Random Mental Poop

I have, on occasion, been known to refer to My Wife as "Monkey's Butt" just to rile her. For those of you living in uncivilized parts of the world, such as New Jersey or Leeds, to rile is to agitate or aggravate. Anyway, My Wife thinks this nickname is funny. Today, while stopping at The Redneck Store because a coworker needed to pick up some fertilizer, I stumbled across something that I just HAD to buy for My Wife. Take a look:

"Happy birthday, Sweetie!"

Today at lunch I saw a woman with poofy beehive-like hair, a black dress, and a tiny Barbie pink shiny vinyl coat that looked like something out of an old B-52s music video. I tried to take her photo, in between stifling my laughter, but my coworkers were with me and I don't think they would understand about the whole "fugly" thing. Sorry about that. I so very much wanted to show her to you. You would have laughed.

pink jacket
"I see you checking out my ass, you pervert!"

On the way back from lunch we observed the local Boondocks County Police operating a roadblock on highway 64. They were pulling over every diesel powered vehicle on the road and checking their gas to make sure no one is running any homemade biodiesel fuel, which just happens to burn much cleaner than regular diesel. According to a website for the State of Tennessee, these roadblocks are because the state doesn't get any gas tax out of homemade biodiesel. It does get taxes from the purchase of all of the ingredients used to make it, but apparently that isn't considered relevant in the upside down world of politics and greed.

And in the news today ...

Wednesday, less than one week after Mary Winkler was let off for the murder of her sleeping preacher husband, a man in Ohio was put to death for virtually the very same crime. I just thought the timing of his execution was both revealing and ironic.

By the way, if you didn't know, Mary Winkler lives just over the horizon from where I work and I will almost certainly run into her face-to-face eventually, if I haven't already. Maybe if I see her I'll ask her if she has a blog?

Can you imagine a men's television network that responded to these cases the way the women's networks do? I can see Spike TV right now filming a movie about the poor battered Ohio man, as he cries for justice and is denied. Oh, the inhumanity! "I hope he kills her. Oh snap, he did - you go, boy!"

He should be played by Kevin Bacon. Maybe Kyra Sedgewick could play the abusive wife? Or better yet, Rosie O'Donnell should play her. I hear Rosie is going to be available for free-lance work again very soon.

"Ffffffff--- you!"

And here's a shocker that made me nearly jump out of my seat: yesterday in the Wall Street Journal, a publication not exactly known for being male-friendly, writer Tara Parker-Pope did a huge article on the men's health crisis, detailing the fact that there has been virtually no money spent on men's health research for that past 30 years, resulting in an enormous lack of health care and treatments for males in the United States. She even pointed out the desperate need for a Department of Mens' Health to coincide with the Department of Women's Health that was established by Congress all the way back in 1990. Who saw this coming? Not me, I can tell you that! Her feminist coworkers are probably tying her to a pole and setting her on fire down at the Dow Jones Publishing offices right at this very moment. But as for me, she's my new hero.

Twice yesterday good-looking women walked past my office and smiled a big, friendly smile at me. I don't know what I did right yesterday morning, but I plan to keep doing it, whatever it was. I didn't get to the gym at lunch, so I did a work-out when I got home. Nothing inspires a man like a good-looking woman smiling his way. Except TWO good-looking women smiling his way.

Every day on my way to work and then back home again, I pass a mobile home. I keep trying to take a picture, but the traffic won't allow me to stop and get a good one. This guy, totally breaking with tradition, instead of having a front yard filled with broken down old cars, has a front yard full of riding lawnmowers. WTF?

I believe I've finally acquired every single CD released by Regina Spektor. I feel all proud and accomplished now. She is the oddest musician. She records stuff that reminds me of high school and college, when I used to sit around with my guitar and just make up songs for my own entertainment. She's really good, but I swear it sounds like she's just screwing around for the heck of it and the results are good songs. Maybe that's why more and more people like her music? She's really unique, that's for sure. I added her as a friend on MySpace just so I could use her songs on my page, but then she disabled that option and now you can only listen to her songs on her own page. Dammit.

regina spektor
Regina's Soviet Kitsch

OK, enough rambling. Time to poop and get to work.

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