Patricia confirmed that indeed she did wad her blog and toss it. She has moved and is very busy and thus has little time to blog about. I'll miss her writings, even though I can go buy more of her books now that she has got new ones coming out. I love her sense of humor. She makes me laugh like few people can.
Even though her email made me very happy, it also reminded me that I am perhaps the only person I know who has no kids/is not published/isn't successful/did not make $10 million from Google/is a complete loser.
Yes, I know what you're probably thinking, "But Steve, your blog is such a raging success and your webpage for your Buick Wildcat was in Car Craft. How could you possibly have not invested in Google, you stupid ass?"
Despite all this, I am clearly rotting in outer Memphis hell. I have been told that if I were to divorce my wife and thus be free to move to midtown that I would have a much more fruitful and useful existence. But lacking this I am essentially just wasting oxygen, and probably producing more than my share of methane (my cat certainly thinks so.) And so I should hurl myself off a cliff and be done with it.
Here is the problem: Memphis has no cliffs.
I suppose if I truly wished to die I could drive down to Danny Thomas Boulevard and just stand around for about, oh, say 5 seconds. Some good Samaritan brother would almost certainly come along to assist me in a hasty exit from this world via 9mm. And My Wife could collect my life insurance, which would enable her to pay off the house. She says that paying off the house is the key to her happiness. Therefore it would seem logical to conclude that if I were to make it happen by dying she would be blissful and grateful.
For about 5 minutes.
Then she'd find something else to stress over, some other reason why we can't have kids (besides the fact that I'd now be dead), and then she'd be mad at me again.
As for Google, I shall always remember sitting in my living room and discussing Google's coming IPO with My Wife. She insisted that I not invest in it as we did not yet have $1 million and thus could not afford it. I said to her, "Honey, it's going to hit $200 per share, just like Netscape. And it actually has solid earnings whereas Netscape was mostly hype."
Alas, I could not convince her and did not ignore her conservative wishes. We had already had an enormous and ongoing-for-a-whole-fucking-year-now fight over my purchase of Ebay stock. Despite the fact that Ebay is making plenty of money for us she is still mad about it. This is probably why my most successful friends have secret bank accounts that their wives know nothing about and which they use to invest from. I should look into that.
But enough about tsunamis and money I did not make. My Natasha has emailed me and made me smile. And somehow this is going to be a good day, even if I have to take some sort of drug or otherwise deceive myself in order to make it so.
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