It's another January Fuck You Friday for 2007.
The United Nations has been at it again.
(But this post is way too long)
Be careful. Before you know it they’ll have you pretending to be a communist and then getting framed for the assassination of President Kennedy in Dallas. Run, boy, run!
Americans have personal bonds with cars
That’s what happens when you don’t clean your upholstery often enough.
Fuel spill may be new clue on missing Indonesia jet
Either that or it might be a clue on where I parked my dad’s old stationwagon this past weekend. Damn.
Hillary Clinton meets Afghan, Pakistani leaders
And being the politician that she is she didn’t say a damned thing about how they treat women over there. But when she gets home she’ll go right back to bitching and man-bashing the West, where women have more power and are treated better than men, and the boys are castrated every day in school.
Atlanta mayor: King's work is unfinished
Any time a politician says “but there’s still more to be done” all that means is, “I’m drawing a fat paycheck by stirring you up and keeping you as unhappy as possible and I’d like to keep it that way.” What part of King’s work is unfinished? Would he today be fighting for the civil rights of men in general? What about white males? Jesse Jackson was his right-hand man, so do you think he’d be doing what Jesse Jackson has been doing since King’s death? Do you think he’d be shaking down large corporations for cash?
New Orleans struggles to keep its black character
Why? Isn’t that blatant racism? If a majority white city struggled to keep its’ white character what do you suppose would happen? What about a traditionally white male college? What if Harvard struggled to be a majority white male college because it always was in the past? Would you expect the people of this country to sit silently and let this happen? Would you tolerate it? What would you do?
Mass. crime lab administrator suspended
They’re getting rid of Gus Grissom. They have 3 CSI shows, all hits, but they can’t stand the fact that all the head CSIs are white males, so Gus has to go and hot chick Catherine takes over, with a steady influx of more and more female leads every week. Wait, this is a totally different story. My bad.
Are Bill's friends Hill's friends, too?
That would probably depend on what kind of ‘friends’ you really mean. His male friends aren’t and his girlfriends aren’t either. But the big money suppliers, like former Hitler Youth George Soros, most certainly are.
Skull suggests human-Neanderthal link
Yes, they dated briefly back in the Paleolithic Era, but then broke up soon after.
Science and faith join forces
That’s where science came from in the first place, dumbass.
Engineered chickens make cancer drugs
Those must be some damned smart chickens then!
Robbery victim recalls having his throat slit by accused murderers
People do tend to remember that sort of thing, you know.
Depression a risk factor for ED in diabetic men
Look, a study that included men! Holy shit! I didn’t think they ever did that anymore.
Stroke risk higher in less well-educated women
Well, that whole including men thing sure didn’t last long, did it?
Uterus transplant may enable pregnancy
Well let’s hope so. Otherwise, what would be the point?
Doughnut makers seek healthier recipes
Hmm, chicken donuts, turkey donuts, banana donuts, spinach donuts. None of them sound very tasty, but I guess if you just need to have a donut and you want it to be healthy ….
Tests may help end 'bubble boy' disease
Now the bubble boy can finally go kick George Costanza’s ass for that whole “Moops” misunderstanding.
Cause of amnesia halts future thinking
95 percent of all politicians and CEOs suffer from this halted future thinking problem. But they compensate by applying that part of their brains to creative lying.
World's 1st 'test-tube' baby gives birth
Aw, it’s a Beaker! The Bunsen burner is handing out cigars even now.
Study links gene to Alzheimer's risk
Gene, you asshole, cut it out!
Japan starts incinerating chickens
Quick, someone call the bitches from The View. This is just the sort of thing that gets their panties in a wad. And then, finally, they might stop bitching about Donald Trump and George Bush for a few days.
Bob Dylan bores me to tears -- Simon Cowell
I could care less – Bob Dylan
Bare-bottom bandit gets 3-5 years
He got 3-5 for stealing some cigarettes while drunk. That’s longer than Lorena Bobbitt got.
Stationary biker rests after record bid
Dude, you’re not going anywhere!
Canada pharmacists seek ban on drug exports to U.S.
First it will deplete Canada’s supply of taxdollar-purchased drugs. Then it will cause the prices to go up, much the way wood and steel and concrete and oil have skyrocketed with China’s sudden appetite for the stuff. Yep, we may think we’re only ripping off the drug companies by buying them from Canada, but along the way we’re also ripping off the Canadian taxpayers. Oops, we’ve just fucked our neighbors.
