Dear Penis,
I realize you have been feeling neglected of late and I am sorry. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just haven't felt like being close with anyone. Not even you.
Maybe it's the weather, but I have been having headaches lately. With all these warm fronts and then cold fronts that come with tornadoes attached, I suppose the dramatic weather and pressure changes are probably to blame. I know that is no excuse for holing up in front of the TV by myself, but when my head is hurting I don't much feel like doing anything or being with anyone. Not even you.
I feel like we have grown apart. Even when we're together, it's just not the same as it used to be. You used to be so excited to see me. But these days you just sit there with your head hanging down and barely acknowledge me at all. Sometimes I wonder if you even know I'm there. Or care.
I know I don't feel the same when I see you as I used to, I'll admit that. I think the hormone-crazed teen years are just so far behind me now that I will never feel that way again. I have to accept that. We both do. Time and maturity has changed us both. You don't stand as tall and straight as you used to. Time has beaten you down. And I guess I have to admit that it has done the same to me. Some days I feel as if I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. The stress of it wears me down and I neglect important relationships. I neglect you. I used to feel guilty about it, but I don't anymore. I hope it doesn't hurt you to hear me say that, because it's true. I don't feel the same about you as I once did.
It's not you, it's me. I have changed. We both have. We have grown apart. I think we should see other people.
Sincerely,
Me
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