Gimme An "L"


TAMPA, Fla. - Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were charged after their arrest at a bar where witnesses told police the women had sex together in a restroom instead of up on top of the bar like other girls do.

Renee Thomas, 20, of Pittsboro, N.C., and Angela Keathley, 26, of Belmont, N.C., were taken to Hillsborough County Jail early Sunday where they were gleefully welcomed by several hefty female inmates.

Witnesses said the women were having sex in a stall with each other, angering several highly intoxicated patrons waiting in line to pee at the club in the Channelside district.

Thomas was charged with battery Sunday after allegedly punching the shit out of a "punk-ass bitch" when she was leaving the restroom, then landed in even more trouble after police said she gave officers a driver's license belonging to another Panthers cheerleader who was not in Tampa, not drunk, and not gay.

Thomas, who made the trip to Florida for Sunday's game between the Panthers and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was released from jail on $500 bail before police learned she was not the person she claimed to be.

"We thought she was a lesbian, but after she refused to get it on with some of the inmates we realized she was at best bisexual and mostly just drunk," said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy. "That isn't the same and it doesn't really count."

Providing police with a false name, like 'Felicia Gonorrhea,' is a misdemeanor, or even less when it's a really funny name. However, Thomas was charged Monday with giving a non-funny false name and causing harm to another — a third-degree felony punishable by probation and a photospread in Playboy or a jail term of 1 to 5 years and a mandatory appearance on the Martha Stewart reality show, McElroy said.

Meanwhile, detectives are trying to determine how Thomas was able to contort her body into the position patrons claimed she was in while having sex.

"I just don't know how anyone can bend like that," McElroy stated in disbelief.

Keathley, charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest, was released on $750 bail about an hour before the Panthers played the Bucs at Raymond Burr Stadium. The cheerleaders were not in town to perform at the game as they felt they had already performed enough the night before in the bar and were really, really hung over.
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