Teenager killed, hit by train in Wales--police
I do believe you’ve got that the wrong way ‘round. She was hit by the train and THEN killed. Ah, that British press, always fucking around.
Male panda said too fat to have sex
Did anyone bother to ask him how he felt about this? I’m guessing he’d disagree.
Hangings are meant to kill efficiently
They call it “late term abortions” over in Iraq. Their Planned Parenthood is only slightly different than ours in that it isn’t run by lesbians, no children are involved, and no one is really protesting one way or the other over there.
U.S. needs more incentives to use ethanol: industry
First we need a better way to manufacture it, because as it stands right now it takes more fossil fuel to create it than it saves when we use it. Oops.
Bush to address global warming in annual speech
He’s trying to figure out a way to diplomatically say, “even though this shit happens naturally and you guys are religious fanatics instead of scientists, I think I can use this to get away with passing laws to reduce our oil usage and thus reduce the amount of money flowing to our enemies, such as Russia and Venezuela.” In other words, he wants to play Jimmy Carter without being as big a dork as Jimmy Carter.
Naomi Campbell pleads guilty to assault
Oh, how the skinny have fallen!
3 teens arrested in beating shown online
Girls will be girls.
U.N. says rich should stump up more for disaster aid
So the billionaire dictators who dominate the U.N. say ‘other’ rich people, those who aren’t billionaire dictators, should feel guilty for not coughing up even more money than they already are to pay for the U.N.’s oppressive programs? How special. This kind of logic invariably leads them back around to calling for a global U.N. tax on all the world’s inhabitants.
Calif. mom ruled insane in sons' deaths
The bitch lives in San Francisco. How the hell do they even know the difference between the regular people and the insane people in a place like San Francisco?! Give me a break!
Storms give Texas an unexpected shiver
Ever since Kami started doing those weather reports strange things have been happening in Texas.
Doomsday Clock moves closer to midnight
Hmm, let’s think about this. A bunch of people who say there is no God are running around fanatically attacking anyone who dares to question anything they say, whether it be evolution or embryonic stem cell magic or global warming. You must simply accept their beliefs on faith. And now they have this big ‘symbolic’ clock which they claim points to the end of the world. Does this not sound like a bunch of stupid fanatical loonies to you or is it just me who sees this? If this is the future of science then we’re all in deep shit here. These fuckers are a bunch of drama queens. And I do mean queens.
U.S. scientists, evangelicals join global warming fight
Yeah, let’s all dance and speak in tongues and charm some snakes while we argue that the world is turning into a big chunk of flaming coal, complete with fire and brimstone. Here’s something I forgot to mention in my “I Remember” posts: remember when all the scientists were shitting themselves over the doomsday ice age that they said was coming? That was right before they shut the fuck up about it and started claiming it was actually global warming that made them poop their pants each day. If there’s one characteristic of good science that you can count on it’s that it is consistent. These fuckers aren’t consistent about anything beyond being illogical, emotional, and wrong every single time. No wonder the rest of the world is catching up with us so fast in science. We’ve lost our fucking minds.
World falling behind on 2015 education goal
I wasn’t aware that the entire world had agreed on any education goal. When did we all vote on this? How did I miss out? Did any of you get to vote? Is it just me that got left out?
Clinton urges conditions on U.S. funding for Iraq
How about some conditions on any continued U.S. taxpayer funding for VAWA, bitch? Conditions means you say you’re for it and you say you’re against it at the same time, which is the same shit you’ve been doing all along. You have no convictions greater than the conviction that you want to be President more than anything else in the world, do you, you narcissistic cow?
Alleged carjacker gets shot in buttocks
Run Forrest, run!
Officers use taser to free tangled deer
Do me a favor. Don’t ever let these officers help me if I’m tangled in something.
Cancer found more often in dense breasts
I’d like to conduct further research on this claim. First, I’ll need several million dollars in taxpayer funding. That’ll be easy to get since this is research on women only. Second, I’ll need as many women with large, dense breasts as possible for me to examine. Now, let’s get this party started!
Civil liberty group turns on PM over crime push
Have you ever noticed that almost every single group calling itself a “civil liberty group” is nothing more than a bunch of freedom-hating communist fucks? Why is that?
