- Isaac Hayes and South Park - Leesa covered this subject very well. Last night's show was hilarious.
- South Dakota and the Abortion Law - I read their explanation of what they're trying to do here. I don't think they've thought this through. What if they win? Then they've got a law that most of their voters probably think is too strict. The voters will probably be justifiably pissed that they didn't get to vote on this law, which is part of what many people are pissed about with Roe v. Wade to begin with. Just my opinion, but I think this is going to backfire in a big way. The Feminist Majority and N.O.W. and the endless list of other taxpayer-funded feminist/abortion groups are probably thrilled to death about this heaven-sent membership drive courtesy of South Dakota's legislature. Big mistake in making this 'test law' so extreme. Just my opinion. And like Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.
- Murdered Preacher and the Missing Wife and Kids- OF COURSE she killed him. Who didn't know this as soon as they read that he was dead and his wife was gone with all the kids? And when she gets an even half-assed lawyer she's gonna say "I was retaliating for years of abuse. I was just protecting myself and my children." If that doesn't look like it's going to fly for some reason then she'll switch to "he sexually abused the children and I, as a mother, was protecting them and only thinking of them." If I were a defense attorney straight out of law school I could come up with her defense and probably win. Unless she's made some enormous mistake that trips her up she's probably gonna walk, no matter what the facts are in the case. Maybe this woman who killed her husband really was abused, or maybe she's a psycho, but the "abuse excuse" almost always works so it's practically a given. The only other possibility that I see here is that she's genuinely crazy and just flipped out, in which case we may hear about aliens and Elvis and spaceships, which is always fun.
- Tom Cruise Showing Off Pregnant Katie Holmes - I cannot begin to tell you how little I care.
- French Prime Minister Storms Out Due To English Official Language - Hey Inspector Clouseau, get over it and deal with the real issues in France. There are some pretty big problems in your country right now, you know? Surely you have bigger things to be getting pissy about than what language the EU wants to speak.
- Phil Spector's Murder Trial - Dude, nice hair.
- 99 Luftballoons - You're gonna play what over and over again for an hour? Seriously?!
- Susan Polk Murder Trial - You know what they say, everyone who serves as their own defense lawyer has a fool for a client. Sit your giant ego down and hire a lawyer, woman.
And now for some cases you probably didn't hear about:
- Zero Tolerance - No one was injured when a Cessna two-seater made a crashlanding on a highway in Lebanon, Tennessee. The plane scraped the roof of a van and crashed into a sign that read, "Be Alert. Arrive Unhurt."
- Fat Divorcee - A woman in Romania who had trouble keeping off excess pounds divorced her husband because he could not gain weight. Maria Alexandru told the court that she had become unbearingly jealous because her husband could eat non-stop without putting on a pound.
- Alternate Lifestyle - A man in Lardal, Norway told police that a sex-crazed moose tried to mate with his car while it was parked in front of his house. Leif Borgersen said the moose covered his Ford Ka with lick marks and bodily fluids. Borgersen said when the moose got no response from the car, he pooped on it.
- Loonies On The Path - Police in St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana claimed Gary Daunis displayed a combination of road rage and delusions of grandeur. Daunis allegedly had a flashing blue light on his dashboard and would pull over and verbally abuse drivers who cut him off. He was charged with impersonating an officer.
- Cold Feet - Thieves in Mebane, North Carolina used two stolen big rig cabs to crash the gates at American Knitting Mills — and haul off two trailers full of knitted socks.
- Key Evidence - Police arrested a robbery suspect in Albuquerque who couldn't get away from the scene because he'd lost his keys. Jeffery Anaya allegedy robbed the cashier at screwdriver-point — then returned to ask if she'd seen his keys while she was reporting the robbery to 911. Officials say Anaya was searching the parking lot for his keys when officers arrived.
- Don't Drink, Drive and Smoke - An intoxicated man who was smoking a cigarette while filling a gas can ignited the can — which exploded and blew him 15 feet into the air. As his car burst into flames, the man landed on a nest full of angry ants. Brisbane, Australia police charged the man with drunk driving, driving without a license, public endangerment and driving an unregistered vehicle.
- Oops - A volunteer firefighter in Hamilton was charged with impersonating an officer and unlawful restraint after using his vehicles's flashing red lights to pull over a traffic offender. Authorities say 19-year-old Anthony Barone pulled over a county judge.
- Speed Trap and Then Some - Authorities in Kuala Lumpur blamed faulty equipment on a traffic ticket which charged a motorist with driving faster than the speed of sound. The automatic speeding ticket generator clocked Lee Ah Chai at 1,120 miles per hour. Another ticket accused a taxi driver of doing 695.
- Twice Unlucky - A Boise, Idaho man shot himself twice in the butt while allegedly transporting a dog he had just stolen from a Collie breeder. Police say Philip Boivin shot himself while adjusting the gun hidden in the rear waistline of his pants — then shot himself again trying to unhook the trigger from a tag on his underwear. The dog was unharmed.
- Crossing Jordan Psycho - A woman on the Spirit Of Washington Dinner Train took participation in the murder mystery a little too seriously. In a Woodinville Police report that begins, "It was a dark and mildly stormy night ... ," police said the passenger wrestled a prop gun from a dinner theater actress — disclocating the actress' shoulder and partially fracturing her knee.
- Cigarettes Kill - A jokester in Woodbine, New Jersey filled a muzzle-loader with paper towel wads and cigarette butts and fired it at his roommate. His roommate was killed when three cigarette butts pierced his heart.
- Wash Me - Two men accused of robbing a convenience store in a Providence, Rhode Island suburb were easily apprehended — thanks to some teens who were hanging around the parking lot. While observing the armed robbery in progress, one of the boys wrote "we are crooks" in the dust on the back of the suspects' SUV and called police. The suspects were pulled over and arrested three blocks from the store.
- Getaway Driver Needed - No one believed a 67-year-old woman was serious about robbing a bank in Meunder, Germany — until she allegedly fired four shots in the air. The suspect fled with 25-thousand dollars cash, but police reported they had no trouble catching her because she drove extremely slowly.
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