Stuff in the News and other crap

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Identity Thieves

Research on identity thieves has determined that they are 54 percent black, one third female, and 71 percent had no previous criminal record.

Simple enough, right?

Here is how the Associated Press reported this finding:

"Two-thirds of the identity thieves were male. 42.5 percent of offenders were between the ages of 25 and 34. Another 18 percent were between the ages of 18 and 24."

Hmm, no mention of the females and nothing said about race at all. According to the writers at CBS, of course, all of this is wrong. All identity thieves, and in fact all criminals, are white and male and members of the Screen Actors Guild.

Australian court fines bare breasted barmaid

Oh Lord, how I want to go to Australia! An Australia barmaid was smashing beer cans between her breasts while her friend hung spoons from her nipples. A cop saw it and fined her. Man, why don't they do these things at bars here in Memphis? Hell, why don't they do this at Hooters?

Woman stabs tied-up lover and drinks his blood

An Arizona woman tied up a man to have sex with him. Then she announced that, oh by the way, she thinks she's a vampire and wants to drink his blood. And then she began stabbing him in various places and drinking the blood. He survived and recovered, but she got a sentence of 10 years for it. If she had simply cut off his penis or testicles and drank that blood she'd have walked away without doing any time at all. And if she'd simply killed him and then drank up, she'd maybe get a few days at a local hotel for "counseling" and then be free to do it again. What a funny justice system we have here. Everyone is crazy.

More bras stolen from Victoria's Secret

There has been a recent crime spree in which thousands of dollars worth of Victoria's Secret bras are being stolen. Police ask everyone to be on the lookout for large-breasted sexy women who are wearing Victoria's Secret bras, as one of them is the thief. I plan to do my part and keep my eyes open at all times for this dangerous criminal. I might even try to apprehend her if I get the chance. Personally, I suspect BottleBlonde.


Shares of Google stock are up so much, one share costs almost as much as 1 ounce of solid gold.


An article in the Wall Street Journal on Monday says that US Law defines toture as "the intentional infliction of "severe pain or suffering." The intentional infliction of pain or suffering that is not severe is not torture, although depending upon the circumstances it may constitute forbidden "cruel, inhuman or degrading" (CID) treatment."

I'm thinking that the practice of training police to shoot or press the Taser into a man's groin and fry his genitals with 50,000 volts because he won't cooperate or is otherwise resistant, but nonviolent and unarmed, certainly qualifies as both cruel, inhuman and most certainly degrading treatment, as well as being an intentional infliction of severe pain and suffering. But what do I know?

Sex and the Presidency

There was an article in the Wall Street Journal on Saturday in which writer Peggy Noonan argues that Hillary Clinton's biggest obstacle isn't that she is a woman, and thus perceived as too weak and soft. It is that she is perceived as a bulldozer who tramples on people and is thus not ladylike. Interestingly, Hillary is referred to throughout the article as "Mrs. Clinton." The Wall Street Journal, ever politically correct, doesn't acknowledge the marital status of any woman or allow the use of the title "Mrs" at any time, except when writing about Hillary Clinton. She is, apparently, the only married woman in the entire United States, according to The Press. Senator Diane Feinstein and Secretary of State Condi Rice are also mentioned in the article. Mrs. Feinstein and Miss Rice or both referred to as "Ms."

Apparently the Journal wants us all to think of Hillary as a sweet housewife and has thus chosen to break the feminist rule against honoring or acknowledging a woman's marriage, but only for Hillary. She's special.

Dumbledore is Gay

Who wanted to know this? Why is it coming out now? Why can't we just read the books and be left to make up our own minds? And why, of all the sexual possibilities of the story, what with engorgement spells that cause chosen bodyparts to grow enormously large and immobilization spells that render a person unable to move and the imperius curse that makes a person do whatever they're directed to, is this the only sexual thing to come from all of the Harry Potter stories? Not that I'm wanting Mrs. Rowling to sex up the Potter books. It just seems odd that this, of all things, is it. Personally, I'd prefer to find out that Hermoine, or better still, Fleur Delacour, is a raging nymphomaniac. But whatever.

So anyway, it's raining and cold in Memphis today and I don't have much else going on to talk about. I haven't been to the gym, what with all the moving I'm doing, so I can't say that I've had any spectacular farts while squatting. I haven't been to Redneckville since this weekend, so I don't know what the teenagers and drug dealer there have been up to. And I haven't spent much time in traffic, so there's nothing much to say about the lunatics that inhabit the roads of Memphis, and often the shoulders and ditches beside the roads, as well.

Tonight is more moving of crap. We hope this is the last of it. We watched one of our new neighbors move out of their house in the pouring rain. It looked quite familiar. It has poured down rain on us with every single move we have ever done. Our neighbors' truck got stuck in their lawn and had to be pulled out with a large tow truck. They're from Texas and came here for a job, only to be laid off within a year. They are, I believe, returning to Texas with or without finding a job there first. Good for them. Run! Run for your lives before this place locks you in a death grip and never lets you go!

So anyway, what's up with you?

Moran Atias
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