Driving to work was almost uneventful. Someone in a 4 door SUV/pickup ugly Chevy thing tailgated me even though I was going fast and the roads were soaking. But he passed me at the red light where the road temporarilly becomes 4-lanes. It was no big deal. And then, of course, he didn't go any faster than I had been going and I was right behind him all the way to work.
It didn't much matter either way. If he hadn't passed me then he would have ridden my ass all the way into work and it would have annoyed me. But I thought it was funny him passing me in such a rush and never getting far enough ahead of me for even one car to come between us. Beyond this, nothing happened.
And now for the drive home.
It's Friday night and raining and cold and dark. Right away I get stuck behind a car with a Mississippi tag that is virtually stopped dead in the road. They begin moving at about 10 mph. Then they come to a utility truck with yellow flashing lights, which is parked on the other side of the road, and they stop again. There is a city worker with a flag making huge exagerrated motions for them to GO. They sit there like a Terri Schiavo in a coma. The man yells at them, "GO!"
Slowly they crawl by and then put on their blinker. There is nowhere to turn for well over 100 yards. Eventually they turn it off again. Then we come to the actual turn and they turn their blinker on again, start to turn, and stop. I nearly hit them because they are moving so slowly and then suddenly stopping for no reason.
On again we go, 10 mph eventually leading up to 25 mph. After what seems like years we come to a place in the road that becomes 5 lanes. I wait to see which of our 2 lanes they choose. They hedge their bets and take both. The right lane is double-wide.
Don't ask me why. This is Cordova and they do weird shit with the roads here.
So I see plenty of room in the right lane for me despite Mississippi being in both lanes at once. I take the right lane. As I move past them they swerve at me to hit me. I sit right next to them, not honking and just staring at them in shock. When they see that I am not going to move and that they will indeed have to hit me they stop and just float where they are. I drive on past.
Once I think about it for a second I realize they weren't necessarily trying to hit me by accident. It just seemed too intentional. So I stop in front of them. Let's have a talk.
They see me stop and swerve into the first parking lot, which they cross in a hurry.
Hmm, what is up with that? Why were they so slow and now racing across the parking lot and why in the hell would they try to hit me?
Oh well, I'm not going to worry about it. I drive on, wondering if maybe this is going to be one of those odd weather days when everyone is nuts. Maybe I did something to set those Retarded Assholes From Mississippi off or something. Who knows?
At the 4-way-stop on Trinity, near Lesbian Elvis' apartment, everything seems smooth. We are all moving through when our turn comes. But just as I'm going a guy in a white BMW decides he doesn't have to wait for his turn like all the rest of the white people, so he just guns it and pushes through, nearly hitting me.
OK, now I'm getting concerned. 2 jackasses in an row and I'm still in Cordova. This is not good.
I'm paranoid about looneys now so I'm being careful. I get all the way into My Little Redneck Town. I'm heading past the high school when I come up behind a peeling blue Chevy something. They are going really slow, but I stay behind them because they might be crazy. At the right turn it is clear and we have the green.
They stop.
Both the left lane and the right lane turn right at this intersection. There are even signs up showing that this is so. I take the left lane and turn right, staying in my lane as is required. They decide that now is a good time to turn and do so. But they also decide ... can you see this coming? They also decide that they want to change lanes as they are turning, basically because I am there.
Just a reminder: I drive a dirty old minitruck. Feel free to hit me. If you hit me on purpose and it is easy to prove that you were at fault I will call Cory B. Trotz myself and arrange for you to buy me a new truck. And thank you for being so generous.
Also, I have nowhere to go to avoid them hitting me at this point. Plus, I am ahead of them. They are going to hit me in the side and rear.
At the last second they decide, like the Mississippi Rebel, that they don't really want to hit me after all.
By the time I get home I am mad. I know we are going out tonight, but no way in hell am I driving. My Wife is usually oblivious to this stuff and also drives so slow most of the time that people pass her. But she lets them so it doesn't usually cause problems.
"Let's go out. You're driving. And I'm telling you now that people are nuts out there."
We get to the restaurant with no excitement. It is really crowded and people seem impatient. We eat. We leave.
Driving out of the parking lot across from the Ford Dealer, My Wife takes a left because it is easier to go this way. As she does so I see a man in a Lexus turning left off Poplar onto this road attempt to ram a guy in a Honda, coming the opposite way and turning right off Poplar onto the same road. The guy in the Honda is staying in his lane, which is the right hand lane. If the guy in the Lexus didn't change lanes in the intersection just for the purpose of trying to hit the Honda there would have been no problem. But he wanted to hit him.
The guy in the Lexus blasts his horn and then hits his brakes. The guy in the Honda ignores Dickhead and continues making his turn in his own lane. Dickhead Lexus then gets madder and floors his gas pedal, flying past the Honda in a rage.
My Wife says, "I hear the train."
"No Honey, that was a jerk in a Lexus nearly hitting someone and then honking at them even though it was his fault."
Dickhead Lexus flies past us at this point, with his presumed wife and kids in the car.
My Wife sees him and says, "I hate people like that. I should hit him with my brights."
"No, then we'll be dragged into the fight and we don't want to be."
"Oh yeah, you're right."
So we let Dickhead Lexus fly away home without involving ourselves at all.
But after seeing him I felt relieved. I wasn't the only one getting caught up with crazy idiot drivers tonight and I was glad to know it.
You have read this article with the title Loonies On the Path - Part VII. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2005/01/loonies-on-path-part-vii.html. Thanks!
