Wrong.
Elevators are clearly too complex for certain people. And by certain people I don't have a specific group in mind here because I repeatedly encounter elevator-morons of all races, sexes, nationalities, and even sexual preferences.
And by morons I mean the mentally challenged who try to otherwise appear normal, possessing a driver's license and the right to vote, but not really deserving of either.
Here is an example of an elevator moron taken from a situation that happened to me in Birmingham, Alabama. I am on the elevator going down to the ground floor. When I get to the ground floor, the doors open and Mr. Fuckhead, with a rolling rack loaded up with his luggage, immediately pushes the luggage carrier into the elevator and slams me into the back wall, never once looking inside the elevator to see if anyone is on it and trying to get off before he enters.
"Hey shithead, why don't you look inside the elevator before you shove your shit in my face, you redneck, motherfucking sack of elephant shit?!"
Yes, this is what I said, or rather a slightly more polite variation of this.
"Hey, watch it."
Here is the apparent Mental Puzzle that so few are able to solve: Elevators take passengers both up and down, so just because it comes to your floor and the doors open, that does not mean you can just leap in and shut the doors. There is a distinct possibility, even a probability, that someone else is in the elevator already and planning to get off at the floor you are currently on. Just because you don't want to be on that floor doesn't mean no one else does.
See how hard this is? What a puzzler! Some mental giants can't comprehend this and will actually get mad at you for being in their way as you try to get off the elevator and they try to get on.
Let's think about this for a moment, shall we? You are currently on the elevator. That means you are in possession of it. That means you had it first. If you want to be as much of an ass as the people who try to shove in without letting you off you could prevent them from ever getting on. After all, you possess it and they want it. You could just block the doorway until the doors close and leave the motherfuckers stranded. You can always come back to that floor later, but they are stuck waiting. It's your right. You can just ride it up and down all the livelong day if you want to.
But most people, it seems, think that the right-of-way, if you can call it that, belongs to the person who wants to get on. Judging from the many fuckwads who ram their fat butts inside the very instant the doors open wide enough to fit their enormous hips between you would think the person wanting to get on not only has the right-of-way, but perhaps even owns the entire fucking building where the elevator is located.
So, as my public service for today, this week, perhaps even this entire month, I'm going to explain the rules of elevator etiquette. The person already on the elevator has the right to exit before the fuckhead wanting to get on the elevator has any right to enter. Do not enter the elevator until everyone trying to get off has done so.
Yes, I know. Some elevators are not set up properly and the doors shut almost instantly behind the people getting off. Should this be the case, you have the right to kick the shit out of the elevator doors after they have shut and dent them. The building maintentance people, once they see the many new dents and shoe marks on the shiny elevator doors, are obligated to recognize this as the universal sign of a fucked up elevator and make the necessary adjustments.
Also, if you want to wedge various objects between the doors as they are slamming to prevent them from closing all the way, just be sure to catch the center door and push it back. This is a signal to the elevator itself to open the doors. Do not stick anything between the outer part, the metal part, as having something slammed between it signals nothing except pain to the person getting slammed.
Beware: some elevators are poorly maintained and do not respond properly to the sensor for the doors. But in these elevators, should you ram yourself between before the occupants are able to get off, you may find yourself stuck between the doors just long enough for them to slam on you from either side, compressing your shoulders and causing you to make a funny, squeaky, "eep" noise. This will result in all the people you are blocking inside the elevator laughing at you.
Better to be polite, use the elevator right, and let those inside get off first before entering. Otherwise, I may blog about your big, fat, stupid ass trying to ram into me like a fighting bull in Pamplona, Spain, you ignorant shitface.
You have read this article with the title Loonies in the Hall - Idiots and Elevators. You can bookmark this page URL http://thebohemianbunny.blogspot.com/2005/07/loonies-in-hall-idiots-and-elevators.html. Thanks!