UK Internet shopping seen surging at Christmas
Now why would you suppose that is exactly? Hmm, it’s a mystery. What is this "Christmas" of which you speak?
Cold Medicines Dangerous for Infants
So are tasers, scissors, and power tools. Look at me, I’m a pediatrician here!
Ohio boys take joy ride on a train
Hey, they were just trying to catch the North Pole Express to ask Santa why the boy was told to "believe" while the girl was told to "lead". It's a legitimate question and I'd like to hear the answer.
Escaped chimp gets snack, cleans bathroom
A chimp that cleans bathrooms? Where do I get me one of those? This could be worth a fortune!
Mother says boy needed a male role model
I guess living alone with his mother, getting castrated daily by feminism in school, and watching males dressed in pink carrying babies and washing dishes at super speed in television commercials all day just wasn’t doing it for him then, eh? Who would have guessed?
Baltimore's first female mayor starts
Starts what? Starts her period? Why is this news?
Woman accused of ordering hit on husband claims nanny masterminded the plot
“Mary Poppins, you have a lot to answer for.”
“I make it a point to never answer for anything.”
Mary’s been a criminal mastermind all along. We just didn’t realize it before now.
Eating is no problem for a model...if you're a man
Oh look, it’s ANOTHER conspiracy in the mythical war on women! Male models are all in on it! Overthrow the fashionistas!
Celebrities beware. The Strap Police are watching
And now they’re attacking wealthy female celebrities if their bra straps are showing! Men are so cruel! Oh wait, it’s all women doing this shit. It’s always women. And gay men. But you can’t criticize them! You can’t judge! Unless you’re a woman. Or a gay man. Then you should feel free to rip them to shreds and call them "faggot" as much as you want to. Just remember to blame men when you’re done. That’s the rules.
Viagra may decrease ability to smell
This is only a theory, and keep in mind that I haven’t received my government check to fund a thorough study just yet, but I suspect the men who truly need Viagra could give a shit if it decreases their ability to smell.
Vick's water bottle seized at airport
Did you know that they make fake water bottles just for storing your stash of marijuana in? It’s true. Just ask Michael Vick, quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons. He’s their new spokesman.
Lindsay Lohan checks into rehab
Well that’s lovely. Maybe Michael Vick will be her roommate and together they can play “hide the water bottle”?
Group demands apology from 'Grey's' star
A lesbian group (ABC executives) demanded that the arrogant black doctor from Grey’s Anatomy, Isaiah Washington, say that he called gay actor T.R. Knight a faggot, which Mr Washington says he didn't say, and then they want him to apologize to the world. Funny how they never asked Rosie O'Donnell to apologize for any of the bigoted things she's vomited unapologetically while on camera. Ah double standards, the hallmark of hypocrisy and narcissism, I mean, feminism. And when the grrlz of ABC finally did force him to apologize, they made him say it this way "I want to apologize to the lesbian and gay community .." First of all, no lesbians were involved in this at all. Second of all, only in organizations that are controlled by lesbian supremacists does "lesbian" come first. But it's POLICY at ABC that all things female must be put before all things male. This includes ESPN and Monday Night Football, by the way. Yeah, sexism and bigotry is alive and well and it's name is ABC. Meanwhile, the offending actor has not been asked to apologize for choking Patrick Dempsey, a heterosexual coworker, at the same time that he allegedly referred to Mr. Knight as a faggot. Apparently since Mr. Dempsey isn't gay, female, or black he can be choked, insulted, threatened, and assaulted at will without any consequences whatever for Mr. Washington.
Oprah's African school spurs comment
I remember when the female supremacists and their ACLU hammer and sickle were suing VMI and the Citadel out of existence for being schools for boys. At the same time they were bankrolling the misandric attack on educational opportunities for boys they were setting up the New York Girls Leadership School, a public school that does not allow boys, in blatant violation of their own rulings against VMI and the Citadel. New York, of course, pretended not to notice and let it go on to this very day. Today VMI and the Citadel are only permitted to survive by tearing down their boys only policy while the New York Girls Leadership School has opened 5 more grrlz-only schools with more in the works. Oprah likes to bitch about perceived sexism in the world. She loves to bitch about how bad it is. So why does she bankroll a school for girls only in an area where no one is getting a decent education and all children, boys included, could use a decent school to go to? The sexist double standards of feminism, always so blatantly and shamelessly flaunted, never cease.
