Tagged by a Tennessee Chickiepoo

I've been tagged by everyone's favorite elderly nude exotic dancer, Prunella, with the question "If you were left alone on a deserted island, which celebrity would you choose to spend time with?"

I'm following her lead (copying her straight up) and listing several for me to choose from before making my final selection.




Here are my choices:








1) Jessica Biel - blazing hottie, star of numerous films in which her hotness is featured.



PROS: She's smokin' hot, which would make it easy for passing ships, planes, and the occassional spy satellite to spot us. Men have a deep-seeded instinct at the very center of our brains that makes it possible for us to spot a hot bod like hers even from 30,000 feet up. I swear it's true. Men have been known to get into trouble while entering the "Mile High Club" because as they were getting their freak on, they happened to glance out the window of the plane and spot some other righteous hottie far, far down below. Women can sense this instantly and of course respond by getting pissed off. "Is she prettier than me?"

Another pro, the perpetual erection she would inspire in me could be useful as a mast for a sail should we decide to build a raft.





CONS: She's in such amazing shape and martial arts trained that it would be nearly impossible to molest her without cracking her over the head with a coconut first. I'm just not into that.











2) Survivorman - man whose real name I do not even know. This is not some British fag pretender who runs around with a camera crew, sound man, and director while he pretends to be in danger. This lunatic carries his own camera and fights his own battles. He has no one to help him and lives entirely by his wits and extensive knowledge.



PROS: He can get me off the fucking island as fast as possible. In the meantime, he can find food and make a fire while I sit on the beach and dream of Jessica Biel while polishing my mast.




CONS: He sometimes gets lost in the jungle with no fire and no food, cursing himself and saying "I shouldn't have gone into the jungle." Yeah, life is tough when you don't have a script. Or matches. I'll be forced to stay on the beach if he decides to go off into there ever again. I saw that episode and he didn't appear to be having much fun.









3) Kristy Swanson - she's the 'real' Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the '80s original, from the days when almost everyone's boobs were real and the fake ones were obvious. I first saw her and fell in drool way back when she did a horrible movie called "Highway to Hell." Yeah, I liked the car featured in the film so I watched it, but then I saw her and forgot about the stupid car. Ah hormones, they burned the image of her bulging breasts into my ... I mean, I fell in love with her smile right away.



PROS: if we encounter any vampires on the island, she can totally kick their asses. Also, if for any reason we aren't able to ever get off the island, I won't even care.





CONS: There are no condoms on a deserted island and I'm totally going for it. Also, there is no morphine or urologists, which I might be needing if I am unable to convince her to share my enthusiasm.









4) Kat Von D - she was a tattoo artist on the show Miami Ink, but she had a bitch-out with another woman and left the show. So now she's in LA with her own tattoo place and her own show. Yeah, she can't kill vampires and she probably doesn't know how to build a raft or a fire or anything. In fact, she's probably not going to be terribly useful for anything even remotely survival-related.



PROS: Oh come on, if ANYONE is going to eventually give it up to me, it's going to be a twenty-something girl, covered in tattoos, stuck with me on a deserted island. She might even initiate it, who knows? I'll bet she can't go 5 days without it.





CONS: There are no cigarettes, tequila, or other harder substances on a deserted island, so you know at some point she's going to go batshit crazy with all the withdrawl.










5) Buckbeak - he's the flying hippogriffe from "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban."



PROS: How hard is this one? He can freakin' FLY, dumbass! All you have to do is bow and wait for him to bow back and then you can climb on and fly away home. Bye bye island! Once you've made it home you could sell him for a small fortune.




CONS: He likes to eat polecats, and I'm not entirely sure you can find any on a deserted island. So what does he eat if he gets hungry? People? Also, he tore up Draco Malfoy for insulting him. Clearly he's got anger issues and needs therapy. And the ride home would probably leave me with a sore ass and a lot of allergy problems.




OK, so now I have to make my final decision. Me and one celebrity, all alone on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean. So many factors to consider. Such a hard choice. Whom shall I choose?

Is it 'who' or 'whom'? And does the question mark go inside or outside the quote mark? I can never remember.

Alright, so now I have to choose. For my final choice, for my final decision, I choose ...













her.



I have no idea who she is, but I'm sure she's famous whereever she goes. After I finish molesting her body, which could take months, I'll float home on her boobies, smiling, tanned, and satisfied. Ah, life is good!


And now for the truly fun part. I get to tag 5 other bloggers to do this very same meme. Since Prunella already tagged me (it was good for me, was it good for you) I can't tag her back. So that only leaves about 500 other people to choose from. Hmm, this is going to be hard. Let me think, I tag:


Dixie


Kami


The Kept Woman


Steph in Australia


Stacy the Peanut Queen


TiggerLane


Phain

And if I didn't tag you, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. It just means that I don't have any good photos of you sitting on a toilet or flipping the bird or whatever, so send me some photos of your boobies and next time I'll tag you instead. This means you Helen and McEwen and Liz and Moi and Rebecca and NSC and Poody and OneHung and Patti Cake and Bottle Blonde and Cathouse Teri and so many others. I'm tagging you, too, but you need to send me sexy photos for future tags. Yes you do! Well, except for NSC and OneHung, cause you guys are guys. But you're tagged anyway.

