A Werewolf Emerges from a Full Moon

Fuuuuuuuck you!

When I am minding my own business out on Twitter, and you and you alone take offense at something I said, such that you feel entitled to spend your entire night doing nothing else but attacking me, and I take the time to explain to you where you misunderstood, but you still refuse to admit you were wrong or apologize, you are an asshole and you can go fuck yourself.

I appreciate that you used your blinker to try to change lanes in front of me, but if you hit your brakes while merging so that I really can't help but hit you or lock up my own brakes, don't act all shocked and surprised when I sit on my horn and cuss you up and down, you fuckwad idiot shithead. Learn how to merge or up your life insurance because someone is going to get money out of your future demise in a firey crash.

The whole world despises you and it's not hard to see why. You treat everyone around you, especially those stupid enough to care about you, like total shit. You are the most spoiled, self-centered, superficial, egotistical, abusive, immoral, idiotic, narcissistic fuck to ever walk this earth. But you don't care just as long as you look good doing it.

So you weren't wearing a badge, weren't wearing a uniform, sexually assaulted a boy who was just standing there minding his own business, sending him to the hospital, and yet you don't feel you should be charged and thrown into prison? Fuck you, asshole Seattle cop. Fuck you and every asshole like you. That guy is a human being, which is apparently news to you and your entire department, while you are just a pile of shit. Even if you had the right kid, which you didn't, there would still be no excuse for what you did to him. You should be in prison right now instead of sitting at home masturbating while playing Xbox and still drawing a salary.

So you were married to a raging hot Latin actress with a successful TV show, with her loving you enough that when she married you she even took your last name, which is increasingly rare in our fucked up Hollywood country, and yet you went and slept with a woman who looks almost just like her? What for? She's practically your wife's twin! I mean, she looks exactly like her! WTF dude? Are you brain damaged or what?

You know how I used to always put up with all kinds of shit from pretty much everyone who hung out with me? Yeah, well maybe you've noticed, but I'm not doing that anymore. I've got no patience for false friends and fuckheads. And that includes you. If you don't respect me, but you still expect to hang with me and drink my alcohol then I can promise you I'll get right up in your face and give you hell until you fear me, and you can learn to respect that, at least.

Apparently you, your boss, and your boss' boss didn't get the memo. You seem to think that the screaming rage of an entire nation directed straight at you is merely a request for you to consider whether or not you feel like continuing to rape and molest us in our city airports and elsewhere. Let me attempt to clarify for you, you'd better listen up and listen good or your name will become synonymous with a powerful but arrogant man being dragged into the streets, stripped naked and repeatedly kicked in the head by an angry mob. People in future generations will refer to this sort of beat-down as a "Pistole whipping."

Listen, when you first appeared on the scene again, all broken hearted and alone, I was nice to you. When you wanted something to do I helped you out. When you wanted someone close to me to open up to you, I talked to them and convinced them that you were alright. But now that you have developed this habit of texting me to ask where everyone is at, and when I say I'm right here and do you want me to come hang out, but you say "no, where is everyone else" because you know I have this network of friends, and I find out for you and offer again to go hang with you, but you once again say "no, I'm just gonna go over to that other place" then I have to ask, why the fuck are you texting me? If you would apparently rather do almost anything except hang out with me then why don't you just lose my number and fuck off?

Don't ask me to drive 20 fucking miles to deliver some crap for you that you could get off your ass and go get for yourself (it would have fit in your car), and then give me attitude and bullshit when I arrive. "How come it's in 2 pieces? Did you break it?" "No, it comes apart and it's a good thing it does because it wouldn't have fit inside my truck if it didn't." "Well, there's nails here like it was nailed together. I think you broke it." Hey, listen up, Bubba Gump, the words you are looking for are "thank you for wasting half your afternoon and $20 worth of gas to haul my shit around for me and then helping me carry it up the fucking stairs while I bitch like a little girl." I understand that you were mad that it was bought at all. I understand that it sure doesn't appear to be worth the money that your artistic spouse paid for it. I understand that you and she have a difference of opinion to work out there. But that has nothing to do with me so save the attitude and bullshit for after I leave. It isn't funny and it isn't cool, and in case you hadn't noticed already, I'm done putting up with shit like that.

