Fuck You Friday
It's a special Fuck You Friday.
I'm really tired of politicians.
Can't we just shoot them all?
Immigration raids can divide families
Oh no! We should totally stop enforcing our immigration laws because it divides families! Then again, if we're sending the illegal aliens home where they came from, aren't we really reuniting families?
Jobs growth not as soft as feared
Poor Steve Jobs, the whole world is reading about his problems with erectile dysfunction. Or, as the dorks on TV call it, “ED”.
Gen. Pace calls homosexuality immoral
This is big news to the grrlz of the media. Now we’ll see who really controls the military, the political feminists or the fighting men. I think I know and it doesn’t bode well for the General or his men.
DePauw cuts ties with troubled sorority
The DZs are in trouble for kicking out the fuglies and keeping only the hot chicks. At least, that's how they tell it.
U.S. condemns Zimbabwe government over attacks
Years and years of race-based slaughter and only now do we say anything condemning it. We’re a little late to this party. Then again, the UN still hasn't said a damned thing, so I guess we're still better than they are.
Pa. city defends illegal immigrant rules
When voters and elected city leaders opt to enforce the law against illegal immigrants they are instantly attacked by the ACLU and its’ bitches on the bench. What an insane age this is when cities can be dragged into court simply for enforcing laws the federal government itself doesn’t have the balls to enforce. Then again, I don't think there's a complete pair of balls left on any politician anywhere in this nation anymore.
Gonzales rejects calls for resignation
I don’t think I’ll resign today, but thanks for asking.
No apology from Gen. Pace for gay stance
Maybe when Rosie O’Donnell apologizes for her antichrist stance, eh?
Mexico pushes Bush for more in drug war
Clinton: Right-wing conspiracy is back
Yes, except this time all those “haters” to the right of you are in the Democratic Party and they want your ass gone. It's all a matter of perspective, see? Your own husband is a right-winger compared to you.
Warming may cause food, water shortages: U.N. report
Cooling may cause that, too. Life happens, boys and girls. Get used to it.
Scholar: 'Jesus Tomb' makers mistaken
I did a documentary back in college in which I claimed to have found Jesus’ wallet. I couldn’t get any funding though, despite having his driver’s license and everything.
Mental illness common in returning soldiers
It’s also common in
Stop surfing, make friends, students told
Dammit, there go all my blog readers!
Party seeks to strip Hitler of citizenship
Um, he’s dead, you morons.
Canada has highest population growth among G8
Well sure, they’ve got a lot of hot women and long cold winter nights.
Iranians outraged by `300' movie
You lost. Get over it. Oh wait, I forgot, refusing to forgive is a big part of Islam, which is why you guys are constantly killing each other and living in the ruins of bombed-out cities.
9/11 mastermind admits killing reporter
And yet even so the reporters still love him and hate Bush.
House panel upholds Iraq pullout plan
“Run to the hills. Run for your lives. Run to the hills. Run for your liiiiiiiiiives!” Ah, Iron Maiden always gets me going in the morning.
Zimbabwe's Mugabe tells West "go hang"
Why don’t you step out of that shabby fortress of yours and come say that over here in
Abducted Italy reporter says Taliban may kill him
How ironic. The press is so anxious to defeat Bush and place the Taliban back in power and yet the Taliban is unappreciative.
4 killed in NYC shootout; motive unknown
Rumor has it there was a preaching urinal cake involved.
Police: Dad stabs baby boy in back
My parents did that shit to me all the …. Oh, you mean LITERALLY. Damn.
Odd little critter sheds light on mammal evolution
They’re studying David Spade?
Sen. Clinton calls for subprime mortgage action
Ever the opportunistic bullshit artist, eh? What action do you suggest, Miss Universal Healthcare debacle of 1993?
House overturns Bush order on papers secrecy
By all means, show our national secrets to the world. Then bitch and blame the military when we get attacked yet again, you sociopathic, short-sighted, fairy-princesses.
Binge drinking and drug abuse a problem on campuses
Apparently when you go to school to study math or science and instead get a full curriculum of socialist propaganda, Marxist religion, and misandric rantings it can often be enough to drive you to drink and get high. The professors and staff don’t see this as a problem, though, because they’ve all been continuously high since the ‘70s.
Britain to bring Zimbabwe turmoil to U.N. Council
How 'bout them Brits! They're the only ones who have had the balls to protest the government-sponsored racist mass murders in
Immense ice deposits found at south pole of Mars
Now if they can just find an immense deposit of beer to go with it we've got ourselves a place to party!
Judge rules tobacco ad curbs extend overseas
Sorry Judge Judy, but your authority stops where the
Man with hand transplant to go home
to try it out ... alone ... in the bathroom. Ooh look, the latest issue of Playboy just came in!
Man smuggles grenade in pot of honey
Well, that's a hell of a lot better than the guy last week who smuggled it in his asshole.
Youths probed for daubing swastikas on sheep
So, is it a hate-crime, or a sheep-crime, or what? I doubt the sheep really care.
Man relieves himself in air-sickness bag
Well, if you think about it, pee is no nastier than vomit. What the hell?
N.M. man arrested on 28th DWI charge
Hey, when you find something you're good at, you should keep at it. That's what they always told us in school.
Chimp DNA test says Conan's the daddy
So, is the talk show not going well or does Mr. O'Brien just have a thing for chimps? Hey, don't judge! It's just an alternate lifestyle! They'll be teaching this in schools all across
Woman Accused of Stabbing Co-Worker Over Chickens
Talk show hosts having sex with chimps. Women knife-fighting over handsome chickens. What's this country coming to?
Three New York cops indicted in groom shooting
Shit, I knew the northeastern states were hostile towards men and marriage, but this is ridiculous!
Police arrest 7-year-old on dirt bike