Now, get to it!

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Memphis Area House Party Lands Three Cops, One Fireman in Big Trouble

Bartlett, Tennessee - The party was at the Bartlett home of Carrie and Brandon Faulkner, and it apparently was a good one. Carrie is a Bartlett cop and Brandon is Redneckville fireman. Now both of them have been suspended from their jobs with pay and Brandon Faulkner is fighting to stay out of jail.

Dunt dunt duuuuh!

A neighbor who went to their weekend party says Brandon Faulkner raped her.

Oh snap!

The party at the Faulkners Saturday night changed a lot of lives. Ten year Bartlett police veteran Carey Faulkner, who hosted the party with her husband, still has a chance to keep her job. But this is not her first time being called before the bosses. Inside her personnel file, that praises her for professionalism, timeliness and following rules, there are also a few black marks, all involving the sort of public nudity and drunkeness that would make her a star on Girls Gone Wild.

In 1999, she and four other officers were given negative behavior reports for an incident at a local pool that involved nude bathing.

My kind of girl.

Then in 2002, she was suspended for 18 days and put on one year's probation for what happened at the Christie's Cabaret club. Witnesses say she was dancing nude on stage with a club employee.

No one seemed to mind, and soon after, Carey was invited to more parties than ever.


The other officers at Saturday's party aren't talking, now that they're sober. But Jack Fullwood and Jonathan Poe haven't been with the force long enough to get a regular review. They were still on probation when they were fired, which really sort of sucks seeing as they were just doing what all the other officers were doing.

"The other police officers stayed and behaved in a manner unbecoming a police officer (I.E. drunk and naked while dancing to gay disco songs and videotaped for a starring role on YouTube). They are given the duties they had to uphold. They didn't do that." says Bartlett Mayor Keith McDonald, who was miffed at not having been invited to this latest party and who is rumored to have a 'thing' for Carrie and her habit of getting naked every time she takes a drink.

Carey Faulkner's husband Brandon has gotten high marks as a Redneckville fireman. But he has also been reprimanded for being late to work and not reporting to an emergency response. Now he is charged with rape.

Doh!

Brandon Faulkner got out of jail on 50-thousand dollars bond Wednesday morning after being arrested for rape, sexual assault and sexual battery yesterday. He will be back in court August 29th.

It is unknown at this time whether Carrie will be throwing any more parties, but after reading the initial news stories it is believed that most of the officials in all the cities surrounding and including Memphis have been calling her begging for an invitation to the next one.

"Good Lord, these people know how to throw-down. They are the shit!" said a local mayor who wish to remain anonymous.

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Because I Just Don't Know

Have you ever let a big curse word slip out in church? I mean like, you're sitting in Sunday School and you drop your Bible or something and before you can catch yourself you say, "fuck!"

Whatever happened to all those meme things everybody used to do? I used to get tagged with those all the time and then I'd tag everyone else ... and then ... they quit reading my blog ... wait a minute.

If two wrongs don't make a right, then what is affirmative action doing?

Why is it considered socially unacceptable to fart? Do you know what I mean? Women will sneak out tiny little poofs and hope no one notices, but of course the smell is there all the same. So if it isn't the smell that's the problem, then what is? The sound is just downright funny. If I were more creative I would replace my horn on my truck with a recording of a loud fart. That would make me laugh all the time. But then I'd go around honking at everyone and eventually someone would drag me from my vehicle and kill me.

There is a girl here in the office that I swear is looking at me out of the corner of her eye whenever she passes. She's hot, too. Why do I always find it so hard to believe that a hot girl is actually looking my way? I must have a booger on my face or something. Why is she looking at me?

I finally got the exhaust on my truck fixed. I had to drive 20 miles out into Timbuktu in order to find an exhaust place. The alternative was to drive 30 miles deep into the heart of Memphis or 25 miles down into Mississippi. I wasn't keen on either of those choices. Anyway, my truck no longer sounds like an endlessly rolling fart machine. Hey wait, I was just saying how I think farts are funny. Dammit!

The animals out here in The Boondocks are plotting against me. Already I've killed 3 raccoons and a possum. They've apparently called in their cavalry units as I've nearly hit at least one deer 3 different times in the past week. One time, I nearly hit 2 at a time, but luckily they split up and ran in opposite directions just as I was skidding upon them. I think my flatulent exhaust scared them off. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten that fixed?

