Gone to Florida - Back in a Few

I am leaving for Florida and won't be back for several days. I don't want you to think I've abandoned my blog altogether. And I don't want you to think I've died and didn't get a chance to say 'goodbye.' So, even though it's risky to some degree, I'm telling you that I'm leaving and will be back in a few days (unless I actually do die somehow.) I don't have a laptop so I can't blog from Florida. I also don't have a guest blogger to carry on the nude Memphis tradition while I'm away. I had thought about asking Stacy because she is my favorite Peanut Queen, and also because she's a hottie and just doesn't know it. I also thought about asking Artful Laura or Robin the Binsk, because they both photographed their breasts and posted the fabulous results to their blogs and I thought this sort of thing was exactly what the Nude Memphis Blog calls for. I mentioned it in passing to Porkchop and haven't gone back to see if I can find which blog entry I made the comment on, but she's already teaming with her sisters to guest blog for her brother while he's away at boot camp. Anyway, maybe a few days of idleness won't kill my blog entirely.

While I'm gone I'm wanting to conduct an experiment. Maybe if I remember I'll post here what my counter was at when I finally put this post up (27, 351) And then we'll see what it is at when I get back. What does this have to do with an experiment, you ask? Well, it's just that I'm going to post some things and I am curious to see if I get a reaction. So you watch the counter and here I go:

Katie Holmes Nude
Paris Hilton's Naked Video
Porn Porn Porn
Nude Lesbian Wrestling
Totally Nude Teenage Girls
Live Nude Russian Webcams (If I were to rename my blog, this would be my first choice.)
Naked Catholic High School Girls Getting Spankings
I have a big 20 inch penis
Brazilian preteens having sex with dogs
Jenna Bush Completely Nude and Uninhibited
Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson Having Lesbian Sex Together

OK, that should about do it. This may not do much, but it can't hurt to just try it and see. Who knows? Maybe we'll learn a useful lesson with this.

Also, I have been transferred to a new position at work, so it is entirely possible that I am going to be more limited in my blogging in the future. I don't want anyone to think I am neglecting them or ignoring them, so I'm just giving you a heads up.

See you in a few days
- Nude Memphis Steve
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Faces of death

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Women Are Goofy

Memphis at the gym

I went to the gym last night. The usual cavalcade of hot 18-year-old girls wasn't there. A woman who appeared to be in her late 30s came in. I had never seen her before. I was busy focusing on my workout and not thinking about being smooth for the ladies, as if my thinking about it really helps any.

Anyway, I went to the water fountain and as I was walking back to the bench press I passed her by. I smiled at her and she smiled back. Then she said, "Hi, how are you?"

I wasn't thinking. I said, "Hot, sweaty and stinky."

OK, this is not the sort of thing you'd hear James Bond saying to a woman. Or even George Clooney, I suppose. It isn't the sort of thing that any ladies' man I know of would ever suggest a man say to impress a woman. But here's the thing, she started laughing really hard. And she kept talking to me.

Now me being married I can't really get serious about picking up women at the gym, even if they don't know I'm married since I can't wear my ring and lift weights, too, because the bars will destroy the ring. Nevertheless, I got the impression that I might be able to have her if I wanted.

Who would have thought that "hot, sweaty and stinky" would make such a fabulous impression? And she was good-looking, too. If I had known this years ago I would have run around saying it all the time. That aerobics instructor, Susan Tackett, who shot me down like a U2 spy plane over China, would have melted in my hands. She would have been mine. But no, I had no clue that such an off-hand remark could be so powerful. I just said, "you wanna get something to eat" and she whipped out the machine guns. Down I went.

Women - you are all just goofy.
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Dog and Cookie

Point of no return
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A Funny Thing Happened To Me Today

"Mom, you won't believe what happened to me today!"
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Tom Cruise and clone

If her hair were a little lighter, maybe slightly redish, she would be Nicole Kidman's twin.
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Ten Years From Now He's Gonna Be So Embarrassed

Dude, I'm a dork!
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Female Brain Shuts Off During Orgasm

By EMMA ROSS, AP Medical Writer
Tue Jun 21, 8:22 AM ET

COPENHAGEN, Denmark - New research indicates parts of the brain that govern fear and anxiety are switched off when a woman is having an orgasm but remain active if she is faking.

In the first study to map brain function during orgasm, scientists from the Netherlands also found that as a woman climaxes, an area of the brain governing emotional control is largely deactivated.

"The fact that there is no deactivation in faked orgasms means a basic part of a real orgasm is letting go. Women can imitate orgasm quite well, as we know, but there is nothing really happening in the brain," said neuroscientist Gert Holstege, presenting his findings Monday to the annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology.

In the study, Holstege and his colleagues at Groningen University recruited 11 men, 13 women and their partners.

The volunteers were injected with a dye that shows changes in brain function on a scan. For men, the scanner tracked activity at rest, during erection, during manual stimulation by their partner and during ejaculation brought on by the partner's hand.

For women, the scanner measured brain activity at rest, while they faked an orgasm, while their partners stimulated their clitoris and while they experienced orgasm.

Holstege said he had trouble getting reliable results from the study on men because the scanner needs activities lasting at least two minutes and the men's climaxes didn't last that long. However, the scans did show activation of reward centers in the brain for men, but not for women.

Holstege said his results on women were more clear.

When women faked orgasm, the cortex, the part of the brain governing conscious action, lit up. It was not activated during a genuine orgasm.

Even the body movements made during a real orgasm were unconscious, Holstege said.

The most striking results were seen in the parts of the brain that shut down, or deactivated. Deactivation was visible in the amygdala, a part of the brain thought to be involved in the neurobiology of fear and anxiety.

"During orgasm, there was strong, enormous deactivation in the brain. During fake orgasm, there was no deactivation of the brain at all. None," Holstege said.

Shutting down the brain during orgasm may ensure that obstacles such as fear and stress did not get in the way, Holstege proposed. "Deactivation of these very important parts of the brain might be the most important necessity for having an orgasm," he said.

