The other girl agreed. And they each seemed to feel satisfied that they'd done me a great favor by telling me this.
"So what you're saying is that you like me, but you'd like me better if I'd change every single thing about myself, everything that makes me who I am," I asked, somewhat rhetorically.
"Yeah," they both said in unison.
"So then you don't really like me at all. You like what I could be if I were you, only male."
I understood what I was hearing. If I'd just tell them pretty lies about myself they'd love me so much more.
That's just how it is sometimes, you know? Many people don't care that you are lying to them. They just like the way it feels to hear it and they'll reward you for that feeling. President Clinton's loyal feminist following during the sexual harassment revelations springs to mind.
I have recently found myself at a strange new place in life. I still fight for everything I believe in. But I do it quietly, behind the scenes more and more, talking only to those with the influence or potential to make things happen. I find that I'm less willing to speak up for The Truth to most people, even when I know it's very important. It's not that I don't care, or at least I think it's not that. It's just that I no longer believe that people really want to know The Truth.
Yes, I realize that this is old news. Don't speak Truth to Power, they always shoot the messenger, no good deed goes unpunished, your ass does not look fat in those jeans. No one really wants to hear the truth, especially when it interferes with their favorite self-deceptions.
"Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies, tell me lies."
But somewhere deep inside is this belief that ordinary people want to know The Truth because it is so important. You can't solve your problems if you don't know The Truth. All you can do is wander in the dark, allowing the problems to continue. Or worse, you can make the problems increase and grow until they destroy you. It seems logical that people would want to know what The Truth is, doesn't it?
But they don't. What is logical is not what is true when it comes to people. Look at all the TV commercials for self-deception and self-destruction: "You DESERVE to be rich. You're ENTITLED to have everything you want. Don't you FEEL that you should have everything given to you at someone else's expense? Of course you do. And I'll help you get it if you'll just join my political group/send me money/divorce your husband/drown your children/buy this crap/watch my show."
More and more I find myself sitting silently while people around me parrot falsehoods that they just heard on television or read in the local paper. Lies that I already know a great deal about and could easily explain if I wanted to, or thought anyone really cared. Lies that I know will hurt them if they follow them to their conclusion.
"What do I have to do to get you in a new car TODAY?"
"Driven by a little old lady, only on Sundays."
Yesterday our Benefits rep was explaining to us our new Health Care options. They suck and they cost a whole lot more for a whole lot less. A black woman was especially infuriated, realizing that she could barely afford it. "This is Bush's fault! We need government Health Care. We need Universal Health Care right now!"
Who was it that the Trial Lawyers Association supported? Do you even know why this matters or how it relates?
People are quick to blame the President when they don't understand things. Bush is the latest whipping boy. And yes, Clinton was blamed for things he had nothing to do with before that. On and on it goes.
And if you think it sucks now, just wait. We'll most likely get our Universal Health Care soon enough. And then maybe you'll see things in a new light.
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away ... "
My Coworker blames the rise in gas prices and building materials on Bush, too. I started to explain to him about China's rapidly expanding economy and the unexpected affect that sending many of our best jobs to a nation of over 1 billion has had on the cost of basic supplies, but then I thought better of it. Why bother? He doesn't want an explanation. He wants to rant. And if I explain then he'll take it as a defense of Bush and ignore everything I've said. That's what he did last time I tried to dispell a political myth. He hears what he wants to hear. He just wants to slam Bush. Get out of the way.
Have you ever watched someone do something incredibly stupid that you knew would hurt them and yet you just sat and waited, perhaps with your video camera running so you could laugh at them over and over again? And you said nothing to warn them?
"Hey ya'll, watch this!"
I used to be the guy who jumped out of his car and tried to help injured people at car accidents. Working at the Baptist Student Union on Friday and Saturday nights and driving home at 2 a.m. I was the first person on the scene at many serious car accidents. I tried to help. I got involved.
I don't know what I'd do now.
I remember the Baptist Campus Minister talking about how to tell people about Jesus and how to get their attention when they weren't interested. It occurred to me that Jesus never bothered with people who weren't interested. He never chased someone down, repeatedly trying to change their minds. Why should I? And I said so out loud.
Oops.
I won't give up my friends to defend a politician. But I won't give up my beliefs for anyone, no matter who they are. I may not bother to tell them about my beliefs, especially if I sense that they are not willing to listen. I won't try to explain what I know about China's economic impact on the United States. I won't talk about the origins of the very concept of civil rights to those who call themselves civil rights activists, yet seem bent on eliminating the very rights they claim to defend. I won't tell an ACLU feminist attorney what I know she wants to hear just so she'll be my friend or perhaps even sleep with me. I won't bother to debate her for her entertainment. I won't fight with people who just like to fight.
Run silent. Run deep.
I'm tired of talking. I can't save the world. Neither can you.
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