Today's News

Kate and William
I'll be bald soon

I just read where Prince William married himself a righteous hottie. Good for him. Did you notice that Prince William appears to be losing his hair already? This must be why he suddenly decided to go ahead and marry the girl, because he knew that if he waits much longer he'll be bald and alone. Yep, hot women like her would surely blow him off once he's slick as a cueball up top. But then maybe he will just shave the whole thing and get a tattoo, like Bruce Willis, and then the hot chicks will like him again because he's the first bad-ass prince in English history? I should probably write to him and suggest this. Maybe he'll reward me by giving me Australia or something? That would be cool.

Stole another one!

It appears Lisa Murkowski, the RINO candidate, has successfully used her ties to Big Labor/The Mafia to stuff and rig ballot boxes and vote counts to pull out the second big Alaskan election theft in the past 2 years. Something stinks in Alaska when such big, highly visible races can be so blatantly stolen and no one says anything. Then again, when they did the same thing with Al Franken in Minnesota and got away with it I guess they figured no one cares. If organized crime can put a professional clown in the US Senate and get away with it, surely no one is going to complain about a professional dirtbag.

fuck you Harry Reid
Fuck you, America!

Speaking of dirtbags, stolen elections, organized crime and vote rigging, Harry Reid has surprised no one by hanging onto his powerful seat in the Democratic Party. Oh sure, the polls showed him losing badly, but that was polls of actual living, legally registered voters, and that's not who usually votes for Harry. Harry hasn't held an actual job since the 1960s, and yet SOMEHOW he has managed to become the richest person in the U.S. Senate by merely working for a Senator's salary for the past 40 years. He must be some kind of financial genius. Either that or he's wildly crooked. Which one do you think it is?

Take your clothes off RIGHT NOW!

Our Big Brother/Fat Mother Federal Government, ever vigilant for ways to harass and crush the rights of the law-abiding American citizens, is receiving its largest push-back yet over the use of x-ray machines that take naked pictures of every single person boarding a plane while exposing them all to radiation as a kind of bonus. Even the pilots are fighting back and standing up for their rights. It's about damn time. Sometimes it can be hard to tell which one the terrorists are, the idiots with bombs in their underpants or the government assholes demanding that you surrender all your basic human rights and strip down in public so they can humiliate you and make you accustomed to the idea that Big Government can do ANYTHING IT DAMN WELL PLEASES. Americans these days are the sort that loves to watch other people being demeaned and humiliated, especially if it's shown on TV so that we can eat potato chips and drink while making ourselves as comfortable as possible, but when it's happening to all of us, suddenly it isn't quite as funny anymore. See how that works? Just wait until they start Tasering people who refuse to be violated and try to protest for their rights. Suddenly people will be saying, "hey, they electrocuted my genitals! Isn't that torture? I thought that was illegal." Yeah, to quote a lousy old '80s movie, "the sleeper must awaken."

big fat greek wedding
No more jihad, Abdul!

Apparently the Greeks, after watching their economy fall into shit a few years after Muslim terrorists struck a blow against the world economy by destroying the World Trade Center in Jew York City, aren't feeling in a very tolerant mood, especially where Muslims are concerned. A crowd of Greeks recently threw eggs at some Muslims in Athens. The Press, ever on the side of the terrorists, are up in arms about it. Oddly, though, they're never up in arms when Muslims do this and worse to Christians.

fish oil
Fish oil - it doesn't cure cancer either

There seems to be more studies on things no one ever thought fish oil did than there are on most anything else, except breast cancer, of course. After studies showing that fish oil doesn't prevent breast cancer, doesn't prevent blindness, doesn't prevent athlete's foot, doesn't prevent menstrual cramps, doesn't make your baby ugly, doesn't cure jock itch, doesn't prevent baldness, doesn't prevent vaginal dryness, doesn't cure bad breath and doesn't make your penis larger, now they've discovered that it also doesn't prevent irregular heartbeats if you were prone to having them anyway. Wow, thank God they did this study or we might never have known! I wonder what else fish oil doesn't do? We need more studies.

Boobies - always a popular treat

In the Ukraine, where nipply weather is a standard feature, there is a small political party called Femen which is made up entirely of topless women. The idea sounds appealing at first, women using their bodies to gain power, but then it was discovered that Femen is a political party made up entirely of feminists. And this is where the story lost its appeal and the titties began to sag.

anglea sidewell
Vote for me - I'm wearing a bikini

Meanwhile, over in Poland, a female political candidate is seeking to draw votes by displaying roadside signs featuring large photographs of herself wearing nothing but a small bikini. The Polish don't seem to mind and her campaign is doing well.

pedo press
No more Edward

Amazon dot com flirted with controversy recently when it featured a book for pedophiles. They finally caved in to critics, though, and pulled the entire "Twilight" series from their shelves.

And that's pretty much it for interesting things in the news today. I suppose tomorrow I should finish blogging about my trip. Or maybe not. I don't know. What interesting things are going on in your world today?

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