Donald Pfaff, professor of neurobiology and behavior at Rockefeller University in New York, said the interpretations were reasonable. "It makes poetic sense," said Pfaff, who was not connected with the research.
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Chinese Future

Future Chinese Computer Programmer
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Model Hazing

In Rio de Janeiro, the capital of fashion is also the capital of cruelty, as fresh young models become the playthings of the older, more experienced models in this year's Spring/Summer 2006 fashion gala.

As Sophie walks down the catwalk for the very first time in her young life, she thinks silently to herself, "Somebody's gonna DIE for this."

She can hear them all laughing back behind the curtain.

After Sophie is thoroughly humiliated they send out Paulo, the new boy.

Fresh meat, and they make the most of him.
Backstage they call him "Mr. T" and laugh until they wet themselves.
Paulo is not amused.

Neither is the designer, Mr. Sandpiper, whose fashions now smell of urine and heroin.

Later in the show, Sophie is on again.
"Damn them! Damn them all TO HELL!"
She is traumatized.

Linda is the next victim.
At first she tries to be a good sport, dancing and playing along as if it were funny.

But then they go too far.

Cruelly, they dress her as Pee Wee Herman and send her out into the street, telling her there is a photographer waiting to photograph her next to the water.
She is mistaken for a gay prostitute and arrested by the local police.
While in prison Linda hangs herself with her long stringy vest, which she never liked anyway.
But it is cheap and the strings break, leaving her with a scar.

If they were cruel to Linda and the others, it was nothing compared to what they did to poor Danska, the Russian beauty.
The dress was fine, but just as she was preparing to walk out onto the platform one of the girls cried out,
"Wait, let us fix your hair."

Oh, the inhumanity!

Another victim.

Salinas thought she had escaped them.
They had fussed with her hair and even placed a silly bow upon her head, but overall she thought the bathing suit was fine.
In all the excitement she failed to notice that they never gave her the bottoms, but only a tiny band which failed to cover her nicely shaved parts.

Karina is their next victim.
Dressed as a clown, she is sent out to be emotionally destroyed in front of all her friends and family, who flew to Rio from Romania just to see her in her very first show as a professional fashion model.

The model cruelty continues, with 2 Brazilian girls getting "Mickey Moused."

The Mousketeering continues with another young victim humiliated.

Then it gets out of hand.
5, 6, even 7 girls at a time, sent out with the Mouseketeer hair and sack dress to be mocked and ridiculed for the entertainment of the heroin queens in back.

The shame is epic, almost a holocaust in scope.
Even the photographers gasp in disbelief at the cruel audacity the veteran models have shown.

It is too much.
There is blood in the air.

A riot erupts backstage.

In desperation, two of the designer girls are sent out with the Toys'R'Us mascot to try and distract the crowd from the crashes and screams of 'Bitch' and 'Whore' which can be heard thundering from behind the curtain.

Finally, Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bunchen comes out.
The crowd is appeased, having expected a few higher end models from the start and not really caring much about the young girls who are shedding their blood and clothes backstage.

But the battle rages on in the back.
Heroin needles fly.
Hair is pulled.
Faces are scratched.
Cootchies are kicked with high heeled feet.

In other words, it's your standard fashion show.
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Nude Cruise

If ever there was a cruise I wanted to be on, this is it. This photo is from an ad for the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR) and I'm thinking I need to join.

See, if I join it should look like this. Yes, exactly like this.
I'll bet she's saying, "Quit jabbing me with that. We'll get to that LATER."
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Beer Woman

This has GOT to be staged

I'm very tired today. I think I may be dead. You know how when you get home from a long trip and your wife greets you by screaming at you until 1 in the morning? Yeah, don't you hate that? Me too. If I am dead then I definitely went to hell. And if I'm not then maybe God is preparing me for it? Hard to say. There is no sign of him here.

I tossed an old CB radio into the kitchen for the trash. It bounced and gouged the linoleum. No, this isn't when the trouble started. This was right in the middle, but it sure got worse from there. And now my transmission is making a noise when I shift. Not good. I think if I were to die on the way home, this might be a good thing. Also highly probable considering the way people drive in Crazy Cordova.
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Have You Ever ... ?

Have You ever?

Snuck out of the house........ Yes, but my parents were old and tired and didn’t care anymore
Gotten lost in your city.........Lost in Memphis? Hell yes. You ever been to Memphis, you’ll get lost, too. The streets change names all of a sudden and you’re just supposed to know that it continues 5 blocks down, but the map doesn’t show it and there are no signs. Lost in my home town? No.
Seen a shooting star.......... Yes, and quite a few satellites, too. Dad used to show me the stars and tell me what was what while we stood out in the backyard at night. Then he’d tell me about being a boy in Minneola, Texas, and blowing things up with his chemistry set and bombs he’d made. Shooting stars and high explosives, yep. Good times.
Been to any other countries besides Canada.... Do the islands in the Caribbean count? How about Puerto Rico? Texas? Texas used to be a separate country. That should count.
Had a serious surgery........ Well they weren’t exactly funny. At least not to me.
Gone out in public in your pajamas....... Hell, I’ve gone streaking. Walking around my front yard in my yellow smiley-face boxers doesn’t phase me.
Kissed a stranger...........I guess. I can’t remember who the hell she was and she was definitely strange.
Hugged a stranger......... Yeah, but she was some friend’s relative or something so I don’t know how much that counts.
Been in a fist fight........ Yes, several. I always won, too … so far.
Been arrested.......... Yes, and I’ve been spread on the car and patted down and nearly punched a cop, too. And he deserved it, LET ME TELL YOU! Ah, but it’s not what you’ve done, it’s who you know that matters. Oh, to be 18 again.
Laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose...... This was every day at lunch during Middle School. Eating with the guys I hung out with was just asking for trouble. Some of them were pretty funny guys.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator........ Of course, that’s what they’re there for.
Swore at your parents......... Called Mom a ‘bitch.’ Can’t remember what I said to Dad, but he didn’t care. Then when I said something ‘sucked’ he got all upset about it. WTF?
Been in love....... Yes, and she broke my heart. Then I did it again and married her.
Been close to love....... Never met Miss Jennifer Love Hewitt, but I’d love to.
Been to a casino......... Yes, on the cruise ship during our honeymoon, but the blackjack dealer was too fast so I didn’t play.
Been skydiving.......... No, but if I get the chance and my knees are healthy enough I’ll do it. Less and less chance of that every year, though.
Skinny dipped...........Well, I was pretty skinny in high school, but I had my clothes on when a friend driving his father's boat flung me across Tims Ford lake while waterskiing. The way I cartwheeled it’s a wonder my bathing suit didn’t fly off. Everything else did. I guess this doesn’t count, though, does it? But you should have seen how high those skis flew up into the air.
Skipped school...........Yeah, but only once and all we did was go to the neighbors house and kick the soccer ball all day long. Wheeeee, we were such rebels.
Seen a therapist........ Went to a marriage counselor, but he was a friend and he was really good. We had heard him speak and decided to go to him before we got married just to sort of give our coming marriage a head start. It was a good decision. Later, in Memphis, I went to a guy provided through work. He was a worthless lump of bearded hot air. “So why do YOU think you’re here?” I don’t know, Dipshit. Clearly not to get any advice from you.
Done the splits...........In high school I got to within a few inches of the floor (yeah, I could touch ‘it’ to the floor.) But never made it all the way down.
Played spin the bottle...........No, Truth or Dare. Kissed the girl across the street, who later grew up to be really beautiful.
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.......... Probably, back in high school. We all drank milk like it was water in my family.

