Monday Headlines and Shit

Just to give you all advanced warning, I may make statements relating to today's headlines, including politics, religion or even shit on TV, all without providing you with detailed notes, a bibliography, or any documentation whatever, just like every feminist 'study' ever produced, and I won't feel the least bit of guilt or obligation over it. Do you know why? Because you don't pay a single penny to read my blog. It's free. And because it's free I am not obligated to spend hours and hours documenting my sources for you. But just so you don't feel somehow cheated by this, allow me to introduce you to a great source of information you can use yourself to look up the things I may talk about:  Seriously, give it a try. It really works! And if it doesn't help, try

Now, on to today's random comments about ... today. First of all, my laptop is crawling slower than a smart car climbing the Rocky Mountains. I don't know why. It just seems to be doing something else. Maybe I have a virus or some malware using my computer to generate fraudulent votes in Ohio or something.

Rock You like a hurricane!
There's a hurricane in the news. They named it Sandy. I don't know who the genius was who came up with the name 'Sandy' for what may be the largest hurricane of the year, but I'm guessing they didn't have a storm of this magnitude in mind at the time. Sandy? SANDY? SERIOUSLY????

Cleo the hurricane
The news is filled with poll results. Every 5 minutes there is another story featuring another poll result saying Obama is winning, or Romney has pulled ahead, or its neck-and-neck. Sometimes there are two polls that come out at the same time saying totally opposite things - one has Obama ahead by a mile, the other has Romney. Making it all even worse are the constant barrage of ads, almost exclusively for Obama, at least around here. The most annoying one yet features Morgan Freeman describing our nation as being in the worst shape of its entire history following George Bush's final term, as if we had The Great Depression and World Wars I and II all at once and now we're just a shadow of our former selves all because of that damn Bush and the ... oops, Democrat Congress that helped him do it all. The ads don't mention that last part, though. Or the Community Restoration Act that kicked the entire economic disaster off in the first place, with a whole lot of help from a racist Department of Justice and the Congressional Black Caucus, of course.

Just so you don't think this Libertarian is madly in love with the policies of Bush, in case you didn't read me back when he was President, I'd like to say, once again, that I did not like his weak dollar economic policies, his ethanol mandate, several of his advisers, several other unspecified policies, and I never felt like he gave us a straight answer about why we were in Afghanistan. And his father, from what I can tell, was worse.

By the way, in the 5 minutes it took for me to write the last 2 paragraphs I saw Obama's Morgan Freeman ad 3 times. I am not joking.

Violent sex offender?
In LaCrosse, Wisconsin, a drunk boy who slapped a female police officer on the buttocks and said "good job" is being charged with sexual assault. I'm not making this shit up. At the very same time that is going on, in Dallas, Texas, a drunk and very violent gay boy fought with a bar bouncer, was thrown out, fought with police, and grabbed a male police officer's testicles, squeezing and twisting them while the officer screamed his head off, without letting go even as other officers beat him senseless trying to make him let go. Unlike the boy in Wisconsin, he is NOT being charged with sexual assault. He is merely charged with assaulting an officer, as if he slapped the officer in the face or something, but nothing serious. Welcome to America, where sexual assault is always wrong, even when it isn't really sexual assault, unless your victim is male, in which case you can do anything you please and it's OK with us.

The United Nations is trying to make it a crime to deny global warming. They aren't the only ones. Left-wing "true believers" in various Western governments are trying to do the same, including some members of the US Congress. These are the same 'progressives' who say that religion is for 'reactionaries' and 'regressives' and who make degogatory comments about fools who cling to their god and their guns. These comments critical of religious people who cling to religious faith and weapons are only in reference to Christians in America, while the Leftists making the comments continue celebrating militant Muslims armed with AK47s and nuclear missiles, insisting that theirs is a religion of 'peace.'

When is a bomb not a bomb? When Muslim terrorists use it to blow up Americans. And even if it is a bomb, it isn't the fault of the Muslims who built it, planted it, or detonated it. No, it's the fault of the Christians they blew up. They were "asking for it." So says the American Left and our news muslims, er, media.

The "Help, I've fallen and can't get up" Life Alert ad is so loud it scares the shit out of my cats. We can have the TV volume turned as low as possible, because it's late and we're getting ready to go to sleep, and that damn ad still blasts us like an air horn. I swear if I ever meet the people responsible for that ad I'm going "assault an officer" like that gay asshole in Dallas did until they promise to get rid of that fucking ad or at least reduce the volume.

Morgan Freeman's Obama ad, fourth time tonight. Seriously, shut the fuck up or run a different ad. Everyone and their dog has seen this one 100 times already. It doesn't become more convincing if you just show it enough times.

So, is it my imagination or are the Dallas Cowboys the same mega-force that they were last season? They're so good that they beat the living crap out of every opponent, and then they beat the living crap out of themselves just for good measure, handing the game to the other team on a silver platter out of the goodness of their hearts. Awesome guys. Just awesome. You do realize that 6 turnovers is an impossible obstacle to overcome, right? I mean, even with that you nearly did it because you're just so amazingly good, but not quite. No, you came up one finger too short in what would have been the most amazing comeback I've ever seen. It's those turnovers, boys. They're killing you.

Yay, quit turning over that ball, please!
If you and I were running for a leadership position against one another, and you expressed concern about voter fraud, trying to get some kind of safeguards put into place to prevent as much vote fraud as possible, and I immediately reacted to your efforts at preventing any vote fraud by fighting you every step of the way, what would you instantly suspect? Would you instantly suspect that I was preparing to use as much voter fraud as I possibly could to win the position over you? Of course you would. Anyone would. Anyone who doesn't want voter fraud stopped is obviously expecting to benefit from it.

The dead have voted in every Memphis election
US Vice President Joe Biden, upon meeting the father of navy seal Tyrone Woods, who died defying orders from the White House to 'stand down' and allow our people to die in the attacks in Benghazi, actually said in a loud, barroom voice, "did your son always have balls the size of cue balls?" Woods father was not amused and said of the interaction, "is that the voice of someone who is truly sorry?" He indicated that it was his impression after meeting both the Vice President and President Obama that neither man was the least bit sorry or concerned about the death of his son. The issue of what the President knew, when he knew it, and at what point he stopped watching the live video feed of our people being attacked by Muslim terrorists while the White House ordered all military and CIA to "stand down" and take no action to defend them, now being called Benghazigate in the press, is threatening to become a hot issue even as citizens are lining up for early voting. If Mitt Romney is right, though, it won't matter to at least 47 percent of voters because they will vote for their candidate no matter what. If he's wrong, it could swing 1 or 2 percent of voters in a new direction and possibly affect the outcome. It probably won't, though.

Joe Biden - curious about your son's balls
Have any of you seen the newest James Bond film, Skyfall? If so, is it any good? I can't tell much from the ads, but the early ones made it seem like the movie was more about M than about James Bond. I'm not the least bit interested in M so if that's what it's about I'd rather see something else. Any news? Anyone seen it?

Skyfall - is it mostly about Bond or M?

You have read this article balls the size of cueballs / Benghazigate / Cleo the Hurricane / Hurricane Sandy / James Bond / sexual assault / voter fraud with the title Monday Headlines and Shit. You can bookmark this page URL Thanks!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...