Xbox from Hell

"Error: Disc damaged or dirty"

My life is one big party after another. During lunch today I decided to try a quick run of "Need for Speed: Carbon" with the regular hand-held controller just to blow off some steam. Ah, the carefully laid plans of men ... all gone to shit.

First, the game started acting funny on me. Not "ha ha" funny, but "queer son-of-a-bitch piece-of-shit dammit" funny.

I was driving at about 90 mph on a canyon road. Every time I came to a turn with a sheer cliff drop-off on the left of me the view would suddenly switch to the rear, so that instead of looking where I was going I was suddenly and at the worst possible time looking behind me. Naturally it would send me flying over the cliff every single time.

After this I popped the disc in and out several times, disconnected from the internet, cursed, switched races, switched cars, anything that I could think of.

Suddenly a new error occurred. Every time I started a new race it would stop and say "Error: disc damaged or dirty."

"What?! WHAT?! WHAAAAAT?!" I screamed in a controlled and highly intelligent manner, loudly enough to make myself hoarse for an hour afterwards.

I looked over the disc several times. It was fine. Not a scratch on it. Not a speck of dirt. Hell, this disc hasn't been anywhere except in the package and in my brand fucking new Xbox in its' entire existence. It isn't dirty and if it's damaged then the Xbox did it.

Sooooooo, off to Google I go. And what to my wondering eyes did appear, but link after link to people with the same problem. "The Xbox DVD drive is a piece of shit" several posters insisted. "If you have either of the two old drives, a Thomson or a Philips, then you should make Microsoft replace it with the newer one, the Samsung drive."

Oh holy hell. Just what I needed. I just got this damned thing. All I wanted was to play a game every now and then. As mad as I was, I can imagine having kids who play this thing night and day only to suddenly have their sleepover all-night Xbox party interrupted with something like this. It would be Armageddon.

So anyway, since I wrote about my Xbox yesterday and this shit just happened today I figured I'd keep the train of thought going, until it crashes or reaches the station. For now it appears to be crashed. Woo woo!

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