8 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me

Here are the rules--1) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. 2) People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. 3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. 4) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog. And then run like hell, 'cause they might be pissed.

My friend, TheHipster, tagged me. I've done this one a few times, so there isn't much left that people reading this blog don't already know about me. Let's see what I can come up with.

1. I have a kitten that I brought home with me from my sister's house. He's about 9 months old. He had diarrhea when we got him and smelled. He has a special taste for sponges and he steals them everywhere he finds them. My Wife pushed me to name him before I felt I knew him well enough to give him a decent name, so I named him SpongeBob StinkyPants. When we took him to get 'fixed' at the vet, they asked us what his name was so they could put it in his file. After we told them, they laughed all the way back to the room. And when it was time to pick him up and take him home and they asked what cat it was we were there for, they laughed again the entire time we were leaving with him. Poor cat got laughed at and lost his balls on the same day.

2. I've been reading all the Harry Potter books, or trying to. I stay up after My Wife has gone to sleep to read them. But I end up responding to comments on The Blog or replying to emails until I'm too tired to read and then I have to go to bed. So I'm not getting through them as fast as I'd like. Does Harry ever 'do' Hermoine or what?

3. It's midnight right now, I'm still up, and I'm not even watching any porn. In fact, I haven't seen any porn in a very long time. God, what is the matter with me?

4. I have a new truck and it is a blast. A hot 23-year-old girl hit me up for a chance to drive it. I'll probably let her because I'm nice like that. No one ever hit me up for a chance to drive my old mini-truck. Damn!

5. I have an XBox360 that I have played maybe 9 or 10 times total. I got over a year ago. Right now it's in a box next to my computer. I haven't even unpacked it since the move and I hadn't thought about it until just now.

6. I have 5 cars. The neighbors here refer to me as "the guy who likes to work on cars." I guess I should be happy with that. It's better than "asshole who cusses at his cars while working on them" or "guy with the shitty lawnmower" or "guy who our dog chases while he's jogging." That last one is the most accurate of all and if a certain somebody doesn't fix their damn fence I'm going to be "guy who shot that guy's vicious dog."

7. My penis is super large. I've actually had complaints. OK, I just made that shit up. Everything about me is pretty average so it's likely that that is, too. I've never bothered to measure and I'm not going to now just for this. Not that it matters. Being married is like being a eunuch. All the hot girls are much nicer to me now because they figure my genitals are locked up somewhere and I can't get to them.

8. My bathroom window is huge and situated right over the tub. It's got this icy-looking film on it to obscure things so people outside can't really see us inside, as we are all naked and shit. But it doesn't really obscure it all that well and I have a feeling the entire neighborhood is seeing my junk every time I get out of the shower. I'm not thrilled about that, but My Wife doesn't want to let me put anything up. Does anyone else think this is backwards? Shouldn't she be the one wanting to put something up?

Now I have to tag eight others, so I apologize in advance even though I know none of you fuckers are going to do it. I tag:

Jessica in Florida,
Bottle Blonde,
One Hung Man

Don't hate me now. I was forced to tag ya'll. Don't hate!

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