Methodists: No Bush library at SMU
These are the same ministers who were silent about Clinton’s war in Waco, Bosnia, and Somalia, the harassment of Paula Jones, the affair with Monica Lewinski, the perjury, the bombing of the Chinese embassy, travelgate, whitewater, and Ruby Ridge. But for reasons they don’t care to state specifically, beyond saying that the Methodist church is now a “social conscience” organization as opposed to a Biblically based organization, they want the school of SMU to ban Bush. Why don’t they just march around waving signs that say “God hates Bush” and get it over with? One thing I have to ask though is about the proposed think tank on campus dedicated to the philosophy of the Bush administration. What the hell philosophy is that exactly? I mean, seriously, after 7 years now I have no idea what that would even mean.
Mo. couple say they think son was abused
They didn’t report this to the authorities or anything. No, they reported this to Oprah Winfrey. Isn’t that lovely? This is the future of America.
Congo rebels said to kill, eat gorillas
Geez, haven’t these commie fools ever heard of Dominoe’s?
Peru ruin find may hold clues to lost civilization
Venezuela isn’t lost. It’s just currently occupied by a communist madman, much like San Francisco, New York, Moscow, Zimbabwe and Cuba. Oh wait, they’re talking about a different lost civilization. Nevermind.
Bush on Iraq plan: "I believe it will work"
I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. I believe …. Sorry, this song just popped into my head and I thought it was ironic. Take it however you please.
Schwarzenegger signs Calif. carbon emissions cut
He’s nuttier than Jerry Brown these days. He’s a Republican in name only. But the real irony of all of his recent posturing is that he still drives the very first Hummer the Army ever sold to a civilian. And he smokes cigars. And he openly used to use women as sex objects. If you think about it, he’d be the perfect Democrat.
Video game playing may fulfill innate human need
That’s right, the Need for Speed, dammit!
Suicide risk factors after depression vary by sex
This study is an excellent example of shit science. Basically the female researchers assumed from the start that all male suicide victims were just mad and bad for no reason, but all the women were sweet innocent victims, sugar and spice. And they went from there. Wheee, it’s an Oprah Winfrey world!
Nicotine in cigarettes rising: Harvard study
This is the same Harvard that can’t do math for shit, but gets really bitchy when anyone mentions it, right? Yeah, love your study. It totally doesn’t make your ass look fat, I swear.
Suicide bomber kills 1 Afghan soldier
Then wouldn’t that make this person a homicide bomber? Oh wait, we’re using the thinking from the Oprah Winfrey suicide study, aren’t we? Nevermind. I forgot where I was for a moment. America, America, God shed his grace on thee, but now you’re gay in a lesbian way and everyone thinks you’re doomed.
Pelosi seeks global warming committee
Global warming is the only hope she has for thawing out her cold, cold heart. And running for the Presidency on a highly emotional issue that brings out her supporters in the largest numbers.
Global warming dissenters few at U.S. weather meeting
Men are few at feminists meetings. Atheists are few in church meetings. There’s a logic here that seems to escape the ladies of the press.
Start sex on the right key with musical condoms
Anyone know what Carmen Electra’s favorite song is?
All-female peacekeeper squad to deploy
An all female foreign military squad sent to seize control of an African nation and force everyone to submit. This is the brainchild of the United Nations. Isn’t that lovely? The camel’s head is in the tent with more to come behind it. They say this is to make women feel safer, but they don’t mention how this mass castration is going to make the men feel. In the minds of the UN feminists men don’t feel at all. And even if they do it doesn’t matter because men aren’t people. Welcome to Nazi Germany, boys. You’re all Jews now.
House Votes to Rescind Oil Drillers’ Tax Breaks
The Democrats had planned to take the White House by campaigning heavily on high oil prices. But since oil has dropped below $50 per barrel that whole plan is now in jeopardy. So, let’s see what we can do to jack up the costs of the oil companies and thus bring gas prices up again. Oh sure, I feel the American people’s pain, but I want to be President, dammit!
Liza Minnelli, Gest Divorce To Be Filed In Memphis
You go to Vegas to get married. You go to Memphis to get divorced. Whee!
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