In case you're wondering how this whole city naming thing works, I'll explain. I'm in Memphis, but technically I've moved out of Memphis. I was originally living on Germantown Extended Road, which was inside Shelby County and in the city of Memphis' expansion area. It was nice because I was in Memphis, but not 'in' Memphis enough to have to submit to vehicle inspections. That sort of thing is important to a man who owns 2 very old cars, you know? Anyway, I moved from there to a big, expensive apartment complex situated on the edge of Southwind country club's golf course. We could watch Tiger Woods and the rest of the pros play a tournament there once a year, which was great if you're into golf, but annoying as hell if you were just trying to get into the parking lot to go home. The apartment complex put us just on the edge of the town of Snootyville, where everyone is either rich or trying desperately to appear rich. From there, we moved east of Snootyville into Redneckville, where everyone had a sticker somewhere on their trucks that said "Redneck" and frequently displayed the Confederate flag. Hence the name "Redneckville." Redneck is a label of pride to the native people there. We have since been in the process of moving east of Redneckville into The Boondocks. Continuing east of The Boondocks we have Timbuktu, which is where I had to go to get my farty exhaust fixed. Timbuktu comprises all the cities east of The Boondocks that I can drive to without feeling like I've had to drive too ridiculously far. And everything east of Timbuktu is Kingdom Come. After Kingdom Come you begin to approach other major cities, which have more recognizable names, such as Jackson and Nashville. Anyway, just thought you might want to know this for some reason.

There is a woman in my Sunday School class who is so beautiful that if she were to ever get bored with her life, she could easily just up and move to LA or NY and get herself cast on any soap opera, or perhaps simply take up modeling and find herself on the cover of Sports Illustrated in a bikini. Seriously, she has one of those beautiful faces that, when she looks into your eyes and begins to speak, you have to concentrate very hard just to remember to keep breathing. She's amazing. Anyway, she asked me about my tests with the heart doctor a few weeks ago. I blogged about that, I believe. I told her he seemed really odd and I didn't trust him. Turns out, she's a nurse in cardiology and knows all the Memphis cardiologists. She asked me his name and when I told her she pressed her lips together tightly, so as to prevent herself from speaking. And then she said, "you have good instincts. Let me recommend someone else for you."

It's so hot and rain-free here that everyone's trees are dying. I think I'm going to have to move my sprinklers from the lawn over to the trees just to keep them alive. We just got these trees. They came with the new house. They're huge and beautiful (not as beautiful as the woman I just described above, but still nice to look at) and we'd like to keep them around. Even so, how weird is it to have to water the trees?

My Wife just realized that the raise she was promised one year ago was never fully added to her paycheck. She is SO PISSED. She works her ass off and they already don't pay her as much as they should, so now, to discover that they didn't even deliver the full raise she was promised has her going through the roof.

The Queen of Dallas is in town. I'm going to see her tomorrow night. She's brought me Texas beer. I like it when people bring me Texas beer. I should do more to encourage this. Instead of tagging people with meme's and such, I should tag people to bring me Texas beer.

Is it weird that when my Sunday School asked if there were any prayer requests, I made one for someone I only know through The Blog? Well, I did anyway.

A muscle in my thigh is twitching and won't stop. I haven't done heavy squats at the gym in a month. I wonder if it's just pissed off about that and letting me know?

The other day, during my lunch hour, I saw a woman broken down on the side of the highway. It was 105 out, with a heat index of 110. I turned around and went back to check on her. I stopped and asked if she was OK and needed help. She said, "my car just died for no reason. Someone is coming to help me, though. Thanks for stopping." I drove on and then began to think, would I have stopped if that were a man? I'll bet I wouldn't have. All my talk about egalitarianism and all that, and even I stop for women on the side of the road, but almost never for a man. What's up with that? I broke down in Corinth, Mississippi one time and a guy stopped and helped me push my car out of the middle of the road. I got a flat moving my old Monte Carlo out to the new house in The Boondocks and a black guy stopped to offer me a wheel and tire. Clearly there are other guys out there who stop for whomever needs help. I should probably try harder to remember that.


"Don't bother, Honey.
Memphis Steve just drove by.
He'll save me."

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Penis

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

---

The Response:

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed an assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina


* Sent to me in an email from Brighton

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No More Russian Brides

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said on Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict".

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Steph in Australia, my favorite Australian woman in all the world, had just written about her own experiences with domestic violence and abuse. It upset me to read about her being treated that way. On that very same day, the media reported this story, a story of blantant abuse. All we know about this man is that he was sitting in a chair doing nothing when this woman set his genitals on fire. The story is reported as a joke. The glaring contrast struck me. No one cares about this man. The woman will no doubt receive no punishment. There have been numerous other cases similiar to this one in Russia and, much like in America, the women are never punished. Yet if he were a woman and a man did this, we'd be outraged.

And even I, for all of my protests about blatant misandry and sexism, would kill the bastard who abused Steph. Yet if I met this woman who did this to her ex-husband I'd probably just walk past her and do nothing. Well, I'd spit on her, but aside from that ...

So then, what can I say? We treat each other like shit. And then we laugh at men like this who, for all we know, did nothing wrong to anyone. And then we wonder that the world seems to be getting worse every day.