Bitten someone............ Bit My Wife on the butt. She bit my arm and left some serious teethmarks. And she laughed and laughed and laughed.
Been to Niagara Falls....Yes, both sides. Didn’t see Binsk or Cendrine there, but maybe one day.
Gotten the chicken pox....... Yes, when I was 4 or 5 years old. That was when I was home to see the hearse take Christine’s body away after she died during the night. I’ll never forget it.
Kissed a member of the same sex.......No, and I don’t plan to.
Crashed into a friend's car........ No, but I nearly flipped my own after a certain lunatic named Aeillo cut me off while we were drag-racing (at his insistence.) I couldn’t BELIEVE he did that.
Been to Japan......... No, but I have lots of their stuff.
Ridden in a taxi............ Yes, whoopie.
Been dumped........... Yes indeed I have. I’ve even been dumped before we went out for our first date, dammit.
Shoplifted............ Yes, My Brother taught me well, but I always had too strong of a conscience so I couldn’t keep it up.
Been fired............. I don’t know if I was fired or just un-hired. It was a strange scenario.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex......... Not unless Heather Graham secretly has a penis (UGH! Wash my brain! Wash my brain!)
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back...........Oh Good Lord, yes. Just flip through my high school annuals and pick most any girl in there.
Gone on a blind date.............Blind prom.
Lied to a friend............ Yes, at the wedding. “Oh, I think you two are GREAT together!”
Had a crush on a teacher............ Miss Nixon, who was the reigning Miss Alabama that year, was our student teacher. She was built like a brick shithouse and so beautiful. Unfortunately, I was only 11 at the time.
Celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans........... No, never been to New Orleans, but we can smell it all the way in Memphis.
Slept with a co-worker............ Well, My Wife worked at the same company as me for a few months so I guess that would be a ‘yes.’
Been married........... Yes. I wonder whatever happened to her? Oh yeah, she's lives with me.
Had children............. Not yet as far as I know.
Seen someone die............ I used to work at the Baptist Student Union in college on Friday and Saturday nights. I’d drive home at 1 or 2 a.m. I saw a lot of people die. I saw a guy with blood all over his face, barely conscious, laying on the steering wheel after he plowed into a pole and knocked out the street signal. When I talked to him he wanted me to call his mother. I called the paramedics first and then his mother. Can you imagine getting that call at 2 a.m.? “Hi, your son is plastered to a telephone pole and he wants me to tell you. He’s covered in blood and the car is totalled. Oops, the ambulance is here. Gotta go.”
Had a close friend die.... Chris Chapman was born with genetic defects and a hole in his heart. We all knew he wasn’t expected to live to be old, but it was still a shock when he died just after college. He was a really funny guy. His mother was absolutely crushed. Years later his brother died suddenly and unexpectedly. The mother was left the only surviving family member.
Tim Burn died in a car crash on the way to one of our high school track meets. He was buried in his track uniform. The whole team was there. I'll never forget that. I quit running after that because I couldn't stop thinking about it every time I ran with the team.
Rita Pfaff died in a car crash right after graduation.

Yancy Fortner died in a car crash in Michigan during college.
Been to Africa............ What for? I live in Memphis.
Driven over 400 miles in one day..........I’ve driven a great deal more than that and I’m about to do it again in a few weeks.
Been to US............I’ve been to kings and queens, but I’ve never been to me. Ooh, I hate that song. Why did I think this was funny?
Been to Mexico.......... Why bother? Mexico keeps coming here.
Been to India............. Every time I call the Dell or Bellsouth technical support line
Been on a plane............ Yes. Some were better than others.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show..........Many times. Girls have a funny habit of wearing almost nothing to this show. I consider this a big selling point.
Thrown up in a bar..........Not that I can recall, but that doesn’t really mean I haven’t, does it?
Purposely set a part of myself on fire........ I burned off some hairs on my arm while grilling burgers. Does that count? I guess it doesn't since it wasn't on purpose.
Eaten sushi..........Yes, I thought I was in love, but she turned out to be just another Oriental craving gone south
Been skiing/snowboarding............. Yes, and I discovered that snow which has partially melted and then refrozen after sundown makes for some rough landings
Met someone in person from the internet........Once long, long ago when college students used to get hooked on a thing called LambaMOO.
Lost a child.............Not yet
Gone to college/university.........Yes, and finished it, but I may be going back again soon.
Graduated college/university..........Yes, for all the good it does now.
Fired a gun................. Which one? I’ve fired quite a few of them.
Purposely hurt yourself...........Yes, dating her even after my friend Larry warned me not to would probably qualify as hurting myself. I should have listened and asked out Chris Ward instead.
Taken painkillers............... Yes, and I never gave them back either.
Been intimate with someone of the same gender.............What the hell for?!

So there is my "Have you ever?" I stole it from Stacy and I don't even feel guilty about it. I hope this has in some way, shape or form enlightened you and made the world a better place.

We are the world .... we are the children ... mmmmmmm ... something something ... oh well, I always hated that song anyway.

