I have not forgotten about the Little Red Riding Hood rewrite. If you've been anxiously awaiting that, I'm rolling it around in my head, but so far nothing concrete has come out of it.
How about, for no particular reason, I write 10 Things I'd Like To Say to 10 people without identifying who those people are? Sometimes that's entertaining. Other times it's just ... wtf.
1. Yes, I understand where you're coming from. I certainly would not feel particularly loved or appreciated if the person I was married to valued a bunch of random stray animals over me and my health. But then they have always been like that. In fact, a lot of people are, mostly women, which is where the whole cat-lady stereotype comes from. I don't know what to say about it, but I can see that it really hurts you and I think we all fully understand that. We try to say something and point out how it might be unfair, unreasonable and downright hurtful, but it's sort of like talking English to someone who only understands Korean. The best I can say is, protect your health and let the animals go wild. Whatever they destroy, just make sure it isn't you. Perhaps when the back yard is being flooded by a now-bitten off faucet and there is no easy way to turn it off then that person might decide that their own convenience of not having to walk very far isn't really worth the cost. Perhaps.
2. I think my purpose in your life, my role, however brief, may be ending. I mean, no regrets. You have been a great friend to me. But I think my purpose may now be fulfilled as you appear to be on your path to happiness with the person you were meant to be with. I wish you all the best. If anyone 'deserves' happiness I think you do. I hope you find it and it all goes your way. You are a truly great person.
3. Seriously, all our lives we have known each other. All our lives. And yet I mean no more to you than your car in the driveway or a stray cat wandering the neighborhood. And sometimes I wonder if anyone does. I mean, I know your family does, but is there no one else?
4. I don't know what you want from me.
5. So you're determined to win this race, eh? Even if we desperately need someone better, someone who is who they say they are and not just a poser who moves in whatever direction the wind blows? Well, here's hoping you find the courage and integrity to be someone better if you win this thing, because if you get in there and sell us all out it's the end of the line for the shining city on a hill.
6. There's no pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. Wait, that's not a rainbow. That's just a trail of colorful smoke coming from the burning remnants of all my hopes and dreams.
7. Why don't you just kill me and get it over with? Or is that too much trouble? You're obviously busy and don't have time for me except on the bad days.
8. Isn't it odd how the people I once held onto so tightly as best friends never cared a thing for me at all and yet now I find some of the people who passed me in the halls without knowing me are today better friends than any I ever had before? Or maybe it isn't odd at all. Maybe I'm just an idiot. I say maybe, but there's really no maybe about it.
10. As far as I can tell you have a bright future ahead of you. If you can just get through all the frustration of being so tightly controlled, and it won't last forever, then I think you're going to have a very happy and promising life. I certainly hope that you do. Surely there is at least one of us who might be permitted to fly?
Yeah, well, that's the best I could do. So there it is, about as random as it gets.
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