Am I paying you to be a workout partner or a trainer? Cuz I was under the impression that you were supposed to be training me, not slowing me down. And by the way, if you will recall, I came to you for cutting and shredding, not mass and powerlifting. I have plenty of muscle and I know damn good and well how to build more. Guess what you have never helped me do? I'll bet you can't guess 'cause you never listen to what I say to you. Are you high?

I fucking hate you, iTunes! Fuck you and the apple-colored horse you rode in on! My Blackberry is easier to use than your shitty software.

I nearly rammed your cellphone right up your ass there when you swerved into me at 70 mph and I didn't even mean to. That was all you, biatch. But I do want to thank you for reminding me that I had been meaning to purchase and install a genuine air-horn system for my 4x4 for just such an occasion. I had almost forgotten.

Coming soon

and now, are you horny baby ...

And then there's this guy ...

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Today's News

Kate and William
I'll be bald soon

I just read where Prince William married himself a righteous hottie. Good for him. Did you notice that Prince William appears to be losing his hair already? This must be why he suddenly decided to go ahead and marry the girl, because he knew that if he waits much longer he'll be bald and alone. Yep, hot women like her would surely blow him off once he's slick as a cueball up top. But then maybe he will just shave the whole thing and get a tattoo, like Bruce Willis, and then the hot chicks will like him again because he's the first bad-ass prince in English history? I should probably write to him and suggest this. Maybe he'll reward me by giving me Australia or something? That would be cool.

Stole another one!

It appears Lisa Murkowski, the RINO candidate, has successfully used her ties to Big Labor/The Mafia to stuff and rig ballot boxes and vote counts to pull out the second big Alaskan election theft in the past 2 years. Something stinks in Alaska when such big, highly visible races can be so blatantly stolen and no one says anything. Then again, when they did the same thing with Al Franken in Minnesota and got away with it I guess they figured no one cares. If organized crime can put a professional clown in the US Senate and get away with it, surely no one is going to complain about a professional dirtbag.

fuck you Harry Reid
Fuck you, America!

Speaking of dirtbags, stolen elections, organized crime and vote rigging, Harry Reid has surprised no one by hanging onto his powerful seat in the Democratic Party. Oh sure, the polls showed him losing badly, but that was polls of actual living, legally registered voters, and that's not who usually votes for Harry. Harry hasn't held an actual job since the 1960s, and yet SOMEHOW he has managed to become the richest person in the U.S. Senate by merely working for a Senator's salary for the past 40 years. He must be some kind of financial genius. Either that or he's wildly crooked. Which one do you think it is?

Take your clothes off RIGHT NOW!

Our Big Brother/Fat Mother Federal Government, ever vigilant for ways to harass and crush the rights of the law-abiding American citizens, is receiving its largest push-back yet over the use of x-ray machines that take naked pictures of every single person boarding a plane while exposing them all to radiation as a kind of bonus. Even the pilots are fighting back and standing up for their rights. It's about damn time. Sometimes it can be hard to tell which one the terrorists are, the idiots with bombs in their underpants or the government assholes demanding that you surrender all your basic human rights and strip down in public so they can humiliate you and make you accustomed to the idea that Big Government can do ANYTHING IT DAMN WELL PLEASES. Americans these days are the sort that loves to watch other people being demeaned and humiliated, especially if it's shown on TV so that we can eat potato chips and drink while making ourselves as comfortable as possible, but when it's happening to all of us, suddenly it isn't quite as funny anymore. See how that works? Just wait until they start Tasering people who refuse to be violated and try to protest for their rights. Suddenly people will be saying, "hey, they electrocuted my genitals! Isn't that torture? I thought that was illegal." Yeah, to quote a lousy old '80s movie, "the sleeper must awaken."

big fat greek wedding
No more jihad, Abdul!

