big. You are ecstatic over being big. And you want to make sure everyone knows that you are big.

You cross the two oncoming lanes and then you just force your way over, often into cars that have nowhere to go. They honk and lock up their brakes, skidding to avoid being slammed into by you. Sometimes if they have room they honk and skid over into the right-hand lane. But always they have to move to avoid being hit by you. Because you are TRYING to hit them, aren't you, Asshole Boy?

Yes, yes you are.

Asshole Boy. That has a nice ring to it. And it sounds vaguely familiar, too. It reminds me of something. Or someone. Wait, now I remember! 8 years ago or so, back when I first started writing this blog, the very first big-time asshole I encountered in traffic and wrote about repeatedly was a dick just like you, a dick in a green SUV who lived right back there in the very same neighborhoods where I keep seeing you come out of. The very same ones. Hmm, could it be? Could you be the very same fuckwad that I nicknamed AssRider Boy 8 years ago? He drove JUST LIKE YOU. And he enjoyed threatening all the other drivers, JUST LIKE YOU. And he always drove something bigger than most of the other people on the road JUST LIKE YOU. He always used his truck to force cars off the road, out of their lanes, or whatever he could do to push and shove them around JUST LIKE YOU.

Ass Rider Boy returns!

I'm pretty sure you are the very same immature, reckless prick that I encountered 8 years ago. And you drive exactly the same way today that you did back then. I had nicknamed you 'Boy' because I assumed you were a child. But after 8 years you haven't changed at all. You're no boy, are you? No, you're just a total loser who probably lives at home with his mother and has a dead-end job with other losers and the only thing you have going for you is that your truck is big and can push cars off the road and bully people.

How you probably see yourself

You sure were shocked when you tried to shove me off the road last week, though, weren't you? My 4x4 wasn't going anywhere for you. And you couldn't do a damn thing about it. That really got up your nose, too. You were mad. You tried to swerve at me and I just stayed in my lane. You tried to intimidate me and then you noticed all the steel on the side, front, and back of my truck and you realized that if you actually hit me it would be you who got the worst of it. You cruised along there in the turning lane, illegally I might point out, and you felt impotent. You felt impotent because you were impotent. You couldn't do a damn thing to me that I couldn't do right back to you and then some. You cruised along all pissed off that you couldn't bully me and finally, in a rage, you revved your pathetic engine at me as loudly as you could. So awesome.

How everyone else sees you

And finally, you had no more room to drive next to me there in the turning lane, and so you had to slow down and shove your way into one of the cars behind me. I guess making another Mercedes swerve into the right-hand lane for your benefit was the best you could do in trying to regain the power you felt you had lost after meeting up with me. But it's what you do every day anyway so it didn't mean much to me.

You sure were pissed off, though. Just like you were the first time we met 8 years ago and you tried to force your way into my lane without signaling or slowing down or even waiting for there to be room. And I didn't move for you then either because you swerved at me instead of asking to be let over. I don't intimidate easily.  It pissed you off then and it pisses you off now. Last time you sought me out every single time you saw me, just to fuck with me, because you couldn't rattle me. And you fucked with everyone else around me, too, making them pay for your inability to rattle me.

But this time you don't know who I am. You don't know that we've met before and that I've watched you threaten to kill people in traffic over and over again, day after day, for years. And this time when I get your tag number I'm not going to try to look you up for myself. I'm going to get the Memphis police department to look you up. And then I'm going to see if they won't pay you a personal visit. You're more than just a common asshole. You're a criminal trying to kill random strangers on the road because you live a pathetic impotent life and you know it. You're a loser, but a dangerous loser, and you belong in prison. I think I'm going to see if I can't help you with that.

AssRider Boy, 8 years older, but no wiser

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