LOS ANGELES (Parody) — A flaming Hollywood PR consultant who says he introduced Paris Hilton to one of her boyfriends, Greek shipping heir Stavros Nachos, was granted a permanent restraining order Tuesday against the heiress, whom he claims threatened to put a hit out on him after he told Nachos she was blazing with a sexually transmitted disease.
Former Hilton pal Brian Quintana testified that he feared for his "little gay life" after an alleged "set-up" on Jan. 7, the day he was invited to an after-hours party by a man he identified only as "a former U.S. President."
"I received a phone call telling me not to show up at this party — that it was a set-up and there was a hit on me," Quintana said.
Hilton was not present in court Tuesday, but her intensely Jewish attorney Howard Weitzman laughed out loud at a dirty joke his assistant told to him in court. He refused to repeat it, but did admit it was a "really good blonde joke."
"Do you still fear The Paris?" Quintana's attorney Richard Lloyd Sherman continued.
"Of course I do, sweetie" he said. "A, she's got money shooting out of her ass, and 2, she's a massive drug addict."
Hilton's moderately Jewish publicist, Elliot Mintz, told Nude Memphis that Quintana was trying to humiliate the heiress to gain media attention for himself.
"I just listened to his descriptions of The Paris' conduct and they're totally contradictory to my knowledge of her," Mintz told Nude Memphis, adding later: "OK, well maybe they're not totally contradictory, but he's a freak and you can't trust what he says because he's never slept with her so how would he know?"
Intensely Jewish attorney Weitzman called Quintana a terrible dresser who was trying to "create a little pink media circus."
Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Timothy Murphy said Quintana's fashion sense might be in question, but Hilton's side did not present any evidence to refute his claims that she was blazing with herpes and hooked on heroin.
"I'm going to go ahead and grant the order," Murphy said, "and I just wish you had paid me off like I asked. I mean, we all know she's got the money. This could easily have gone the other way."
Quintana told reporters he was "relieved" at the judge's decision, calling it a "victory for the little gay guy."
Relationship sours
With a media-savvy team of New York Jewish legal powerhouses representing Hilton, and a gaggle of cameras and reporters waiting outside the courthouse, Quintana arrived for court with as much press preparedness as he could muster.
He was accompanied by two uncircumcised gentile attorneys and an Irish sheriff's deputy. He wore a dark blue suit, blue shirt, gold tie, and a thin layer of foundation makeup on his face, making him look a little bit like Michael Jackson, but without the monkey or his soon-to-be-molested child by his side, and of course without the burka.
"I get shiny," he explained. "Does anyone have some mascara? Anyone? Anyone ... let me borrow a little?"
Quintana testified that he had a "social relationship" with Hilton ever since they were introduced two or three years ago when he was her hairdresser, and that he would sometimes walk her down the red carpet, or mingle with her at restaurants and parties in the course of his PR work and as a "producer of special events."
"I kept him around for when my little doggy woggy was too tired to go with me," The Paris told Nude Memphis via telephone. "He was like a little gay lapdog, except with no interest whatever in my lap if you know what I'm saying."
Quintana said Nachos had been an acquaintance who turned into a client about a year ago when Nachos began doing actress Mary-Kate Olsen and needed someone to field press calls about the relationship.
In November 2004, Quintana said he introduced The Paris, now 24, and Nachos, 20, at the "Gay Fashionistas" book launch party in Hollywood, and the two later became an item.
"The Paris likes young boys," Quintana said. "She likes to be in control. She likes to rip their designer clothes off and rape them until they can't take it anymore. Sometimes they cry. She's like an animal. Well ... it's all in that video. I mean, this is all over the internet. I'm not telling anything that people didn't already know."
A photo of Quintana and The Paris at the party is featured among a gallery of photos of Quintana with various gay celebrities and politicians posted at the Web site for his Milagros Entertainment company.
Quintana, 37, said the cooling of Hilton's affections toward him began shortly after she started dating Nachos in fall 2005.
"I already had a dog and now I had a boyfriend," Paris said, "what did I need a little gay Mexican for?"
