1. Have you ever mooned/flashed anyone? How long ago?
When I was younger we used to moon cars. The last time was in college when a passive/aggressive woman was blocking the passing lane, as passive/aggressives are prone to do in the city where I grew up. She, of course, did not change lanes into the right-hand lane from which she needed to turn until the last possible moment, not using a signal or anything as they might make it easier on the other drivers to share the road with her. We, being intoxicated young males with little appreciation for rolling roadblocks, all hung our asses out the window, slowed next to her and honked the horn. She turned just in time to get a face-full of hairy white ass and maybe a glimpse of ballsack. It was totally worth it. She was a cunt and we laughed for hours over her shocked expression.
2. Pick an animal that best displays your personality.
Stray Dog - I'm always on the run, from here to there to anywhere I can find something to eat or roll in. I chase foxes and pussies that I have no intention of catching, randomly show up in people's yards, poop wherever the need strikes me, gladly accept a pat on the head from strangers, and will gleefully hump your leg if you let me. If you feed me I'll be your dog for as long as you want and will attack anyone who tries to invade your territory or leave rude comments on your blog. I'm faithful to a fault. You can leave me out in the rain for a whole year before returning to blog again and I'll still be here, sitting in your driveway happily wagging my tail at your return. Please don't ever have me 'fixed' and don't worry about flea collars or shots. Strays take care of themselves. All I need is a little encouragement every now and then. And steak. Any spare steak you have lying around, please give it to me. Mmmmm steak!
3. Do you mail out holiday cards, and if so, how do you pick the list?
I normally do. My list is ginormously long. And now, because I have an ever-growing litany of Jewish friends, I find myself buying more and more Hanukkah cards as well. I never know exactly when to mail the Hanukkah cards, though, since it seems the date changes slightly every year, so I just mail them out randomly, sort of like I do the Christmas cards. This year I was unable to mail many cards at all due to my having stupidly left my mailing list in Memphis while I was in Alabama. It turned out alright, though, since apparently almost all of my friends did the same and failed to send me any cards either. Funny that.
4. How often do you wear something sexy to get attention (lingerie, low cut dress, silk boxers, etc...)?
Um yeah, nothing looks sexy on me that I know of. The Mrs tells me I look hot in work boots, tight jeans and a cowboy hat, so every now and then I mow the yard in my boots and jeans and cowboy hat and then come in all glistening and sweaty and covered in grass and say "hey baby, let's you and me do it on the Snapper."
5. Have you ever tasted breast milk SINCE you were an adult?
No, never tasted it ever, not even as a child. Have you not figured out by now that Momma didn't love me? Well now you know.
There, my meme that I stole from Ute that she stole from Spiky is done. Are you properly impressed? Good, now I need to go poop.
And now for my monthly public service announcement. Don't drink too much and then go to McDonald's. You might end up on YouTube.
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