Gonna Hit That Like Chris Brown


So, Rihanna and her boyfriend, Chris Brown, had a slugfest in a rented Lamborghini a few weeks ago on the way to an awards ceremony where Mr. Brown was set to receive an award for his music. I'm guessing you heard about it.  I don't even follow news of pseudo-celebrities and I heard about it. Apparently there was some screaming and yelling, someone taking the car keys and sitting on them, followed by someone punching someone sitting on some keys, followed by someone throwing the keys down the street, followed by more punching.

Sounds like a typical day in Memphis to me, but I suppose this is shocking to people in civilized parts of the world.

So, let's run down a few details first. 

Rihanna, perhaps unbeknownst to her at the time, was pregnant, loaded up on hormones and a bit unstable. 

Chris Brown, loaded up on ... well, who the hell knows what Chris Brown might be loaded up on? Anyway, he can get crazy at times, too. That's one of the things his fans love about him. That's considered cool and admirable. A celebrity has to be a little on the crazy side or he ain't gettin' no respect, know wut I mean?

And about the fight, apparently it started as an argument, and it just kept going, up and up, until there were fists flying and Rihanna losing the bout in a unanimous decision. She ended up going to the hospital for treatment, but was back home again shortly after.

Now the first thing that pops into my mind is this: why did they need to rent a Lamborghini in the first place? Don't they have the money to buy one? Were they just wanting to make a big flashy appearance at the ceremony they were going to and their own Lamborghini was in the shop? If celebrities are showing up at these events in Lamborghinis, then it's no wonder there are so many photographs floating around of the vaginas of every single female singer in America. You can't get out of one of those cars without assuming the gynecologists' favorite position.

The second thing that came to mind was a conversation I had with an older black coworker from Oakland, California a few years back. It was about as politically incorrect as it could be, but those are the sorts of conversations that actually communicate the truth, because everyone knows the truth is politically incorrect.

He said to me that one of the reasons why so few black men get married is because it involves black women. Yep, chew on that for a minute. And keep in mind that he didn't believe in interracial relationships and openly said so. He didn't like seeing black people dating white people. In fact, I soon discovered that most of the black people in Memphis feel that way. Who knew?

So hang on, what the hell? Why would black men avoid marriage simply because their most likely spouse is a black woman?

'Because they're a pain in the ass and they always want to fight you all the damn time. They don't have no boundaries and they don't stop until somebody is dead. Who can live with that?'

This is actually a combination of several conversations I had with more than one of my black coworkers. Yes, I am openly politically incorrect. And so are many black people. If you want to have black friends you need to learn to stop kissing ass and just say what you really think. Otherwise, you're just another liberal honkey fool can't comprehend the 'black experience'. And that's probably not far from the truth.

Apparently the 'black experience' often includes a high degree of conflict, wild expression of emotions, and some violent confrontations that may or may not get someone into trouble with the legal system. Like it or not, you honkeys, unless you have the balls to stand up and fight whenever someone is trying to dominate you, you are gonna get your ass killed. At the very least, your life will be hell and you won't have any respect from anyone in your community, male or female. And that includes your own family, by the way. They won't respect you if you let your friends, your woman, your man, your own family members, push you around. And they will try. They will test you. They will push on you and try to bend you over and stick it up your ass just to show that they are dominant over you if you let them. But don't you dare let them.

Anyway, that's what they told me. Maybe this is just true of Memphis?

Oprah Winfrey is all upset that Rihanna has gotten back together with Chris Brown. In fact, all of the feministas who don't have any men in their lives are upset about it. They want Rihanna to join them in their world of no men.

Orpah said: "And, if a man hits you once, he will hit you again."

This is probably very true, especially in a culture where constantly testing the man is the norm. But you know what else? It's just as true of a woman. If a woman hits you once, she will hit you again. Especially if you sit there and do nothing while she beats your ass, like Chuck Finley, pro baseball player, did. He once dated former psycho drug-addict and Whitesnake video girl, Tawny Kitaen, until she began beating the shit out of him while he was driving them in their equally sporty car. It was a very similar situation to the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation, except that Chuck knew the law and decided that he loved his freedom more than he loved stoned abuser Tawny Kitaen. So he let her beat him up and then he called the police, ending his relationship with Tawny instantly.


Tawny Kitaen

Chuck Finley, like all men who call the police, was berated and taunted by fans at every baseball game for the rest of the season for not being manly and letting her pound him into a bloody pile of bones and organs while he sat and did nothing to defend himself. The fans and the press freely expressed their view that it was his fault, that he was a homo for calling the police, and especially for separating from Tawny rather than getting back with Miss Whitesnake Video Star/psycho drug addict/abuser.

Ending the relationship with that call to the police is generally how it works, you know. Calling the police on the one you're with tends to be the supreme 'fuck you'. It's a sort of final shot, the sort of thing you only do when you have no intention of ever seeing them again. Because The Law is going to tell them, especially if they are male, that they can never see you again. The restraining order is automatic.

I don't recall reading that Rihanna called the police. I believe it was a witness who called. Rihanna simply went to the hospital, but I have not heard that she sought out the police or asked them to do anything to Chris Brown. And now she's back together with him, over the screaming objections of huge numbers of uninvolved people. It's funny because no one has asked her what she wants and no one seems to care. People are mad at her. Let me repeat that - people are mad at her. Donald Trump even jumped in, calling her a loser and declaring that he hopes she never has any success again in the future.

That's a bit extreme, don't you think?

I wasn't especially surprised when I heard about the fight. And I wasn't surprised when I heard that it was a witness and not Rihanna who called the police. I don't know if that's accurate, but if it is, it's not shocking to me at all.