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Loonies On The Path - XXXIX - Wrinkly Old Fucker

Listen, you wrinkly old fucker, in case you are too stupid to remember this, I'm going to remind you. Out here in Boondocks, no one speeds for any reason. One mile per hour over gets your ass a ticket. You know this. I know this. Everyone here knows this. But today is hot and you are cranky. You feel like being an asshole, which you made abundantly clear. So you rode my ass while cruising the shoulder, as if your stupid old ass halfway on the shoulder is a signal to me to get over.



Let me refresh your memory concerning traffic laws. You want me to move? Fine, flash your brights and I'll get over.



Ride my ass while playing on the shoulder? Fuck off.



Everyone but you was doing exactly the speed limit. You had plenty of room to pass us all by if you wanted to get a ticket. But what you really wanted wasn't to go fast. What you wanted was to fuck with someone.



You did see the "Reduced Speed Ahead" sign, right? You saw how the speed limit dropped from 65 to 55 and then to 45, right? Did you see that or were you too busy playing on the shoulder, nearly hitting those signs with your car? I ask because everyone else saw them. Everyone else was slowing down, avoiding the speed trap that is perpetually "on" in this town. It's a small price to pay for the piece of mind of not having to deal with Memphis and its' associated idiot drivers. And by idiot drivers I mean fuckers like you.



Did you notice that my exhaust pipe has a tear in it? Yeah, I know you did 'cause you were acting like a little old bitch about it. You got next to me and plugged your ears like it was killing you. Your fucking windows were up, while mine were down. I hear it more than you do and while it isn't pleasant, it isn't any louder than an old Volkswagen Bug. In fact, it sounds JUST LIKE ONE.



You want to hear loud, bitch? Let me go get my big-block 1970 Chevelle SS and open the headers for you. Don't stand too close, though. It'll rattle your teeth right out of your shrunken old head when I open it up.



Ah, but you are PMSing today and you want to play bitch with me. So you, who wanted to go faster than the Boondocks Cops will allow, just a moment before, cut right in front of me, no blinker involved, nearly taking off my bumper, and then slowed down, as if I had wronged you. Suddenly you didn't want to go fast anymore. You much preferred being a wrinkled old penis in a champagne Buick LeSabre which, by the way, I will be seeing again and again as there are only 9000 people out here in Boondocks, and you and I are 2 of them. All the other old fuckers drive Lincoln Town Cars and Crown Victorias, which leaves you standing out like a sore thumb in your gay pinkish Buick.



I will remember you, asshole. I will remember your ugly-assed faggy old car, too. I will remember you with your fingers in your ears sitting at the light as I passed you in the turning lane on my way to a left turn leading me back to work while you were on your way to .... buy new panties? Who knows what a useless old fucker like you might be off to do, other than pick fights with 'them young'uns and their loud hotrods.'



Next time you ride my ass while cruising the shoulder I will make you kiss it. Next time you fuck with me I will bend you over. If the heat has made you a bitch, get your air-conditioner fixed. If it works then use it. If you've got it on and yet you still feel like being a bitch to other drivers, you had better never pick me as your target again. I will not forget.

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Let's Play A Game

I’m behind at work and trying to get a house on the market while working on the new house. I'm swamped.

So, lets play the ‘I Wish Game’ originally brought to us by Kristine, stolen by Tammy, and stolen from Tammy by me.

Here’s how it goes: The person above you in the comment section makes a wish (”I wish I had a banana!”), and then the person below grants your wish, and then wishes something else, but here’s the fun part: Your wish is messed up!

Example: TheKeptWoman—-I wish I had a banana.
StacyPQ—-Granted, but the banana tastes bad. I wish I had a ticket to a concert.
Dixie—-Granted, but it’s a Barney concert. I wish….

Have fun, try not to be crude .... bwa ha ha ... OK, be as crude as you want, and I can't wait to read what everybody comes up with.

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Oh Those Firey German Girls!

Wismar - the young woman clasps herself to her friend between charred teddy bears and debris in her bedroom. Naked as in this photo they had to flee from here, when they were surprised during sex by the fire. It was to be Nicole's first time having sex with him.


One week ago Nicole S. from Wismar (Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania) became acquainted with friend Martin S. (both 18) at the beach.

"It was love at first sight", says the building apprentice.

'I immediately felt butterflies", swooned Nicole, a waitress. "Martin gave me a red rose. I said so to him, "I would like to sleep with you!" True love does not know fear.

The young woman prepared everything.

In her attic bedroom in her parents' house Nicole prepared the bed and set up candles everywhere, 15 of them. "I put also my red turn signal heart on the window sill. And his beautiful rose placed next to it."

Nicole said, "with kisses and stroking we undressed mutually. I distributed skin oil on Martins body, massaged him gently, later he me. It was Heavenly, unbelievably sexy romantic." But before they could get into the bed and make love, they wanted to wash the oil off. "We slipped naked into the bath. Then I heard the roaring flames!"