Apparently the Greeks, after watching their economy fall into shit a few years after Muslim terrorists struck a blow against the world economy by destroying the World Trade Center in Jew York City, aren't feeling in a very tolerant mood, especially where Muslims are concerned. A crowd of Greeks recently threw eggs at some Muslims in Athens. The Press, ever on the side of the terrorists, are up in arms about it. Oddly, though, they're never up in arms when Muslims do this and worse to Christians.

fish oil
Fish oil - it doesn't cure cancer either

There seems to be more studies on things no one ever thought fish oil did than there are on most anything else, except breast cancer, of course. After studies showing that fish oil doesn't prevent breast cancer, doesn't prevent blindness, doesn't prevent athlete's foot, doesn't prevent menstrual cramps, doesn't make your baby ugly, doesn't cure jock itch, doesn't prevent baldness, doesn't prevent vaginal dryness, doesn't cure bad breath and doesn't make your penis larger, now they've discovered that it also doesn't prevent irregular heartbeats if you were prone to having them anyway. Wow, thank God they did this study or we might never have known! I wonder what else fish oil doesn't do? We need more studies.

Boobies - always a popular treat

In the Ukraine, where nipply weather is a standard feature, there is a small political party called Femen which is made up entirely of topless women. The idea sounds appealing at first, women using their bodies to gain power, but then it was discovered that Femen is a political party made up entirely of feminists. And this is where the story lost its appeal and the titties began to sag.

anglea sidewell
Vote for me - I'm wearing a bikini

Meanwhile, over in Poland, a female political candidate is seeking to draw votes by displaying roadside signs featuring large photographs of herself wearing nothing but a small bikini. The Polish don't seem to mind and her campaign is doing well.

pedo press
No more Edward

Amazon dot com flirted with controversy recently when it featured a book for pedophiles. They finally caved in to critics, though, and pulled the entire "Twilight" series from their shelves.

And that's pretty much it for interesting things in the news today. I suppose tomorrow I should finish blogging about my trip. Or maybe not. I don't know. What interesting things are going on in your world today?

What's up?

What Disney has taught our children
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Little Girl, Cry No More

little girl and booger bear

Today, at 11 a.m., Little Girl went to sleep for the last time. She was 18 years old. She hadn't been able to eat or drink in over a week. She was starving to death right in front of us. She had lost an enormous amount of weight and was as skinny as a skeleton. But she still purred and enjoyed a good lap and liked to romp in the sunshine out in the backyard.

There was cancer in her mouth, on her tongue. It made her drool constantly and it smelled awful. She was dehydrated, but the drool never ended. It would soak her bed, so that she had to get up and go sleep elsewhere. And then she would soak that, too, and have to move again. And always she was hungry, but could not eat. And always she was thirsty, but could not drink.

This is how Here Kitty Kitty died, too. In the end, I was having to squirt water into his mouth for him. It would take 15 minutes of this just to get him a drink. But there was no way for me to feed him. And so, finally, we had to put him to sleep just to end his suffering.

When he died, Little Girl wouldn't stop crying. She was far more upset than we had expected. In fact, we hadn't expected much reaction from her at all, but she was clearly upset that her companion was gone.

And now she has gone to join him. And she won't have to cry anymore.

lap bandit
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You're Shitting Me

Unique_Stephen sent me a link to a video which he said he found over on White Rabbit's blog. It's too funny, and too true! So I posted it here.

And while I was over there, I stole something else, as well. This, too, is too funny and too true:

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Where I'm At - Day 3 and 4

On day 3 we went to Cumberland Caverns, a deep and enormous cave. Seeing as all my photos are from my cellphone and my cell phone has no flash, you can probably guess how many fabulous photos I have from that day, right? Yes, so I'm just going to combine days 3 and 4 into one photo-filled post from the mountains of Tennessee.

Cumberland Caverns

Cumberland Caverns are around 30 miles of underground caves, and every year they discover more of them as they explore deeper into areas that no one has gone before. They are enormous. We walked and walked all day inside these caves.

Cumberland Caverns sign
OK, we're there. The reference to Bluegrass Underground refers to concerts they have inside the caves every year. The concert hall is enormous and completely underground, but there was no way for me to photograph it, so you'll have to take my word for it.

motorcycle parking
I have to admit, this was pretty cool, a parking lot just for motorcycles.

