It was Tuesday night and I was at the gym. I was sweating and bent over doing reps when I heard a woman announcing, "we have 2 spots left in the Total Bodysculpting class!" In the mirror I could see her. She was blonde and built like you would expect a teacher of a body sculpting class to be. She was muscular, but hot, not built like a huge man or anything.
I watched her in the mirror as she went to one man after another inviting him to her class. Each man declined. She glanced at me, thinking I couldn't see her I suppose. Then she turned and walked away.
What? WHAT?!!! Am I not good enough for your stupid class? Do I look so bad that you don't even want me in there? Do you think I'm going to have a heart attack and keel over or something? WHAT?!
She wasn't looking to add a few guys to her class. She was hand-picking the eye-candy in the gym. She was looking for some ass. Yeah, and she didn't want mine, apparently.
If she weren't fairly hot and I weren't such a pathetic, crippled (yeah, and they said soccer was GOOD for you. HA!), tired, sweaty heap of ruin I would have said something to her about that.
"What's wrong with ME? Why don't you want ME in your class? Doesn't that spandex riding up your asscrack make you uncomfortable? Are those real?"
Anyway, she didn't want me. So I continued to sweat all over the rubber-tiled floor all alone, as usual.
Upstairs I could hear the music and the pounding feet of the class participants. "Yeah, I didn't want to be in your stupid class anyway."
I worked out for a bit longer than intended. 2 1/2 hours is a bit much at this rapidly deteriorating stage of my life. I've added some leg work to my regular routine and it's taking up a lot of time. If I could just run my 3 miles in a reasonable amount of time it wouldn't be such an issue. But seeing as I'm so pathetic now I'm there trudging along when they announce over the loudspeaker that they are closing in an hour. "Yes, thank you. I don't take THAT long to run 3 miles. But you are so helpful, you and that bitch who doesn't want my ass in her class. Thank you. Thank you so much."
Once upon a time after a workout I could flex in the mirror and say "if only I could look like this ALL the time."
Now after a workout I flex in the mirror and say "Good God, I still look like shit."
What happened to me?
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