Then the shock: The room was on fire! The candles had kindled the fire.

Nicole said, "I ran to my parents and cried, Fire, fire! Then we tried to flee. I got hurt on the stairs going down, I hurt my knee. Martin saved me. Naked we ran on the road and waited for the fire-brigade."

The upper floor of the house burned out completely.

Damage: 100,000 euro!

Nicole said sadly, "I ruined my parents. Both are unemployed, the insurance for the house had quit. We have nothing more."

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Yuck

All those poor Elvis fans, sitting out in front of Graceland right now, are literally dying from the heat. A woman died just last night, in a tent across Elvis Presley Boulevard from Graceland.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to die while dressed in cheesey Elvis clothes, sitting in a tent, holding a candle and crying over a dead celebrity who didn't exactly die the most dignified death either. I mean, the man was sitting on the toilet, with a 40 lb load of poo in his intestines which he couldn't pass because of a side-effect of the drugs he was taking, and he ended up face down on the tile with this tongue sticking out of his mouth and his pants around his ankles. This is worth dying for? I think not.

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Thursday Things To Think About

Charles Schwab
"I consider my ability to arouse enthusiam among men the greatest asset I possess. The way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement."

Charles Schwab - steel tycoon

---

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

Gloria Steinem - Marxist feminist


"I feel that 'man-hating' is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them."

Robin Morgan - Ms Magazine writer


"I haven't the faintest notion what possible revolutionary role white hetero-sexual men could fulfill, since they are the very embodiment of reactionary-vested-interest-power. But then, I have great difficulty examining what men in general could possibly do about all this. In addition to doing the shitwork that women have been doing for generations, possibly not exist? No, I really don't mean that. Yes, I really do."

Robin Morgan - Ms Magazine


"We can't destroy the inequities between men and women until we destroy marriage."

Robin Morgan - Ms Magazine


"I claim that rape exists any time sexual intercourse occurs when it has not been initiated by the woman, out of her own genuine affection and desire."

Robin Morgan - Ms Magazine



Valerie Solanas
"Life in this society being, at best, an utter bore and no aspect of society being at all relevant to women, there remains to civic-minded, responsible, thrill-seeking females only to overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation, and destroy the male sex."

Valerie Solanas - SCUM founder (Society for Cutting Up Men.)


"The nuclear family must be destroyed ... Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process."

Linda Gordon - professor of history, NYU


"Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women's movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage."

Sheila Cronin - former leader of the feminist organization NOW



Andrea Dworkin
"Under patriarchy, every woman's son is her potential betrayer and also the inevitable rapist or exploiter of another woman."

Andrea Dworkin - women's studies author, frequently quoted by Jill Taylor on Tim Allen's "Home Improvement" as "a famous philosopher"



Susan Brownmiller
"Rape is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear"

Susan Brownmiller - author of "Against Our Will" p.6


"The more famous and powerful I get the more power I have to hurt men."

Sharon Stone - lousy actress



Mary Daly
"If life is to survive on this planet, there must be a decontamination of the Earth. I think this will be accompanied by an evolutionary process that will result in a drastic reduction of the population of males."

Mary Daly - Professor at Boston College, 2001


"We are, as a sex, infinitely superior to men."

Elizabeth Cady Stanton - cofounder of feminism with Susan B. Anthony, abortionist, anti-Christer, opponent of 14th and 15th Amendments



Catherine MacKinnon

"All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman."

Catherine MacKinnon - author of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)


“Feminism, Socialism, and Communism are one in the same, and Socialist/Communist government is the goal of feminism.”

Catharine MacKinnon - author of "Toward a Feminist Theory of the State", Professor of Law at the University of Michigan


"As long as some men use physical force to subjugate females, all men need not. The knowledge that some men do suffices to threaten all women. He can beat or kill the woman he claims to love; he can rape women ... he can sexually molest his daughters ... THE VAST MAJORITY OF MEN IN THE WORLD DO ONE OR MORE OF THE ABOVE."

Marilyn French (her emphasis) - author of "The War Against Women"


"My feelings about men are the result of my experience. I have little sympathy for them. Like a Jew just released from Dachau, I watch the handsome young Nazi soldier fall writhing to the ground with a bullet in his stomach and I look briefly and walk on. I don't even need to shrug. I simply don't care. What he was, as a person, I mean, what his shames and yearnings were, simply don't matter."

Marilyn French - author "The Woman's Room"


"All men are rapists and that's all they are"

Marilyn French - Author, advisor to Al Gore's Presidential Campaign


"I believe that women have a capacity for understanding and compassion which man structurally does not have, does not have it because he cannot have it. He's just incapable of it."

Barbara Jordan - U.S. Congress

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"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things; and the God of peace shall be with you."

Philippians 4:8-9

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Unproductive Today

I have had a fairly unproductive day at work today. All morning my computer was acting funky and I ended up having to shut down and reboot. I hate doing that. I'm the sort of person who has a million applications open at once and expects to find my work where I left it and how I left it rather than having to open it up each and every time I need it. Rebooting means shutting it all down and then trying to remember what all I had open and where I was, etc.