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Nearly Nude Tattooed Netherlanders

Mmm, so pretty.

I will be gone tomorrow and all weekend, so I hope this bombardment of nakedness can satisfy your daily need for some Nude Memphis until Monday.
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Nude Memphis Bike Ride

Went for a bike ride. Met a girl, said her name was Leesa, and some friends ...
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Nude London Steve

So I was in London the other day and I met this girl ...
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Just Plain Mean

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Continuing Today's Tinkle Theme

Allow me to wash those feet for you
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If Memphis Steve Had A Little Sister

He would'a done this ...

No, only kidding.
I would have gotten in SO much trouble.
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Ask Me No ... Maybe a Few Tiny Lies

I'll add more questions and answers if there are more questions in the comments section, but since there are already 15 I'm going to get started now.

Omni said... "What's something you ONLY do when no one's around? (I mean something G-rated, of course.)"
Sing at the top of my lungs

greekchickie said... "Would you tell us one of the happiest memories of your life?"
Getting married. And the honeymoon was a blast.
Track and Cross Country trips in high school were a blast, although we got in big trouble for trashing a hotel room (you'd be amazed at the creative things you can do with a bunch of teenage athletes, a shotput, and a bouncy mattress.)

kathrynhowlswithwolves said..."Whats something you would do in public that would be really bizarre or embarrassing or whatever..., but if you got away with it (no one would know it was YOU since you'd be in a crowd)you'd go "hmmmm.....I can (blank) because no one will know it's me!.."
Grope attractive women
'borrow' all the cash from the register of whatever store I happened to be in
take a sledgehammer to the BMW of a particular asshole I used to work with in broad daylight while he watched
yank down the pants of kids who wear them around their knees already
pop bras
wedgie dorks
surf shopping carts inside the stores
walk into the dressing rooms of various women's bathing suit stores and video all the naked chickies for my personal entertainment
steal a cop car and drive like the Dukes of Hazzard through yards and fields and parking lots until it was dead
and ... ah ... mostly just grope attractive women.

Susie said... "What CD do you have in your car stereo right now? What's the last thing you watched on TV? The last book you read?"
CD: Judas Priest's Greatest Hits CD#2 and I think it just played "Living After Midnight"
TV: Becker (Chris suckered him into having Thanksgiving with everyone at his place and her recently paroled sister hooks up with Jake)
Book: Java 2.0 in 21 Days
and I'm still reading it

Leesa said... "What have you done that you can look back now and feel regret and shame?" Failed to jump on/ask out Heather Howard, Dee Dee Ransburg, Chris Ward, Suzanne D'Aunoy, Sara Day, Leah Perez, Ginni Myers, Laura Myers, and many, many more that I probably had a reasonable shot with.
Also, I did ask out Susan Tackett at her beautiful sister's urging only to be shot down worse than anyone ever shot me down in my life. I regret that a lot.

Susan Tackett is the girl in purple and yellow on the left

Robin said... "What was the worst day of your life?"
The day my fiancee said "I don't love you anymore. I think we should date other people," and then I had to watch her walk out the door. I didn't even know it was possible to cry so hard that blood would come out of your eyes, but apparently there are tiny capillaries around there that will burst if you really strain them. Imagine my surprise.

Kristen said... "What is the craziest thing you have ever done while driving?"
1) Mooned people
2) While turning left at an intersection and heading towards a woman in a BMW I skidded and screamed at the top of my lungs as if I were out of control and scared the shit out of her (Laura Myers and some other people were in the car with me screaming, too, because they didn't know that I was kidding.) I was really only trying to scare Laura, but the woman in the BMW, who was black, turned white and made a face of sheer terror as we skidded past her.
3) 2 a.m. on a winding 2-lane road with deep ditches on either side, I held the gas pedal to the floor to see how fast the car would go until it wouldn't go any faster and there was no more road.
The guy whose car it was was sitting next to me, drunk and chanting "crash and burn." I was drunk and chanting "crash and die." Iron Maiden was in the stereo blasting "Aces High."
4) Accidently launched my dad's Buick about 6 feet into the air after a fraternity party when I came upon a concrete drainage ditch that stretched across the center of a dark parking lot which I didn't know about and didn't see until I was airborne. I pledged the fraternity and am today an ATO alumni, but I never did tell my dad where all the scrapes on his front bumper came from. Man, what a hard landing!
5) Blew the doors off a brand new IROC Camaro that challenged me to race at 2 a.m. When he got mad about losing and wanted to race again I beat him even worse the 2nd time. I have no idea who he was, but I'll bet he was pissed at spending all that money on a new Camaro only to get blown away by a raggedy old Buick. He still had the sticker in the window. I barely even had paint on my car.
6) Sorry, no blowjob stories. I wish.

Cendrine said... "What's your definition of a slut (male and female)?"
If you've ever been on the internet in a sex video that people pay money for, you might be a slut.
If your father's name is Hilton, you might be a slut.
If you've ever slept with Madonna, you might be a slut.
If you are Madonna, you might be a slut.
If you've ever given a blowjob to someone else's husband/boyfriend in a moving car while drunk you might be a slut.
If you've ever screwed your ex-boyfriend who was currently dating one of your best friends while on a loaded and moving church bus, you might be a slut.
If you've ever been in a "Girls Gone Wild" video naked and getting it on with another person of your same sex, you might be a slut.
If you've ever slept with any member of Motley Crew, Kiss, Bon Jovi, or any of the techno-glam-metal bands, you might be a slut.
If you've ever worn your current lover's blood in a vial around your neck, you might be a slut.
If you ever got me to take you to my senior prom just so you could piss off the guy you really liked and tried to get it on with him while I was there you might be a big fucking slut.

Lisa said... "If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead; who would you choose and why?"
Carole Lombard - they say she was beautiful and possibly the funniest woman in the movie industry. Anyone who could rock Hollywood by dying as much as she did must be worth meeting.


Jesus - with all of the confusion as to what he did or didn't say and mean, wouldn't it help to be able to ask him face-to-face?