Cumberland Caverns landmark
It's an official landmark, as opposed to all those fake landmarks.

you are here
Nice of them to show us where we are.

cave jeep
No pansy-assed 4-door girlie Jeep here, no sir! They drive this thing inside the caverns.

cave entrance
Walking to the cave entrance, the mouth loomed larger and larger. When we got there, we saw that they had sealed it up and installed locked steel double-doors to keep people from sneaking in after hours. Weird.

cave devil
Inside the cave, the walls looked like something out of a nightmare.

cave shark mouth
Did I mention it looked like a nightmare inside the cave? They should set this up as a haunted house for Halloween.

cave popcorn
I don't even know what this is, but it's a lot like most of my photos, which is why there aren't more here.

cave monster monty python
Remember the monster in the cave in Monte Python and the Holy Grail, the one that ate Robin's minstrels?

OK, so that was fun. And dark. And wet. It was raining that day and even if it hadn't been, it was super damp down inside the giant cave. Anyway, if you're into caves, watch the following video. I didn't make it, but it's about Cumberland Caverns and shows more of the inside.

Fall Creek Falls

On day 4 we went to Fall Creek Falls.

red farm
Big red farm

log truck
Log truck

fall creek falls sign
Lovely directions. Very helpful.

falls above
Look what the drought has done to the waterfall! It looks like a vapor.

rock fall
Um, where did our trail go? All I see is boulders ahead. We had to hike a mile and a half to the bottom of the waterfall, and sometimes there were obtacles like this.

rockfall blocking trail
A rockfall had buried our trail and we had to climb over the boulders, all the while wondering how often enormous chunks of rock fell out of the side of the mountain and onto the hikers below.

waterfall and pool
The drought-stricken waterfall almost looks like a beam of light. Or a government-approved, flow-restricting American showerhead.

waterfall and sign
I climbed on the rocks and behind the falls, of course. Shh, don't tell anyone.

view from above and behind falls
This is the view from above the falls where signs said is was prohibited to go.

suspension bridge
We had to walk a long way to the next waterfall, and cross this lovely bridge.

very old watefall
Cane Creek Cascades, not cascading much because of the drought

people on suspension bridge
Back across the bridge again, which was swinging and bouncing after 6 hikers crossed ahead of us.

red river
This is actually the water that leads to the first waterfall, all brown and rusty-looking. The redish-brown color is the result of a moss or fungus that grows on the rocks beneath the water.

cloudy skyline
Once again, a lovely view, this time standing on a jagged rock hanging out over the cliff.

I was standing on an overhang several hundred feet up overlooking the main waterfall

Further down the gorge, another view from the edge of a cliff.

Bambi came out to greet me and then told me to fuck off.

Just a nice view across the water.

Tennessee sunset

dark country highway
It was late and time to go back to the hotel.

Anyway, after 2 or 3 months of drought, the falls were not flowing nearly as well as they normally do. Here is a video some girl made last Spring, while the falls were gushing:

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I'm right 'cheer today. Click the linky.
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Where I'm At - Day 2

This wasn't my idea, but we needed a vacation badly, so we packed up the car and started cruising through the eastern half of Tennessee. Here is what we found, day 2.

It wasn't as exciting as the Jack Daniels distillery, but it was fun even so. Falls Mill was a place I didn't even know existed.

old car parking
No matter how far out I park, some fool always parks next to me

work truck
The Falls Mill official truck

Falls Mill portable coffee maker

owner house
Goodnight John Boy

Inside this working mill

dual instrument
Rumor has it Eddie Van Halen played one of these

edison phonograph
Where do you put the CD?

old workshop
This just looks like my dad's old workshop

falls mill front
The front of Falls Mill

falls mill back
The Big Wheel

lawn porn
Lawn porn

falls mill waterfall
Small waterfall


After Falls Mill, we stopped in Sewanee, Tennessee, at the University of the South, and took a look around. One red-headed college beauty even bounced her breasts at me and smiled, which I appreciated.

The University of The South

Actual students

Another shot


No one wears a watch here

I think they may have the Holy Grail in there

I feel a hymn coming on

I see dead people!

Fancy doors

I want one of these on my house

Tower power


Wash me

This is where the bouncing red-head jiggled at me

More doors


So, that's it for day 2. We left here and ate at a funky cafe with 20-something men who wear ponytails and 20-something women who never bathe. It was hippydelic. Then we drove on to McMinville, where we ended up staying in a hotel owned by the Patels, a family from India who spoke a weird combination of Hindi and Tennessee mountain redneck twang unlike anything I've ever heard before, ya'll.

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