I've won "a major award!" I'm always shocked when I get one of these. ♥ÐÅyÐяєÅмє®♥, from a land far, far away has declared me to be a Philosopher. Who knew I had it in me? But thank you for this.

We here in America are installing government cameras on every street and corner, just like in the book "1984", in order to make sure that the innocent aren't innocent for very long.

The Wall Street Journal reported that citizens are increasingly enraged by the constant mechanical policing and harassment, but law enforcement, as always, insists that this presumption of citizens' guilt is "necessary" to help them better police us all, as our cities become nothing more than large, heavily populated prisons complete with guards always looking over everyone's shoulder, waiting for an excuse to charge everyone with wrongdoing.

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" - everyone will break the law if monitored long enough. It's simply a matter of time.

Meanwhile, the police themselves are dealing with patrol cars that have been fitted with both video cameras as well as GPS systems, enabling the central command center to monitor their every move and micromanage them day in and day out. This makes for very happy, satisfied police officers, of course, because everyone likes to be micromanaged while simultaneously dealing with drunks, gang bangers, and ordinary citizens who are increasingly enraged at their own state of constant surveillance and resulting loss of liberty.

I've noticed that the front page of the Wall Street Journal was designed specifically for poop-reading. It has all the most important headlines listed, with a small summary of the stories, in a long column down the left side of page one. It's just right for sitting on a toilet scanning the world's events. It's as if they created it just for me!

I've noticed that since moving from a mini-truck (4-cylinder 'ute') to a full-sized V8 4-wheel-drive complete with shining steel brush guard, other drivers treat me differently. I drive exactly the same as I did before, except that I tend to fall back a little further behind the car in front of me due to my vehicle being heavier and harder to stop. But the other drivers seem to react as if I were doing the opposite and riding their asses. They screw with me more than ever and display more passive/aggressive rage than I'm accustomed to after so many years of driving my mini. I drove my mini-truck like a go-cart. It wasn't much more than one anyway. But whenever the passive/aggressives screwed with me in that, it was simply because I was small and made an easy target for cowardly wannabe bullies. Now that I'm big and hard to push around, they all react towards me as if I were driving along swinging a long chain across their windshields and screaming, "give us the fuel, Road Warrior, and we'll let you live!"

In other words, they're more hostile than ever.

With all of these police swarming American drivers everywhere I go, and especially in Alabama's Rocket City, you'd think they'd be cashing in on all the passive/aggressives illegally blocking the passing lanes of every highway. After all, there's so many passive/aggressive drivers and they are so blatant about it, if a city were in need of cash ticketing these rolling roadblocks would be an easy quick-fix for budget shortfalls. But no, they all focus instead on catching soccer moms in SUVs going 1 mph over the limit, gradually increasing the rage and unhappiness of the average driver and encouraging more passive/aggressive driving as a sort of forced slow-down begins, turning highways into virtual parking lots.

There is a large interstate that cuts through the center of the Rocket City where the speed limit is 70 mph. But citizens there average around 50-55 mph while driving on it, lining up like lemmings, never letting anyone change lanes without a fight, and turning a road intended to increase efficiency of travel into a continuous parade of silent rage.

This weekend while responding to a 'tag' on Facebook, I wrote the following mind-boggling insanity at around 2 a.m.:

30. Do you believe in angels and demons?
"Well, the Bible is pretty clear about both, unlike all that stuff in Revelations that I can't quite figure out. I mean, is it really Russia and China that are going to invade Israel, or could it be a metaphor for Australia and New Zealand, 'cause you know Mel Gibson said his dad hated the Jews and it got me to thinking, what if the Australians secretly were plotting to invade Israel using an army of mounties on kangaroos, with Kiwis as reserve troops riding wallabies and chucking angry, rabid koalas like grenades? No one would ever expect it. It would be the perfect plan! The only problem with it is that the Aussies and Kiwis really only ever get mad enough to fight over things like Cricket and Rugby. So I don't know, but it could happen, if maybe Israel ever beat them in a game of cricket or rugby or something."

Something about this idea of an army of Aussies mounted on kangaroos hurling angry koalas at the enemy just cracks me up. I could see this becoming a new sport for drunken bogans, except for a few minor details:

A) I doubt the kangaroos would tolerate grown men riding on their backs

B) grabbing an angry koala in order to throw it would probably be suicidal, and

C) the whole thing is undoubtably illegal as hell.

But aside for that, what a spectacular idea! I am a genius!

More of my random strokes of genius, this one from an email I was writing to a 24-year-old hot girl:

"There is pretty much no bad time for a good "boob shirt". I mean, even at weddings and funerals a proper boob-'attire' can be worn. Boobs are basically the center of all fashion. I think the whole fashion industry was created as a way to highlight boobs and then just sort of spread out from there."

motivating men to work hard since the dawn of time

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