The Incurable Savant said... "Tell us about your first sexual experience."
See: "If you ever ... senior prom ... you might be a big fucking slut" above. Actually, I think there were some before her, but they weren't memorable enough apparently because I can't think of a specific one.

robyn said... "What miracle of Jesus' do you wish you were able to perform? Remember it's not just about making wine, he also cast out evil spirits and walked on water."
Healing - there are so many people in my life right now who need healing and I can't do anything about it.

spinner8 said... "Would you rather be famous, rich, and happy or lonely, sad, anonymous, and poor?"
I'll go with the famous, rich, and happy. I already have the lonely, sad, anonymous and poor.

~Stephanie~ said... "Is this really you on this toilet in the picture? And if so who took this picture??"
I have no idea who the guy on the toilet is, but it isn't me.

Stacy the PQ said... "Out of all of your favorite books you've read, if you could chose just one character to be, who would you be and why?"
Most of the latest books I've read are based on true stories about murder, so I'm thinking I don't want to be anyone in any of those. Aragorn sounds pretty good to me. I know that will make you happy, but I also think it's probably my best choice.

The Wandering Mind said... "I remember the first time I had sex. I was very scared. Of course it was dark and I was alone at the time."

Ah yes, those confusing middle school years.

Laura said... "If you could change careers in a heartbeat, what would you be? And what one thing do you really not like about yourself? It does not have to be a physical characteristic either..."
If I could do it over I guess I'd have stayed with engineering and never come to Memphis no matter what they offered me. If I'd had any choice I wanted I might have done law instead, but it wasn't an option at the time.
One thing I really do not like about myself is that I live in Memphis and can't get out. I am trapped and it is killing me.

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Ask Me No Questions And I'll Tell You No Lies

I have no idea why I'm doing this, but I was just over at Robin's blog and I saw that she had done one of those "Ask me anything" posts. I think everyone has done this now except me, so now I'm late to the party, as usual.

Here is the deal: ask me any question you want and I will try to answer it. If you know me then you know without my telling you that if you ask something I don't know the answer to or don't want to answer that I'm going to be a smart-ass, but even so I'll put out this disclaimer ahead of time.

Ask me your questions - what do you wish to ask of the Nude Memphis Steve?
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Monday Morning

It's Monday morning and I've got a dark cloud over me today. I think I'm worse than Friday and this time I don't have a monster poop to write about.

Speaking of monster poops, what was up with last week and everyone being inspired to write about their most magnificent poops of all time? It was as if some evil FBI plot was hatched with some new machine to influence everyone on the blog to write about poo.

Something occurred to me this morning as I was walking in from the parking lot. All of that research and hard work to determine what scent women want on a man was for nothing. Do you want know why?

I'll just pretend I can hear you and you are saying, "Yes, Mr. Memphis, tell me why."

Because from June to September in lugly Memphis, Tennessee by the time you've parked your car and walked into the office building you are already sweaty enough to negate the whole thing. That's right, in the time it takes me to go from my little minitruck to the front door of this building I have sweated enough to ruin $50 worth of Chrome cologne or Old Spice body wash or Lever 2000 soap or whatever women prefer a man smell like.

"But Memphis, one little sweat doesn't wash it all away does it?" Again you talk to me from out of nowhere. This is creepy.

Anyway, one little sweat doesn't smell lovely, but it's true that it isn't enough to totally ruin the effect I'm going for, which is to cause women I work with to run like mad stalkers after me in hopes they can inhale the fumes of whatever I smell like.

No, it's the second sweat that kills it. See, it's only going to get hotter and more humid as the day goes on. At some point I'll have to go outside again. Or the secretary will ask me to move some boxes. Or someone will say the word "layoff." And then comes the second sweat. This is where it gets ugly. This is where I start to stink like an old sock. And not just any old sock. Not Heather Graham's pretty old sock, but maybe Mike Tyson's old sock. Yeah, Mike Tyson's "you got your ass beat by a white boy" sock. And that don't smell pretty, LET ME TELL YOU.

So there is my dilemma. Well, there is some of my dilemma. There is a lot more on my mind than that, but the rest of it would be totally boring and useless to you so I won't mention it. Yes, even when I call you, or maybe you called me and I can't remember? Either way, I don't know how to explain it over the phone or on my blog, so be glad for that. Plus, My Wife was sitting right there going "Who is that on the phone" and it suddenly occurred to me that she doesn't know who you are. And I was glad you called me. Or I called you. I had more I wanted to say.

Yes, it was that kind of weekend. You know those weekends where the wife suddenly wants to have sex out of the blue and then afterwards she's all "you probably got me pregnant and if I'm pregnant I'm going to die and you'll be sorry" and all that? And every other minute she's a different person? She's up. She's down. What the hell is she talking about? Yeah, well aren't those the most fun weekends a man can have? Not.

Speaking of chaos, my Mother-In-Law, the elder Mouth of the South, was mistakenly told that we are going to Florida for a week this summer. And she, being the sort that she is, decided that what this meant was, we are going to see the Brother-In-Law and take pictures of his new house to send to her for a week this summer. Had I been in this conversation I could have said, "no, we are going to the beach and no one else but us is welcomed to come along." But unfortunately I wasn't and so she ran all over The Wife during this telephone conversation, as usual. My Wife says she tried to tell The Mother that we are not going to anyone's house during our vacation, but she couldn't get a word in edgewise.

So, the Mother-In-Law called the Brother-In-Law's wife, the younger Mouth-of-the-South, and told her that we are coming, which we are not. Then the younger Mouth-of-the-South called My Wife last night while she was trying to watch a TV show she had waited all weekend to see. You can guess how this turned out. She didn't get to see any of the show because her new Sister-In-Law talked her head off and wouldn't shut up for a second. Also, My Wife has this nasty little habit of not saying, "I can't talk right now so call me later, Bye" and hanging up. Anyway, her new Sister-In-Law informed her that she is so happy we are coming and blah blah blah (fill in other bullshit I couldn't care less about here.) So now My Wife is totally stressed out about this.

What is the purpose of a vacation? To relieve stress. To relax. To get away from the causes of all your stress and high blood pressure.

