Merry Christmas - part I

It's freakin' COLD outside. My truck barely started this morning. I didn't think it was going to make it.

Rrrrrrrrrr - rrrrrrrrr-rrrrrr-rrrrr-rrr .... Vroom!

My ears nearly froze off. I saw a guy in traffic, he had shaved his head. All I could think while looking at him was how much I wished I'd worn a hat and how glad I am that I have all my hair.

My Wife is currently sitting at home waiting for the Tile Guy to show up. She's been pacing and cursing all morning. He won't answer his cell phone, which is never a good sign. What is it with workers in Memphis who don't want to actually work?

I say this as I sit here in my office writing on my blog.

We've tried to hire several people to work on various things around our house, only to have most of them never show up, or show up way late and do lousy work, or hit us with an estimate that makes it clear they really don't want the job. How do these people eat? I guess that's why God made meth labs, eh?

OK, there is a Christmas quiz that was left on my desk this morning. I'm supposed to fill it out and turn it in for a possible prize. I can only think of smart-ass answers. So let's do it together, shall we?

1. The people who help Santa make toys are called Mexicans.

2. Santa rides a hot Latino hooker on Christmas Eve.

3. Santa keeps a list of who is slutty and disease-free.

4. Santa is also known as Saint Lickalass.

5. Santa lives at the North YMCA.

6. Santa often slides down the woman of a house to deliver presents.

7. Truckstop hookers are animals who help Santa travel on Christmas Eve.

8. Santa gets a lot of porn from children in his mailbox.

9. Santa has a long white muffin on his face.

10. Santa wishes everybody a Merry Christmas!

OK, I'm sorry if that was a bit rough. It was on my desk and they forced me to fill in the blanks. I haven't had my coffee or my poop yet, so my mind is still only half-awake. Yes, I know it was nasty. I apologize.
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