Nude Memphis Movie Reviews

The Adjustment Bureau

The Adjustment Bureau is no longer showing in theaters. I paid $3.99 to rent it for 24 hours through DirectTV solely because Emily Blunt is in it and she looks like the identical twin sister of my niece. They don't just look a little alike. They look exactly alike. If Emily Blunt didn't have an English accent I swear no one could tell them apart. They even wear the same hairstyles and clothes. And my niece barely knows who Emily Blunt is, which I think is funny.

Basically, Matt Damon's character, David Norris, is a man whose life is all about politics and getting elected to the Senate. He's surprisingly successful at it and that is all he cares about. But then he runs into Emily Blunt's character while rehearsing his concession speech in the men's bathroom. She's in there hiding from building security after crashing a wedding. They click instantly and she inspires him to give the best speech of his life, ultimately propelling him to success in the next election. But they part ways immediately following the bathroom encounter, supposedly never to see each other again.

A black man is shown every now and then, clearly following David Norris around and somehow influencing the events of his life. One morning this black man, named Harry, is told by his superior, Richardson, played by Man Men's John Slattery, that he is supposed to somehow cause David to spill his coffee before he can get on the bus he normally catches, preventing him from making the bus. Harry complains that he needs a vacation from this job. Richardson laughs that Harry has been on this case longer than anyone. Then he leaves. Harry promptly falls asleep and misses David getting onto the bus.

Emily Blunt's character is on the bus. He sees her and happily sits right next to her. They click once again. He gets her name and number, which he never got the chance to do the last time. Her name is Elise. David and Elise agree to meet up when he calls her.

This is when the men following David around step in. He gets to work and sees everyone in his office frozen in place. He walks into a conference room and finds this team of men in Frank Sinatra hats messing with his coworkers. They grab him, tie him to a chair, and inform them that they are from the Adjustment Bureau. Their job is to make minor adjustments in people's lives, always without the people realizing it is happening, in order to keep those people in line with the official plan that The Chairman has drawn up for them. And meeting up with that girl, Elise, is not part of David's plan. They take her number from his wallet and burn it, telling him never to see her or contact her again, or else.

Of course, now David is more determined than ever to find her.

Three years of riding that same bus daily later, David sees Elise walking down the street (she even WALKS like my niece.) He jumps off the bus, and so begins the major adventures of this movie, as they fight to get together against all odds, taking on the adjustment bureau and The Chairman, at all costs.

I won't tell you any more than that, but I will tell you that this is a very good movie. I don't even like Matt Damon, ever since he made that incredibly stupid PC comment about James Bond, and still I thought this was a terrific movie. Since I paid for it to run nonstop for 24 hours, it was available on my TV over and over again. And I, who never watch the same movie or listen to the same song twice in a row without some sort of break in between, I watched it again and again and again.

I'm giving The Adjustment Bureau 4 stars out of 5. The story is excellent. The acting is top notch. It's exceptionally well done. No one gets hit in the balls that I can remember. And Emily Blunt is so awesome that once you've seen this movie, unless you can find a way to reach her directly, you creepy stalker, you will probably be bugging me to introduce you to my niece simply because she looks exactly like her. But I won't do it. I'm just telling you that ahead of time. See this movie. Buy it, rent it, whatever your preference is. Just see it. And then don't bug me to introduce you to my niece.

Rating: 4 Stars

Bad Teacher

Elizabeth Halsey, played by Cameron Diaz, is the best-looking teacher any 7th grader ever saw. And she's living high, engaged to a wealthy man and spending his money faster than Barney Frank with America's checkbook in a gay whorehouse. She's ready to leave her unrewarding job as a middle school teacher and become the trophy wife she has always wanted to be. But then it all comes crashing down, as her fiancé's mother wrecks her plans, leaving her penniless and facing a lifetime of teaching kids.

She returns to work with absolutely no enthusiasm, like a DMV employee who couldn't quite qualify for welfare and unexpectedly ended up having to work for a living. All her coworkers are dysfunctional losers of some form or other, some more than most. Her rival, Amy Squirrel, is a red-headed perfectionist and control freak.

Elizabeth wants to get a boob job, thinking this is her ticket to trophy wife-land, but she hasn't got the $10,000 she's told she needs to pay for it. She learns about a reward program for the teacher whose students score the highest on the state standardized test at the end of the school year, a feat rival Amy Squirrel has managed to achieve every single year. Elizabeth begins trying to force her students to learn faster and more, teaching solely to the standardized test, punishing the kids for not learning fast enough by calling them idiots and hitting them with dodgeballs.

A wealthy but very nerdy Scott Delacorte, played by Justin Timberlake, comes to teach at her school, leading to a love of money rivalry between her and Amy Squirrel. Meanwhile, a very ordinary Russell Gettis, played by Jason Segel, the lowly gym teacher, announces that he is going to be Elizabeth's boyfriend and she might just as well accept it. She laughs him off every time he approaches her. Meanwhile, the rivalry between Elizabeth and Amy over Scott Delacorte, coupled with Elizabeth's determination to steal a copy of that standardized test and make certain her students score the highest possible, makes for a pretty entertaining story with a lot of laughs and a funny ending.

I'm giving this one 3 1/2 stars because it was funny, Cameron Diaz is smokin' hot, the story wasn't entirely predictable, and it was funny enough that you didn't care about the predictable parts, and it was funny seeing several of my old teachers being portrayed by famous actors and actresses. And also, it's debatable whether anyone got hit in the nuts or not, because Cameron Diaz's bean ball to a 7th grade boy hit somewhere between his balls and stomach and they never actually indicate whether she racked him or not. And she got beaned right back dead in the face after that, anyway.

Rating: 3 1/2 stars

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