What has just happened here? The Mother-In-Law has attempted to wreck our only vacation of the year in which My Wife blows off steam and gets her blood pressure back down to healthy levels. And knowing My Wife and how she never stands up to her mother she will inform me at some point that we are going to her brother's house even though it totally stresses her out, interferes with our vacation plans, and was never agreed to by either one of us. At this point I can either be The Bad Guy and refuse to go or call the Mother-In-Law myself and tell her that we are not going even though I know that she will be furious with me, tell the Brother-In-Law that it is all my doing because I won't LET My Wife go see his house and then he'll call me and scream because he's in the Navy and by God he knows everything even though he's only 25.

My Wife, meanwhile, will side with Her Mother and never once stand up for me or herself. She will instantly switch sides and declare that it is no big deal to go to Her Brother's new house. She will deny ever having said otherwise. I will be alone on this. I am sick of this.

And this isn't even the dark cloud I'm already dealing with. Such a lovely day I'm having.
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The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...

"They won't let me fart."

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Three C's


COWS Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington?

And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
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Little Known Soccer Activities

What the hell is he doing?!

OK, well anyway, I'm having a crappy day. It started yesterday at about 5:30 p.m. and hasn't improved. So I'm in an appropriate mood all things considered. Thus, my blog thus far is a photo and not much else.

Also, I need to poo really badly and I should go do that instead of typing here. In fact, hang on and I'll be right back ...

OK, I'm back. Mmm, that was a good poo. Well, sort of. You know those poos where everything all comes out in one compacted bomb and lands with a loud BLOOP and splashes your entire buttocks with water? Yeah, well that's what I just did. I went in dry and came out with my butt dripping wet, as if my butt had somehow managed to go for a swim and left the rest of me behind. Luckily for me there was plenty of toilet paper. Ever had this happen to you and there is just enough paper to either dry your butt or wipe it? And then you have to choose. Do you dry your butt and then make your way to the next stall for more paper or do you wipe and then waddle, pants still down, for more paper? This is a real crisis in bathrooms with only one stall and no other paper. Then you have to decide which is more important.

For a guy the choice isn't so bad in most cases. You can wipe the necessary parts and then rely on your cotton BVDs to soak up the rest. But if you're a girl and you wear a thong and some dress pants or a skirt then you've got a real dilemma. If you choose to wipe the necessary business, which I'm thinking you would rather than to have a dry butt with a thong climbing up into the nastiness, then you have a wet butt. Your thong won't dry it. And if you have on dress pants or a dressy skirt then it's going to soak through and you'll be left walking around with two big wet buttcheeks for all the world to see and admire. Women are like cats, they don't like to look foolish. A wet butt looks pretty foolish. So then you are left to stand around, or sit around, in the bathroom until it air dries. What a drag that is.

Men are like dogs, by the way. Feed us and let us hump you and we'll love you 'till the day we die.

Yes, this is actually what I'm blogging today. If I were to blog what I'm really feeling it would be dark and gloomy and no one needs that. So I hope you've enjoyed my poo. I know I did.

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Stuff - Stolen from Stacy the Peanut Queen

Name: Nude Memphis Steve
Birthday: Once per year
Birthplace: Hospital
Current location: My desk
Eye Color: Which eye? Both are brown.
Hair color: Again, which one? Some are brown. Increasingly I find gray ones.
Height: Currently I’m sitting down, so that would make me about 4 feet tall.
Handed-ness: Depends on what I’m doing.
Heritage: The Socialists stole my heritage. I intend to get it back.
Shoes you wore today: Both are mine.
Your weakness: Testicles, same as every other guy.
Goal You Want To Achieve This Year: Better home.
Thoughts while waking up: Mmm? Wha? Eh? Mmmm. ZZZZZ
Your Most Missed Memory: I can’t find my memory of my first sex. I left it right there but now it’s gone.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
McD's or Burger King: Either one. Currently Burger King is closer.
Single Or Group Dates: I haven’t dated a group since I was in college.
Lipton or Nestea: I ask, “do you have sweet tea” and if they say “yes” I say, “I’ll have that, then.”
Chocolate or Vanilla? Mix’em together and squish’em between two hot waffles and you’ve got a party in your mouth!
Cappucino or Coffee: What’s in the pot? I’ll drink it if I'm tired.
Smoke? Only when I’m on fire or having sex.
Swear? Have you ever read my blog?

Sing? Badly.
Shower or Bath? We can do either or both together. You tell me.
Been in Love? Yes.
College? Yes, and probably going back for more classes if I don’t get some good opportunities in my field soon.
Married? Yes, to Mrs. Nude Memphis. And she thought it was hilarious when I told her you guys call her that.
Believe in yourself? I believe I exist. How odd would it be if I didn’t?
Motion sickness? Not that I can recall.
Do you think you are attractive? Yes, to mosquitoes.
Are you a health freak? No, but I try to slow the deterioration with exercise as much as I can.
Do you get along with your parents? If I try real hard.
Like thunderstorms? Yes, but I’d like them better if I could get a decent lightning photo.
Instrument? Used to play piano. Then guitar. Now I play the radio. I'm pretty good at the radio.

In the past month, have you..
Drank alcohol: I don’t know what it was, but it may have been alcohol.
Smoked: Well, I’ve inhaled quite a bit of second-hand. Does that count?
Done drugs: Lots of Clarinex, baby, I’m a rebel!
Gone on a date: Every Friday night.
Gone to the mall: Um, I think it was within the past month. Lots of hot chicks there, let me tell you.
Eaten cookies: Yes. But we just called her 'Cook' for short. Man, that was a long time ago.
Eaten sushi: No, it was … what the hell do they wrap in seaweed? I ate that.
Been on stage: Not in the past month, no.
Been dumped: In marriage, you get dumped and picked up again from time to time.
Skinny dipped: In the shower.
Stolen anything: I just stole this from Stacy’s blog.

Been drunk: I’m not so think as you drunk I am, Oliver.
Called a Tease: They don’t call men ‘tease.’ They call us ‘asshole’ if we don’t catch on and put out when they want us to.
Been beaten up: Been beaten on, but not up. Never lost a fistfight yet. But there’s still time.
How do you want to die: Rich, good-looking, and famous.
What do you want to be? The richest, best-looking, most famous man in the world.
Country you'd like to visit: Australia and its’ famous nude beaches.
Best clothing style: Nude with toilet.
Drugs I've taken: Name any allergy drug and I’ve taken it.
CDs: That would be several blogs long. Yes, I have some CDs.
Piercings: One unintentional one from a collision between my shin and Grandma Hakanson’s old iron lawn furniture outside the King’s house at 12 midnight on a moonless night. Tony watched the blood spewing out of my leg and just laughed. I was less amused.
Tattoos: Boss, the plane! The Plane!
Number of things I regret: More than I can count. Can I get a do-over?
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Raise Your Hand

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I've Won An Award!

