So what is different about today? It's turned colder, for one thing. And it's very dark and cloudy this morning. Yesterday was colder than the day before and today feels colder still. Everyone in my house was extra tired last night. But none of us slept all that well. This morning was as dark as night. Changes in temperature, changes in seasons, incoming fronts, thunderstorms, snow, full moons, all of these sometimes seem to coincide with a day of crazy motherfuckers in traffic.
Yes, I know. This is an unproven theory. It has been studied using the scientific method and so far no one has been able to conclusively prove one way or the other what effect, if any, all the things I've mentioned have on human beings. All I know is what I've experienced in rush hour traffic over the years.
If one person seems like an asshole then it is probably just that one person. If I have conflicts with several people, but no one else seems to have a problem, then I am the asshole. If almost everyone in traffic seems to be experiencing some sort of odd problem then it is something else and I am going to be extra cautious.
I passed the fat woman in the Saturn who drove 30 mph and then sat at the green light while she rummaged around in her car. But I passed her legitimately during a brief 4-lane section of the road. A foreign-looking guy in an MR2 challenged me to play chicken as we both turned at an intersection. There was no reason for it other than piss and vinegar. A woman in a minivan rode my ass like a new bumpersticker while I was driving through a school zone where the yellow light was flashing for us to slow to 15 mph. I went 25. She wanted more and was trying to push me along. Generally you would expect a woman in a minivan to want people to respect the school zone speed limits, especially while school kids are arriving, but on this day and in this case she wanted me to run the little bastards down.
Once in the parking lot at work I thought I was safe, but no. As I got out of my truck a black woman in a Chrysler pulled up behind me, looked at the space across from me and the space next to me, and decided she wanted the space next to me. So she tried to run over me to get in it. She didn't pause even half a second for me to walk past even though I was already out of my truck when she pulled up. She wasn't going to wait for anyone. And it wasn't as if another car was coming to take either of the spaces she had to choose from. It was just her and me and I had already parked and gotten out. She was just impatient to the point of murder.
"There are two spaces, bitch. You could take either one without killing me," I mumbled to her bumper.
OK, so if the weather affects everyone in traffic then how did I drive today? Maybe it's just me. I did the same speed I usually do. As soon as I notice multiple drivers acting unusually obnoxious I check my speed and try to see if I'm aggravating the situation. This is the sort of day where you are most likely to get in a wreck and I don't want to. If there was something I did to encourage any of this, including the parking lot killer who was willing to run me down then I don't know what it was. All I know is this morning was rough and if you are driving in Memphis you should watch out.
Hopefully things will be better in traffic this afternoon when things have warmed up a little. But it remains to be seen.
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