You'll be sorry
Today I had to make a trip to the Rocket City for a talk with the company that made the Patriot missile work properly in time for the first Gulf War. It was all fun and games and quite an exciting time. Whee.
After our talk, I decided that it would be rude of me to leave my hometown without stopping by Mom's house and saying "howdy." So I headed down to the south end of town where all the smartest and best-looking people live.
I pulled into her driveway in my bucking yellow banana wagon, which was formerly my father's yellow banana wagon prior to his death (he doesn't need it anymore and Jesus didn't want it either) and rang the doorbell. My youngest sister answered the door.
"What the?" she was quite surprised to see me standing there all dressed in a suit and tie like a Mormon selling magazines.
"Hey, is Mom around?" I inquired cleverly.
"Moooooom, Steve's here!" she shouted up the stairs.
I sat and talked with my mom for awhile upstairs in the dining room. From time to time I would glance towards the large front window to see if my oldest friend, Tony, was home or not. Tony bought his parents' old house when they moved to a new house and now lives across the street from my parents, where he always used to live, except that it used to be his entire family living there. Anyway, Tony popped home, but left again before I could go say "hi."
While I was sitting there facing the living room window and occasionally glancing outside, I saw a strange sight. A cat rode by surfing the roof of a minivan, all squatted in a typical surfer stance, and screaming "MEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"
"What the hell?!" I exclaimed.
"What?" Mom asked.
"Your neighbor just flew by in her minivan with her cat surfing on the roof. And from the sound of it I don't think the cat was happy about it."
"What?!" Mom asked again.
I ran to the window to see if I could see whether or not the woman actually drove off with that cat on the roof of her van or if she heard the screaming cat and stopped. I could see her at the end of the street at the stop sign. But before I could turn to head for the front door she was gone.
"Oooooh nooooooooo!" I said out loud.
Just then the husband came running out from the garage with the son right behind him.
"CATS ON THE CAR! CATS ON THE CAR!" the boy kept yelling. The husband was frantically dialing his cell phone.
Then I heard the husband talking, "the cat is on top of the van. You have to come back. No, I'm serious. Well stop driving and look!"
The boy was still hopping up and down and chanting loudly, "CATS ON THE CAR! CATS ON THE CAR!"
Several minutes later the minivan returned, minus the crouching cat on the roof. She pulled into the driveway, handed off the cat to her husband, and sped off again.
"Wow," I said to my bewildered mom, "that's something you don't see every day."
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