Friday Farting Around

piper perabo
What brings you here, big boy?

I haven't posted anything here in a week. That's how swamped I've been lately. I'm drowning in stress and responsibilities and eye strain from working long hours. By the time I get home my brain is so fried that the thought of turning on a computer and looking into the sick green glow of a monitor is more than I can handle.

So I've been absent. As if to punish me, 2 people stopped following my blog. Or, could look at it another way and theorize that maybe 10 people followed me and then 12 unfollowed me while I was away, leaving me returning to a net loss of 2 people. I don't know who it was or why they felt that I was no longer good enough to follow, but they're gone just the same. And with that in mind, let's talk about the things I've written here over the years that people seem to like, because when I checked my stats and saw what it was that is really popular here I honestly had to say, "WTF?"

Most Popular Nude Memphis Posts

#1 - Dear Penis
How many of you even remember this post? I had totally forgotten it. But apparently a lot of people like it because it has received 97,000 views, mostly from places like India and China and places that I honestly don't even have a clue as to why they are so fascinated by this one. I was in a lousy mood. I didn't know what to say. I was actually sort of depressed. So I wrote a letter breaking up with my penis. Who knew this was the work of epic genius that might one day propel me into a writing career? If I ever do write a book I know what I'm going to write it about - my penis.

#2 - How Pumpkin Pie is Made
OK, really? Once again I am at a loss. It's just a cartoon of a poop gag about where pumpkin pie comes from. It received nearly 75,000 fewer page views than the post about my penis. And yet it is still in the #2 spot. Most of the hits are coming from Denmark and Germany and Sweden. I love the beautiful women in those places. They are some seriously hot babes. Do you suppose if I ever visit their countries I could impress them with gags about how pumpkin pie is made from pooping pumpkins? Could it really be that easy?

#3 - Flightless Bird
Seriously?? THIS post is the number three most popular post I've ever written? Ever? It's a rambling post about nothing. I mean, it's truly about nothing. I was upset, and then I was distracted by what was on TV, and then I went off on a tangent about giving up on our political leaders and then I went to bed. Seriously, that's it. Click the link if you want to, but after you read it you'll say, "I'll be damned. He already summed it up in one sentence."

#4 - Hillbilly Saviors
It's just a joke about hillbillies. I probably got it in an email. I mean, it's funny and all ... To me, the best thing about this post is in the comments. Some of the people who commented on this post haven't been around to read my blog in years, but they were some funny bloggers.

#5 - Memphipedia: Hobophobe
OK, I have to be honest, I'm proud of this one. I thought this was funny as shit. I think there may have been alcohol involved, but one night I came up with 'hobophobe' and 'fagabond' at the same time, so I wrote two Memphipedia posts about them. Apparently 'fagabond' is too politically incorrect to make the top ten list, but people seem to like 'hobophobe.' Whatever.

#6 - Thursday's Thoughts - American Women's Soccer
I don't know why this post is popular. I was just intending to post a quick mental fart about what I think would help women's professional soccer get the fans it needs to be financially self-sustaining. Seriously, it isn't rocket science. Most of the girls playing soccer are hot. But who can tell that they even are girls when they're out there wearing men's uniforms?

#7 - Bridget Moynahan Nude
Ah yeah, I posted this long ago just to see what it would do for my hits. It's been 4 years now and it is still churning out the hits for me. Thank you, Bridget Moynahan, you are one highly lusted-after babe to bring me this much traffic with so little effort on my part!

bridget moynahan
Bridget Moynahan strips for hits

#8 - Cars That I Have Owned
Wow, this is neck-and-neck with Bridget Moynahan Nude, only 4 hits behind, which is truly a surprise to me. I stole the idea for this post from XL. It took me hours to write because I have owned so many damn cars over the years. But it was a lot of fun. I guess remembering our old cars is a fairly universal thing. We can measure the periods of our lives by the car we were driving at the time oftentimes.

#9 - Happy St Patrick's Day
A truly Irish post this one is! Lots of sexy girls, some nudity, and a few Irish jokes.

#10 - Memphis Movie review: Gone Baby Gone
I have to laugh at this post being in the top 10. Granted, it's a review of a good movie, but I know the real reason this post is so popular. It's because I was being a smart-ass while I wrote it (imagine that) and I commented on how people confuse the names of the star, Michelle Monaghan, with another famous actress, Bridget Moynahan. And then I commented on how popular my post about 'Bridget Moynahan Nude' has been and how I think 'Michelle Monaghan Nude' should bring in just as many hits because she's hot, too. And look at what that statement did for me - a top 10 post.

michelle monaghan
Michelle Monaghan sexes up my blog

So anyway, I didn't start out to write a post about my top 10 blog posts of all time. President Obama supposedly made a speech the other night. I probably should have watched it and wrote about that. And the Republican debate was on last night, too. I briefly considered writing about that. But I just didn't want to. No one listens to Obama anymore. Too many empty words, too many destructive policies, too much change coupled with less and less hope have rendered him nothing more than a tinkling cymbal, as the saying goes, no one listens to him anymore. And as for the Republican debate, it's still a long way away from election day, and I've seen too many times how the totally out-of-touch Republican Party leadership will hand pick the worst possible candidate while shoving aside any real leaders, or potential leaders, in order to hand the election to the Democrats. I just didn't feel like wasting blog space on a debate that isn't going to matter much. Take a look up on the stage, pick out the biggest douchebag who is the most out-of-step with conservative middle class voters, and there is the guy the party leaders are going to go with. They do it every single time.

Bridget Moynahan, Piper Perabo, Izabella Miko, etc, not nude
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