I used to work with a guy with laser-like focus. He never had more than one application open at a time on his computer. The second he finished working on something, he closed it down completely. It drove me crazy. But he was never distracted with the internet or blogs or anything like that. He got a lot done, even if he had no life whatever. I took careful note of that. Sadly, his girlfriend used him as a doormat and she and her Jewish mother wiped their feet on him regularly, before finally breaking up with him.

Yes, they BOTH broke up with him. The mother said he was unacceptable for her daughter to marry because he wasn't Jewish, so the daughter dropped him like a hot, Gentile potato. So sorry. NEXT!

I had to leave before lunch to run back to Redneckville and let the carpet people in my house. They had to stretch our carpet in two spots where it had become loose and had a slight ripple. The Real Estate Guy said "you can't sell with it like that. Even though this is great carpet, all anyone will remember is the two little ripples." So, it's tight, like Jessica Biel, as a carpet should be.

Speaking of Jessica Biel, I saw her in a movie the other night and she was SO HOT. I have seen her in other things and I always had a thing for her, but this one was extra hot. I guess because she was mostly naked? That probably has a lot to do with it. Man, she has no fat on her entire body except up front. And I have no idea if those are real or not. Please don't tell me if they aren't. I don't want to know. If they're fake they are mighty convincing.


I'm in the middle of a long-running email conversation with a fellow blogger. We're simultaneously talking about Faith Hill, Britney Spears (both from Mississippi), Mary Winkler and my poor reaction to the dork who popped into my comments just to insult me and all men who dare to disagree with her lack of any punishment whatever for murdering her husband.

I foolishly followed his link (bait) to a radical feminist abortion blog who claims that women receive longer sentences than men. I say foolishly because even though I know what the real numbers are, and she is just flat out lying, and even though I know that nothing I say will even register, because when a male speaks, feminists do not hear him, I still left a comment.


Idiot! Why do I do these stupid things? I don't want to talk to her. I don't want her to follow me home and try to 'save' me with the gospel according to Catherine Mackinnon or Marilyn French or whomever the latest most fashionable propaganda misandrist is these days. I don't want another long rant about the glories of Marxism or Maoism and female supremacy via perpetual victimhood in my comments. I already knew exactly how this whole Mary Winkler thing was going to play out before they had even arrested her. I said so. Hell, it didn't take a rocket scientist. All of these cases have been the same since at least the 1990s. Probably long before that even, but I wasn't paying attention before then. He dies and she goes free, crying "I'm the real victim." That's how it works. It's so easy that I even admitted if I were her lawyer I would have played the same tired old bullshit card. It never fails. It's just too easy to not use it. It's a guaranteed get out of jail free card.

'Show the jury your vagina, honey. OK, so she's free to go? Well okay then.'


So, enough about that. She and OJ can burn in hell together some day. If there were any justice then they both would. Too bad there isn't. I can only hope, and this is totally unChristian so don't even bother lecturing me because I already know, but I can only hope that she is such a total sociopath that she will never express the slightest authentic remorse, never repent, and thus never be able to escape her eternal reward. Yes, that goes against everything I'm supposed to believe in.

Bitter much?


So, it's over 105 degrees Fahrenheit here today. The Radio Man said it may hit 107. That's not heat index. That's just straight up humid Memphis heat. Yeah, if the heat doesn't fry your eggs then the humidity will suffocate you like a high school girl trapped in a broken elevator with a ghetto boy drenched in Axe Body Spray. Word!

Most days I'm glad I don't have much of a sense of smell. Teenaged boys should not be set free with Axe body spray. They have no idea how to use that crap. There is no one to teach them, either, so they just wing it. "Do I put it on sort of like taking a shower?"

"I don't know, man, just start spraying stuff and quit when you think you got it all covered."

"OK."

Dude, stinkorama!

Right this very moment Justin T. is probably doing pushups on top of my Jessica Biel. Damn that bastard!

This heat is really affecting me in ways I never noticed before. I can't spell words. I can't type. I am having trouble forming coherent sentences. I don't have nearly the creativity in my insulting comments towards morons in traffic. I can't remember where I left things when they're already in my freakin' pocket. It's just all bad. I don't know that I've ever been this affected by it. Maybe I just didn't notice? Or maybe it fried the memories out of my head so I just can't retrieve them? Who can say? Anyway, it's damn hot.

After work I have to run over to the new house again and drop off some crap. My Wife is slowly barricading the stairway up to my new office. At first I was fine with it, but now it's so bad that I can't get past her boxes of crap while carrying my own boxes of crap up the stairs. That's gotta stop.

Speaking of things that stop, I bought one of those cool tractor spinklers from Home Depot. My new neighbor has one and it works great. The little tractor rides all around his yard, following the hose, sprinkling all the pale dead grass. Home Depot didn't have one just like his, but they did have one that was the same color. Yay! The one I got from Home Depot is made in China, so you know it's good.

