Time Wasters



Every day at lunch I try to go home and do a short workout. I only have an hour so I can't afford to waste any time. Here are some things that seem to be distracting me and costing me time that I can't afford

1) The drive itself - It's 10 minutes home and 10 minutes back. If I could just avoid that it would save me 20 minutes. I think if I could just knock out a wall in my office and spread out some weights here, maybe install a shower, that would be great. They probably won't let me do that, though.

patrick

2) Turning on the TV - Sometimes FitTV will have something going that is in some way, shape or form useful to me in my workout. The rest of the time, though, they have this goofy woman waving black hankies and wearing bellbottoms doing what appears to be "The Elaine Dance" that Julia Louise Dreyfuss did on Seinfeld. She scares me.

3) Eating my actual lunch - It takes maybe 5 minutes to grab something and 5 minutes to swallow it. If I could just eat in the car as I'm skidding down the residential roads of this little town without killing anyone or crashing into a cop that'd be just great.

4) Showering - I am a sweater. And I don't mean a fuzzy garment that women and gay men like to drape over their shoulders to look stylishly preppy. I mean I sweat like Niagra Falls (no offense meant to all my lovely Canadian friends.) When I'm working out the sweat just pours off me and drips all over the floor. I could break out some Mop-n-Glo and a mop and clean the floor with it if I had the time. So a shower is not optional. This takes me at least 10 minutes and even after I dry off, for some strange and mystical reason, cold water continues to pour off of me long after I have dressed and arrived back at work. All of my coworkers look at me funny as I sit at my desk, soaking wet and emitting cold water like a lawn sprinkler. Apparently I am just so hot that I produce condensation. Who knew?

5) The mail - OK, so as long as I'm home I go to the mailbox and get the mail. Today it wasn't there yet. What's up with that?

6) My cats - on nasty days when they don't feel like being outside they stand on their back feet and press their fuzzy little faces against the back glass door, crying in despair because I won't let them come inside and rub all over me as I'm trying to exercise. There's nothing quite like the feel of a cat rubbing it's hair across your sweaty body when you're hot and out of breath. Yes, nothing like it, which is a good thing because it's nasty.

7) The rain - I go running even if it's sprinkling. So it's been sprinkling a lot lately. And it never fails that it sprinkles lightly until I'm exactly 1 1/2 miles away from home before opening the floodgates and pouring down hellfire on me like some sort of practical joke from God. Very funny, God. Now cut it out!

8) Flat tires - I was just trying to drop 2 letters into the mailbox outside the office. That's all I was wanting to do. So I had to shoot a U-turn in the road when I clipped some broken concrete that used to form a curb. My tire exploded like a fat man on the toilet after a Mexican meal - BOOM! There went $160 down the drain.

Yeah, so now I have to figure out how to cut some of this out to shorten the time I'm gone. I don't want to get into trouble. But I need to keep working out. Somehow I'll figure this out. Some other guys here go to the Gym I Hate at lunch. I wonder what they do to keep it short and simple?

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