Another Freakin' Survey (imported)

OK, I had a post up here earlier, but it turned out not to be entirely accurate, so I took it down and replaced it with this crap.

Bettie
Take my survey or I'll hurt you!

1.Last kiss?
Second ago, tucking her into bed.

2. How do u flush the toliet in public?
With my foot. I'm a former soccer player and untalented kickboxer so if you see a shoe print on the handle, that's probably mine.

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Always, although I think it's bullshit that the government now tells us to, as if we aren't adults who should be responsible for our own lives. Big Sister is a bitch.

4. Do you have a crush on someone?
I guess in a way I did, but she crushed me. Maybe it's for the best?

5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it:
Money, gas, clean underwear, toilet paper, bullets, condoms, fake passports

6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble?
Long time ago people said I looked like Steve Perry. Someone else said Keith Emerson. Lately I don't hear that I look like anyone. I'm invisible.

7. Favorite pizza topping:
Ham or Pepperoni

8. Finish this sentence: if my life was a sitcom my theme song would be...
Man In The Box

9. Do you pop your knuckles?
No

10. What song do you dislike the most when it gets stuck in your head?
Anything by Jane's Addiction

11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
No, because Man In The Box is in there right now.

12. What are your super powers?
Clearly I have none. Even my vote isn't counted apparently, so I guess I don't even have the normal powers.

13. Peppermint or spearmint?
What you got?

14. Where are your keys?
On the piano where they belong. You asking about the black ones or the white ones?

15. Who's answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
Jayne Mansfield's, but boy, wouldn't THAT be creepy?

16. What's your most annoying habit?:
Speaking the truth and getting beaten down for it. When am I going to learn to smile and lie to women like they want me to? I feel your pain. I did not have sex with that woman. Your ass looks awesome in those jeans. Wait, that last one is actually true.

17. Where did you last go on vacation?
Florida and I'll be back there again soon

18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it, who would it be?
Oh Lord, there are so many. Only one, eh? How about Sandra Bullock? Just for no real reason. I think she'd laugh, don't you? She seems like the sort that would laugh when I hit her, I think, just so long as I said "April fool" right after, you know, 'cause that always makes it funny.

19. What is your best physical feature?
My farting ass.

20. What CD is closest to you right now?
Collective Soul - "Youth" and Alice in Chains - "Greatest Hits" is sitting on top of it.

21. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Milk, eggs, bread. Why? You hungry, moocher?

22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
I believe that if I were to punch any of the people in my list from number 18 that bad things would happen to me, such as being arrested. So I only dream about it.

Someone deleted 23 and 24, so Memphis Steve gets to make up new ones!

23. When you're in a public place and your underwear gets up your crack do you sit there and take it, or do you dig it out and let the world deal with it?
Dig it out and let the world get over it. It's not as if there's any decency left anyway.

24. If you could murder 5 people and get away with it, who would they be and why?
Oh, I would NEVER do that. Yeah, I'm working on my answer to number 16 here.

25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
Not unless it's an emergency. If you call me while I'm driving you'll have to wait 'cause I won't answer.

26. What are your favorite sayings?
"He who sacrifices liberty for security deserves neither"

27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
I Am A Pretty Little Dutch Girl

28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
I'd go back to the '50s and do Gracy Kelly, Jayne Mansfield, Natalie Wood, Ann Margret and Marilyn Monroe. Hey, this is a fantasy. I'm just going along with it.

29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
Star Wars

30. What CD is in your stereo?
One that I made

31. What OCD qualities do you have?
Checking the locks on the doors. That's about it really.

32. how many kids do you plan on having?
Maybe 1 or 2 at this point if I'm lucky.

33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
Reese Witherspoon. I would say Angelina Jolie, but apparently she's been around a whole lot so in the interests of general hygiene I'll go with someone who hasn't been around quite so much.

34. Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know?
Sure, as long as she was OK with it.

35. What do you do when no one is watching?
Sit perfectly still. I'm motion activated.

36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would play you?
Jimmy Kimmel, most likely. Oh, I would ASK for Johnny Depp, but they'd stick me with Jimmy Kimmel, I just know it.

37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
A blaze of glory, with Secret Service agents all around firing every last bullet too late as my perfect shot was already ripping through her heart and ending a reign of Nazi terror that ... er, I mean, in my sleep.

38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
Chocolate covered peanuts.

39. what is your favorite movie?
I don't know. Rear Window has been a favorite lately.

40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
Geez, I never go to concerts anymore. I have no idea.

41. Have you ever been in love?
No, never. I'm a mean, heartless man. Actually, I've been in love at least twice. The first one dumped me for a prick in a leather jacket and a Camaro named Ryan. It was her loss. The Camaro didn't work and neither did he. And the second one, she married me.

42. Do you talk to yourself?
No, but I cuss to myself.

43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall of the face off the earth?
Yes indeedy. Many, many people.

Ward Asshole Churchill
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