I've won an award (though some might not see it as an award.) My blog was named this month's Best Blog in Tennessee. Yippee!

Who are these people and what do I win?

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A man, his wife and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land.

While they were there the mother-in-law passed away.

The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150"

The man thought about it for awhile and told the undertaker he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked , "Why? Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150?"

The man said, "A man died here 2000 years ago, he was buried here and three days later he rose from the dead.

I just can't take that chance."
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After the Weekend

It's Monday. You threw a fabulous party that started Friday night and ended sometime mid-afternoon on Sunday. You awake for work and find your couch is gone and in it's place is this. You have no idea what happened.

Damn fine party.
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Housework - Men and Women - Stirring it up again

Men are finally getting some credit for helping out around the house.

A new study proves for the first time that men actually do a bigger share of household chores than their wives admit. Shedding new light on the decades-old battle between men and women over housework, the study of 265 married couples with children, published this month in the Journal of Marriage and Family, shows that wives estimate, when asked, that their husbands do 33% of the housework. But when researchers tracked men's actual housework time, they found husbands were shouldering 39% of the chore load.

Husbands aren't getting off the hook entirely, though. They still give themselves too much credit, the study shows, claiming they do 42% of the work around the house.

The study by sociology professors Yun-Suk Lee, University of Seoul, Korea, and Linda Waite, University of Chicago, compared spouses' answers on a survey with data from an "experience sampling method." With this approach, people wear watches that beep randomly once every two hours, then write down what they're doing.

Researchers used the answers to estimate time spent during one week on chores, including washing dishes, cleaning the house, laundry, cooking, shopping, family paperwork and maintenance. They found wives not only underestimate their husbands' contribution, but overestimate their own, saying they carry 67% of the load, rather than the 61% indicated by the study.

The fact that women still do the majority of housework despite their expanded duties as breadwinners has fueled tensions in millions of homes. But many men have long insisted that they do more than their wives give them credit for. This is the first study to demonstrate it.

Bill Rogers and Joan Cummins, a Plymouth, Mich., couple, know the problem all too well. Mr. Rogers does a big chunk of the housework, including shopping, weekday cooking, yardwork and his own laundry, and Ms. Cummins admits she undervalues his role. But so many of the mundane tasks that must be done immediately fall to her, Ms. Cummins says, such as cleaning the kitchen, that she becomes resentful. "It's the everyday things that get under your skin."

When she arrived home one recent day from her job as a bank vice president, she found a dishwasher full of clean dishes needing to be put away and used cups by the sink. "How come you didn't empty the dishwasher?" she asked Mr. Rogers, who arrives home earlier from his job as an insurance agent.

"Well, who cleaned the garage this weekend?" he replied. And their customary argument began. "You never give me credit for anything I do," he told her.

It's clear men are doing more work around the house. Women's average housework time fell by nearly half between 1965 and 1995, to 17.5 hours a week from 30, while men's almost doubled to 10 hours from 4.9 hours, based on a survey of four national studies published in 2000 by the University of Maryland's Suzanne Bianchi and others.

But women still feel more burdened. Many have been raised to care more about the details of housework, causing them to overlook any efforts by their husbands that don't meet their standards. Linda Trickey, Atlanta, a corporate attorney, says that while her husband pulls his weight around the house, she hates it when he puts their kids' clothes into the dryer before checking to make sure the stains are out. And sometimes he doesn't notice undone tasks, such as clearing a table of paper piles before a dinner party.

Her husband, Allen Johnson, a civil engineer, says: "I'll do 95% of the things she asks me to do, and she'll notice the 5% I didn't do."

One wife who makes more than her husband says she secretly resents the fact that she still does more housework. "I think, 'I make more money, I contribute more to the house [financially], so you should do more chores at home,' " she says. But, like many women, she fears hurting her husband's pride if she brings it up.

The arrival of children often shifts more housework onto wives, largely because women are more likely after childbirth to increase their time spent at home. This causes stress that can blind women to their husbands' efforts. Though Staci and Christopher Reeder, Lafayette, Calif., split housework 50-50 early in their marriage, she believes she has borne closer to 60% of the load since the birth of their daughter, age 2, partly because she has a shorter commute. While Mr. Reeder does yardwork, family finances and a lot of child care and miscellaneous chores when he is home, he has found it "amazing how we ooze into our gender roles" after becoming parents.

They quarrelled about the issue recently. Chris felt he'd put in a hard night of housework the evening before, preparing dinner, getting their daughter ready for her bath and taking out the trash. Staci, meanwhile, was hard at work emptying closets in preparation for work by a contractor. But when Chris entered the kitchen the next morning, his wife was scrubbing the counter in obvious irritation that he had left it messy.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked, touching off an argument. Staci felt she shouldn't have to clean up his mess, while Chris felt she wasn't recognizing all the other work he had done. While the two soon laughed and made up, housework remains a constant source of tension, for them and other couples they know, Staci says. "When we all get together for dinner and drinks, this is the kind of thing we talk about."

-- Email your comments to sue.shellenbarger@wsj.com.

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Thomas the Train

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!
Woo woo!

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Strong Deodorant

I found this very interesting deodorant commerical on Darth Fredd's blog. Yes, so I stole it.
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You Might Not Be A Christian If ...

This has been bugging me all last night and this morning, so even though I know it's a delicate subject and I'm not as good as I like to think at expressing my actual thoughts and feelings I'm still going to take a crack at it.

I constantly encounter people who say "I'm a Christian, but ..." and then they say something like "I don't think Jesus rose from the dead" or "I don't think the Bible is true" or something along those lines. This, to me, is like the fat guy at my gym who says, "I'm a bodybuilder" and yet all he does is stand around talking and eating energy bars all night long. No one has ever seen this guy actually pick up a weight or even break a sweat. He hasn't got a muscle in his entire body. But he swears on the latest issue of "Flex" that he's a bodybuilder. Well you know what, just saying it don't make it so.

