It's another Fuck You Friday.
We've just had our 2006 elections and things have changed quite dramatically.
The news, meanwhile, is as fucked up as ever:
Great, no more gas crisis! Anyway, nothing the U.N. says carries any weight with anyone who’s paying attention.
Radio host fired over candidate insult
You KNOW he didn’t insult a Republican because no one ever gets fired for that. They get an Emmy instead.
Evangelist admits meth, massage, no sex
This is why Jesus instructed his followers to practice discernment and judge harshly those who claim to be good but do the opposite. While the antichristers mindlessly parrot “don’t judge” in order to escape justice for their crimes people of wisdom say “throw his ass OUT.”
Scientists track effects of negative ads
The study found that negative ads work, especially on people who don’t bother to find out what the issues are and where their candidates stand on them. I’m thinking people who don’t know shouldn’t be voting anyway. And besides, there'll be more than enough ballot-box stuffing to make up for their missing votes.
Girl Scouts go after parents they say failed to hand over cookie cash
They’ve established a special “
Study shows why the young may shun condoms
Probably because the punks fire off their load before they can even get them rolled all the way down.
Man finds letters to God at sea
I’ll bet God is really pissed at his mailman. “Where’s my mail?!”
"Misogynist" urinals flushed out to eBay
Pull out your dictionary and look up the word “misandrist”. Not there? Why the hell not?! Think about it.
Man posts sex offender photo on MySpace
Am I the only one reminded of the book “The Scarlet Letter” whenever someone does some shit like this?
Police say man used mower to cut slur
That’s very resourceful. And green. I just pour gasoline and light it. In fact, the U.N. claims that I’m responsible for the entire global warming scam, I mean, crisis.
Man hopes jail means no support payments
It doesn’t work that way. It’s called debtors prison for a reason and the longer you’re in the bigger your debt is declared to be. Theoretically, if they weren’t so keen on taking you for every cent they can, they’d keep you in indefinitely. Many men have been kept for years and years because they had no money. In fact, for most having no money was their only crime. You should have fled the country.
Voters reject South Dakota abortion ban
See, I told you so.
Voters reject abortion, gay marriage ban
The day before the election the headline said
Pelosi says Democrats are ready to lead
She said she is 'the speaker of the House, not just the speaker of the Democrats.' She’s under the impression that she’s received a mandate from the majority. She’s ready to rock and roll for her church of the San Fran Socialist Fanatics, which won’t do much to maintain the support Democrats received in this election, but might still provide enough push for her to impeach her way into the White House. If she isn’t careful she may be a bigger detriment to her party than the Republican party leaders have been to theirs, leading to a big reversal by voters 2 years from now. Make no mistake, she’s as wacky as anything to ever come out of
Wife pleads guilty to killing husband, whose remains were found along N.C. parkway
Fifty bucks says she’s out on parole, if not outright pardoned, within five years of this verdict. Watch the clowns dance. All the world is indeed a stage and our courts are just a circus.
Bush says disappointed with election results
No shit?
Democrat win may shift focus to U.S. middle class
Yes, the focus of new and higher taxes will shift to reaming out the middle class. We knew that already.
Business on defensive as Dems win in US elections
Socialism is generally bad for business, no matter how you voted. Any party that loves Fidel Castro can’t be a friend of business. Layoffs, taxes, inflation, oh my! Layoffs, taxes, inflation, oh my! Brace yourselves, it looks like rain.
Bush, Nancy Pelosi try to reconcile
Like John and Lorena Bobbitt, this romance will end the same way.
France tests new long-range missile
It’s called the FIFI and it’s fashionable and pink, but not very accurate.
Houston landscaper accused of bigotry
I’m sorry. I was under the impression that everyone in the
Mass. gay marriage debate begins again
Of course it does. Didn’t I say last week that they’d do this as soon as the Democrats had all been elected and were no longer threatened by it as a campaign issue? Told you so.
Russia, China plan joint space projects
Look at that! The very next day after Nancy Pelosi and company took over our most deadly enemies announce their plans for a joint military space program. What do you suppose it means?
Virginal woman may pick up "bad" vaginal bacteria
Why is the word “bad” in quotation marks? Is it part of some sort of quote? Is it to show sarcasm? Is it the opinion of the writer that an infection of the vajayjay isn’t really bad, but only drawn that way? WTF?!
Agent Orange exposure tied to ills in Vietnam vets
What is this, 1972? How did this become a story again? Do you not even know what fucking year this is?
Wrongfully convicted man awarded $450K
He was wrongfully convicted of raping a 13-year-old girl and sent to prison back in 1985. DNA evidence has shown him to be completely innocent. Even so, I’ll bet they’ll keep him on the sex offender registry and continue to post his name, address, and photo all over the internet and the news. Eventually, someone will probably kill him.
Cuba gloats over U.N. vote, U.S. Republican losses
Sometimes you can learn as much about someone by who their friends are as anything else.
U.N.: Lack of sanitation has human cost
The civilized world figured this out over 2000 years ago, but the UN is only just now discovering it. Fabulous!
Man uses bug story to make women disrobe
Please tell me this story!
Cost of children rising faster than house prices
That’s because the socialists have politicized education, forcing all good parents to send their children to private schools or home school them.
Irish police baton-charge Shell protesters
Frosted Lucky Charms, they’re magically delicious! Sorry, that’s the imagery in my head as I read this. I'm picturing a bunch of guys in green suits and hats running around wacking one another and shouting "blimey!"
Dumped by text? Britney's ex joins growing club
Britney dumped Kevin by text? What a chickenshit!
Political winds shift for 2008 White House race
Eeeeee heh heh heh! I'll get you, my Pretty, and your little dog, Toto, too!
Like farting into a fan, Nancy Pelosi has thrown a stink into Hillary’s carefully laid plans. Tune in tomorrow as Nancy and Hillary fight over who is their baby’s daddy and which of them is the real mother!
Brit burns bum with firecracker
This British soldier just got back from
