Machine Gunnin'

Real quick, here's what's up.

I've got three messages on my answering machine from a Dodge dealer here in Memphis. I don't know if he's calling to tell me he's got me a Challenger SRT8 or if it's just a random salesman who was assigned my name and is calling to tell me about the fine line of beautiful new Dodges blah blah blah. The SRT search has been a real, er, challenge to say the least.

Adding to the challenge is the fact that after taxes I'll be paying around $50,000 for this car. I know that for some of you out there (you know who you are) that's chump change for a good car and you think I'd be an idiot to let that stop me, but I have never put down $50,000 for a car before so it's a big damn deal to me. Also, we just refinanced our house and I now have a big fat bridge loan to pay off which isn't helping the whole financial security situation at all.

Throwing another wrench into the works here is fact that I finally found a local guy who restores and customizes old classic cars. I happen to have 2 old classic cars in need of some customizing and restoring and I've talked to him about getting an estimate on that. It isn't cheap, and could easily end up costing the same as a brand new SRT Challenger when all is said and done. But it'd be cooler than the Challenger in my opinion, and I'd be thrilled to no end to have my two old musclecars sitting in my garage with all my dream parts on them and nice new paintjobs topping it off like giant chromed Christmas presents. My Chevelle could easily make nearly double the horsepower that the Challenger is rated at and still have air conditioning. I just have to pay for the air conditioning because at the moment it doesn't have any.

Meanwhile, earlier comments here encouraging me to forget the SRT and go for an R/T, which I brushed off at the time, don't seem like such a bad idea now. The difference in price for an R/T making 375 horsepower and an SRT making 470 is over $10,000. I can put a 150 horse supercharger on an R/T Challenger for around $6,000 and blow away the SRT, although my interior won't be quite as optioned out and my brakes may not be as awesome. Still, this idea appeals to me now. Also appealing to me, believe it or not, is the fact that the R/T gets 2 more mpg on average than the SRT (without the supercharger, of course.) This car is going to be a daily driver and stopping for gas isn't my idea of a good time, so that really does carry some weight in my mind. I hope this doesn't offend any true blue muscle car enthusiasts out there. If it does, just think of that saved gas money going into a new paint job for my Chevelle and put your mind at ease.

Not to totally brush off the Mustang, but I test drove 2 Shelby GT500s. They are scary fast, to be sure, and the whine of that supercharger is intoxicating/annoying when you're really getting on it. My biggest problem with the Shelby is the price, which it is totally worth every penny and I'm not kidding. Then there is the option of dropping down to a nice Mustang GT. I drove 2 of them, too. They are fun to drive and the seats are comfortable enough. I just feel wedged in there, like I'm in the cockpit of an airplane or a racecar. That would be fine if I were only going to drive the car occasionally for fun and never on a long trip, but that simply isn't the case. I'm not sure I can stand 3 1/2 hours of driving with my left knee touching the door and my right knee against the console. I'd like just a little more room. The Mustang is a great car, but the Challenger has the room I want inside. I could easily see driving the Challenger on a long trip. The Mustang, not to be harsh, makes me feel like I'm back behind the wheel of my minitruck. Its a fine truck for what it was intended, but it beats the shit out of me on the road.

I have not watched one second of the Republican National Convention, in case you were waiting for my blistering commentary on the whole thing. I've been busy and not all that interested. I've heard that the major news media are openly attacking everything about the convention and everyone in it, no longer bothering to pretend to be objective and unbiased in the least. I guess they have found their messiah in comrade Obama and want to stir a murderous riot against those who dare to oppose their Great Leader. This just makes me want to vote for Romney. I guess I'm a contrarian at heart. We don't have our own Contrarian Party, so I just have to look at the TV, see who the douchebags on NBC are blatantly biased in favor of, and vote for the other one. That's a true Contrarian Patriot for you. So there.

I'm blowing money out my ass like a man suffering from Montezuma's Revenge. I bought a new laptop from Amazon yesterday. It was cheaper than dirt price-wise and I'm using it right this second. Booya! I bought a set of three guitar effect pedals off Best Buy's "deal of the day" a few days ago. I bought 2 big flat screen computer monitors from Best Buy's "deal of the day" a few weeks back. I just today bought a Canon camera from Best Buy's "deal of the day." I bought Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" album sheet music with guitar tabulature used off Amazon which was surprisingly more expensive than I expected. I bought a desktop PC from Best Buy's "deal of the day" a few weeks ago. And I refinanced my house. Now I'm about to buy a car. Apparently I'm trying to soothe the unhappy in my daily Memphis life by throwing money at it. So far it isn't working, but I keep trying anyway.

Does anyone out there really give a shit about Mitt Romney's tax returns beyond the 2 years he's already submitted? I'd like to see President Obama's college transcripts that he has kept sealed for over 30 years instead. No other politician in history has kept his college transcripts sealed like this ever before. So you know there's some serious shit in there that would ruin Obama's myth of greatness, or mediocrity at this point. I don't know anyone who still thinks he's great.

Does anyone care whether Lance Armstrong doped or not? First of all, they stripped him of all his titles but admit they can't prove he actually did anything wrong. Second of all, they have banned him from riding in any more competitions. The man is old now. I don't think he was planning to go back out and try to win back his titles or anything. What a load of bullshit. Now the whole world thinks cycling is a sport riddled with drugs, which it is, but at least before this scandal we could ignore that fact and continue politely pretending to care about who won the Tour de France each year. Now cycling is just a big joke in tight stretchy pants. It's a punchline for stand-up comics.

Does anyone else think it's stupid that every single new show on network television has at least one gay male character, and usually more than one? According to network TV at least 35% of the population is gay men, another 35% is black, and the rest are ordinary straight white/Jewish people. I'll bet this is news to George Lopez who probably thought a substantial portion of the population is Mexican.

Despite the fact that no one wants alcohol in their gas, and it takes an enormous amount of water from our drinking water supply to make ethanol, and we are having a horrendous drought, the EPA is still insisting on requiring an increase in the amount of ethanol in our fuel from 10 percent to 15 percent. Oh, and did I mention that the ethanol is made from corn and the drought has slammed our corn farmers all year, so there is a shortage of corn for us to eat. If we put it in our gas instead then there is no corn to eat. Skyrocketing food prices anyone? Oh no, not during an election year when a communist Democrat is in the White House! So they're talking about putting off this new mandate until right after the election is over. Yeah, nothing political about that, right? It's for the environment. Just not until after the election.

Who would you say is the hottest woman on TV this season? Sofia Vergara? Jordana Brewster? Rose Byrne? Olivia Munn? Sara Underwood? Piper Perabo? Who? WHO???
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