Pardon me a moment, I'm choking on my coffee.

Anyway, after several tries to get my Chinese lawn tractor sprinkler thing to water my lawn without shooting the aluminum arms across the yard, causing the now useless tractor to sit for 2 hours just dribbling water in a big puddle I have finally decided that I hate China and all lawn equipment made in China and I want my money back.

I went to my dresser where all my receipts from Home Depot are kept. They aren't there. If they aren't there then where are they? This is the only place they should be. How am I going to get my money back if I can't find the damned receipt and why isn't it where I put it?

DAMMIT!

Yeah, did I mention how hot it is? It's going to be this hot all week. It was this hot all last week, too. My brain is melting.

I bought several different sprinklers from Home Depot, all made in China. All are shit. I bought one from Germany. I figured the Germans should know better what they're doing. I hooked up my German sprinkler at the old house in Redneckville, expecting that it would shoot a normal stream in a little circle and then rotate back and start again, repeating this process over and over like those metal sprinklers you see on golf courses that go 'shhhhh ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka' as they spray a circle of water over a large area. My Chinese versions of these, by the way, are plastic, and I have to slap them to get them to go sometimes. Lately even the slapping isn't working and I fear they may shoot me in the back with a shotgun while I'm sleeping and then go on the news claiming I raped them or something, but that is neither here nor there. The point is, my German sprinkler shot an arc of high pressure water three stories up into the air, hosing down the roof of my house and then rotating in a perfect circle, watering next the top of my oak tree and then circling around and watering my neighbor's roof, before reversing direction and doing it all again.


Good God almighty, this thing is like a freakin' firetruck!

Gotta love those Germans. Their women stop buses with their breasts and go to the gas station to buy cigarettes totally naked, and their sprinklers are so awesome that they not only water your entire yard, but your house and your trees and your neighbors' house and yard, too. Great googly moogly!

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Husband Murderer Serves Only 67 Days

Minister’s wife who killed husband released

Woman (predictably) claimed spousal abuse, served only 67 days in mental health facility

Mary Winkler, middle, was convicted of fatally shooting her husband, whom she accused of abuse. After her arrest, the Winklers' three children, all of whom testified that there was no abuse, were sent to live with their paternal grandparents.

Updated: 5:02 p.m. CT Aug 14, 2007
Modified for the blog: 11:17 a.m. CT Aug 14, 2007 by yours truly

SELMER, Tenn. - The woman convicted of manslaughter in the shotgun slaying of her minister husband was freed Tuesday after serving only 67 days in custody.

Mary Winkler was released from a mental health facility where she had been undergoing treatment, which basically consisted of watching Oprah all day and eating bon bons, for about two months, defense attorney and servant of Satan Steve Farese Sr. said. He has declined to identify the facility where Winkler was held, but rumors say it was simply the Peabody Hotel in downtown Memphis.

Winkler, 33, was convicted of voluntary manslaughter for the cold-blooded shotgun slaying of her husband, Matthew, at the Church of Christ parsonage in Selmer, where the couple lived with their three young daughters.

She was charged with first-degree murder, but jurors, 10 women and only 2 men, convicted her of the lesser charge after she testified that her husband abused her by calling her fat and demanded sex she considered unnatural, and that he found out she was stealing money from banks, which she didn't want anyone to know about.

Winkler was sentenced June 8 to a measley three years in prison but had to serve only 67 days — 12 in jail and the rest in the mental health facility — because of credit for time in jail before her trial, the nature of the offense (murder), lack of a criminal record, and the fact that she is a woman.

The remainder of her term will be spent on the talk show circuit and hanging out with celebrities such as Paris Hilton, Charlize Theron, Margot Kidder, Julia Roberts, and other famous sociopaths and drug addicts. Rutgers University's Women's Leadership Center has asked her to be a featured speaker. Vanity Fair wants to put her on the cover of its' next issue. And presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton wants to use her to help her campaign.

Farese said Winkler was headed to McMinnville, about 65 miles southeast of Nashville, where she lived and worked at a dry cleaning shop for eight months while she was free on bail and awaiting trial.

“She’ll go back to work soon,” Farese said. "kiting checks and ripping off banks, just like she did before she murdered her husband."

But with misandric colleges like Rutgers offering to pay her one hundred thousand dollars per appearance to speak, it seems highly unlikely that she will return to the dry cleaners.

A day after her husband’s body was found, Winkler was arrested 340 miles away on the Alabama coast, driving the family minivan to the beach with her three young daughters inside, some Justin Timberlake CDs, 6 neon colored state-of-the-art vibrators, an ice chest loaded with wine coolers, and the home address of a certain NASA astronaut who has asked not to be mentioned and who denies knowing Mrs. Winkler.

