Catalina is Not a Lesbian, Dammit!

No, NOT a lesbian!

I'm watching "Scrubs" on TV right now. Nadine Velazquez, the actress who plays Catalina on "My Name is Earl" is on.  She's playing a lesbian. I am not liking this. I know there are some weird guys who think it's hot when sexy women play lesbians, but I happen to know several lesbians and I want to let you all in on an important secret .... they will usually NOT have sex with you in an oil-covered threesome involving leather and some boots and a whip and they will usually not let you watch them doing it either. OK, sometimes there are exceptions, but you have to really know how to talk fast and say the right things and sometimes it's just flying blind. I mean, it was pure luck and would probably never happen again in a million years. And truth be told, I love my lesbian friends even if most of them don't have sex with me in an oiled and slippery leather-bound threesome and don't let me watch. But anyway, this is neither here nor there. I do NOT want to see my favorite illegal alien playing a dying lesbian in a hospital bed. NO, NO, NO, No Lesbian Catalina!

Give me Dorothy!

There's a big U.S. Senate election going on in Massachusetts right now to determine who will replace Ted Kennedy, who died last year. The Democrats are running a massive bitch named .... something Coakley.. who used to be district attorney and threw innocent men into prison with a laugh while riding her broom around the city screaming "Give me Dorothy!" The Republicans ran some pansy-ass "compassionate conservative", ie: Jimmy Carter wannabe. He got booted in the early election and is no longer even in the running because NO ONE WANTS THAT. Another candidate, Scott Brown, ran as a Republican, also, but independent of the main Republican party. He's a true Constitution-loving, freedom-fighting, conservative type. Surprisingly, despite Misandrichusetts being the lesbian, man-hating, tax-me-bitch capital of the eastern United States, the voters there are somewhat disillusioned with their years and years of corrupt and intoxicated Kennedy rule and Far-Left politics. More than that, back in 2006 they voted for their own state-controlled healthcare only to find that it has been a fucking nightmare of epic proportions. So when the biggest issue in the nation at the current time is government-controlled healthcare, the citizens of Massachusetts know more about it than most.

And so, with that in mind, and as I wrote this meaningless drivel that most of you just skimmed without reading anyway, the results of the special election are in: whatshisface, that Republican guy, won!

Yay! Little party in my pants here. I'm celebrating with a tiny bottle of vodka and cheese crackers because I'm all by myself at the computer and that's how you celebrate under these circumstances.

Are you Sarah Connor?

My Blackberry has gone completely mad. It's acting like that computer network in "The Terminator" movies. It's taken on a mind of its own. Last night it repeatedly texted all the hot girls in my address book. This afternoon it actually called one of them and talked to her for 5 minutes. She didn't agree to go out with it, but she later told me that it was really persistent and promised her that it would let her live when it conquered the world and eradicated all mankind.

If you have ever given me your cell phone number, or I stole it off Facebook without asking your permission, beware of any text messages that you receive from me for the next several weeks.

Don't kill Kim

There's some disaster movie on the TV now. It is apparently supposed to be funny. It's one of those movies that makes fun of lots and lots of other movies, like the ones the Wayans Brothers used to make. Except this one isn't made by the Wayans Brothers. And it isn't funny. One thing it does have going for it is Kim Kardashian. Or at least, it did, until they killed her under a giant flying bagel. Yes, it's a Jewish movie. The flying bagel was the giveaway. OK, Kim is dead so I'm turning it to something with nudity.

Something with nudity

Speaking of nudity ...


You have read this article Blackberry / Catalina / Kim Kardashian / Martha Coakley / Massachusetts / Nadine Velazquez / Scott Brown with the title Catalina is Not a Lesbian, Dammit!. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...