The Florida Peanut Goat
December 22 to January 20
Traditional Capricorn Traits
Practical and prudent – If there is no need for a dentist you won’t go. If a tooth can be pulled with a pair of pliers and a bathroom sink, you’re all for it. If puppies can be delivered at home or inside a moving vehicle without paying a vet you don’t mind a little afterbirth. Just get’er done.
Ambitious and disciplined – You read and study and better yourself. When a lunatic in the park tries to demand money from you somehow you manage to restrain yourself and not shoot her dead or kick her in the baby-box. No crazy bag lady is going to rattle you.
Patient and careful – You can wait all day for the fish. Come rain or shine, nakedness or turtle patrol intruders, you will get your Peanut Fish.
Humorous and reserved – You are a girl who knows how to tell a story. Everyone loves hearing you tell a tale. They can picture the story in their minds, you running through the yard, screaming a little high-pitched scream, as your daddy runs along behind you with an evil grin, swinging that broom at your hind end.
On the dark side....
Pessimistic and fatalistic – If that crazy bag lady shows up again it’s going to be a different story. Fatalistic can’t begin to describe what will happen to her. You only get one lunch break each day and by God you’re going to read your book and be left the hell alone. You want a dollar? Go to the Dollar Store and ask for a damned job application. Better yet, go the nearest strip club and dance for it. They’ll give you all the dollars you can hold. Just leave Capricorn Stacy the hell alone when she’s reading!
Miserly and grudging – No dollar for you. Fuck off.
Capricorn Peanut! About Your Sign... Capricorn Peanut is one of the most stable and (mostly) serious of the zodiacal bloggers. These independent, rocklike characters have many sterling qualities. They are normally confident, strong willed and calm, even when their Peanut King comes in with broken teeth. These hardworking, unemotional, shrewd, practical, responsible, persevering, and cautious to the extreme Peanut Persons, are capable of persisting for as long as is necessary to catch a fish while naked. They are reliable workers in almost any profession they undertake, just so long as you leave them alone while they’re reading during lunch and don’t play the fucking drums outside their bedroom window at 3 a.m. They are the major finishers of most projects started by the 'pioneering' signs (they clean up all your shit); with firm stick-to-it-ness they quickly become the backbone of any company they work for.  Capricornian Peanut Queens make of themselves, resourceful, determined managers; setting high standards for themselves and others who fish nude with them or need CPR. They can perform medical miracles when proper tools are not handy with superglue and determination. They strive always for honesty in their criticism of self, even to the point of not recognizing their own hotness. They respect discipline from above and demand it from those beneath them, be they pit bulls or ex-boyfriend’s cats. In their methodical, tough, stubborn, unyielding way, they persist against personal hardship (Pelicans and father’s with brooms), putting their families and/or their work before their own needs and welfare to reach their objectives long after others have given up and fallen by the wayside. They can perform CPR on those who do fall. In fact when practical ability allied with the drive of ambition are required in employees to make a project succeed, Capricornian Peanut Queens are the people to hire. They plan carefully to fulfill their ambitions, which often include becoming wealthy and placing turds in punchbowls, they are economical without meanness (the turd was only a joke), and able to achieve great results with minimum effort and expense. Because of their organizing ability they are able to work on several projects simultaneously. The Peanut King does not count as a project, by the way. 
Some Capricornian Peanut Queens deserve the adjective based on their name - capricious. They can be surprisingly and suddenly witty and subtle for the quiet, reserved individuals they seem to be, and they also have a tendency to run out of things to blog about, but even when blogging that they have nothing to blog about they are entertaining and fascinating to their loyal fans. Another unexpected quality in some Capricornian Peanut Queens is an interest in the occult which persists in spite of their naturally skeptical turn of mind and aversion to dead chicken parts except when fried and served with biscuits and mashed potatoes.  Their intellects are sometimes very subtle. They think profoundly and deeply, thoroughly exploring all possibilities before deciding on a 'safe' alternative. They have good memories and an insatiable yet methodical desire for knowledge. They are rational, logical and clearheaded, have good concentration, delight in debate in which they can show off their cleverness by luring their adversaries into traps and confounding them with logic, even when the adversary is a little intoxicated and just bound and determined to bash their tooth out on the corner of the sink.  In their personal relationships they are often ill-at-ease, if not downright unhappy. They are somewhat self-centered but not excessively so, wary and cautious around people they do not know very well, preferring not to meddle with others and in turn not to allow interference with themselves, thus they tend to attract people who do not understand them, but think they are as cute as Holly Hunter. Casual acquaintances they will treat with diplomacy, tact and, above all, reticence, as a Peanut Queen should. They make few good friends but are intensely loyal to those they do make, and they can become bitter, and powerful enemies if you mess with their pit bulls. They sometimes dislike the opposite sex, blogging long and intricate jokes about their curious traits, and test the waters of affection gingerly before judging the temperature right for marriage to a suitable Peanut King. Once married, however, they are faithful, though inclined to jealousy. Most Capricornian Peanut Queens marry for life, or until they kill him, which is sort of the same thing.  Their occupations can include most professions that have to do with math or money and they are strongly attracted to music. They should not be dentists or nurses. They can be economists, financiers, bankers, speculators, contractors, managers and real estate brokers. They excel as bureaucrats, especially where projects demanding long-term planning and working are concerned, and their skill in debate and love of dialectic make them good politicians. They are excellent teachers, especially as principals of educational establishments where they have the authority to manage and organize without too much intimacy with the staff members. If working with their hands, they can become practical scientists, engineers, farmers and builders. The wit and flippancy which is characteristic of certain Capricornian Peanut Queens may make some turn to entertainment via the blog as a career. 
LIKES
DISLIKES
PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, alcohol and nude fishing-related problems will arise. However, with astrology and professional bullshitting we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Capricornian Peanut Queen, you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive. PROBLEM: Having people take advantage of you and your good nature. PROBLEM: Having people getting "turned off" of you. PROBLEM: Having people getting "turned on" by a photo of you that you recently posted. PROBLEM: Homeless bums trying to steal money from you. PROBLEM: A Sand Hill Crane flies directly into the side of your truck, smashing your mirror and decapitating himself. 
Some Famous Capricorns That Share Your Sign!
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