Since her arrest, her children have lived with their paternal grandparents, Dan and Diane Winkler, whose only son was murdered by Mary Winkler. Farese’s law firm is helping her try to regain custody of the children, ripping the last remaining remnant of their murdered son from them and placing the children in the hands of an admitted thief and spousal murderer.

"If you want to know what identifiable group of Americans are oppressed and virtually have no rights at all," Memphis Steve volunteered without anyone asking, "just let one of them be murdered in cold blood like this, or sexually abused and or mutilated, while in a totally defenseless and non-threatening position, and then see what sentence their attacker gets. That's how you know who has no rights."

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The Scottish Wedding

(Stacy the Peanut Queen sent me this, knowing that I'm Scottish)


A wedding occurred just outside Govan in Glasgow. To keep tradition going, everyone got extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the living daylights out of each other.

The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court.

The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court".

The court room goes silent and Ronnie (the best man) stands up and says "Judge... I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened".

The Judge agrees and asks Ronnie to take the stand.

Ronnie begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Govan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride.

The judge says "OK".

"Well", said Ronnie, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs".


Shocked, the Judge instantly responded, "God that must have hurt!"


"HURT!" Ronnie replies "The bastard broke three of my fingers!"

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Taking A Tinkle

(Just emailed to me by Stacy the Peanut Queen)


A woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. The woman later gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what had happened 16 years before.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.

"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what had happened 16 years before.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog"

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Australia

From an email McEwen sent me.



The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour and allow we "Aussies" to have a giggle .


Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.


Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?


Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not.. oh forget it. ..... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You're a British politician, right?


Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.


Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the rains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? ( France)
A: No, WE don't stink.


Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.


Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.


Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

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Sexism Celebrated?

Young women in New York and several of the nation’s other largest cities who work full time have forged ahead of men in wages, according to an analysis of recent census data.

The shift has occurred in New York since 2000 and even earlier in Los Angeles, Dallas and other cities.

Just why young women at all educational levels in New York and other big cities have fared better than their peers elsewhere is a matter of some debate. But a major reason, experts say, is that women have been graduating from college in larger numbers than men, and that many of those women seem to be gravitating toward major urban areas.

In 2005, 53 percent of women in their 20s working in New York were college graduates, compared with only 38 percent of men of that age. And many of those women are not marrying right after college, leaving them freer to focus on building careers, experts said.

“Citified college-women are more likely to be nonmarried and childless, compared with their suburban sisters, so they can and do devote themselves to their careers,” said Andrew Hacker, a Queens College sociologist and the author of “Mismatch: The Growing Gulf Between Men and Women.”

“In women’s-studies courses you always heard that men were making more money, and it was a disadvantage being a woman,” Miss Kraft said. “It’s great that it’s starting to turn around.”

Women in their 20s also make more than men in Chicago, Boston, Minneapolis and a few other big cities. But only in Dallas do young women’s wages surpass men’s by a larger amount than in New York. In Dallas, women make 120 percent of what men do, although their median wage there, $25,467, was much lower than that of women in New York.

As women enrolled in college and graduate school continue to outnumber men, gender wage gaps among older workers may narrow, too, experts said. Even among New Yorkers in their 30s, women now make as much as men.

The gender wage advantage for women in their 20s was widest among whites with some college education, blacks and Asians with advanced degrees and Hispanic women who were high school or college graduates.

In jobs that were once defined as male preserves — including police officer and private investigator — where gender barriers are crumbling, young men and women in New York had the same median wages: a little more than $40,000. And women in their 20s now make more than men in a wide variety of other jobs: as doctors, personnel managers, architects, economists, lawyers, stock clerks, customer service representatives, editors and reporters.

Though Dr. Beveridge’s analysis showed women making strides, it also showed that men were in some ways moving backward. Among all men — including those with college degrees — real wages, adjusted for inflation, have declined since 1970. And among full-time workers with advanced degrees, wages for men increased only marginally even as they soared for women. Nationally, men’s wages in general declined while women’s remained the same.

Several experts also said that rising income for women might affect marriage rates if women expect their mates to have at least equivalent salaries and education.

“When New York college women say there are few eligible men around, they’re right if they mean they’ll only settle for someone with an education akin to their own,” Professor Hacker said.

- New York Times

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When they claim that men make more than women, the feminists have always said that this is proof of sex discrimination against women. Yet now that they admit that women actually make more than men in every major city, they don't say a word about discrimination. Quite the opposite, they report it as a cause for celebration and demand more of it, which they will get as this government mandated sex-based duality continues to snowball.

All colleges and universities are required to recruit as many women as possible. There is no requirement for them to recruit men at all, and they haven't for a very long time.

In corporate America, the EEOC requires that companies pay a premium for females but has no requirement whatever for the hiring of a proportionate number of male employees.

In IT, the field in which I work, women are paid substantially more than men with the same qualifications for the same work. The EEOC is directly responsible for this, having creating an artificial demand based purely on sex in a field in which women have little interest. Yet no one says a word, unless it is to celebrate it, or to deny it and claim women are oppressed anyway.




















Where are the men?

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