So if you identify yourself as being a Christian I just want to say:

If you are fond of saying, "I don't think the Bible is really relevant to today" you might not be a Christian.

If you reject or apologize for the writings of the Apostle Paul because your feminist friends don't like him you might not be a Christian.

If you go to church to pick up members of the opposite sex more than anything else you might not be a Christian.

If you go to church to make business deals more than anything else you might not be a Christian.

If you prefer churches that teach from Sports Illustrated more often than the Bible you might not be a Christian (yes, this is actually happening.)

If you prefer a preacher who spews hatred of those "Bible-believing Christians" at that "other church" across town more than a preacher who just opens the Bible and talks about God or Jesus you might not be a Christian.

If you prefer a preacher who spews absolute hatred of those "damned faggots/liberals/conservatives/fundis/neocons" rather than a preacher who talks about the grace of God you might not be a Christian.

If you have ever said "I don't think it matters what you believe. We're probably all going to Heaven anyway" you might not be a Christian.

If you prefer to be popular with anti-Christians more than with God you might not be a Christian.

If you frequently apologize for the Bible to your non-Christian friends you might not be a Christian.

If you are frequently heard to say that the Bible is irrelevant and was written by a bunch of stupid white males in sheets you might not be a Christian.

If you think 'truth is relative' is a biblical teaching you might not be a Christian.

If you think 'diversity of faiths and beliefs' is encouraged in the Bible you might not be a Christian.

If you think "from each according to his ability to each according to his need" was originally said by Jesus Christ you might not be a Christian.

If you think that the idea that men can build a peaceful global Utopia here on this Earth is supported by the writings in the Bible you might not be a Christian.

If you think that "do not judge others" means that no Christian can criticize or condemn the actions of another you might not be a Christian.

If you think that when the Bible specifically lists an action as being a sin it does not necessarily mean that it is a sin you might not be a Christian.

If you do not believe in the existence of evil you might not be a Christian.

If you don't believe in the existence of God you might not be a Christian.

If you don't believe Jesus was born of a virgin, killed on the cross, or rose from the dead you might not be a Christian.

If you think Jesus wasn't necessarily Jewish, but might have been black instead, you might not be a Christian.

If you don't know why Jesus has to be Jewish in order to be the Messiah you might not be a Christian.

If you don't actually know what "Christian" means you might not be a Christian.

OK, so that's what I wanted to say. I don't know why exactly, but it just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down. I've said several times that I'm a bad Baptist and a bitter Christian, but even I don't apologize for the Bible or fall for that "don't judge means you can't call a spade a spade" bullcrap. I know what I believe and I know why I believe it. I have several friends who say in no uncertain terms that they are not a Christian and that is their business. But for people who say that they are a Christian and really don't know what being a Christian means I'd simply say, why don't you make sure you know what you're talking about first and then decide if you want to call yourself a Christian? Or do you want to be like that guy who calls himself a bodybuilder simply because he's a member of the gym?
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Child Porn

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Nude Review - The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Sisterhood of Traveling Pants

This is the first Nude Memphis Book/Movie review. I have not read this book, nor have I seen the movie. Therefore, my review is based entirely on watching the commercials and hallucinating.

Apparently this story is about 4 women who only need 1 pair of pants. I'm guessing the story goes like this: One of the women buys a pair of hot, tight jeans and struts around looking to get laid. Once she finds the right guy, or the closest guy who buys her a really strong drink, she goes to his place and kicks off the pants. If the sex is good then she doesn't need the pants anymore.

Pants go flying out the window where next girl finds them (I'm having to make a BIG guess here.)

Next girl, who is apparently wandering around in her underwear or less, puts pants on. They must be some special pants, like a good name-brand or something. Maybe she has pants, but they are cheap Wal*Mart jeans so she takes them off and tosses them.

Perhaps a straight-to-DVD sequel about the Wal*Mart pants traveling around might be next?

Anyway, next girl struts around in the pants looking to get laid, too. Eventually she finds Mr. NextToGetLucky and no longer needs the pants either. So out the window they go.

The pants must keep flying out the window to a young, single, heterosexual girl to keep the story going. Otherwise, it would just end in the middle and suck or else turn into a lesbian movie and end up on Showtime. Alternatively, the girl with the pants might bring the pants home afterwards and give them away to one of the other girls since she no longer need pants now that she has a man to ride. Who knows?

I'm sure this movie is somehow going to be on either the Lifetime Network or the Hallmark Network eventually. If it truly does turn out to be all about the sex (aka, Sex in the City clone) then Hallmark won't take it. So that leaves Lifetime. If the producers are expecting this then at least 2 of the 4 guys have to be jerks or losers and at least 1 has to beat the girl and try to rape her with a grilling fork or toilet brush. I don't know why, but these are the rules if you want to be on Lifetime.

I noticed from the photo that the 4 women all have different hair colors and one is supposed to be less attractive than the others. So I'm thinking shopping and fashion are big issues here, which would lean it more towards the Hallmark Network than Lifetime. Lots of scenes filmed featuring the girls shopping and talking, talking and shopping. A little coffee shop is bound to appear at some point, where they will get high on caffeine and laugh. For some reason the coffee shop is always a place for a big 'everybody-laughing' scene. There will, of course, be an underlying theme about the less-attractive girl not getting laid, or even worse, not getting laid by a man who is perceived as being good enough for her. She'll dump Mr. Wrong and fear that she may never find Mr. Right, but amazingly stumble upon him, most likely in the coffee shop or at the strip club where she works. No wait, I'm mixing up stories here. In the scented candle shop where she works. Or wait, she may own the coffee shop.

In the end, one of the girls is going to have a baby, one is going to get married and have a big beautiful wedding (not the one with the baby, though), and all of them are going to live happily ever after, which we are expected to believe is the result of finding the right pair of pants. It's a story about great shopping, basically.

And that's my totally blind wild guess for no reason at all except that I keep seeing the commercials and thinking this. Now that I've blogged it I can finally let it go.

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