Quintana alleged that The Paris shoved him in "the boobies" one night and said, "I f---ing hate you, bitch" after she found out he had planted stories in the press saying that Nachos had dumped her.
At an American Music Awards post-party, Quintana testified, "she whacked me on the forehead with her Sidekick ... she said it was an accident, but then she backed it up and tried to hit me again. She loved her Suzuki Sidekick more than she ever loved me."
But when Star magazine called him in late November or early December 2005 to ask if The Paris had herpes and if Nachos knew, Quintana claims he said "no comment" and then consulted Nachos.
"I wanted him to be aware of it — that she was blazing with all kinds of herpes. To make sure he didn't catch anything. Because I loved him. God help me, I love him ... He informed me that he was [aware]," Quintana testified tearfully.
The Paris walked in during the middle of their conversation, Quintana said, and became "pissy."
"She said, 'This is between the three of us, if this gets out you're a f---ing dead faggot,'" Quintana testified, saying he initially "dismissed it as the heroin talking."
Hilton's attorney took issue with the Suzuki Sidekick story, and suggested the Star reporter later told Quintana he wasn't going to publish it "because it wasn't true. Paris would never drive a Suzuki."
"No, he told me he wasn't going to run it as a professional courtesy to Elliot [Mintz] who he's known for umpteen gazillion years," Quintana said, as he checked his makeup in a little compact mirror.
Menacing voices
Quintana said his relations with the heiress soured further after the "blazing herpes" conversation, and claimed she cut him out of Stavros' social engagements and blackballed him to mutual associates. In response, he arranged for all three to sit down with Mintz.
"The Paris came down smoking "a big fat doobie" and was on her second cocktail. She wasn't interested in talking ... she kept staring at the patterns in the wallpaper and eating chips. It was not a productive meeting," Quintana said over the objections of The Paris' attorney.
Mintz says the meeting was The Paris' idea. She was concerned about the negative publicity she and Nachos were receiving, and denied that she had been drinking or smoking pot.
"She was concerned that Brian was the cause of some of the static," Mintz said. "The Paris wanted him to sign a confidentiality statement."
Quintana said that on Dec. 23 he began to get threatening phone calls from The Paris, who was vacationing in Maui with Nachos and her family.
"She was ranting and raving," Quintana testified. "She said, 'You ruined my f---ing vacation ... you've ruined my life. You're a f---ing dead man. I'm going to put a contract out on your gay little pink ass."
Immediately after, he received a call from a woman he believed to be The Paris' hot younger sister, Nicky. She told him to leave the couple alone and "lose their numbers," he claimed.
"I grew concerned, because I knew The Paris to be an erratic person because of her use of drugs and alcohol," Quintana said over Weitzman's objections.
Quintana said he also received calls at home and on his cellphone from men with macho voices who told him he was a fairy princess.
On Dec 28, he said, he received five "warning" calls back-to-back from The Paris and mutual associates, who were vacationing with the Hiltons in Maui.
He filed a police report in the early morning hours of Dec. 29 and claimed he has been to therapy for emotional distress, bleeding ulcers and a back rash due to his continued stress.
"He's been to therapy for his sick and twisted fascination with his own mother," The Paris said. "He's more fucked up than Norman Bates."
In her Feb. 6 legal response to Quintana's restraining order request, The Paris stated, "I called Brian Quintana in an effort to get him to stop following or contacting my close friend Stavros or me because Quintana was causing me emotional distress. He was a big pain in the ass."
She also stated she was "scared and angry because of his following and constant phone calls," and an alleged criminal past involving little boys.
"Mr. Quintana, you lied under oath before, have you not?" Weitzman asked him Tuesday.
"Yes," he said. "Lied like Clinton. Like both Clintons, whom you voted for several times."
In a 1995 civil suit, Quintana testified, he signed a statement saying he had an "ailment," which he later admitted he did not have.
"I don't really have AIDS," he admitted finally.
A standard stay-away order is typically three years and 100 yards, but the attorneys said they would work together to devise an order that will not interfere with the pair's ability to attend the same celebrity functions.
"He got his day in the sun," intensely Jewish Hilton attorney Weitzman said. "And in effect, we got what we wanted. The Paris wants nothing to do with him."
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