I wasn't surprised when I heard that she went back to him. I don't believe I ever heard her make any statement to the effect that she was especially angry with him, afraid of him, or even surprised by what happened. I think I heard that she said something along the lines of having pushed his buttons and then she was immediately attacked for having said it. Again, I'm not certain of that, either.

I can't say that the fight between them, or her returning to him, has anything to do with black culture, or the hip hop culture, or the celebrity culture. I don't know what's going on behind closed doors in their world. I only know what I learned from talking to various people in Memphis who just happened to be black, but it was because of these conversations that this incident didn't shock me at all.

I once had a long phone message left on my machine at work by a black woman who thought she was calling another black woman I worked with. She ended up leaving the message with me by mistake. It was funny at first, but become more and more heart-breaking the more I listened to it. She was upset. She had just broken up with her boyfriend. Apparently he was just one of many black men she had dated and broken up with, ending in an emotional explosion that may or may not involve physical expressions of frustration. The woman she was trying to call was recently divorced and had a child. She was only about 26 or so, tall and good-looking. I could tell from the message that the two of them had talked extensively about their difficulties in maintaining relationships with the black men they dated. The woman ended her call by saying, "I've finally figured out what I've been doing wrong. I've been dating nuthin' but n!ggers. That's all it is. I been datin' g*dd@mn muthaf*cking n!ggers. That's all they are." At that point it sounded as if she was about to cry. And then she hung up.

It was a revealing conversation that would never have occurred in front of me. If not for the accident, I would never have heard any of this. If not for my time working with a handful of people who were willing to talk to me, I would never have known how frustrated so many black men are with black women, or how equally frustrated many black women are with black men. I suppose it's really none of my business, but I heard about it all the same.

Everyone wants to jump in on this Chris Brown/Rihanna thing and tell them what to do. Everyone wants to hit them both with oh-so-very-white politically correct bullshit, which requires no real thought on our part and no sacrifice from us, either. It's easy to say "she should leave him and never look back. A man who hits her once will hit her again." It's easy to slam on her for ignoring our bumper sticker advice and going back to this man that she apparently actually loves. We're all so fond of snappy feminist slogans that make for excellent bumper stickers, but don't usually work in the real world. We don't feel any pain at all if she leaves him. But she does.


Rihanna

Why do we slam on her for going back? If we're so pro-choice and all that then why do we not allow her to make an adult decision and choose for herself whether to leave him or return? Isn't it supposedly the mark of the mythical "Patriarchy" that we all presume to tell a grown woman what she can and cannot do with her own life, yet we never say the same thing to any man who is similarly victimized by a woman? It seems to me that the feminists ARE this invisible "Patriarchy". They are the ones telling women what they can and cannot do, without any regard to the actual desires of those same women. That's not pro-choice at all. That's Big Sister enslaving all the little sisters and bullying them. And that's saying nothing of how they treat their little brothers.

What's the reality of this situation? It's sad, right? It's tragic. But the chances are actually slim, despite falsified feminist statistics, that she is going to die by his hand. It is likely that they are going to have more physical fights, though. That seems pretty clear. There is a distinct possibility that at some point she is going to beat Chris Brown's ass. Because women never forget. They may forget when you bring them flowers, but they never forget the bad shit. Rihanna will never forget that he beat her up. And she will get him for it. We may never hear about it. We will probably never know. But you mark my words, if they stay together for any length of time, she will get him.

Oprah says that Rihanna is going to die if she goes back to Chris. Donald Trump says that she is a loser and an idiot. Perhaps. But I say that Chris Brown must be just as much of an idiot, because one of these days, when he least expects it, when he's sitting down with his back to her or sleeping soundly in their bed, she is going to go off on his ass, and he may or may not survive the experience.

White women kill their husbands when they go crazy. They shoot them in the backs while they are sleeping. Sometimes these women were abused. Many times they were the abusers, which is why they treated their husbands in this manner to begin with, murdering him after he has indicated that he intends to file for divorce and leave her abusive ass.

Latino women cut off their husbands genitals and throw them into the street. Lorena Bobbitt, a Hispanic woman from Ecuador, did this. She had bragged to all her friends several months in advance that she would do this to her husband, John, if he ever cheated on her. Then she did it. Only after obtaining a lawyer did she claim any abuse or rape.

Black women, they beat their men senseless. What happens after that is hard to know, because the men are rarely ever found. The police come looking for the men, but don't find a trace. They ask the black women, "where is your man?" And the black women reply, "I don't know where he is. I don't even care. I don't care if he never comes back." Then the police shrug and leave. They never look under the floorboards or in her trunk or dig up the yard.

Some say Rihanna is a fool. She has returned to the man who beat her up. I say Chris is the fool. He's old enough to know what's going to happen to him one of these days. But apparently they are in love, hooked on each other like crack.


Chris Brown
Fool



I have a brother-in-law who was previously married to a violent, abusive woman. He had to leave her in order to save himself and the kids. I am e-married* to a beautiful Australian woman who once loved a very stupid man that apparently realized she was too good for him and would one day wake up and leave his ass, so he rejected her first by beating her more and more until he nearly killed her. If I ever meet this very stupid man I will hurt him and throw his body into the ocean and probably go to jail for it. I'm not making a joke of this. I just don't think the answers are nearly as simple as Oprah and others like to make out.

What about you? What do you think?


* e-marriage - not an actual, legally binding marriage. Married on the internet only, sometimes for the purpose of helping an American man obtain Australian citizenship more easily. Highly theoretical. May or may not involve e-love or e-sex.


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