Friday and I'm Bored - NEWS!

Bush rallies conservatives for campaign

Campaign for what? All the conservatives have dropped out of the presidential race. We now have 2 communists, a liberal, and a Baptist preacher. Is Bush planning to run for a third term?

Man convicted of sending penis photo by phone

I was actually trying to send it to Steph, but I hit the wrong number. Sooo embarrassed!

British police say blast killed Pakistan's Bhutto

There's a fart joke here. I'm just afraid to say it.

Study: Acupuncture may boost pregnancy

How do you boost pregnancy exactly? Either she's pregnant or she's not, right? Is this some sort of SUPER pregnancy? Maybe it only lasts 4 1/2 months, but she's twice as hormonal? Sounds dangerous.

Tobacco could kill 1 billion by 2100

Yes, those damn tobacco plants are just leaping up out of the fields and attacking us at random! It's not like people are willingly sticking the tobacco in their faces and lighting it on fire or anything. We're all victims now.

South Africa questions circumcision advice

A rare moment of sanity and intelligence from the chaos that is South Africa.

Anti-impotence pill could boost high flying pilots

Israeli fighter pilots find that they can fly higher and cope with greater G-forces if they have a massive erection. The main concern, aside from the feminists who dominate Israel not allowing it, is what would happen if they should get shot down while in that condition. They wouldn't be able to run, hide, or fight worth a shit.

Australian transsexual sues policemen for 'revealing her past'

My question here is, can the man who was lied to sue the transsexual for deceiving him in the first place? I think he should be allowed to, but of course that would be politically incorrect, so you know it will never be permitted.

Microsoft helps nab $900M piracy ring

I'm picturing Bill Gates in a slim-cut brown '70s suit, kicking in a door and charging into the pirates' lair, aiming a .44 Magnum revolver at the guys now laying on the floor in suprise, as he sneers and says, "Go ahead, make my day!"

Council of Europe fears Russia vote won't be fair

Oh gee, whatever gave you that idea? Putin's Russia be anything less than honest and true? Nooooo!

Kenya parties see progress but no final deal

Guys are trying to get laid at a block-party in Kenya, but so far, no luck.

Stabbed teacher had restraining order

And yet the knife went right through it!

Study: Ethanol may add to global warming

Imagine that, the religious environmentalists may have made a mistake about ethanol. Say it ain't so!

Study links population to intersex fish

A large population of women pissing The Pill into the water supply seems to have castrated the civilized world. This could explain why everyone today is so bitchy and mean all the time, and there is a distinct shortage of real men.

Half of UK men would swap sex for 50 inch TV

These men are apparently sleeping with some really ugly women. Personally, I'd give up TV for life if I could have sex with Jessica Biel as much as I wanted for 6 months.

Apparently immaculate Komodos hatched

The Messiah is a Komodo dragon? Whaaaaat?

Anti-immigration fervor may fade in election

Yes, as more illegal aliens cast their votes in our elections, the whole issue just fades away. Imagine that.

Republican McCain asks conservatives for support

That's ironic, because for years and years conservatives have been asking McCain for his support.

Mitt Romney quits race

Apparently he was upset by my comment that he would look good on the $1 bill. He wanted the $20.

Quarter of U.S. women suffer domestic violence: CDC

Every time the female supremacists want to spread some more misandric bullshit in order to recruit women and raise money, they claim 1 out of 4 women suffer ... whatever the fuck it is, rape, domestic violence, boyfriends with bad breath, improperly fitted bras, a vast right-wing conspiracy, etc. All independent researchers, that is, non-feminists, have repeatedly disproven all these claims, including this one about domestic violence. Yet by the time the truth gets out, their government-funded and media-assisted lies have circled the globe many times over and received another $10 billion in taxpayer funding from gutless politicians. The CDC has long been a discredited political propaganda machine and election years are their favorite time for these 'fundraisers'. There will be much more of this in the coming months, you can be sure of that. But there is one real shocker in this story: apparently after 20 years of taking the official position that "all domestic violence is violence against women" they have finally and very begrudgingly admitted that "some men also experience domestic violence." Good golly, who knew?

Woman kills 2, then self at La. college

This woman killed 2 other women and then shot herself. But somehow, some way, a man will be blamed.

Reduced "exercise capacity" an ominous sign

I have suffered 'reduced exercise capacity' according to this article. I find that the more times I'm forced to stay indoors and run the treadmill, the more I hate daytime TV.

HIV can be passed to babies in pre-chewed food

This is very important news ..... for birds.

House GOP opposes AIDS program changes

Nancy Pelosi and the Democratic Party are trying to transform the AIDS program into an abortion program. It seems there is a lot more money to be made in performing abortions than in treating AIDS. I wonder if Nancy's gay voter base knows about this?

Head lice came with us out of Africa: study

Geez, when was the last time something good came out of Africa? Shit.

Man in light shooting hands out bears

This headline seems so fucked up, I just had to include it. Whaaaaaat?

Flirty women victimize well-dressed men

Prostitutes in Dallas have decided that exchanging sex for money is too much trouble. Intead, they've taken to hunting men visiting Dallas on business at the most expensive hotels in town, basically attacking them, slipping them the so-called 'date rape drug', sometimes beating them half to death while they are drugged, and robbing them blind. Feminists continue to insist that female prostitutes are the 'real victims' while the men are the criminals. Dallas police, meanwhile, have assigned a solitary overworked detective to the case with little incentive to bring these politically protected women to justice. And men visiting Dallas on business are, for the most part, not being warned that anything is even going on. The few witnesses that the detective managed to find indicated that the men didn't hire the women, they were either effectively molested and then drugged, or sometimes simply drugged without ever even meeting the women at all. The Press is reporting the story as humorous news, as is their standard practice.

Well, he was wearing a garter and boots

A man in Maine is apparently practicing to be a Dallas prostitute. He's taken to cutting off women who are out driving alone. Once he's in front of them, he stops and leaps out of his vehicle wearing women's underwear, a garter belt and black high-heel boots. Several women have reported nearly running over him as they swerved around him because they were laughing so hard they couldn't manuever well. Police say he isn't necessarily guilty of a crime, but they'll probably just arrest him anyway. Fashion police, meanwhile, say he desperately needs to be apprehended for the next episode of "What Not To Wear".

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