- Any time you see the PC team attempting to throw out an old HP Deskjet color printer there is going to be a fight, an epic battle if you will, over who gets to swipe it for their own cubical. Those are the best things HP ever made. I’ve begun to suspect that the PC guys throw them on the recycle cart and then go hide just so they can watch this fight occur. They’re underpaid, overworked sadistic bastards, you know.
- When someone is leaving their job for whatever reason, saying to them “I’m sorry to see you go can I take your [telephone, yellow pages, stapler, etc]” is not actually being rude or cold-blooded. It is a necessary survival technique that we all must learn to master sooner or later.
- Blame always flows down the chain of command to where you are. Credit stops at the level just above you.
- If you thought the parking spaces were already too small, just wait until they repaint them.
- If it’s Spring and it’s Friday then yes, you really are the only person in the office after 3 p.m.
- Sooner or later the security gate is going to slam down on your car. Accept it. No, they won’t pay for the damages.
- You can be trusted with the entire database of customers’ personal data, including bank balances, home addresses and social security numbers, but you cannot be trusted with office supplies, which must be locked up by the secretary, whom you will ask for what you need as the need presents itself.
- A vacation is simply the time you spend working for 6 straight hours in your condo in Florida on the telephone with a ‘crisis’ that could have easily been handled by someone else who didn’t just spend $3000 and drive 400 miles to relax and get away from work.
- The only way you ever get a decent raise is by quitting and going to work doing the very same job for someone else.
- Yes, the janitor really is stealing things from your cubical. No, it isn’t your imagination. No, you'll never get any of it back.
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