What the hell is he doing?!
OK, well anyway, I'm having a crappy day. It started yesterday at about 5:30 p.m. and hasn't improved. So I'm in an appropriate mood all things considered. Thus, my blog thus far is a photo and not much else.
Also, I need to poo really badly and I should go do that instead of typing here. In fact, hang on and I'll be right back ...
OK, I'm back. Mmm, that was a good poo. Well, sort of. You know those poos where everything all comes out in one compacted bomb and lands with a loud BLOOP and splashes your entire buttocks with water? Yeah, well that's what I just did. I went in dry and came out with my butt dripping wet, as if my butt had somehow managed to go for a swim and left the rest of me behind. Luckily for me there was plenty of toilet paper. Ever had this happen to you and there is just enough paper to either dry your butt or wipe it? And then you have to choose. Do you dry your butt and then make your way to the next stall for more paper or do you wipe and then waddle, pants still down, for more paper? This is a real crisis in bathrooms with only one stall and no other paper. Then you have to decide which is more important.
For a guy the choice isn't so bad in most cases. You can wipe the necessary parts and then rely on your cotton BVDs to soak up the rest. But if you're a girl and you wear a thong and some dress pants or a skirt then you've got a real dilemma. If you choose to wipe the necessary business, which I'm thinking you would rather than to have a dry butt with a thong climbing up into the nastiness, then you have a wet butt. Your thong won't dry it. And if you have on dress pants or a dressy skirt then it's going to soak through and you'll be left walking around with two big wet buttcheeks for all the world to see and admire. Women are like cats, they don't like to look foolish. A wet butt looks pretty foolish. So then you are left to stand around, or sit around, in the bathroom until it air dries. What a drag that is.
Men are like dogs, by the way. Feed us and let us hump you and we'll love you 'till the day we die.
Yes, this is actually what I'm blogging today. If I were to blog what I'm really feeling it would be dark and gloomy and no one needs that. So I hope you've enjoyed my poo. I know I did.
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