So then I slit her ... ugh, damn heartburn is killing me
One day OJ Simpson has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a few folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy in a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
I did not drown that woman, Mary Jo Kopechne
"No," said OJ. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. Inside was Al Gore with a thermometer and a clipboard. He would rush to one part of the room, look at the thermometer, and write down the temperature on the clipboard. Then he would rush to another part of the room and repeat the whole process. Everywhere he went the temperature was always the same.
I am not making this shit up, global warming
"No, this is no good," said OJ. "I would be constantly bored taking the temperature and writing it on a piece of paper for all eternity."
The devil opened the third door. Through it OJ saw Bill Clinton lying on a bed. His arms were tied over his head and his legs were restrained in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky doing what made Monica famous.
OJ looked at this in disbelief, and finally said, "Yea, man. I can handle this!"
I did not have sex with that woman, Monica uh uh UH! Aaaaah
The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica.....You're free to go!"
Ha Ha!
Happy Halloween!
* Courtesy of Liquid Illusions
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