Positives:
You are imaginative and sensitive. You are an artistic genius. Given a lipstick tube and a piece of toilet paper you could create a masterpiece. You invented macaroni art out of boredom. Your Christmas tree each year looks like it should be in a museum. Your photographs are amazing. Your paintings are spectacular. Being a sensitive sort, you cry when you watch professional wrestling, but you secretly believe you could choreograph it better. And you could.
You are compassionate and kind. You would gently shoot an intruder to protect your children. Even as you were burying the body in your neighbor’s unmowed yard under cover of moonless night you would be worrying that the intruder’s family would miss him. You would briefly consider sending them a note to let them know that the piece of shit was dead so they wouldn’t worry any longer. You would carefully replace the grass to hide all signs of the grave so that the neighbors would never know and possibly be upset. Your neighbors love you.
You are selfless and unworldly. You get way too much mail asking for donations for every charity known to man. You keep the assorted return address labels and throw away the rest, but you feel a little guilty as you do so. Even so, St. Judes Children’s Research Charity gets you every time.
You are intuitive and sympathetic. You instinctively know when another driver is a moron, but you understand that not everyone can have a near-photographic memory and exceptional IQ. So you flick them off with a tear in your eye and honk your horn in perfect rhythm to the music on the radio. Then you drive carefully around them as they careen into the nearest pole while dialing their cell phone. Being a caring sort, you dial 911 for them as you exit the scene, intuitively knowing that they probably can’t remember the number for themselves and won’t hang up their call to do it anyway.
Negatives:
You can be escapist and idealistic. When Mtv actually played music videos you would imagine yourself transported into each and every one. You thought the guy from Flock of Seagulls actually couldn’t get away. In your heart you rode the Metro with the lead singer of Berlin and wanted to marry the soldier sleeping next to her. You dreamed up the idea for the show “What Not To Wear” the very first time you saw Boy George and Culture Club. You loved Madonna's clothes and kept a cone bra hidden in your closet in case you ever needed it. You fought tooth and nail for the reputation of George Michael, swearing to kill anyone who insisted he was gay. He broke your heart and let you down, so in a bitter rage you turned to heavy metal. You fought tooth and nail for the reputation of Rob Halford, lead singer of Judas Priest, swearing to kill anyone who insisted he was gay.
You can be secretive and vague. Somewhere there are photos of you wearing a badge and sexy underwear, but nothing else. When asked whatever happened to them you insist that you don’t know. They are in a box in the top of your closet underneath a blanket. Please go get them and email them to me.
You can be weak-willed and easily led. Children trick you into trusting them, with their tiny sighs and gentle touch. Just when you least expect it they poke you in the eyes. You fall for this over and over again. But only because you love them.
Summary:
You are fascinating. People love you. You can be as gentle as a porpoise or as vicious as a shark, as necessary. You are married to the orca. The shark may wrestle with the orca, but anyone who gets between the two will be food. Especially if they're a penguin. Your home is a beautiful ocean. Everyone wants to vacation there. You should invest in beach front real estate and make a killing.
